Bulletproof

What the fuck.
What the fuck!?
What was I doing?! I urged my brain to think straight and pulled myself off Jussi, half falling off him.
“What are you-“ Jussi started, sitting there now shirtless and shocked I had pulled away from our heavy make out session. When had he lost his shirt?
“I can’t do this,” I forced myself to say, shutting my eyes to concentrate. I was tipsy and I wasn’t thinking coherently. I should not have been kissing him.

“I mean, you seemed to be doing just fine a moment ago,” he commented smartly.
I stood up and did my best to ignore his attitude as I sat on the furthest edge of the sectional, as far away from Jussi as I could get, trying to focus on the television in front of me. I could feel my heart beating in my ears as I tried to clear my thoughts. It was playing some soap opera now. He shrugged and picked up his shirt from the floor and slipped it back over his head calmly, eyeing me the entire time.

We sat in silence.

“Are you alright Wynter?” he questioned, a few moments later. I watched him out of the corner of my eye. I didn’t want him near me. All I could smell was his cologne that had rubbed into my skin, phantom kisses burning like a brand on my neck where he had touched me. It felt wrong. I felt wrong. I smelled wrong. I wanted Ville and his warm musky smell and sage green eyes.
“No, I’m not,” I answered honestly, feeling my eyes prickle with tears. My heart hurt and I felt overwhelmed.
“Do you love him?” he asked, sitting forward and placing his forearms on his knees, hands clasped in front of him. His heavily eyelinered eyes didn’t miss a single movement of mine.
“No, I mean, I shouldn’t. I met him once. Sure, we talk and text most days, but that’s not a relationship. Not to mention, he made it clear there were stipulations with me being underage and being on the other side of the world and shit. Fuck, I mean, I’ve never been in love. I don’t even know what that is. I don’t even know why I’m telling you this. What the fuck was in that wine?” I asked him angrily. He was the one who had done this to me.
“Nothing, I can assure you. Everything you’re feeling is your own thoughts,” he replied, still watching me.
“My own thoughts wouldn’t have led me to kissing you half naked I can ASSURE you!” I snapped in his direction. The tv was on a commercial for toothpaste.
“I blame myself for that, I’m sorry for taking advantage of you Wynter. I think a lot of us forget you’re so young and inexperienced and get carried away,” he said, looking down at his boots.
“Yeah well, you’re a real piece of work for getting an inexperienced eighteen-year-old with relationship issues drunk and trying to get in her pants!” I spat venomously. I hated this. I hated feeling so unsure and unknowing. Most of all, I was tired of kissing the wrong people. Hell, even Ville’s affection came with a contract it seemed. He said it was to protect me and I tried to be understanding but fuck!
“Hey now-“he began only to be abruptly interrupted as the front door slammed open and people started pouring in shouting.
“Fuckin little bitch got me square in the nose! Goddamn!” I heard Bam roar amidst the noise and Jussi and I jumped up quickly.
“What’s going on?” I shouted, seeing Bam covering his nose with a wad of blood-soaked tissue, Missy and Raab holding him up with some difficulty.
“Fuckin’ Bam got drunk and started a bar fight,” Missy explained, rushing past us and heading to the bathroom.
“And I fuckin won it too!” he slurred while pointing a finger at me as they walked by.
“Damn right you did Bam Bam!” Jyrki hollered, raising a bottle of booze above his head.
“Oh, and Wyn, look who we found!” Jyrki stopped and pointed towards the door. I followed his finger and my heart stopped dead in its tracks. Ville.

He was standing there in a long grey overcoat with a maroon scarf tied haphazardly around his neck, hair combed neatly behind his ears, with a grin as big as Bam’s. I don’t even know how I made it into his arms as fast as I did but before I knew what was happening, I was buried in his chest, surrounded by sandalwood and the faint hint of tobacco.
“Hello minun kulta,” he purred warmly into my ear, kissing there and placing his lips on my forehead.
“I don’t understand, I thought you were in Germany until Christmas?” I questioned, confused but happy.
“It was Bam Bam’s idea actually, as a surprise,” he said with my favorite smirk, rubbing his thumb along my cheek as he stared into my eyes for a split second, “we weren’t supposed to meet up until tomorrow though, but he got drunk and called. He insisted I come tonight, and thankfully I live just a few blocks over. Speaking of which, now that he’s out of trouble and you’re in my evil clutches,” he stopped to grab both of my hands in his and bring them to up to his face to kiss them before continuing, “We can go celebrate.”
“I’ll need to get my things,” I started, quivering with excitement.
“It’s already taken care of love, grab your coat,” he grinned.
“Okay,” I breathed, my heart was racing.
I turned and Jussi was directly behind me, already holding it out, his face impossible to read.
“Thanks,” I nodded coldly, grabbing it and turning to face Ville again with a grin.
“Should I tell Bam or...?” I motioned toward the shouting that was happening in the bathroom.
“They already know where to find you,” he confirmed, pulling me out the door without a second thought, shutting it behind me and helping me down the stairs and into the dark starry night.

