Only With You
1/1
This day started off like any other.
A raven-haired boy lay casually on his bed, staring at a comic book in front of him though not taking in the words and pictures. He couldn’t seem to concentrate on anything after yesterday. It definitely wasn’t the first time he’d been played for a fool, but the pain of another failed relationship never seemed to fade. Soon enough, his lack of focus caused him to fall into a gentle slumber, lying on his stomach as his face slowly descended within the folds of the book.
He awoke a mere half hour later, to the sound of soft tapping at the door. Groaning to himself, he sat up; mentally cursing the person behind the door. He had not wanted to be woken, as sleep was a vice to him; something that could make him forget about his broken heart, if only for a few hours.
“Who is it?” He asked quietly; just loud enough to be heard behind the wood of the door.
“It’s me, Gerard. Frank. I want to talk to you,” his voice seemed like barely a whisper too.
“Oh, Frank... come in.”
The door opened quietly and slowly, revealing the similarly characterised boy behind it. Sometimes Gerard questioned how Frank and his brother could be best friends; they seemed like opposites to him. Mikey was very loud and obnoxious – the kind of person with perpetual self-confidence and a mind for quick-witted innuendo. Frank, on the other hand, seemed so timid and sweet; willing to settle for second-best as a mere sidekick to the beloved and school-famous Mikey Way.
Personally, Gerard wasn’t happy with the way Frank was treated by his brother. He wasn’t really happy with the way Mikey acted in general, really. His brother had always been the golden-child, the prodigal son. His elders and peers looked up to him in a blind sense of awe, though they knew nothing of his true demeanour. The reverence and praise Mikey had been given throughout his life caused him to grow into a very egotistical and arrogant teenager, whereas Gerard, the supposed “basket case” had become a loving and generous man after years of mistakes, rejection and broken hearts.
Frank entered Gerard’s bedroom awkwardly; trembling and uncomfortable in the unfamiliar environment. He couldn’t bring his hazel eyes to meet Gerard’s, knowing that he was already blushing furiously behind the wavy brown locks that shadowed his face. After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Gerard cleared his throat and patted the space next to him.
“Sit down, Frank. If you want, that is.”
Frank obeyed, gently sitting down next to Gerard and taking a deep breath. What he was going to request of Gerard was not something he was proud of, especially for such a shy, passive boy.
“What’s up?” Gerard tried to keep things as casual as possible, and hoped that the bewilderment he was feeling didn’t show on his face; he could see that Frank was obviously discouraged already.
“Gerard...” he began quietly, trying to bring the correct words to mind, “I-I... I have something to ask of you. Mikey told me you’d be the best person to talk to about something like this... I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable about it, so... don’t let me pressure you into it, okay?”
Gerard almost smirked at the thought of this; Frank was the opposite of a pressurising person. From what Gerard knew of him, he always put the needs of others’ before himself. Well, he would have to be “that sort” of person if he put up with Mikey so much.
“Don’t worry, Frank.” He responded, trying to sound extra-friendly for Frank’s benefit, “Just tell me what you want to ask. There are not many things you could upset me with.”
“Well...” Frank continued, blushing as he followed through with a pathetically rehearsed lie, “there’s this girl at school... I think she’s really h-hot. I know that she likes me too, since she’s a really open and... friendly person. If I ask her out on a date, she might want to kiss me, but... well, I don’t know how to.”
“Frank,” Gerard smiled at what he felt was naivety, “if she’s as nice as you think she is, she isn’t going to judge your kissing skills so harshly. If you think she won’t like you for such a shallow reason, then she’s not worth it in the first place.”
What Gerard said was practical, though he didn’t really know whether she would judge how well he could kiss. He was openly gay and could not imagine having any sort of relationship with a girl other than just friends. As he thought of this, he wondered why Mikey would send Frank to him to talk about this, when he would obviously have more expertise in this.
Then again, Gerard pondered, Mikey is definitely not one of the most helpful or generous people there is around...
“No, you don’t understand.” Frank replied, “This means a lot to me. Too much, probably, but... I’m just nervous. And I really want this. So, uh, I was wondering... could you... could you teach me how to kiss?”
As Frank whispered this, Gerard sat in silent bemusement for a moment, reflecting on what he’d just been asked. In his own opinion, Frank’s story had seemed somewhat hollow and flaky, especially when he’d been talking about how much he “wanted this”. It all seemed too... out-of-character for Gerard’s liking, though he knew it was not his place to challenge the legitimacy of his anecdote.
“Frank...” this time, there was an uncertainty in Gerard’s voice which was audible and painful for the younger boy to notice, “I don’t know if that’s appropriate. I’m twenty years old and you’re what? Seventeen?”
