Breathe

“I love you,” I said simply, burying my face into the chest that currently provided me safety and protection

“I love you too, hon,” He responded slowly running his fingers through my hair.

I looked up and made eye contact with the boy whose arms were around my shoulders. Bright green eyes stared back into me with a sort of kindness I’ve never seen before, mirroring my own reflection staring with a soft smile on my face. One that says maybe I can’t believe I am where I am. Being loved by the one that I have chased after so long, the one that held by my side so strong when things weren’t going right.

“I’d better get to practice,” I said, reluctantly breaking the grip and grabbing coarse, callused hands instead, “I love you,”

“Come here,” He responded, pulling me back into his arms and letting his lips rest softly against my forehead, “I’ll call you later ok? I love you,” he murmured backing up to head to the restroom.

I walked the short distance to the music room, all smiles and bragged about my amazing boyfriend. The one that everyone says I deserve.

Fast forward a few hours and we’re talking on the phone. Only, something is different in the mood of the conversation and his overall tone. Something is wrong, I know it is, but what could it be? A bad meeting with the recruiter or arguments with the parents are the only things that I can think of that would make him act so gloomy and down.

“What’s wrong James? You don’t sound so well,” I ask as I steal away to my room and push the privacy button on the phone.

“I’m still mourning over Marie.” He said quietly.

Of course, Marie is his on again off again girlfriend over the past two years. His first love; of course he is still upset about them permanently splitting up, after all, I can count the days its been since they broke up on two hands.

“That’s good,” I said lying back on the pillows of my soft bed.

“Good?”

“Of course, I know you love her. I’m fully aware of that, and I’m going to be here for you no matter what,” I promised.

We said our goodbyes and I repeated “I love you” so many times it had to be pounded into his brain so he couldn’t forget.

I will never forget the fact that I went to bed that night with a feeling of guilt like no other. A dragon sleeping soundly in my gut waiting for the right opportunity to come and take a bite out of my heart, that would take forever to heal.

The next morning was bitterly cold, especially for October where we are usually greeted with lukewarm temperatures.

Standing with James’ group of friends was especially awkward, because here he is, avoiding my gaze and not making physical or mental contact with anyone standing around him. Not his two best friends, Dusty and Zane, and definitely not his own girlfriend.

“I love you,” I whispered over the lump in my throat telling me something terrible is going to happen.

“Love you too,” he responded bluntly, quickly shifting his eyes away from me.

I carefully brushed my fingers along his arms and grabbed his hand softly, only this time, no response came. His hand just hung at his side, limp and cold.

After about a half hour of complete silence out of James, the bell finally rang to go to class. A mournful tone letting the students know it was time to retreat into the toasty warm classrooms to begin our daily routines.

“Guys, I need to talk to Em for a minute please,” He said pulling me aside.

Dusty and Zane hugged me tightly, trying to not let me see the looks of pity that plastered their faces before walking to class quietly.

“What’s wrong James?” I asked, my hands now shaking out of fear and the dragon in my gut waking up.

“Come here,” He said pulling me into a tight embrace, “I cant be with you right now, Em. I’m, sorry.”