Waiting For The Sun To Rise.

I had to say it; I had to tell him I’m in love with him.

“Logan, I need to tell you something.” I said, pushing his body from mine softly. His eye brows burrowed down and he growled under his breath impatiently.

“Can’t it wait?” before waiting for an answer, his body crushed down upon mine again as his lips followed suit. I let him kiss me for a few more minutes before I attempted to push him off again with little force, but his body didn’t budge. His arms brought down on either side of my head moved from their usual place and traveled down my body. His left arm pinned down my own two arms as his right traveled down my neck to my shirt, sparing no time before they went further under my shirt. I tried to say something, but his lips were pushed upon my own too fiercely. I rolled my eyes in defeat and allowed him to continue; it wasn’t like I wasn’t enjoying myself, I just finally packed up the courage to tell him those three words that would mean so much…could change so much.

I tried to lift my arms up, but they were still trapped under the force of his own left arm. So I simply laid there and kissed him back lightly. Everything was as it’s always been. We were in his room at his condo, making out on his bed. We didn’t have to worry about his parents walking in because he didn’t live with them; therefore, we had a lot of privacy. I didn’t mind though, in fact, I liked it. I smiled under his lips and continued to move my own in pattern with his. But as he continued, I felt a small pressure on my back. By the time I realized what he was doing, I couldn’t really stop him. He finally unhooked the hook to my bra and had it off in seconds, running his hands over every inch of my chest. My heart was pounding rapidly, but not from excitement.

Okay Jamie, relax. He’s put his hands under your bra plenty of times before, he just made it easier to access now. It’s not that big of a deal. We’re just making out. Yeah, just making out. I had to be crazy to believe that was Logan’s only intentions.

Keeping his left hand pinning my arms back, he removed his right hand and began to lift up my shirt. Finally, his lips left my own mouth and his eyes were focused entirely on getting that shirt over my head.

“Logan. Logan, stop! I have to tell you something important.” Logan didn’t even look at me; it was as if he didn’t hear me at all.

“Logan!” I yelled again, my heart pounding insanely again in my chest. Once again, I tried to remove my arm to no avail. By this point, my shirt was lying on the floor next to my bra and Logan smirked, wasting no time. His hands explored and his lips laid kisses everywhere.

“Logan!” This time his eyes did meet mine, but they were pouring out with annoyance.

“What?!” he snapped, going back to leaving kisses down my stomach. His lips neared the beginning of my jeans and he impatiently tried to unbutton the only button there was.

“Listen to me!” I cried, feeling very nervous all of the sudden. Logan had always been fierce and straight-forward with things like this, but never this straight-forward.

“I am.” He growled, unzipping the zipper on the jeans.
“Stop! Can you at least look at me?” I screamed, struggling under his body weight. Another growl escaped his lips and he quickly shimmied my jeans down to my ankles before finally looking at me in the eyes.

“What Jamie, what is so important that you have to tell me now?” He yelled.

“I love you, you stupid jackass!” I yelled back, tears rolling down my cheeks. This was not how I pictured this happening at all. Logan’s face took on a shade of utter surprise. His eyes grew big as he looked down upon my own face. Finally a smile grew on his own, and he leaned in closer and whispered, “Good because I love you too.” He placed a light kiss on my lips and I could feel him smiling onto my own. A sense of calm shot through me and I felt totally at ease again. But it was soon gone as Logan went back to tear the jeans from my legs.

“Logan, stop. What are we doing?” I whispered as he threw them next to my other clothes. He arched an eye brow and tossed his head back in a laugh.

“Having sex.” He said it as if it were the most normal thing in the world for us. I had no doubt in my mind that Logan wasn’t a virgin, but I sure was! This wasn’t something I just did to do. He saw the look of what I presumed to be pure fear on my face and my lips opened, ready to object. He laid a finger over my lips and smirked.
“Baby, when two people love each other, this is what they do.” He paused, narrowing his eyes for a second. He spoke as if I was a child.