“Sixteen, actually.” Was the whispered response.
“All the more reason to object. Regardless of age, Frank, I can’t take that away from you. Wouldn’t you rather have your first kiss with this girl that you really like, rather than some guy who’s trying to teach you how? You’re not even gay. It would be... it would be a waste of your first kiss.”
“No, I want it to be with you...” Frank replied dreamily, before quickly covering it up, “I want it to be with you s-so I can be perfect for this girl, y’know? Really, I need your help.”
Gerard uttered a sigh; something that signalled perpetuated disapproval, but also indicated that he could be convinced.
“Please, Gerard?”
For the first time on entering the older boy’s bedroom, Frank allowed his gaze to meet Gerard’s. Their hazel eyes stared into each other as the silent acceptance of the situation was decided. Gerard brought his hand to Frank’s face, sweeping the brown locks out of his eyes and curling his fingers around the hair on the nape of the teenage boy’s neck.
“Follow my lead,” whispered Gerard, “just... just pretend it’s her.”
With that, he moved his face closer to that of the anxious, younger boy, and shutting their eyes, Gerard placed his lips upon Frank’s. The teenager could feel his heart beating in his throat, as feelings and thoughts rushed through his mind in panic. Wanting to respond, to contribute the kiss, he pouted his lips forward slightly. Gerard, who saw this as a sign of approval to keeping going, began to move his lip’s against the younger boy’s in a gentle massage.
After a few moments, Gerard deepened the kiss even more as he slowly began to ease his tongue over Frank’s bottom lip, encouraging him to use his too. The older boy had assumed that when Frank had wanted to know how to kiss, he meant making out or French kissing. It was a fair assumption to make –after all, anyone could just press their lips against someone else’s, so it’s not like this had to be taught– but it suddenly struck Gerard that Frank may feel uncomfortable or disgusted in what he was doing.
The older boy was, in fact, enjoying this, but knowing that in the back of his mind gave him a sense of selfishness; Frank was not gay, and was simply here to be shown how to kiss. Gerard felt suddenly guilty and ashamed of his feelings, and retracted his tongue from Frank’s mouth as he broke away from the kiss.
“Frank...” he began, “I’m sorry... I’m sorry. I-I know I got carried away, and—“
“Shh, Gerard...” Frank whispered in reply, putting an index finger to Gerard’s lips, “Keep going... please.”
Gerard looked at the younger boy with wide eyes, wondering how Frank could possibly be so comfortable with him after he’d clearly gone too far with what was supposed to be a meaningless kissing “lesson”.
Frank, who saw the confusion on Gerard’s face, decided to be bold. He was such a sweet boy, but someone who barely spoke up about their true feelings and opinions. He knew, though, that this opportunity was rare, what he needed to say what he’d longed to for so long. Now.
He leaned in closer to Gerard again, leaning his chin on the older boy’s shoulder to whisper in his ear.
“There is no girl.”
“What?” Gerard whispered, not angry but bemused, “Then why are you here?”
Frank smiled at this, amused that Gerard hadn’t just filled in the blanks already, “Why do you think I’m here? I’ll give you a clue, Gerard; there is no girl, there was no girl, and there’ll never be a girl for me.”
“Frank... you’re... you’re gay?”
He moved away to gaze into Frank’s eyes, staring into their depths and seeing only honesty. This was all Gerard needed to understand what was going on, mentally scolded himself for being so slow-witted and fooled by such a vague lie.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“How could I have done that? You never noticed me... you were always out with... other people.” Frank looked away as he said this; obviously pained by the thought of Gerard with someone else, “Anyway, no one ever notices me... I’m nothing special, especially not next to Mikey. I just thought... I just thought that, well, if I had a reason to kiss you, without having to tell you how I really felt... you’d, y’know, help me out.”
“Oh, Frank,” Gerard empathised, “I wished you’d just told me. And I-I did notice you, Frank. I... I always thought you were special.”
He wasn’t lying, either. As the older boy spoke these words out loud, he realised how much he meant it, and how long he’d been blind to the amazing person in front of him. He scooted closer to Frank, gently wrapping his arms around the teenager’s slim body.
“You’re beautiful.” He murmured in Frank’s ear, “And I’m here for you, sweetheart.”
Frank softly leaned against Gerard, nuzzling his face in the crook of the older boy’s neck and savouring this moment which he’d waited so long for.
“Does kissing always feel so breathtaking?” He whispered listlessly, not intending to say it out loud, but merely rethinking what had happened earlier.
“No, Frank.” Gerard sighed in content, “Only with you.”
