Worth The Wait

CH 24

“You’re…you’re…what?” Sid panicked, instinctively taking a step back from Phoebe. He knew exactly what she meant now and he didn’t know how to respond. She had completely blindsided him, to say the least, and even though he knew he needed to be somewhat strong for her, he couldn’t bring himself to rationalize the situation.

Phoebe looked at him and wiped her eyes, taking in a deep breath to settle herself down. “I know you probably weren’t expecting me to tell you something like that…” she didn’t know how to tell him, she didn’t even know what exactly she was telling him, all she knew was that she didn’t want to lose him.

“I sure as shit wasn’t! I don’t understand, I mean, I understand… but it could be nothing. Don’t girls just not get it sometimes? How late are you?”

“Almost three weeks,” Phoebe confessed quietly. “I didn’t even realize it, I hadn’t even noticed until I looked at the calendar.”

“Well, if that’s the case then we’re just going to have to figure it out. Everything’s going to be okay,” he whispered, but Phoebe could tell by the way he spoke that he was trying to convince himself, not her.

“I just…I don’t know what to think right now. Everything’s happened so fast…I’ve just been under so much stress with everything that happened with you and dealing with Mike and being in Philadelphia and…I just didn’t think about it,” Phoebe couldn’t help talking out loud, it wasn’t even directed at Sid, her thoughts were just bouncing all over the place and she was having a hard time separating them.

Sid took a step back from Phoebe and wrinkled his brow as if he were in deep thought. His eyes glazed over and a stern look came over his face. “Wait a second.” He froze in place.

“What?” Phoebe asked nervously.

“If what you’re saying is right…does this mean… is there any chance it could be Richards?”

Phoebe swallowed and felt her skin tingle. She quickly thought it over in her mind and realized that despite the odds, there was a slight possibility it could be Mike’s. She didn’t want to admit that though, because the thought was heartbreaking. It would destroy Sidney and truthfully, she didn’t know if admitting it out loud was something she could handle. “Sid…what does that have to do with anything?”

“What does that have to do with anything?” he yelled back in disbelief. “Phoebe, are you serious? It has everything to do with this! If it’s his baby…I just…oh my gosh.” He began to rub his forehead in agony. “It could be, couldn’t it?” he asked her, already knowing the answer.

She closed her eyes and looked down at the ground. “Yes,” she responded without looking up at him.

Sidney felt his body began to shake with anger. If there was a baby inside her, if she was pregnant and it wasn’t his baby…if he had to look at her everyday and know she had a part of Richards inside her, he didn’t know if he could stand it. Being exhausted and flustered didn’t help and in his frazzled state he lost control of his emotions. “I’m…I don’t…fuck this.” He turned and walked out of her apartment without so much as a glance.

Phoebe’s heart was racing and she was beginning to hyperventilate. She could understand completely why Sidney wouldn’t want to look at her considering there was a possibility that she was carrying Mike’s child. However, there was also still the possibility that she wasn’t pregnant at all. She didn’t even get to explain everything to him. The truth was she was terrified because she’d never been three weeks late in her life, but without confirmation there was still hope. Wasn’t it supposed to be innocent until proven guilty? She still was technically innocent… but Sidney had already handed down his judgment, and in his eyes the remote possibility of her carrying Mike’s child was enough evidence for him to send her to the chair and walk out.

Phoebe stood in place for at least five minutes after Sidney had left her. She was shocked and paralyzed with disbelief. Sidney had walked out and she knew he wasn’t coming back. She didn’t expect him to respond the way he had, but then again she hadn’t even considered Mike into the equation. Knowing how much her being with Mike ripped Sidney apart, it was understandable for him to immediately be filled with those thoughts. Phoebe was devastated but at the same time she was overwhelmingly angry. He left her. Instead of falling apart and crumbling to the ground, she dried her tears and calmed herself down. Phoebe sat on the couch in the silence of her apartment and placed her hand gently on her stomach. If this was something she had to do, if she were carrying a baby inside her, could she do it?

She then grabbed her stuff and quickly got in her car. After a long ride, she got to where she was going and she could feel her heart racing. When the door opened she relaxed in a tiny bit of relief.

“Hey Pheebs, what’s going on? … Is everything okay?” the look she was given made it clear that her panic was evident. Phoebe felt herself begin to come undone again, she hadn’t spoken to her sister since everything had happened and she needed her now. She was the one person who hadn’t judged her. “Actually. No, it isn’t Ang. I need to talk to you.” Phoebe knew she needed to go inside, but she couldn’t bring herself to move. She saw her sister’s husband, Robert, standing in the living room, also looking at her in confusion.