“You do love me , right?”
I reached up instantly and pulled his body onto my almost completely naked one and smashed my lips onto his; my kiss was full of a fierce urgency. It screamed, of course I love you, all over it. When our lips departed from each other, Logan chuckled quietly.

“Good, show me that you love me Jamie,”

After, he shed his own clothes, and we made love.
But I’m not sure we really had a right to call it that. It was more like, we had sex. Yes I loved Logan Tyler, and I know he loves me. But we didn’t have sex because we were in love, we had sex because Logan wanted to. We had sex because he tricked me; he knew I was inexperienced with this kind of stuff and he knew that without him, I was alone (besides Joey). He knew I’d do anything to stay with him.

So, we didn’t make love; we had sex. It wasn’t magical; it was scary.
But from that night on, whenever Logan felt like having sex, we did. Because what Logan wanted, I gave to him.

“So when do you guys actually start touring?” I asked before stuffing a fry into my mouth. Gabe laughed from beside me, rolling his eyes at my eating habits.
“Three days baby!” Jack yelled, pumping his fist in the air.

“I can’t believe it’s that soon.” Pete (who is in my brother’s band, in case you forgot) said, sipping his soda. Brandon punched his arm lightly and gave him a reassuring smile.
“No worries, we’re gonna kick ass man.” We all smiled in agreement at that comment and continued finishing our food.

“I’m just glad little Jamie here came out of her room; your sister is the shit.” Jack replied, slinging a lazy arm around me in a friendly manner. I laughed and arched an eye brow towards my brother and Pete. Both of them grinned back before Brandon spoke out, “Well, it runs in the family.”

“Whatever you say.” I said, smirking. Brandon glared, making a laugh escape from my lips.
It felt nice being able to joke around with Brandon. I mean, we went years without talking to each other after dad died, and now that we finally were talking again, it just felt nice. I didn’t realize how much I missed him until now.

“We have to make these next two nights worth-while.” Gabe spoke out, raising an eye brow at Jack. He nodded his head enthusiastically and we all laughed.

“Let’s have a party tomorrow. Invite all our friends and have it in our bad ass hotel suite.” We all looked up to see Devlin (in my brothers band, in case you forgot) and Alex standing in front of our table. Everyone immediately agreed; all that was left was the invites. For the next hour or so, the guys were going through their cell phones like crazy, calling and texting everyone they knew about the party. I guess when famous people threw parties, they really threw a party.

“So Jamie, anyone in particular you’ve ever wanted to meet?” I turned around to see Victoria from Cobra Starship standing in the doorway to my room. I retreated there once we had returned from lunch and was drawing in my sketch book. I smiled warmly at her and motioned to come in. She did and took a seat on my couch, glancing down at my sketch book.

“What’dya mean?” I asked, tossing my sketch book down and stretching my arms out.
“I don’t know, any famous people you’ve always liked or something? Maybe me or one of the guys know them.” My eyes looked up at the ceiling, thinking.

“Okay, well I have always wanted to meet Bam Margera.” I paused, “or Jacoby Shaddix from Papa Roach!” I recalled, grinning at her.

She grinned back and made a check in the air with her finger.
“Got it, Bam Margera or Jacoby.” She got up and started to walk out of the room, pausing at the door. She turned her head around and added, “We should hang out before the tour starts. It’s usually just me with a bunch of guys; it should be cool having another girl around. And just so you know, be prepared. These boys are crazy when their on tours!” We both tossed our heads back and laughed. I could imagine, thinking of how crazy some of them were here already.

“So you have been warned!” She called laughing, disappearing down the hall.

[ ox ] [ xo ] [ ox ] [ xo ]

“Jamie, you almost ready?” My brother yelled from outside my door.

“Yeah, be out in a sec!” I called back, putting in my other earring. I slipped on a pair of Converse and quickly pulled out a black Avenged Sevenfold hoody. It went perfectly with my black skinny jeans. Tonight I had agreed to go out to dinner with my brother and his band, since tomorrow we all had the party and the day after that we leave to go on tour.