Only with you.
A raven-haired boy lay casually on his bed, staring at a comic book in front of him though not taking in the words and pictures. He couldn’t seem to concentrate on anything after yesterday. It definitely wasn’t the first time he’d been played for a fool, but the pain of another failed relationship never seemed to fade. Soon enough, his lack of focus caused him to fall into a gentle slumber, lying on his stomach as his face slowly descended within the folds of the book.
He awoke a mere half hour later, to the sound of soft tapping at the door. Groaning to himself, he sat up; mentally cursing the person behind the door. He had not wanted to be woken, as sleep was a vice to him; something that could make him forget about his broken heart, if only for a few hours.
“Who is it?” He asked quietly; just loud enough to be heard behind the wood of the door.
“It’s me, Gerard. Frank. I want to talk to you,” his voice seemed like barely a whisper too.
“Oh, Frank... come in.”
The door opened quietly and slowly, revealing the similarly characterised boy behind it. Sometimes Gerard questioned how Frank and his brother could be best friends; they seemed like opposites to him. Mikey was very loud and obnoxious – the kind of person with perpetual self-confidence and a mind for quick-witted innuendo. Frank, on the other hand, seemed so timid and sweet; willing to settle for second-best as a mere sidekick to the beloved and school-famous Mikey Way.
Personally, Gerard wasn’t happy with the way Frank was treated by his brother. He wasn’t really happy with the way Mikey acted in general, really. His brother had always been the golden-child, the prodigal son. His elders and peers looked up to him in a blind sense of awe, though they knew nothing of his true demeanour. The reverence and praise Mikey had been given throughout his life caused him to grow into a very egotistical and arrogant teenager, whereas Gerard, the supposed “basket case” had become a loving and generous man after years of mistakes, rejection and broken hearts.
Frank entered Gerard’s bedroom awkwardly; trembling and uncomfortable in the unfamiliar environment. He couldn’t bring his hazel eyes to meet Gerard’s, knowing that he was already blushing furiously behind the wavy brown locks that shadowed his face. After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Gerard cleared his throat and patted the space next to him.
“Sit down, Frank. If you want, that is.”
Frank obeyed, gently sitting down next to Gerard and taking a deep breath. What he was going to request of Gerard was not something he was proud of, especially for such a shy, passive boy.
“What’s up?” Gerard tried to keep things as casual as possible, and hoped that the bewilderment he was feeling didn’t show on his face; he could see that Frank was obviously discouraged already.
“Gerard...” he began quietly, trying to bring the correct words to mind, “I-I... I have something to ask of you. Mikey told me you’d be the best person to talk to about something like this... I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable about it, so... don’t let me pressure you into it, okay?”
Gerard almost smirked at the thought of this; Frank was the opposite of a pressurising person. From what Gerard knew of him, he always put the needs of others’ before himself. Well, he would have to be “that sort” of person if he put up with Mikey so much.
“Don’t worry, Frank.” He responded, trying to sound extra-friendly for Frank’s benefit, “Just tell me what you want to ask. There are not many things you could upset me with.”
“Well...” Frank continued, blushing as he followed through with a pathetically rehearsed lie, “there’s this girl at school... I think she’s really h-hot. I know that she likes me too, since she’s a really open and... friendly person. If I ask her out on a date, she might want to kiss me, but... well, I don’t know how to.”
“Frank,” Gerard smiled at what he felt was naivety, “if she’s as nice as you think she is, she isn’t going to judge your kissing skills so harshly. If you think she won’t like you for such a shallow reason, then she’s not worth it in the first place.”
What Gerard said was practical, though he didn’t really know whether she would judge how well he could kiss. He was openly gay and could not imagine having any sort of relationship with a girl other than just friends. As he thought of this, he wondered why Mikey would send Frank to him to talk about this, when he would obviously have more expertise in this.
Then again, Gerard pondered, Mikey is definitely not one of the most helpful or generous people there is around...
“No, you don’t understand.” Frank replied, “This means a lot to me. Too much, probably, but... I’m just nervous. And I really want this. So, uh, I was wondering... could you... could you teach me how to kiss?”
As Frank whispered this, Gerard sat in silent bemusement for a moment, reflecting on what he’d just been asked. In his own opinion, Frank’s story had seemed somewhat hollow and flaky, especially when he’d been talking about how much he “wanted this”. It all seemed too... out-of-character for Gerard’s liking, though he knew it was not his place to challenge the legitimacy of his anecdote.
“Frank...” this time, there was an uncertainty in Gerard’s voice which was audible and painful for the younger boy to notice, “I don’t know if that’s appropriate. I’m twenty years old and you’re what? Seventeen?”