He hailed a taxi, ushering me inside before giving the driver the address in Finnish. Relaxing into the seat and throwing his arm over my shoulder, he leaned down to nuzzle my face with his nose
affectionately.

“So how are you liking Helsinki?” he began, his voice tickling my skin. All my previous anxiety was melting away.
“It’s cold. I don’t know how you deal with this,” I wrinkled up my nose, looking past him to see the snow drifting lazily down to accumulate on the sidewalk.
“The key is to find someone to help you warm up,” he responded with a grin, sliding his hands under my shirt to tickle me, kissing my cheek again.
“Where is all this affection coming from?” I inquired, a bit taken back by his sudden friendliness. The last time I had seen him, he was almost a different person, keeping his touches to a minimum and god… him making me promise I wouldn’t try to seduce him… I started to blush.
“The last time I saw you, I was at risk of being accused of robbing the cradle. Not to mention, I missed you. Do you not feel the same?” he queried, an eyebrow raised, pulling back for a moment.
“No, I guess I just hadn’t thought of that,” I laughed, turning to peck him on the lips. I went to pull away and his hand on the back of my neck stopped me as he deepened the kiss. The sudden thought of Jussi sent terror through me and I pushed him away abruptly.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, concern written all over his gorgeous face.
“Sappui,” the taxi driver interrupted. I hadn’t even noticed we’d stopped.

Quickly, Ville handed the man cash, and hopped out of the cab, pulling me gingerly along with him.
We stood in front of a house very similar to Jussi’s. Large and modern with hints of Germanic build.

“Would you like to go inside, or continue to study the architecture?” Ville chuckled, his arm around my waist.
“No, sorry,” I shook my head, dispersing my thoughts as he tugged me along, unlocking the door and ushering me inside.

His house was dimly lit and smelled like clean linen I noticed. What an interesting contrast to his own personal scent I giggled to myself.
His interior was light and airy, with various paintings I didn’t recognize scattered sparsely on the walls as well as several autographed memorabilia and awards. I wondered to myself if he had decorated this place himself. All-in-all though, a beautiful home. We walked into the den next, an overstuffed charcoal couch sat in front of a real fireplace that held a toasty fire, an enormous television mounted just above. How cozy, I thought to myself. He shrugged out of his coat and collected mine as well and draped them over the couch as we walked by it.

“Would you like to see the rest?” he questioned as I took my time looking at everything.
“Yes, by all means!” I exclaimed, eager to see his house and he smirked, grabbing my hand in his again, interlocking our fingers as he led me through the house.
“So obviously that was the den,” he explained, walking into the next room, the kitchen. The floor was a dark heather stained wood and had many cabinets to match, again, super neat and organized. It was amazing to me how clean this house was compared to Castle Bam. It felt alien.
“Kitchen, downstairs, bathroom, garage…” he kept going, letting me take my time through each room, examining it.
“Upstairs here is the office, another bathroom, the guest room, and the master bedroom, as Bam Bam would say, where the magic happens,” he turned to me and winked as we finally stopped in front of a closed door at the end of the long hallway. Opening it, he pulled me in and flicked on the light as we entered.

It was a large open space, the fluffy carpet a light ash, with a guitar propped up in the corner, a large oak bookshelf beside it, and an enormous bed nestled between two nightstands, the duvet a stormy grey, topped with several fluffy pillows. Everything was so elegant and neatly arranged. It hardly seemed lived in.
I noticed my suitcase sat nestled between the nightstand and the conjoining wall. It stood out more to me than it should have that my things were sitting in his bedroom, and it made my heart race a little.

“So, what do you think?” he asked, breaking my stare. I turned to him and smiled.
“I love your house, it’s so quiet and clean! It’s like, the exact opposite of what I’m used to,” I ran my hand through my hair sheepishly.
“Well unfortunately, I don’t get to spend as much time here as I would like, so it tends to stay nice like this. I hope you find it accommodating nonetheless,” Ville replied with that boyish grin I loved.
“It’s beautiful,” I murmured, a blush creeping into my cheeks as he stared at me.
“So are you,” he crooned, placing his forehead against mine for a moment before dipping down to join his lips to mine again.

And then I did something I really didn’t want to do. I started crying.