Your Eyes Tell Me What I Need to Know

Looking at him, Katrina wasn’t sure if she should have asked that question, but it was too late to take it back. She knew that she would find out sooner or later and it would be best if it came straight from Hank.

Getting off the bed Hank turned and looked at her. “Do I love her?” he repeated he question as he paced the room while running a hand through his hair every so often. Katrina watched him as he just paced and then stopped and started again. As she was about to say something, he started to talk again.

“You just have to know Caitlin to really understand. She's like one of the guys but she's not just a tom-boy. It's more in her reactions to people, to men. She's a free spirit, she does things her way, and if you don't like it she doesn't care. I don't know how to explain it except that she just does something to me Katrina. When I'm with her it's like when you're drinking and you get tipsy. It's feels so good, but you have to be careful because if you push it too far you fall into full out drunk.”

Katrina let Hank’s words sink in. She knew what he was talking about and the way he was describing her made her feel tears come to her eyes, but she blinked them away. There was no way she was going to let him see the tears, she was supposed to be his friend and a friend didn’t cry when one was describing someone that they might have loved. She would have liked him to come out with an easy answer. A yes or a no. This was painful for her heart to hear, but Hank was her friend and she didn’t want to scare him off by being so forward about how she really felt about him.

“Do I love her? I don't think that even matters. I could give her the moon and it wouldn't be what she needs. I'm not right for her. I guess I've always known that. See I don't have what Caitlin really wants in a man. She could never be really happy with me.”

Katrina's heart felt as if it was shattering into a million pieces, but she was beginning to understand what was going on in Hank's mind. The only thing she could do is to be a friend and only a friend without any strings and no benefits besides the company of a man that seemed to have strong feelings for someone. "If you feel this strongly maybe you should try, with Caitlin."

"I can never give her what she wants Kitty. I can never be the man she needs in her life. No the only man that could ever make her happy has the last name of Staal. I'm not sure it even matters which one."

"Staal as in Marc Staal?" Katrina asked, unsure if he was referring to his teammate or one of the other Staal brothers.

"Yes. That's who Caitlin belongs with, one of the Staal boys." He paused for a moment and ran his hands through his sandy brown locks as he stopped the pacing and sat on the edge of the bed where Katrina was sitting near with her legs crossed, her eyes watching him. "She grew up with Marc and his brothers. I'd always come in second to them, and that's become very clear. It's time for me to move on Katrina. I need to let her go."

Understanding how hard it was for him to say those words, Katrina wanted to reach out and let him know that she was going to be here for him. It might have been only as a friend, but she could deal with that for now. She wouldn’t want to me a rebound girl anyways. With her eyes cast down to her hands, she could honestly say she was surprised to feel Hank pull her into a hug. With his arms wrapped around her, she did the same. Admitting about how good it felt to be in his arms, was not the direction she wanted to go. It was supposed to be strictly friends. That’s what Hank wanted, what he needed. Feeling his head on her shoulder nearly did her in. But soon he released her, although she wished he hadn’t.

Looking into his eyes, he said something she didn’t expect him to. “Thank you, Kitty.”

“For what?” Katrina asked, not understanding what he was thanking her for. She hadn’t done anything worth thanking. At least she didn’t think she hadn’t. “I haven’t done anything.”

Hank let out a laugh before placing his hands on her shoulders. “You I know I can trust. I don’t really have anyone else I can talk to. With Joel back in Sweden. I don’t think the guys would approve of me talking about it to them.”

“You can always come to me Hank,” Katrina told him. “Whose Joel?”

“He’s my brother, twin brother.”

“I bet you miss him.”

“I do, but I’ve got you, so I think I’ll be okay.”

“I really hope so.” Katrina told him as she gave him a small smile.

It was a week later when Katrina found herself in a bed with a large amount of butterflies in her stomach. Attempting to roll from her side to her back she found herself unable to move. Hank had his arm wrapped around her stomach. In the afternoon she would play her first game as part of the New York Freedom, but it was just as an exhibition match against her former team. As part of her ritual, she let Shannon stay in her home while she stayed elsewhere. It was something that she started doing within her first year as part of the Sol. Instead of checking into a hotel, Hank had offered her a place to stay.

Hearing his even breathing, Katrina figured that he was still asleep. It gave her time to think about the past week. They had talked about Caitlin and that seemed like it would have been weird, but it wasn’t. Hank seemed happy that there was someone he could talk to about that sort of thing since he didn’t want to hear his teammates talking about the times that they had been with her. It would have been so easy for Katrina to pass judgment on the girl, but that’s not what Hank wanted. He wanted her to be a friend and that’s exactly what she was, his friend.

