Breathe

"What are you doing here?"

"That wasn't necessarily the greeting I was hoping for, but hi." I pushed my fingers through my dark hair, and sighed.

"What happened? Did he hurt you?"

"No."

Anthony looked at me, his eyes full of sympathy. I hated it. It wasn't what I needed. "Then why are you here, Sarah? I mean, there's got to be another reason you just drove like, four hours."

"I couldn't take it anymore."

--*

Jake, get your ass back here. This is ridiculous.

He felt the cold mud underneath his feet as he walked. The rain had subsided hours ago. After having isolated himself from the rest of the world, he had gone home to get clothing, and then it was straight back into the woods.

I can't, Sam, he groaned. I have to find her.

God dammit, Jacob. There is nothing you can do. She's gone.

Don't say that! Jacob fell to the ground, his knees sinking into the mud. Don't you dare say that, Sam.

The truth hurts.

Jacob pulled his hair, stifling a yell. He refused to believe that Sarah had left. It didn't make any sense to him. He hadn't hurt her, had he? He had never told a lie, never took advantage of her.

What was it?

Jacob stood up, and started back in the direction that he came. If there was nothing he could do to bring her back, then he wasn't going to do anything at all.

--*

"You have to go back to Port Angeles," Julia said. The three of us were sitting at a table in our favorite restaurant, Fedora's. A small Italian man owned it, and did most of the cooking himself. It didn't get very busy here.

"I can't." I poked at my pizza.

"Have you called him?" It was Anthony who spoke. I looked at him, my insides squirming with discomfort. "Have you even made an attempt to let him know that you're ok?"

"He's fine. Jacob will be fine."

"Sarah, don't be like this." Julia reached for my hand, but I pulled it away, tucking it underneath my leg.

"I'll be whatever the fuck I want to be. I don't want to talk about it." My body shook.

"You can't do this to him."

"Fuck you, Anthony."

--*

"Jake, you have to do something. You've been sitting around the house for a month."

He grumbled, and rolled over onto his side. For the past week or so, Jacob's father seemed diligent to get him outside for some fresh air. Sam and the pack had tried for the first couple of weeks, but he wasn't interested. There was absolutely nothing that anyone could tell him that would make Jacob come out of his room.

He had always wondered what it felt like to have an imprint reject you. Now, he knew.

"Jacob, it really upsets me to see you like this."

"Go away, Dad," Jacob said, reaching over from his bed and closing his door. "Leave me alone."

--*

I hated this. It was like I was carrying the weight of the whole fucking world on my shoulders. I wanted to get away from it all - instead I seemed to find something worse.

"Sarah?" Mom looked at me from across the living room. "Didn't you have plans with Anthony and Julia?"

"I canceled."

"Why?"

"Didn't feel like going out."

She sighed, and I clenched my jaw in an attempt to hold my tongue. I knew what she was going to say. "You never feel like going out."

Ding ding ding.

"Yeah, that's because I just don't feel like it. Why doesn't anybody seem to understand that?" I stood, and climbed the stairs up to my bedroom, slamming the door behind me.

--*

"Jake."

"What?"

"Look at me."

He did, taking in the deep, long scars of Emily's face. It had never once ceased to remind him of what could have happened to Sarah. Sam had to live with it every day, knowing that it was something he could take back. Jacob would've never forgiven himself if he had hurt Sarah.

His huge, brown eyes met Emily's. "What?" Jacob's voice was stiff.

"She said she was sorry."

His eyes fell to his hands. "I know."

--*

The temptation to pick up the phone and call him was all too overwhelming. Countless times had I even picked up the phone, only to chicken out and put it back onto it's cradle.

It was pathetic.

"Julia, what do you think of me?"

We sat in her bedroom, a bowl of popcorn between us and a movie in front. She looked at me. "What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean."

"Do you want the honest truth or the sugar coated one?"

"Fuck me with honesty."

"I just think you're scared."

--*

Two months.

Jacob knew he was probably never going to imprint again, and it pissed him off. Sarah wasn't coming back. He had to face that fact. It was hard, but he had to do it.

"She's cute," Embry said, nudging Jacob gently in the side.

"Yeah, that's what you said about the last hundred girls that we've seen today." They had been roaming around the mall for around three hours now, trying to find something to do.

"Really, Jake? You don't think any of them are even remotely attractive?"

"No." At least, not like Sarah was. But he wasn't going to admit that.