I walked out my door and closed it behind me. “Ready!’ I said enthusiastically, smiling at everyone.

“Okay, let’s go!” Pete said in the same tone I had used, pleased that I had agreed to go with them tonight. I looked from him, to Brandon, to Devlin.

‘Where’s Chase?” I asked.
“In the car, now let’s go!” Brandon called, swooping me up in his arms and practically carrying me out the door. Giggles escaped from my mouth as he tossed me in the backseat.

“Shot gun!” Devlin yelled, hopping in. I sat in the middle of Brandon and Pete and smiled at everyone around me. I had never really felt a part of my brother’s band, but now I did. I thought this as Pete smiled back at me and Brandon nonchalantly tossed his arm around my shoulders.

“Where to?” Chase asked from the front, glancing at us through the drivers mirror.
“Let’s just go to that pizza place on 22nd Street.” Pete suggested. Everyone agreed and we were there within minutes.

I was seated next to Pete again and the other three boys were in front of us. We got a booth near the back of the place and had just finished ordering.

“So Jamie, you must be just as excited as we are for this tour.” Chase exclaimed, giving me a warm smile. Chase had always seemed so much more mature than the others, even more mature than Brandon. And he took music more seriously than anyone I’d ever met.

“Of course, I’m super excited. You guys are going to be great.” I replied, extending a big smile to the group.
“Damn right we are.” Devlin yelled, causing us to laugh.

“So we kind of had an ulterior-motive for inviting you tonight.” Chase said after everyone had stopped laughing. I arched an eye brow towards my brother and glanced uneasily at everyone else. When I didn’t say anything Pete placed his hand over mine reassuringly and smiled.

“Don’t worry Jamie, it’s nothing bad!” he smiled kindly and patted my hand once more. And once Pete gives you that smile, you just have to smile. Pete was one of the nicest guys I’d ever met, besides Joey. I held Pete very high in my mind, on a pedestal, because I just held so much respect for him.

“Okay, what?” I asked, bracing myself for the worst. Brandon looped his arm around me again and smiled brightly.

“Well, remember when we were little and dad made us both take those singing and guitar lessons for a year?” He asked.

“Uh, yeah.” I replied, smiling at the fond memory of our father.
“You were really good Jamie.” I gave him a bewildered look and did my famous eye brow arch once again.

Brandon laughed, “The guys and I want you to sing in one of our songs.”
I could imagine what my face looked like after he had said that; so many emotions ran threw me. My eyes grew wide, full of shock and disbelief. I glanced at the guys and they all grinned back at me, assuring me this was real. I laughed for a moment and leaned my head on Brandon’s shoulder.

“Yes!” I screeched, causing other people at the restaurant to look over at our table. All the guys laughed and Pete leaned in closer to me, giving me a sideways grin. “We’re glad.” he said with sincerity.

“But what would I even sing?” I asked after I calmed down. Brandon cleared his throat from beside me and I turned to look at him. A light twinge of pink was clearly visible on his cheeks and I waited in utter curiosity. The guys all reacted with ‘aw’ sounds, making his cheeks take on a darker red shade. I giggled and poked Brandon in the stomach, making him grin.

“Well, I wrote a new song, just for us.” He said.

“Really?” I asked in surprise.
He nodded his head and smiled bashfully, the guys holding back the urge to do another fit of ‘aws’.

“And it’s a damn good song!” Devlin said, breaking the silence. I grinned at him and then turned back to my brother. He really was changing. Maybe all those promises he made to me back home weren’t bullshit. And maybe that guilt I saw wash over his eyes as we sat in my room when I was crying, maybe that was real.

I leaned in closer and hugged him, burying my head in his chest. I felt a small gasp come out from his lips, but in a matter of seconds, his arms wrapped around my own tightly and hugged back.

This was the Brandon I had missed for so many years.