Worth The Wait

CH 25

The entire trip to Boston was torture. Sidney couldn’t sit still or keep his mind off of Phoebe. He was worried about her, he was guilt-ridden by the way he treated her and scared she wouldn’t look at him ever again; that she wouldn’t forgive him for his childish behavior. One would think that by now he would know how to handle the unexpected but life had an unprecedented way of always knocking him off his feet. Maybe it was God’s way of keeping him humble, whatever the reason, it still never prepared him for the blow.

Though they only had one game away and were coming home immediately, it felt like they were gone for days. Sidney was used to traveling and very familiar with having to leave Phoebe, but this time it felt different; he needed to fix whatever he’d broken in order to have any normality sustained in his life.

“You still haven’t talked to her, huh?” Jordan ripped him form his thoughts, from his self-induced punishment staring out the window.

Sidney shook his head, “No,” but he never broke his gaze, never looked at Jordan, and didn’t flinch.

“What if I’ve pushed her away for good?” Sidney asked solemnly.

“I…I don’t know man. I’m doubtful that she’d give up on you that easily.”

“You should’ve seen her, she was scared and upset and she just wanted me to be there for her…and I flipped out and left. I didn’t even look back.”

“You had every reason to be angry. I’m sure she’ll take that into consideration. But the leaving part…I don’t know. If that’s how you handle things, it isn’t the best tactic.”

“I know. I feel just awful.”

“We’re guys. We’re supposed to fuck up, and you my friend, sound like you’re doing a pretty good job at it,” Jordan tried to joked with him.

“Yeah, thanks,” Sid grunted.

Upon arriving in Boston, Sid put on his big boy pants and pretended to be the happy, friendly guy he portrayed when, at this moment, he was anything but. He caused his own misery and the sooner he got back home to Phoebe, the sooner he would be able to be himself again. When he stepped on the Boston ice, like he had numerous times in his past, he felt slightly at home. Wherever he was, the ice always looked and felt the same and it was the closest thing to home he had. He hoped Phoebe’s eyes were on him and for the first time in a long time, he took the time to look around the rink, to look at the faithful fans that brought themselves out to the games. Though they were Boston fans, scattered with Pens jerseys in the crowd, it was the same. There were couples, which reminded him of what he had back home, there were groups of friends drinking and having a good time, and there was what really caught his eye: families; dads with their children, introducing them to what would become a lifelong love affair with the sport. He watched as their eyes got big and smiles infectiously spread across their faces. If that was what he was possibly getting himself into, it was something that didn’t seem so scary; in fact, it seemed like the exact opposite. He could be that person, he wanted to be that person, and he would love his girl even more for giving it to him. Sid winced and brought his focus back to the ice, to the game at hand. He wanted to get it over with, he wanted to do his job and get back to what really mattered.

Sidney soon found himself looking out the window and on his way back to Pittsburgh. Jordan was next to him and this time his nerves were going crazy for different reasons. “I figured out what I’m going to do,” he randomly blurted out to his friend.

“You have?”

“Yeah. I’ve had time to think everything over, more time than I would have liked actually. I’m going to apologize to her,” he paused. “And if she’s pregnant, it’ll be the best thing to happen to me since…”

“Wait a second,” Jordan interrupted. “If? What do you mean, if? You said she was pregnant and you didn’t know if the father was you or Richards.”

Sid swallowed. “I said she thinks she’s pregnant.”

“Yeah, but you said it in pretty definite terms. You’re telling me you don’t even know if she’s pregnant? You’re telling me that you walked out on your girl and you didn’t even know if you had a valid reason to do so?” Jordan was pissed, furious with Sidney.

Sidney flickered his eyes away from Jordan; he didn’t know what to say. “I guess so.”

“Shit Crosby! Are you for real? What man does that to his girl? You know what, you better hope she isn’t pregnant, because I don’t think she deserves to have a baby with someone who hasn’t even grown up himself.” Jordan shook his head, got up and left his friend to sit by himself. Jordan was angry with Sidney and Sid knew he had every reason to be, as did Phoebe. He had a lot to atone for.

*****

“Wh-What are you doing here Mike?” Phoebe asked, flabbergasted. “How did you even get in?”

“Ah, but my dear,” he kissed her on the forehead. “You forgot I still have a key.”