After talking, they ended up going out to Central Park with one of the soccer balls she had in her apartment. They had started with just passing it back and forth and somehow it became a little more competitive, but it was still fun for them. After an hour, she started getting bored, so she grabbed the ball and just started to run. She ran in a different direction before peaking to make sure that Hank was chasing her and he was. When she heard him close, she turned and changed direction again. What she hadn’t been counting on was that he’d be able to catch her so fast. Still she tried to get out of his arms, but he just tightened his grip, but she didn’t give up. Lifting her off her feet, Katrina let out a surprise gasp right before Hank lost his footing and fell. Katrina couldn’t help but laugh at the situation. Hank was on top of her with his head buried in her neck.

“Why are you awake?”

“How’d you know I was awake?” Katrina asked as she moved so she was snuggled into his chest. “What time did Marc and Sam leave?”

“They didn’t,” Hank said as he yawned. “They stayed in the other room.”

“Any particular reason?”

“They have tickets for your game.”

“They what?” Katrina asked as her head snapped up and she sat up. “They have tickets to what game?”

“The one you play later today.”

“I don’t wanna go.”

“Still nervous about facing your old team?” Hank asked her.

“Its more than that,” Katrina sighed. “These girls know my moves, the way I think, the way I play and now I’m no longer part of them.”

“If you were you wouldn’t be here, now.”

“Laying in your bed?”

“I meant living in New York.”

“With two friends.”

“Four.”

“Four?” Katrina asked.

“You think Sam and Marc are friends with everyone?” Hank laughed as he gently yanked on her arm which caused her to fall back onto the bed. “Marc sees enough of me. Every practice, every game, no they don’t come here for me.”

“I come here for you,” Katrina smiled as she moved to grab her phone from beside table on Hank’s side of the bed, but he grabbed her arm stopping her. “I wanna check something.”

“You made me promise no phone stuff,” Hank reminded her as she continued to try and get out of his hold. “You don’t want to make me break that promise, do you?”

“It will help with my nerves though,” Katrina said as she ended up straddling him and sitting on his lower stomach. “Please.”

Looking into his eyes, Katrina had the biggest urge to kiss him, but she didn’t. But boy did she want to. Instead she rolled off him and laid next to him. Hank took his hand and laced his fingers with hers. Katrina gave his hand a squeeze. “What if I mess up? What if I can’t score? What if they know what I do before I do?”

“No what ifs,” Hank told her. “There are too many to think about. What you need to think about is playing with your team. That’s all.”

“What time do you think you are going to leave?”

“I probably should go shortly,” Katrina said. “After I eat something. Can’t play on an empty stomach, well I guess I could, but it wouldn’t be a good thing.”

“Do you want me to drive you?”

“Abby is picking me up here,” Katrina sighed. “Unless for some reason I can’t play.”

“Your team needs you to play,” Hank said brushing her hair out of her eyes. “Together as a team you will do great things. But you have to play for that to happen.”

“What if I can’t connect with the other girls on the field?”

“No what ifs,” Hank reminded her. “I’ll have a surprise for you after the game.”

“Win or lose?”

“Win or lose.” Hank said as he got up and out of the bed.

“Finally the whole bed to myself!” Katrina shouted as she sat up and flopped back. She couldn’t help but giggle to herself. “I never want to leave this bed.”

“Well you’ll have to if you want to get paid again.”

“Fine.” Katrina said not moving.

“I’ll be out there eating if you get hungry.”

Katrina rolled her eyes as she slid out of bed and followed Hank to the kitchen. Once she looked at the clock she looked at Hank in surprise. “I didn’t realize it was so late. Shit, Abby is gonna be here soon.”

Grabbing her hand, he raised it up and he placed a kiss on her wrist. It was a sign that he wanted her to calm down. “Go get dressed and I’ll make you something to go.”

“You’re the best Hank.” Katrina said throwing her arms around his shoulders and hugging him.

Letting him go, she walked to the bedroom and shut the door before changing into her arrival outfit. The butterflies in her stomach doubled and she was really starting to doubt her ability to play against the Los Angeles Sol. Maybe the coach wouldn’t make her. She could be a substitute for her first game. But for some reason, Katrina didn’t see that happening. Someone had told her the game was entirely sold out; she just hoped that she wouldn’t be a disappointment to those that were counting on her to give the New York team a win. Al though it didn’t count for anything in the point system, this game was not only important to Katrina, but to the team, it would show just how the season would be when it started and how well some of the players truly meshed together in a match.

There was absolutely nothing anyone could tell her or say to make her less nervous. It hopefully would disappear when the whistle blew. At least that’s what she was counting on. Playing her hairbrush in the bag, she walked out of Hank’s bedroom and tossed it on the floor next to the door so she could grab it on her way out. The nerves were definitely working overtime on her and there was no use in hiding it. “I better see your phone still in the room.”

“It’s there,” Katrina smiled at him. “I took yours if I need to call someone I’ll call my phone.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Hank smiled as he placed a plate of eggs and fruit in front of her. “I’ll get you something to drink. Orange juice? Water?”

“Apple juice?” Katrina requested.

“I do believe I have that.” Hank said taking a container out of his fridge and placing it on the table before going back to the kitchen to get some glasses.

They ate their meal in silence. And then Katrina left to meet Abby downstairs so they could get their together.