That Doesn't Mean I Love You
003
I woke up with the sun basking across my face, and a hand on my hip. I turned around and smiled slowly, my bright blue eyes lighting up in his presence. He was knocked out. I leant forward and kissed his lips gently and stayed put. His eyes slowly fluttered open, no smile gracing his lips, no eyes lightening up. He pulled me closer for a moment then leant in like he was going to kiss me and brushed passed my ear to whisper
”We’re going to Tony’s house today.”
I wriggled from his grasp and stood up, looking down at him, looking down at me. I was only in my boxers, and I was sure I went to sleep with clothes on. I was used to it by now.
”Rose, I hate going to Tony’s,” I told him as he stood up and brushed off his stomach, only wearing his boxers, his small waist going inward from his lack of weight, his ribs predominantly sticking out so I could play the xylophone in perfect tune.
”Then fucking stay home Matthew, I just thought you’d want to spend some time with me,” he lied, I knew he didn’t think that. There was only one reason he ever wanted me to go with him to Tony’s. I pulled on my shirt from yesterday and a pair of pants; I knew we didn’t have sex. Rose just wanted to feel, being cuddly, without my voice annoying him, and ripping into him because I wanted to do it forever.
”Where’s Clyde?” I mumbled, pulling my shirt down a little bit, a rip in the seam growing a little bit larger.
”Come again?” he said loudly, pulling a shirt on, and then putting on a pair of pants, and that very same leather jacket he always wore. He pulled his bandanna out from the pocket, and tied it around his neck, covering the milky white skin and letting it hang down.
”Where is Clyde?” I said a little louder, I afraid I was yelling, talking to loudly, talking back. He looked at me from the corner of his eyes and rolled his eyes, walking over to the window, pulling a cigarette from his pocket and pulling it to his pursed lips, lighting it, taking a drag then pulling it out slowly.
”He’s gonna meet us at Tony’s,” he finally said as if it were a secret, or not obvious. I pouted, looking around the room at his pillow, it had not been touched. Except by me. I didn’t remember falling asleep with it, but I never remember anything from the night before.
Rose ran his fingers through his hair to mess it up, then he flattened it down on his head, looking at me, and I ran my fingers through my hair to flatten it down. We didn’t have electricity, let alone money for a straightener. He made a face, pulling his jacket over his shoulders a little better “I need a shower.”
”Me too,” I said smelling my pits, bringing my arm back down to my side. I smelt like sweat, sex and shame.
He looked out the window, his eyes lighting up as he watched something closely. I walked up to the window and looked out to see the same girl going to her car, skipping merrily, I could hear her signing through our thin sugar glass windows. It made a smile slowly come onto my face and I reached over, grabbing his hand loosely and swinging them in between us.
”You should ask her for her numberrr,” I chimed in and he pulled his hand from mine quickly, walking from the window and clearing his throat, the brightness and enjoyment draining from his face.
”A girl like her shouldn’t be involved with a guy like me,” he said slowly, cautiously. I took one more look out of her window. He pulled out his phone and looked at the time nodding toward the door. “It’s time to go.”
”We’re going to Tony’s house today.”
I wriggled from his grasp and stood up, looking down at him, looking down at me. I was only in my boxers, and I was sure I went to sleep with clothes on. I was used to it by now.
”Rose, I hate going to Tony’s,” I told him as he stood up and brushed off his stomach, only wearing his boxers, his small waist going inward from his lack of weight, his ribs predominantly sticking out so I could play the xylophone in perfect tune.
”Then fucking stay home Matthew, I just thought you’d want to spend some time with me,” he lied, I knew he didn’t think that. There was only one reason he ever wanted me to go with him to Tony’s. I pulled on my shirt from yesterday and a pair of pants; I knew we didn’t have sex. Rose just wanted to feel, being cuddly, without my voice annoying him, and ripping into him because I wanted to do it forever.
”Where’s Clyde?” I mumbled, pulling my shirt down a little bit, a rip in the seam growing a little bit larger.
”Come again?” he said loudly, pulling a shirt on, and then putting on a pair of pants, and that very same leather jacket he always wore. He pulled his bandanna out from the pocket, and tied it around his neck, covering the milky white skin and letting it hang down.
”Where is Clyde?” I said a little louder, I afraid I was yelling, talking to loudly, talking back. He looked at me from the corner of his eyes and rolled his eyes, walking over to the window, pulling a cigarette from his pocket and pulling it to his pursed lips, lighting it, taking a drag then pulling it out slowly.
”He’s gonna meet us at Tony’s,” he finally said as if it were a secret, or not obvious. I pouted, looking around the room at his pillow, it had not been touched. Except by me. I didn’t remember falling asleep with it, but I never remember anything from the night before.
Rose ran his fingers through his hair to mess it up, then he flattened it down on his head, looking at me, and I ran my fingers through my hair to flatten it down. We didn’t have electricity, let alone money for a straightener. He made a face, pulling his jacket over his shoulders a little better “I need a shower.”
”Me too,” I said smelling my pits, bringing my arm back down to my side. I smelt like sweat, sex and shame.
He looked out the window, his eyes lighting up as he watched something closely. I walked up to the window and looked out to see the same girl going to her car, skipping merrily, I could hear her signing through our thin sugar glass windows. It made a smile slowly come onto my face and I reached over, grabbing his hand loosely and swinging them in between us.
”You should ask her for her numberrr,” I chimed in and he pulled his hand from mine quickly, walking from the window and clearing his throat, the brightness and enjoyment draining from his face.
”A girl like her shouldn’t be involved with a guy like me,” he said slowly, cautiously. I took one more look out of her window. He pulled out his phone and looked at the time nodding toward the door. “It’s time to go.”