“Come inside, don’t just stand out there.” Angela’s voice was shaky, obviously concerned for Phoebe, but she pulled her inside and shut the door behind them. “Pheebs you’re scaring me. What’s going on?”

Phoebe’s voice fluctuated as she struggled to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. “I…I think I might be pregnant. I’m-I’m almost three weeks late,” she couldn’t hold it back anymore. “And I don’t know what to do.”

“Oh my God, Pheebs… “ Phoebe couldn’t help but feel a sting seeing the way her sister looked at her.

“I just…you’re the only person I can talk to.”

“Well, what did your boyfriend say?” Angela rubbed Phoebe’s back and helped her sit down on the couch.

Phoebe squeezed her eyes shut. “He walked out.”

“What?” Angela screamed. “He walked out on you? What a pathetic asshole.”

“He walked out because there’s the possibility that it could be Mike’s.”

“Oh Pheebs,” Angela sighed. “Oh honey. Do you know for sure?”

Phoebe squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head no.

“First of all, did you take a pregnancy test?”

“No. I haven’t had the chance. I just realized I was three weeks late almost. I mean, whose three weeks late?! I thought about getting one on the way here but I’m terrified, Ang. If it is positive then I have to try and figure out if it’s Sidney’s or Mike’s…and I don’t want to do that. If it would be Mike’s…” she sighed. “I couldn’t live with myself and I couldn’t blame Sid for not wanting to either.”

Angela cradled her sister in his arms. “It’s going to be okay. You’re going to stay the night here and in the morning I’ll go get you a test and we’ll take it together, okay?” Phoebe nodded her agreement because she knew she didn’t really have any other options.

*****

Sidney hadn’t gotten any sleep since he walked out on Phoebe. His stomach was in knots, he couldn’t eat, and sleep was an impossible task. The thought of Phoebe, the only woman he ever loved…ever wanted to love…carrying someone else’s child, it torn him to pieces. He realized he’d been an asshole, and that moment probably wasn’t the best time to throw any major revelations at him, but now that the dust had settled he realized he still had more unanswered questions he didn’t stick around to ask. One on hand, the past was finally that, and Mike was finally out of the picture. She was finally his and now there was the chance that he’d always be part of her. On the other hand, he didn’t even ask her if she was positive she was pregnant. He didn’t ask her if she’d taken a test, if she planned on going to see a doctor, how she was feeling…he automatically assumed it was Mike’s and left her to deal with it on her own. He was torn, he wanted to be with her, but he couldn’t hold her close to him and tell her everything would be okay if what was inside her wasn’t part of him. He knew he was a dick that night and he had a lot of apologizing to do, but for that, he wasn’t sorry.

Sidney stayed in his bed. He didn’t move. He wanted to be alone and wallow in self-pity. He hadn’t heard from Phoebe, he had no missed calls or frantic text messages from her. She hadn’t shown up at his place begging him to let her explain…and part of him became angrier. In his mind, it somehow meant that she knew it wasn’t his. Then again, he was the one who freaked out, he was the one who left her there and didn’t look back. He hadn’t called her or tried to get in touch with her…why would she…why should she want to talk to him?

Lost in his thoughts and after successfully pissing himself off even more, he realized that someone was knocking on his door. He didn’t like unexpected company…especially when he wanted to be alone. Could it be Phoebe? He hoped, but he knew it was doubtful. Irritated, he peeled his body off his bed and made his way to his front door. When he opened it he stood face to face with Jordan, who, Sid could tell was still angry at him.

“Mind if I come in?” Jordan bitterly asked. He didn’t wait for an answer though; he walked by Sid and made his way into the living room.

“What are you doing here?”

“Are you done being an asshole yet?” Jordan looked at him.

Sidney sighed. “I don’t know.”

“What’s the matter with you?”

“Staal…everything has gotten more complicated than you can imagine.”

“So talk to me. What happened? I mean, do you honestly think I’d go after your girl? Do you think I’m that much of a prick? And do you honestly think she has eyes for anyone but you?” he continued, “Crosby man, all she did was talk about you. All she wanted to hear were stories about you. I mean…you were completely out of line.”

Sidney rubbed the back of his neck; he could feel his face burning red. “You don’t understand. And…about that, yeah I’m sorry for flipping out on you.”