‘Shit,’ Phoebe thought to herself. She had completely forgotten about that. “Okay…but that still doesn’t explain why you’re here or what right you have to let yourself in. In case you’ve forgotten, we’re over.”

Mike grabbed both her hands into his. “I know last time we saw each other I treated you pretty bad.”

“Pretty bad? Mike you hit me! You tossed me to the ground like I was suited and on the ice with you!” she pulled away from him and stormed into the kitchen. “Why are you here? I don’t know what would possess you to drive to Pittsburgh, let yourself in my apartment and wait for me to get home…but I don’t want you here.”

“But princess, you need me,” he followed her.

“I do?” she spat.

“You think I’m going to let you take care of our baby by yourself?” He placed his hands on her stomach. “And I’m willing to forego this bullshit with Crosby, all the pictures that you have of the two of you plastered all over this place. Everything changes now that we’re having a baby…you’re mine.”

Phoebe froze and tried to process everything he had just said to her. “What are you talking about?” she asked as she pushed him off of her.

“Robert called me. He told me you were pregnant and that it was mine.”

Phoebe was angry beyond belief. She had gone to her sister in confidence, she never expected her dumb-ass brother-in-law to call Mike and tell him she was pregnant with his child. He obviously only heard bits and pieces of what was going on, or was that much of an idiot that he just didn’t understand the truth. “Mike. You need to leave.”

“No way, I’m not leaving. You’re having my kid and you’re stuck with me now. I guess Crosby’s out of the picture anyway,” he sneered.

“Mike, first off, you don’t know what you’re talking about…”

“I don’t? Because I don’t see him here. From what Robert told me, he ran and guess what? I’m here. I’m the one that wants to be there for you.”

“Robert doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about!” she screamed. “It’s like the blind leading the blind!”

“Just stop playing games Phoebe.”

“Mike, I’m not pregnant!” she blurted out.

“What?”

“I said I’m not pregnant! That’s why I don’t understand why Robert would go running his mouth to you when he has no idea what he is even talking about! The entire situation doesn’t concern him and it certainly doesn’t concern you!”

Mike glared at her; he moved close to her and grabbed her wrist tightly in his hand. His breathing was heavy and his eyes scared her, they looked like they were made of stone. “I still don’t see him here. I was at least willing to be here for you, that fucking pussy runs when he doesn’t like what’s thrown his way. He obviously doesn’t love you or give a shit about what happens to you. If he did he wouldn’t have run and left you alone. You wouldn’t have had to run to your sister and I wouldn’t know anything; I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to find out and show up here,” he sneered.

“Mike you’re hurting me!” she yelped.

He tightened his grip. “I don’t care. Admit it. Say it to me. Tell me he doesn’t really love you. I want to hear you say it.” Her eyes dropped and she felt her body giving up.

“But he does love me,” she whimpered.

“Bullshit!” he was beginning to erupt with anger. “Say it like you actually believe it and then maybe I’ll consider believing it.”

*****

Sidney had walked into her apartment quietly. He heard commotion from the outside and wanted to find out for himself what was going on without letting it be known he was there. He silently snuck into her apartment and closed the door behind him, he felt his insides tighten when he realized Richards was there with her, in the kitchen, trying to convince her that she should be with him; feeding her bullshit about how Sid didn’t love her. He hoped she knew it wasn’t true, he wanted to hear what she felt, if what had happened caused her to lose her faith in him.

It hurt Sidney to hear the things Richards was saying to her, things that discredited Sidney, and he knew it was only a matter of moments before he ran in the kitchen and beat the shit out of him. Sidney could tell by their shadows that Richards was close to her, he was touching his Phoebe in someway and he heard Richards tell her that Sid didn’t love her…and it sounded so believable.

“Mike you’re hurting me!” Those words sent Sidney’s blood racing. He didn’t want Richards near her, touching her in anyway. He wasn’t about to let Richards hurt her…it sent him walking towards the kitchen like a man possessed.

“I don’t care. Admit it. Say it to me. Tell me he doesn’t really love you. I want to hear you say it.” That asshole snarled at her like a wild animal feeding on its prey. He wanted to force Phoebe to admit Sidney didn’t love her, which, to Sid, would’ve been a blatant lie. Sidney stopped dead in his tracks. He didn’t want to, but his body wouldn’t continue to motor forward. His heart was pounding and he prayed she wouldn’t be able to say those words. After what felt like an eternity but couldn’t have been more than a few seconds he heard her plea, “But he does love me,” and Sidney’s body unfroze, restoring his ability to breath again.

