Well Thought Out Twinkles

I cried the entire way home. Every street I turned onto, every curve I sloppily made, I cried harder. I find it harder and harder to press on, to endure the loneliness that seems never ending. Somehow I find strength in the hope for a better tomorrow.

I sat outside the house for almost an hour before Bam came outside. I rowed my window down. He shook his head.

"Get your ass in here, stop feeling sorry for yourself." He said then stormed back into the house. I unbuckled my seat belt and wandered into the backyard.

-----

I asked for my own room. I don't deal well with sleeping with people I don't know in the room. I threw the blankets back and climbed into the bed. I hate sleeping alone. It takes me forever to get to sleep and in the meanwhile my mind wanders. Missing Alice.

Snow fell outside, flakes the size of silver dollars. The wind blew, the snow fell inside the bedroom. Alice ran over and quickly pulled the french doors closed. Her sheer robe trailed behind her like a cape.

"Whew, that was close." She laughed then jumped onto the couch. She made our bedroom into a living space, pretty much. We have a couch, a tv and a fire place with the bed behind everything. The room was painted a romantic red color with ivory and black linens. She's a real romantic, once she wants to be.

Today is April 3rd but she's acting like it's Valentine's Day. She cooked an Italian dinner, with fresh rolls and chocolate dipped strawberries.

She laid down, with her head on my lap. I ran my hands through her hair. She smiled in contentment.

"This has been the best day of my life." I said before I took a sip of my champagne.

She got onto her knees, took the champagne from my hand, sat it on the end table then straddled my waist. My hands immediately went to her waist.

"I love you." She said then kissed my neck, just once.

I ran my hands up her back, "I love you, too."

She laughed and hugged me.

"On a serious note. I didn't want this to take away from our dinner. But I have a bit of news I wanted to tell you. It's kind of why I planned this." She said then bit her lip. A sure sign of conviction.

"Okay?"

"I'm going to have a baby. A little Ville." She smiled then kissed me.

I wasn't sure how to react at the time. Now I feel like I under-reacted. I should have done something different to tell her I was happy and I didn't want anything else. She was so excited.

I pulled the blankets up to my neck and found that, after thinking of Alice, it was easier to sleep. I knew I would wake in the morning, another day closer to seeing her beautiful face and holding my son. And another day closer to being alcohol free.

----

I dream about his piercing green eyes every night. I dream about him holding me. I dream about everything about him. Every night I wake up, cold and alone. I've been sleeping in the bed with Bam. We used to do that when we were kids. I'd sneak in his room and sleep with him when it was storming. He would tell me it was going to be okay and nothing was going to happen to us.

I threw back my blankets and tip-toed through the silent house. I grabbed a blanket out of the closet and continued through the house, trying not to wake anyone in the process. I walked down the stairs and silently opened the door to Bam's room. I jumped in the bed with him. He slowly opened his eyes.

"Alice?" He asked.

I smiled a quaint smile, "It's storming. Can I sleep with you?"

"You left your kid alone in a thunderstorm?" He asked as he rubbed his eyes.

"He's at Mom and Dad's." I said then wrapped my blue blanket around myself.

Bam turned his back to me, "Fine, just don't kick me."

I laughed then laid down beside him. I felt like a little kid again.

There are places I remember, all my life.