Jizz In My Pants

Appalled and insulted, Rian stepped back and put a hand to his heart. “Wh-What did you just call me?” How dare anyone accuse Rian of being a whore?

With a scoff, Mason stepped forward and got up all in his grill. “You know what I’m talking about. I heard you and the other slut fucking in the bathroom. You’re such a skank! I can’t believe you’d do that to me!” Fresh, angry, hurt tears welled up in Mason’s eyes when he pushed Rian back.

He caught his balance before he fell. “What the fuck! Dude, listen to me-“

“Shut up! I don’t want to-“

“But you won’t even-“

“Fuck you! You are-“

The bickering continued for a minute while everyone stared at them, flabbergasted. Even Mark, who had the fridge half open and had a hotdog hanging out of his mouth, was widening his eyes at the rare spectacle of the golden couple fighting. Dwayne gulped and rubbed his head, scared and not knowing what to do. “GUYS! GUYS! Let’s talk about this-“

Instantly, Mason’s fist collided with the well-intentioned redneck’s jaw and made a deafening crack. Because he wasn’t as coordinated as Rian, he fell back on his ass and hit his head on the ground. “Fuck you!” cried the desperate wizard.

“No, fuck you!” In a single bound Alex jumped from the couch and went right for Mason, punching him with a force much stronger than his cousin had been hit with. “NOBODY fucks with my family and gets away with it!” He glared into the now terrified eyes of Mason and creased his eyebrows. He then turned his attention to his fallen cousin, who was sitting up and rubbing his jaw. “Are you okay?”

He chuckled lightheartedly and reached out for Alex’s outstretched hand. “Dang, you city boys do know how to land one on a guy. Naw, I’m a’wright.” Dwayne, once he was up, gave a stern look to the fighting couple. “I’m not so sure about them. What I was going to say was you should calmly talk about the altercation before someone gets hurt is all. I don’t take kindly to troublemakers, ya hear?”

Mason still was fuming, but dusted himself off and got up. He had realized that they did need to talk about this. “Why did you cheat on me with Melissa?” A collective gasp exploded in the room as all eyes turned to Melissa, who was sinking into the couch and trying to become invisible.

Alex whipped around and walked up to the shaken girl, his breath faltering. “Melissa, i-is he telling the truth?” As he brushed some hair out of his eyes, he revealed a blank face of shock. Had the girl of his dreams really cheated on him with one of his best friends?

She closed her eyes and tried to stop her regret from spilling out in front of everyone. “I’m so sorry. A-Alex, you don’t understa-“

“The slut admits it! Rian, you fucking cheated on me!” Mason was about to hit Rian again when Alex turned around and bashed him in the face again. “What the fuck?! Gaskarth, you and your whore of a girlfriend stay out of this!” Another crack was heard in the room as Alex kicked Mason in the crotch, most definitely breaking his penis and all other male reproductive organs.

“Get out of my sight. You’ve hit my friend, my cousin, and called my girlfriend a whore! I don’t care what Rian did to you! If you have a problem, you sit down and talk about it! Get out of this house and out of our lives you worthless piece of shit.” The bushy browed man spit in Mason’s face before scowling and rejoining Melissa on the couch. “It’s okay babe, he’s leaving now,” he whispered in her ear.

For good measure, Rian also kicked Mason in the nether regions. This in turn created a chain reaction of people kicking the inconsiderate asshole in the crotch. Jack even farted in his face before moving on and letting Zack have at him. “That’s what you get when you fuck with my friends, you fucking fatass!”

Mason scrambled to his feet before Zack could kick him, in which such an action might kill him. He coughed up a slight amount of blood and ran to the door. “I’m o-out of here! You’ll regret this Rian Dawson! I was the best thing that ever happened and you threw it away. Goodbye.” With a slam of the door, Mason was gone.

Rian huffed and sat down next to Alex and Melissa. “I was planning on breaking up with him anyways. Too clingy.” They all laughed a little and Alex hugged onto Melissa tighter. “Listen, Alex, this whole cheating thing… “ Alex’s attention was caught and he waited for Rian to continue. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but we weren’t like, cheating… We just, erm, had sex?”

“I don’t get it. Isn’t that cheating then?” Alex bit his cheek and looked between Melissa and Rian. He still didn’t show much emotion except for confusion.

“Listen Alex,” said his girlfriend. “My old boss contacted me recently. I checked my email at the hospital and he said that if I didn’t send in one final video before next week, then he was going to track me down and, and…” She sniffled back her worry and tried to focus on telling the story. “But I didn’t want you to do it because I didn’t want you to think less of me. A-And when I confided in Rian, he said he was willing to help a friend out. Really, Alex, he was just helping me not get killed. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Alex’s right shoulder soon became wet as she cried into it; guilt overwhelmed her and it was too much.

Alex simply cooed and rubbed her back. “Melissa! Melissa, it’s okay! Aw don’t cry baby…”

“How can it be okay? Mason was right. I’m just a common whore. You don’t deserve me…”

“You’re right. I don’t.” She looked up and looked into Alex’s smiling face. “I deserve someone way less than you.”

Zack laughed in the corner. “Ain’t it the truth.”

“Melissa, you make me feel unworthy of you by even feeling guilty about sleeping with Rian. I mean look at him! He’s gorgeous! I’m not saying I would ever cheat on you, because I know that you’re too perfect for me and I don’t want anyone else. But simply because I’m scum and not good enough for you, you can basically get away with fucking the whole world and I would be cool with it.” He smiled and kissed her cheek. “And for future reference, if you ever get threatened to make a porno again, do not hesitate to ask. The camera loves me.”

“I love you. So much.” Everyone ‘aww’ed when the two dysfunctional lovers made out on the couch.

“I love you too, Bumblebee.” They laughed and continued to kiss. Love erupted between them in passionate, tender kisses, each feeling like only the other could make them feel that way.

Dwayne chuckled and sighed. “Now ya see what talking it out does? That just guaranteed Alex sex for a week!”

Melissa broke the kiss and shook her head. “Nope. He’s on probation.” She laughed and Alex groaned at the reminder of his punishment for saying Rian was dead.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” Laura squealed and jumped into Zack’s strong arms. “WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!” She pointed quickly to the stuffed golden retriever next to the couch.

Dwayne hurried over and pet the dead dog and whispered something in its ear. Then he turned to everyone else and pointed his eyebrows up. “I told you not to stare! You’re hurting Molly’s feelings!”