Jordan paused, “We’re cool. Now, please tell me what’s going on in that fucked up head of yours.”

Sid sat down on the chair across from the sofa Jordan was sitting on. “I don’t even know where to start. I came back to apologize to her the other night and when I walked in she was a mess.”

“Well, I can’t say I blame her. You were pretty harsh.”

“No, she wasn’t a mess because of what I said to her. It could’ve been part of it, but I really don’t know right now. I told her I was wrong, and I was…she held onto me and told me… she thinks she’s pregnant.”

“Holy shit! Are you serious?” Jordan was flabbergasted. “Dude, that’s great. Not ideal, but still…”

“It could be Richards.”

Jordan’s hung his head for his friend, “Oh man…are you sure? What’d she say? What’d you do?”

“She admitted there’s a possibility it could be his…I can’t do that Staal, I can’t deal with it. I can’t…look at her with part of him growing inside her.”

“You left her didn’t you?” Jordan knew him better than almost anyone and he’d grown pretty good at reading Sid’s mind since they spent so much time together during the season. Sid didn’t say anything to him; he was partially ashamed… he just nodded his confession.

Jordan was holding his breath, and released it in frustration, shaking his head. “I don’t even know what to say.”

“Me either.”

“Have you spoken to her?”

“No…I haven’t tried to talk to her and she hasn’t tried to get in touch with me.”

“Well, we’re going on the road tomorrow morning. We have an away game in Boston, as you know.”

“I know,” Sid said quietly.

“Are you going to try and work it out before we get back or are you going to sit on your feelings for the next two days?”

“I don’t know man. I just…I just- I need to think.”

“What’s there to think about? What happened the guy that would have done anything to be with her? The guy that wouldn’t leave his room because he didn’t want any part of anyone else; the guy who wanted to put a ring on her finger the second he had the chance? The guy who waited for her and changed his life around because he knew he was going to spend the rest of his life with? Because I don’t see him here.”

“It’s not that simple." SId was torn, but he was tired of fighting himself.

“You either love her or you don’t. I can see you being angry, but you need to decide what you want.”

Sidney could feel the ache inside of him growing. Jordan was right. Sidney didn’t know how to handle things when they got rough. He’d gotten so used to being happy and arguing over stupid little things that when a wrench was thrown into the mix and threatened to break them apart, he was about to let it. “I gotta talk to her.”

“That’s the first smart thing I’ve heard you say in days,” Jordan agreed.

Sidney rushed over to Phoebe’s place. He tried calling her but it went straight to voice mail, indicating that she had shut off her phone. He thought it would be proper to knock on the door first but after she refused to answer he had no option but to let himself in. If he wanted to resolve this before he left, he had to open the door. He used his key and walked into her painfully silent apartment. He looked at the pictures of the two of them together that she had framed and scattered throughout the place and he saw how happy they were together, which made him miss her even more. He thought back to one of the first times he’d ever been in her apartment, and the one picture she had of her and Richards…it was gone now and there was no trace of it. Richards was gone and he was out of her life, she didn’t want him; she didn’t love him. She loved Sidney and he knew it, he realized she had more pictures of the two of them together than she ever had of her and Mike…and she wasn’t ashamed to love him.

Sidney looked in every room but Phoebe was nowhere to be found. She was gone and he had no idea where she went. He didn’t know what to think but then it dawned on him, where would she go if she needed to run? Where would she go if she thought she was pregnant? Something inside him knew she was at his sister’s; she was with the kids and he needed to talk to her. He needed her to know he loved her unconditionally and now he would have to go to Boston without getting the chance to reassure her first.

*****

Phoebe hadn’t been home in three days. She stayed with her sister and the kids and took the time away from Sidney to think about what she really wanted out of life. It pained her, but she kept her phone off. She didn’t know if she would have heard from Sid anyway...she hadn’t had any evidence that he wanted to speak with her. He had a game in Boston, she knew this; she wouldn’t have admitted it, but she watched him play and wondered if he was thinking about her, if he missed her. Since she hadn’t spoken to Sidney, she didn’t know when he was due back but she assumed it had to be soon. Whether or not she would see or talk to him, she didn’t know.

Phoebe clumsily made her way through her front door. The lights were on. That’s funny, she knew she shut everything off. When she heard someone making their way from the end of the hallway, Patrick heard it too and ran down it barking. Phoebe didn’t know what was going on.

“Hello?” she called to the person who Patrick was introducing himself to.

“Hey princess,” she gasped as Mike walked towards her from the back of her apartment.