“Bullshit!” he heard Richards scream at her. “Say it like you actually believe it and then maybe I’ll consider believing it.” Sidney was going to kill him and nothing was going to stop him.

Mike didn’t get another word out; Phoebe didn’t get the chance to respond. Sidney tore Richards away from Phoebe and shoved him into the refrigerator. “Shut the fuck up you lying piece of shit!” He spun Mike around, grabbed him by the shirt and punched him in the face. “I love her more than you ever fucking pretended to! I might be a fucking idiot and we may get into stupid fights, but I’ve never cheated on her, I’ve never hit her and I and I could never even consider doing those things; I actually want to be with her!”

Mike was still shell-shocked, he didn’t even get the chance to react and before he had registered what was happening he was taking another blow to the face. He pushed Sidney off of him and wanted to lunge at him, but he didn’t have a good angle and ended up pushing Phoebe to the ground. Seeing Phoebe hit the floor so hard enraged Sidney even more. He lunged at Richards and pinned him to the ground, punching whatever part of his body his hands found first. “Say something you coward!” Sidney screamed at him.

“You,” Richards coughed, gasping to catch his breath. “You want to be with a girl who couldn’t even guarantee she could be having your baby? Keep her. Keep your whore.”

Sidney couldn’t resist getting one last hit in. He stood up, leaned over Mike, grabbed him by the collar and pulled him to his feet. “Get the fuck out,” his tone was scary and somber. Sidney led Richards to the door and escorted him out. When he closed it he let out a breath and leaned his forehead against it, regaining his composure. When he turned around he saw Phoebe still sitting on the ground, wanting to speak but unable to find the words. He slowly walked towards her, sat next to her, and cradled her face in his hands, “Are you okay?” he asked with genuine concern.

Phoebe nodded that she was.

“Phoebe I don’t even know where to begin. Sorry isn’t even the right word, I don’t even know where to start in order to make this up to you. I was an asshole. I walked out on you when you needed me most…and I was wrong. Phoebe, this baby…”

Phoebe quickly lifted her hand and gently placed her index finger over his lips. “Shhh,” she cooed. “Sidney…I’m not pregnant.”

“You’re…you’re not?”

“No. I’m not,” she continued. “The night you left I went to my sisters and spent a few days with the kids.”

“I figured as much,” he said softly.

“What do you mean?” she asked in confusion.

“I came here, I wanted to talk to you… I needed to talk to you.”

“You did?”

“Yeah, I couldn’t stand it Phoebe. I needed you to know that I love you, unconditionally.” He brought his nose to hers and pulled her close to him. “Can I finish?” she looked up at him, asking in the most sincere way possible. He nodded and made a little grunt, urging her to keep talking.

“I spent a few days with the kids trying to picture what my life would be like if I had one, if I could handle it… and after I accepted everything I took a test. I didn’t take it until this morning and… it was negative.”

“Are you sure? You aren’t just telling me this and planning on taking care of it yourself or something, right? Cause if you are…”

“Sidney! No! I’m not lying to you! I would never do that! I would never abort my child! You know this! Now,” she placed her hand on his cheek, “relax…please.”

“I’m sorry, I know. I wouldn’t want you to. The truth is, I’m kind of disappointed you aren’t pregnant. I used the time I had in Boston to think about everything too. I paid extra attention to dads and their kids and I realized that I want that…but I only want that with you.” Sidney smiled into her, their foreheads pressed together, and felt a tear stream down her face.

“You would’ve loved me…you would have loved the baby… even if in the slightest of possibilities it was Mike’s?” her voice was so timid, as if she were almost afraid to ask.

“Phoebe,” Sidney pulled away and looked her in the eyes. “I would have loved that baby… even if it were Richards, because it would have been a part of you.”

Phoebe searched his eyes and realized he was telling her the truth. Unable to find the right words she quickly whispered, “I love you,” and pressed her lips to Sidney’s. She melted into him and he held her close to him, something that felt better, more intimate than it ever had before. Though they still had things to discuss, they went to sleep together. The other stuff…that was for the morning.