Goodbye

I remember when we kissed
I still feel it on my lips
The time that you danced with me
When no music played

But I remember those simple things
I remember till I cry
But the one thing I wish I’d forget
The memory I wanna forget
Is goodbye

The dream was so vivid. At first it was us kissing way back when., then it was a culmination of all the looks Nick’d given me from stage at every concert over the last two years. Every smirk, wink, smile. Every passion filled stare. And then, it turned completely fictional. No more flashbacks…just a real dream. Nick and I were sitting in our favorite spot on the planet: in front of this little fountain we’d found in Paris over the spring. We both looked older-maybe five years? Just enough to notice a difference. I couldn’t hear anything. I was seeing it all from a third person perspective. Nick pouring me a glass of wine, saying something, me laughing. And then the next thing I knew, he was on one knee, an open blue velvet box in his hand.

And the scene changed. Nick was carrying me through the room in a hotel. I was in a white dress. We weren’t much older then the last scene. And it changed again. And again. Each scene we got progressively older and older.

I woke up in a sweat.

And that’s where we are now. Me, staring at that picture of us from two years ago.

My phone starts ringing. The ringtone, You Belong With Me, lets me know it’s Taylor.

“You up?” she says as soon as I answer. Though I’m still tired and somewhat incoherent, my sarcasm is still apparently intact.

“No, Tay. I’m answering the phone in my sleep.” She laughs.

“Just, be sure you’re here at the salon by one. We start everything then.” I roll my eyes. Even though I don’t have a date, Taylor and Holly are still forcing me to go to Winter Formal. They’d informed me of this on Monday when I’d protested my nomination for Snowflake Princess, our school’s lame attempt at having someone besides the cheerleading captain winning a crown, right after they’d announced it.

“But you’ll be a perfect princess!” Holly’d said. She’d been teasing, but Taylor wasn’t.

“She will!” Taylor had called, leaning closer in her chair. “And you’re going. No protesting allowed.”

Boy, am I in for it, I'd thought.

And I was.

By four thirty, I’m curled, massaged, plucked and polished to perfection, along with Holly and Taylor. I drive back to my house, careful not to mess up the fresh coat of navy blue polish, and tear into the house. Yeah, I didn’t have a date. But Winter Formal was always fun. And it was one of the last ones I’d go to. After next year, I’d be in Malibu. I got my Pepperdine acceptance letter last week. Friday, actually. One of the few things that’d made the week bearable.

Another three hours came and went.

And seven thirty was here sooner than I wanted it to be. I step out of the bathroom, and go straight for my mirror. The first thing I check is my hair. The curly mess looks manageable. Better than usual, to say the least. Next is makeup. Eyeliner with dark shadow, lots of mascara. Light pink lips with a little blush. Perfect. I reach to smooth out the skirt of my dress, feeling the light beadwork on the bodice. It’s a light blue, almost ice colored strapless dress with white and blue beading that shimmered with every step I take. A light colored ribbon held everything together in the back, and tied into a huge bow at the top.

My phone rang again just as I was throwing last minute things (chapstick, a few bucks and said phone) into a clutch. When it started vibrating I thought it was Taylor. I’d already turned the sound off, on purpose, because I knew that he would be trying to call tonight.

But it surprised me that he was actually calling now.

Because that’s what I see when I turn my phone over on the bed. His picture. And I feel another pang in my chest.

And when I turn the sound up, I hear his ringtone.

“I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.”

What surprised me more is that I actually answered it.

Suddenly my cell phones blowing up
With your ringtone
I hesitate but answer it anyway
You sound so alone

“What do you want?” I know my voice sounds icy. I’m aware of that. It’s supposed to.

“Lucy, will you talk to me for a second?” He sounds sad. Almost desperate. But I scoff.

“Nick, I can’t real-”

“Lucy! Come downstairs!” my mother calls.

“I can’t really talk,” I finish. “Everyone’s here. I gotta go.”

Without letting him reply, I hang up on him for a second time in two weeks. I take one last look in the mirror before throwing my phone in my bag and racing down the stairs. Everyone’s waiting when I get there. Taylor, looking as gorgeous as ever in a dark green halter dress. Evan has his arm around her shoulders, grinning. And Holly, showing off her curves in a red dress similar to mine, with orange beading, her dark hair curled like mine. Nathan’s holding her hand, wearing the same grin as Evan. I smile widely when I see the elated grins on my friends faces. They all look so happy. I wish I could say the same for myself. The wide smile is fake. I think the girls can tell, but ignore it as we pose for picture after picture for my parents. We pile into the van awaiting us, driven by Evan’s older brother Tyler, a senior. His junior girlfriend, Meaghan, sits in the front seat. Her blonde hair’s piled on top of her head in a messy bun, and her red dress hugs every curve, like Taylor’s. She looks gorgeous.

The second we’re all strapped in, Taylor leans forward from her place in the back and puts her head dangerously close to mine.

“What’s wrong?” she asks. I shake my head.