“Sixteen, actually.” Was the whispered response.
“All the more reason to object. Regardless of age, Frank, I can’t take that away from you. Wouldn’t you rather have your first kiss with this girl that you really like, rather than some guy who’s trying to teach you how? You’re not even gay. It would be... it would be a waste of your first kiss.”
“No, I want it to be with you...” Frank replied dreamily, before quickly covering it up, “I want it to be with you s-so I can be perfect for this girl, y’know? Really, I need your help.”
Gerard uttered a sigh; something that signalled perpetuated disapproval, but also indicated that he could be convinced.
“Please, Gerard?”
For the first time on entering the older boy’s bedroom, Frank allowed his gaze to meet Gerard’s. Their hazel eyes stared into each other as the silent acceptance of the situation was decided. Gerard brought his hand to Frank’s face, sweeping the brown locks out of his eyes and curling his fingers around the hair on the nape of the teenage boy’s neck.
“Follow my lead,” whispered Gerard, “just... just pretend it’s her.”
With that, he moved his face closer to that of the anxious, younger boy, and shutting their eyes, Gerard placed his lips upon Frank’s. The teenager could feel his heart beating in his throat, as feelings and thoughts rushed through his mind in panic. Wanting to respond, to contribute the kiss, he pouted his lips forward slightly. Gerard, who saw this as a sign of approval to keeping going, began to move his lip’s against the younger boy’s in a gentle massage.
After a few moments, Gerard deepened the kiss even more as he slowly began to ease his tongue over Frank’s bottom lip, encouraging him to use his too. The older boy had assumed that when Frank had wanted to know how to kiss, he meant making out or French kissing. It was a fair assumption to make –after all, anyone could just press their lips against someone else’s, so it’s not like this had to be taught– but it suddenly struck Gerard that Frank may feel uncomfortable or disgusted in what he was doing.
The older boy was, in fact, enjoying this, but knowing that in the back of his mind gave him a sense of selfishness; Frank was not gay, and was simply here to be shown how to kiss. Gerard felt suddenly guilty and ashamed of his feelings, and retracted his tongue from Frank’s mouth as he broke away from the kiss.
“Frank...” he began, “I’m sorry... I’m sorry. I-I know I got carried away, and—“
“Shh, Gerard...” Frank whispered in reply, putting an index finger to Gerard’s lips, “Keep going... please.”
Gerard looked at the younger boy with wide eyes, wondering how Frank could possibly be so comfortable with him after he’d clearly gone too far with what was supposed to be a meaningless kissing “lesson”.
Frank, who saw the confusion on Gerard’s face, decided to be bold. He was such a sweet boy, but someone who barely spoke up about their true feelings and opinions. He knew, though, that this opportunity was rare, what he needed to say what he’d longed to for so long. Now.
He leaned in closer to Gerard again, leaning his chin on the older boy’s shoulder to whisper in his ear.
“There is no girl.”
“What?” Gerard whispered, not angry but bemused, “Then why are you here?”
Frank smiled at this, amused that Gerard hadn’t just filled in the blanks already, “Why do you think I’m here? I’ll give you a clue, Gerard; there is no girl, there was no girl, and there’ll never be a girl for me.”
“Frank... you’re... you’re gay?”
He moved away to gaze into Frank’s eyes, staring into their depths and seeing only honesty. This was all Gerard needed to understand what was going on, mentally scolded himself for being so slow-witted and fooled by such a vague lie.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“How could I have done that? You never noticed me... you were always out with... other people.” Frank looked away as he said this; obviously pained by the thought of Gerard with someone else, “Anyway, no one ever notices me... I’m nothing special, especially not next to Mikey. I just thought... I just thought that, well, if I had a reason to kiss you, without having to tell you how I really felt... you’d, y’know, help me out.”
“Oh, Frank,” Gerard empathised, “I wished you’d just told me. And I-I did notice you, Frank. I... I always thought you were special.”
He wasn’t lying, either. As the older boy spoke these words out loud, he realised how much he meant it, and how long he’d been blind to the amazing person in front of him. He scooted closer to Frank, gently wrapping his arms around the teenager’s slim body.
“You’re beautiful.” He murmured in Frank’s ear, “And I’m here for you, sweetheart.”
Frank softly leaned against Gerard, nuzzling his face in the crook of the older boy’s neck and savouring this moment which he’d waited so long for.
“Does kissing always feel so breathtaking?” He whispered listlessly, not intending to say it out loud, but merely rethinking what had happened earlier.
“No, Frank.” Gerard sighed in content, “Only with you.”
Only with you.