Breathe

This was almost like a dream, and I wanted to wake up.

"Sarah?" Jacob brushed his fingers across my cheek. It was late, and I was ready to fall asleep at any moment. We had left Sam and Emily's a while ago, a few hours after Bella, Edward, and Alice did. The other guys were still there, most likely running around the yard, rough housing and catching all of the midnight dew in their lungs.

"Hmm?" I wriggled myself up against him, pulling my sheet over us. It had been only after some persuasion that Jacob decided to stay, at least for a while. So here we were: lying side by side in my double bed.

"Are you alright?"

I looked at him, then said, "I'm ok."

"I miss us," he whispered, after a long, drawn out silence.

"Me too."

"I'm sorry." Jacob kissed my cheekbone, but before he could move too far away, I caught his lips with my own. It took him by surprise, and for a moment, it was almost as if he wasn't sure what to do. But soon enough, we were kissing harder than we ever had. Both of us had been so deprived of each other that it was almost overwhelming.

I took a handful of his shirt and pulled his shoulder towards me. Jacob and I had promised to each other that we wouldn't do anything until we were both comfortable enough, but with Jacob, I had no idea when that would be. He pulled himself over me, and his body temperature started to make me sweat.

My fingers twirled the hair on the back of his neck. I felt a familiar sensation between my legs, and when Jacob found the hem of my shirt, it was almost like it had multiplied by ten. He slowly pushed my shirt up, every inch of my skin tingling from his touch.

I wriggled underneath his weight, tugging at his shirt. With one swift movement, he took it off, and a quiet moan escaped my lips. Jacob was beautiful, and I often times found myself staring at him in awe. His unnatural muscles, the red-tan skin, and the dark brown eyes. It all captivated me.

Jacob pushed my shirt up, and then, to my discontent, he stopped. I bit down on my lip and my eyes followed him as he pushed himself away. I sat up, the edge of my shirt still rolled up above my belly button. Sighing, I tried not to let it upset me.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "It's still weird for me."

"Of course it is," I contorted, pushing my shirt down to where it belonged.

"Don't get upset about it, Sarah," Jacob whined. He sat up beside me and rubbed my back gently. I slid off of the bed, and went over by my window, where he had snuck in through countless times before. It was still open, and the late, dewey air was refreshing.

"I just don't understand, Jake," I said after a long moment of silence. "I have to live with knowing that I hurt you every day. This just makes it seem even more that you're trying to punish me for what I did."

"That's not true."

"Well then why do you act like it? You hardly touch me anymore, Jake. And never when we're around other people." I looked at him across the dark bedroom. Jacob sighed, and I tried to hold myself from saying anything that'd make him upset. "Why can't we just go back to being the Jake and Sarah we were?" It was almost rhetorical.

"You know that I love you."

"You never show it."

I heard Jacob sigh heavily, and the sheets rustled as he stood up. The normally squeaky floorboards were quiet, and when he wrapped his arms around my waist from behind, it took me by surprise. "I have a lot on my mind. Don't be mad."

I pressed my lips together, and tried to piece together my thoughts. It had been a long day, and I had a lot to think over. The images of Bella, Alice, and Edward flooded my mind. "Are you still in love with Bella?"

"What?"

I turned, pressing my palms against his chest. I looked him in the eye. "You heard me."

"You think I'm still in love with her?" He laughed. "Sarah, I promise that there is nothing there. Yes, I still care about her, but not romantically. I love you." He brushed my hair out of my eyes and kissed my forehead. "I love you more than anything."

I sighed, and kissed him, our lips touching for only a brief moment. "I love you, too, Jake. I'm sorry for.. being so weird."

Jacob smiled, and shook his head. "You're not weird. It's fine."

"It's just.. the way you talked about her on the beach when I first met you, and the way you acted around her, I just -"

"Sarah, you don't have to explain yourself. It's alright." He kissed my nose, and pulled me up against him in a tight hug. "Don't worry about it."

*

Taking a deep breath, I climbed out of the car and made my way up the driveway. It'd been a while since my last visit, and I wasn't exactly sure how they were going to react. But, I wasn't up for another situation like Julia and Anthony. I didn't want to leave anyone in the dark anymore.

I pressed the doorbell, and expected the worst. The situation could turn out two different ways: I could be totally understood and forgiven, or have the door slammed in my face. The front door opened, and before I could speak, I was stumped by a, "what the hell are you doing here?"

"Hey, Ophelia."

The blue-eyed girl stared at me, and moved out of the way to let me in. "You better have a good explanation as to why you weren't around this whole summer," she said, closing the door behind me.

"Yeah, about that." We sat in the living room, her on the couch and me in the recliner. "I went back to Portland for three months. It was a stupid decision, because I didn't tell anyone where I was going, and no one knew where I was until about a week later. I had to have my mom call because I was scared." I watched her expression. "There's been a lot of weird stuff going on in my life, and I can't explain to you what, or why, but it just has. And I'm really sorry that I didn't talk to you. I just want you to know that."

Ophelia crossed her arms, and sighed heavily. "How come you didn't sign up for school?"

"It's not like I'm going to go to college," I said, smiling a little. "Yeah, I know. Reprimand me. Do whatever."

"Sarah, you're a piece of work, but we were friends for a reason, right?" Ophelia smirked. "I really hate you for ditching me, but I guess I'll get over it soon enough."