“Nothing,” I protest. Holly moves forward at this point. She gives me a pointed look. Neither of them believe me. I can tell. I sigh loudly. “I don’t know. It’s just…not the way I imagined it. Nick’s never been to one of these dances, and I was happy knowing he was finally gonna have some normalcy in his life for once.”

“But didn’t he cheat on you with that whore?” Thanks, Meaghan. Way to help cheer me up.

Taylor and Holly’s faces say it all. A mixture of shock and anger. But I don’t feel either. I nod sadly at Meaghan and she turns back around, looking like she regrets what she’s said.

We arrive shortly after that. The gym looks great, as it always does for this type of thing. The theme-A Night in the Clouds-is visible everywhere. There are big piles of what look like pillow fluff lining walls and around tables, and even stuck to the back of chairs. Big blue and white cut outs hang from the ceiling, as I notice while I’m waiting for the girls to finish getting their couple’s pictures taken, and I can see the glitter that falls every once in a while as it floats to the ground.

“You look stunning,” I hear from behind me. I turn, and my knees go weak under me. Nick sees my sudden instability and steps forward, trying to help.

But I don’t give a shit.

I take a step back, still wobbly, and stare at him.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I ask him. He smiles. For the first time, I notice he’s dressed in an actual tux. With a boutonnière and everything. And he’s holding a box. A clear box, like the ones you get from the florist.

“I came to apologize.”

“You already have.” I look up, and meet his eyes briefly before looking back down and crossing my arms. “Twenty three times I think. Last I counted my messages, at least.”

“Actually,” he starts, taking a step forward. “If you’d check your texts, you’d be up to thirty one.” I don’t step backwards as he comes closer. I don’t know why.

And what comes out of my mouth shocks me.

“Is that for me?” I ask, gesturing to the clear container in his hands. He grins again.

“Nah, I thought I’d try and make Nathan jealous and bring Holly a little something.” I can’t help the smile that comes to my lips. Nick, however serious he may appear on the outside, always knows how to lighten up the mood in any room. Relief washes over his face, and his grin turns into a happy smile. He steps closer, and starts opening the box. “Here,” he starts, trying to unclasp the pin. And failing miserably.

“I’ve got it.” I take it from his hand and try to do it myself.

“Hey Lucy?” someone calls. I look up at the same time Nick does, and see my four friends standing there. Nathan and Evan look both confused and surprised. But the looks on Holly and Taylor’s faces make me want to smack them. The playful smirks on their mouths let me know that they helped Nick plan this.

Before I can say anything, both of them grab their dates arms and start heading towards the dance floor.

“Come find us later!” Holly calls, smiling.

I am soooooo going to get them for this.

I look back at Nick, and then immediately back down to the flowers, finally managing to unclasp the pin.

“Let me,” Nick says, grinning. He manages to pin the blue and white roses to my dress without pricking himself, I’m surprised to say. Generally something as simple as this would have called for a first aid kit.

I look back up at him and he’s staring. This situation is getting more awkward by the minute.

“You wanna…” he trails off, gesturing towards the dance floor, where I can vaguely see my friends dancing to Waking Up in Vegas.

I nod, wordlessly, and he pulls me out onto the floor.

One dance turns into two, which turns into half an hour later. And Nick and I are slow dancing along with most of my upperclassman friends to You Found Me.

“Luce?” Nick’s voice is questioning. His hands are fiddling with the ribbon on the back of my dress.

“Yeah?”

“Do you remember our first kiss?” The question surprises me. I look up and him, and he’s not really looking at me. He’s staring over my shoulder, but his eyes aren’t really focused.

“Yes…why?” I feel a whoosh of air leave me as he replies.

“I swear, sometimes I can still feel it.” I bite my lip. Why the hell did he have to be so God damned romantic?

“I feel it all the time,” I reply. He looks at me, smiling.

“You remember that time we danced in your room? When you ‘taught’ me how to dance?” I laughed at the memory. Even though I’d just been thinking about it last night, it still felt like three weeks was so long ago.

And I’m surprised to hear you say
You remember when we kissed?
I still feel it on my lips
The time that you danced with me
When no music played

“Yeah, I remember. Quite well actually.” He smiles again, and then stops dancing.

“You wanna get out of here?” he asks. I raise an eyebrow at him. He knows what I’m thinking, and laughs. “Not like that. I mean go talk somewhere. So I can explain things.” I think for a second. If I go with him, I might end up trapped in some situation that I can’t get out of. But if I don’t, I might regret it.

Who am I kidding? This is Nick. He would never put me in one of those situations.

“Okay,” I reply. And we leave. I lead him into the hallway next to the B locker bank and we sit down on the floor. I cross my legs, as does he, and he takes a long, deep breath.

“This was all just one, huge misunderstanding.” I try not to roll my eyes again.

“Oh really? How so?”

“For starters,” he says. “I really was in Dallas. You can ask anyone in my family.”

