Into My Arms

Rachael’s POV

The night after…the thing with me and Nick at the park…Jonathan and I put on a movie and started to watch it and eventually Nick showed up and watched it with us. The next morning I woke up in my bed in the guest room…I figured Nick carried me there. The wake started at ten in the morning and I had a bathroom in my room so I showered and changed into clothes. I didn’t see the boys until 9:45 when I went downstairs for us to leave. Nick and I glanced at each other occasionally but we didn’t speak…unless necessary. We all went to the place and Melissa’s parents were there with a few of her family members…I couldn’t walk into the room right away though.

It was open casket. I wasn’t ready for that. Nick noticed my hesitation…and he took my hand in his and led me into the room. I felt a big knot in my stomach as I saw Melissa’s lifeless body. She looked at peace. Nick and I went up to her parents and hugged them. They thanked us countless times for coming and…Melissa’s mom pulled me aside.

“Rachael…you have no idea how much this means to me that you came…you were truly Melissa’s best friend…and I know she‘s happy that you’re here…but incredibly disappointed in how much you must have cancelled to be here,” she had said and I forced a smile to her small joke about Melissa.

“It wasn’t a problem,” I mumbled as she squeezed me in her hug embrace.

She started to comfort me…but my tears weren’t just because my first ever girl best friend was laying there…lifelessly…in a casket. It was also because I haven’t been around for the past couple years to be here for Melissa when she needed me most. Some best friend I am.

We were all at the cemetery right now as the priest began to speak while the, now, closed casket was being readied to be lowered into the ground. Kayla, Brittney, Alex and Luke were there. It was a big reunion…too bad it was for this occasion. Tears were flowing down my cheeks like there was no tomorrow…and for Melissa…on Earth…there wasn’t going to be a tomorrow. I clutched onto Nick’s hand. He was standing right beside me. As the casket began to be lowered, Melissa’s mother was clutching onto Melissa’s father like the life was being ripped out of her…and Nick looked at me. He had pain in his eyes…and I couldn’t almost see him saying ‘Please don’t cry, I hate seeing you cry’…but he didn’t. Instead, he pulled me into his chest, wrapped his arms around me protectively as I cried my eyes out into his dress shirt. It was probably wrong of me to do this…to clutch onto Nick like I had this right…this right of being is girlfriend…and I had no right like that at all…not anymore.

Nick and I threw our roses onto the casket and it was lowered. After it was all over, Nick and I spent some time with our friends. Luke was still with Francesca and Alex stopped being a player and found a girl he really loves. Even Brittney and Kayla found guys…and I was ecstatic for all of them…but talking about them and their love lives…made me question my own. I don’t know when Jonathan will move on from Melissa (I hope it’s soon because I want him to be happy) but from what I’ve been hearing, I think the others have found their soul mates. Is Nick my soul mate? Or do I just want him to be? How can I tell?

But now it was time to get back to work. We said our good byes and got to our rental car. It was raining as we were driving to the air port. When we got there, Anna was there, waiting on one jet as Big Rob was waiting on another one…Nick and I faced each other.

“Nick…about the other night…when I said I hated you…and that I couldn’t wait to hate you…I just…” I started to say but I was at a loss for words.

He just shook his head and went to speak…but he seemed to be at a loss for words as well. “…I need space…

“Space,” he repeated.

“Yes…I need space…I don’t…want to hate you Nick…” I whispered. He chuckled.

“Just the other night you wanted so much to hate me and you cant wait for it to happen”

“Yow know I don’t mean it and you know I would never want to hate you…I just need space from you…and…maybe…we can go back to being…friends”

He started to move closer to me. “I’m going to hold you to that…but first…I cant let you go without kissing you first…I’ve been longing for it…”

“Longing for it huh…it’s not a good idea…”

“Well I’m sorry but I cant take no for an answer,” he whispered and before I could speak, he had one hand on the back of my head and his lips on mine.

I admit…I missed it…and I kissed back…but I pushed him away. “I hate you for making me love you,” I whispered and glared at him and stormed off to my plane.

As I sat beside Anna, I clenched onto her arm, leaning my head on her shoulder, with silent tears running down my cheeks. It wasn’t fair how he made me love him and fall for him all the time…it just wasn’t right. I turned on my phone, because I had it off for the past two days and I had a few texts.

From Demi:

Please call me Rea. Miss you tons and I want to make sure you’re alright. We have to talk.

From Taylor:

Hey hon are u ok?

From Miley:

Rachael!!! Call me!!! I think I deserve some explanation here…I miss you

From Selena:

Hey Rach…I couldn’t tell if you were still mad at me when I went up to you after your speech…I was just wondering if you were okay

From Joe:

Hey rea rea. Call me when u can and we’ll chill out

From David:

We’re all waiting for you with open arms

They were worried. This was part of the reason why I never told anyone about me having cancer…I didn’t want anyone to worry. But now they know…and now they’re worried. I’d get back to all of them later…right now…I just wanted to sleep…and pray to Melissa.

Mel…now that you’re up there…do you think that maybe…you could shine some light on what the right path for me is…just help me a little. Be my light…guide me to what I’m supposed to do.