So This Is Love

Gerard Way’s Point of View

“Gerard, why do you always do this to yourself?” Mikey asked me. I was lying on the couch in his office. It was times like these that I was so thankful he was a psychiatrist.

“Because I can't help it,” I said pathetically. “Do you think that—“

“Let me stop you there, okay? You are not going to try and prevent this man from getting married, understand? We don’t want to have a repeat like the last five times. He says that he wonders what it’s like to be with another man, and let me tell you Gerard, many men fantasize about that. I’ll admit that I've even thought of it once or twice, but I soon realized that it was what it was – a simple, harmless thought. Some thoughts can lead to horrible things, yes, but a lot of the times they won't and I think that that’s the case here. However, if he had come onto you, then I might think otherwise. Normally, men won't act out these urges – they hardly even admit them to begin with. I think he's just a bit confused. I bet in a week, the thought won't be in his head anymore. It could even just be pre-marriage jitters. It’s quite common,” Mikey said.

“But he's so nice and cute and-and… I don’t want him to get married,” I pouted. Mikey sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose lightly.

“Gerard, as your psychiatrist, I'm going to tell you this; give him time and who knows, he might turn out to be a closet gay. As your brother, I'm saying this; back the fuck off. I love you, but seriously. You gotta quit this. You chase engaged men, and every single fucking time, these men are engaged to women – not men. I think you should just go outside of the catering and wedding world and look for yourself a suitable spouse,” Mikey said.

“Mikey,” I groaned loudly. “I don’t wanna do that. Clearly the men that are getting married are nice and pretty good people. Why would I want to drift away from that?”

Mikey got up and grabbed my cheeks, making me look him in the eyes.

“You want to drift away from it because they are engaged. Soon to be married men will most likely not be looking for someone in their lives seeing as they have someone already,” he said, letting me go and sitting in his chair again. I crawled up on the slanted black suede couch and peeked at him.

“What do you want now?” he asked, glaring at me.

I didn’t say anything but gave him a knowing look.

“Seriously? I thought you grew out of this years ago.”

He sighed and got up, going over to his desk.

“I really do think that you should come in for regular sessions and actually become one of my patients because something is definitely wrong with you. As your brother, I want you to know that personally. Tell me this,” he said, turning to me, “were you ever forced into sex in your life? Did you and Dad or you and Mom not have a normal, but incestuous relationship? Should I be even more worried about you?”

“I was never forced into sex, thinking of incest with Mom and or Dad makes me vomit a little in my mouth, and yes; I think you should be much more worried about me,” I grinned, getting up to take the sucker from him. I don’t know where he got them, but Mikey had the best suckers in his office. I didn’t even know what they were called, so I couldn’t buy any. He had them there for when little kids – or me – came into his office.

“Thank you,” I beamed, sticking the candy in my mouth.

“You're welcome. Now get the fuck out of my office. I have a patient in ten minutes,” he smiled. I hugged him, laughing a little, and left.

Even after having the “talk” with him so many times, I still can't accept it. I just… all of the grooms that I cater for have at least one good quality in them. Sure, most of them are total snobs, but whether they have nice teeth, or hair, or they actually are nice, I see the good in them. This time catering was absolutely no exception, but this time, the groom wasn’t really snobby whatsoever. He was kind and sweet and… confused. Oh how I could use that to my advantage! But that would be so wrong. I would be using him, and I do not use people. I've been used before and it wasn’t nice at all. I hate the feeling.

“Fuck my life,” I muttered, getting into my car and driving home.

God, why did I have to develop a crush on Frank? Why oh fucking why? Rachel was one lucky girl, whether she knew it or not. Frank was a total keeper, in my own humble opinion. I walked in my house and sat on the couch.

“Candice, how can I fix this?” I asked my full-grown cat. She extended her paws at me in return, stretching a little.

“Should I just leave him alone?” I asked her, rubbing her chin.

She sneezed in response, and her head shook from side to side. I swear I could have intelligent conversations with her. She was just cool like that.

“Ugh,” I groaned, “I'm fucking losing my mind. I swear if I don’t find someone to date within a month I’ll go insane. And now, I'm talking to myself which is possibly worse than talking to a cat. At least a cat has a better possibility of listening to you.”

I put my hand over my mouth to prevent anymore words from coming out. I had problems with rambling, but I've never rambled to myself before, which is odd. My cell phone rang. I answered it, relaxing back on the couch.

“Hello?” I asked.

“Gerard? It’s Frank,” Frank said, making my heart beat faster. “I hope I'm not bothering you or anything.”

“Of course you're not!” I said quickly and probably too enthusiastically. I couldn’t help it though; I liked him. “So, what’d you want?”

I was smiling now – smiling because he called me. This was like a stupid teen movie and I was the stupid girl. I hate myself sometimes.

“Um, well… do you know of a nice place to live for possibly the rest of my life?” he asked.

“You could always come and live with me. I get rather lonely sometimes,” I said stupidly. I sound desperate and just idiotic. The man is clearly straight. I'm sure Mikey's right; it’s just some stupid phase that’ll be gone next week if it’s not already.

“I’d love to. Tell me when I can move in,” he said sarcastically before laughing. I laughed too, trying hard not to sound upset. I don’t want him getting suspicious.

“So, are things really that bad over there?” I asked him.

“God… my Mom is driving me up the fucking walls. She keeps telling me what a lovely girl Rachel is and how much it would benefit me to marry her, but I just can't see us together in even two years. I don’t want to be with her. My Dad, whom I found out is actually pretty awesome, has taken a silent oath as to not interfere with my Mom’s craziness, but I can't blame him; she turns psychotic during weddings, apparently. He said that she cussed out and bitched at the pastor at their own wedding,” Frank said. “Oh yeah, and the other day, I saw Rachel flirting with someone, so maybe I could use that to my advantage and get out of the wedding by calling her a whore or something.”

“She was flirting with someone? And wow. You're really going through a lot Frank. Are you okay? You sound like you're on the verge of having a nervous breakdown,” I said.

“Rachel giggled like a weirdo at everything he said even though it wasn’t at all funny. He's supposed to be part of the cleanup crew. Nice choice on her behalf. Note my sarcasm by the way. And to respond to your last question, I ripped out a small handful of my hair, so I’d say that yeah, I'm pretty much breaking down at the moment,” he said.

“I'm really sorry… is there any way that I can help you?” I asked, truly meaning it.

“Honestly, yes. My friend’s are out of town for the next few days and I would love to have a place to stay. I can't stay in this fucking house anymore. It’ll turn into the motherfucking Texas Chainsaw Massacre in this bitch,” Frank told me, sounding a little ghetto.

“You can stay with me for as long as you want. I’ll give you directions and you can come over whenever,” I said.

I gave him the directions to my house and I swear in no more than ten minutes, he was at my door with two suitcases.

“My Mom didn’t even notice I left. My Dad said he’d try to cover for me,” Frank grinned.

“Nice,” I said, smiling as well. His smile was rather… infectious. I liked that aspect about him. I let him in and Candice pounced on him without warning, but thankfully she wasn’t clawing at him; she was trying to cuddle up to him or something. She hardly did that around strangers. I think she's only done it to a vet and two of my friends before. Any other time and she’ll try to hide until the intruder leaves.

“Welcome to my home,” I said, spreading my arms dramatically. Thank goodness for wedding-crazed Moms.