“I kinda figured that,” I admitted. He looks up from messing with the plastic on the end of his shoelace. “After we got off the phone, I mean. I figured you were in Dallas. I never really doubted that for more than a few seconds.”

“That’s good, then, I guess. Makes this a lot easier to explain.” He pushes himself up off the floor and starts pacing. Something he only does when he’s worried or nervous. “I didn’t invite Miley over,” he says plainly, glancing at me for a second before going back to pacing. “She just, showed up at our hotel. Apparently she took a flight from Tennessee during a break on filming. Ditched her family and everything. And I didn’t want to be an ass, so I ended up hanging out with her.”

“You’re too nice,” I say sarcastically. Nick lets out a little chuckle.

“Too nice for my own good.” He looks down at me. “I knew what she was doing. And I tried to get rid of her as soon as I could, but she just wouldn’t get a hint.” I really roll my eyes this time. Same old Miley. “I know. And you can probably guess where this is going. One thing kinda led to another and we-”

“Whoa!” I say, putting my hands up in shock.

“Not like that,” Nick says, rolling his eyes this time. “We ended up out at dinner at some place on the Dallas strip. That was when you called. She was in the bathroom and came out.”

“And took the phone,” I finish. Nick nods and sat back down.

“She tried to make a move on me after that. Said there was no point in denying our love, and that you breaking up with me just made things easier.” He makes a disgusted face and I smile. He was so appalled by this, and it gave me some sick satisfaction to know that he hated Miley as much as I do. “I told her flat out no and dropped her back off at her hotel.” Nick, the ever gentleman. He takes my hands in one of his, surprising me, and uses his other hand to lift my chin, making me look him in the eyes. “I would never, ever cheat on you. Ever. And the fact that you though I did made me re think some things.” His eyes sparkle with tears. And I know mine were too.

You remember the simple things
We talked till we cried

“So I told Miley that the only time I intended on ever seeing her again was at paid gigs and events, and if she tried to make another move on me again I’d show her dad the really revealing pictures she took and sent to me.” I’d seen them. Not so pretty.

I grinned at Nick. He was so sweet. And, I might add, totally forgiven.

“I believe you,” I say, one of my hands raising up to meet his, intertwining our fingers. “I just…I felt like we were missing something. Like I’d done something wrong, and you’d always regretted choosing me over Miley.” His eyes go wide, and his hand grips mine firmly.

“Lucy, the only thing I’ve ever regretted about this relationship was saying goodbye.”

I can’t stand it any longer.

Right there in the middle of the B Locker bank ay my high school, I kissed Nick Jonas square on the lips, effectively wrinkling my dress, but making my night.

You said that your biggest regret
The one thing you wish I’d forget
Is saying goodbye, saying goodbye

When we walk back into the gym shortly after that, everyone’s quiet and facing the stage. We find our friends in the crowd quickly, and when Taylor spots Nick’s arm around my shoulders, she literally squeals.

“Y’all are back together?” Holly stage whispers. I laugh and nod, giving Nick a quick peck on the lips.

“What’s going on?” I ask as people start clapping, and the stage clears except for a senior I recognize vaguely standing in the corner.

“They’re about to announce Junior Snowflake Princess!” Taylor says excitedly. I roll my eyes again, and look to the stage. Talia Sommers, the Junior class president is speaking.

“And our second attendant is…Taylor Ford!” We all look at Taylor and she looks shocked, but is still coherent enough to peck Even on the cheek when he hugs her and high five Nick before she heads to the stage to accept her flowers.

“Our first attendant is…Holly Anderson!” Holly looks as shocked as Taylor. She gives Nathan a kiss and hugs me, squealing:

“Ohmigod, you’re so gonna win!” I laugh.

“Yeah right!” I pat her on the back as she runs up to the stage to accept her own bouquet.

“All right girls,” Talia starts after Taylor and Holly are settled on stage. “This is it! You’re Junior class of 2010 Snowflake princess is…Lucy Carlton!”

I’m shocked. Worse then shocked. I can’t move. Or speak. Nick has to push me up on stage before I realize what I’m doing. As Talia puts the beautiful crown, which looks like snowflakes and icicles, on my head, I feel my eyes brimming with tears. She tells us it’s time for the Winter Princess Court and their dates to dance, and I grab Nick’s arms for stability the second I get back to him.

“Did that really just happen?” I ask him as we sway to the music. He smiles.

“Yep.” His smile turns into a smug smirk. “See, I told you I was in Dallas.” I look at him, confused.

“What does that have to do with anything?” I ask.

“You said that, and I quote, ‘If you’re in Dallas than I’m a fucking princess.’” He nods up to the crown on my head. “Well, you’re a princess. This proves my point.” I laugh, resting my head on his shoulder.

“So it does, Nick, so it does.”

I guess being a princess has its perks. Name on the announcements, article in the yearbook. But the best perk? Having Nick right where he is, in my arms, swaying to the beat of Your Guardian Angel. Our song.

Ohh, goodbye.