I'll Never Say I Love You

The week passed by quickly. I went shopping with Kate, Janice and Melissa after school on Wednesday so that we could pick out our dresses, shoes and whatnot for the Valentines Dance. It was times like these with my girlfriends that I loved – walking around the shops chatting, trying on a million different outfits and eventually going to Mum’s cafe for drinks and cakes. We sat in a shadowed corner of the cafe eating and drinking, with Cass closing the store around us. When the four of us were done we helped close as well, then we all went our separate ways. When I got home, Alex was waiting for me on my bed.

‘What are you doing here?’ I asked.

“You abandoned me, Tahara,” Alex answered dramatically. “If I don’t get to spend quality time with you, I’ll die a little bit inside, Tahara!”

I rolled my eyes at him. ‘Please. You just wanted some of Mum’s cooking.’

Alex stood up and looked at me with a serious look. “True as that may be, I enjoy spending time with you as well. I’m sleeping over.”

I sighed. ‘Fine. But I have homework to do, so you’re going to have to amuse yourself.’

“You expect me to do homework without you?” Alex asked with a laugh. “That’s a good one, Tahara.”

Alex and I spent the evening together doing our homework. Once it was all done we lay down on my bed to watch Mrs. Doubtfire together. Partway through the movie, Alex turned onto his side and faced me.

“How’re things with that boy-thing of yours?” he asked casually.

I gave him a stern look. ‘His name is Kyle, and he’s my boyfriend,’ I reminded him for what felt like the fiftieth time.

“Yeah, that’s what I said,” Alex said dismissively. “So, how are things with the boy-thing?”

I thought about it for a moment. ‘We’re getting along really well, and we really like each other,’ I answered eventually. We had been spending an increasing amount of time together talking and getting to know each other, and I now knew a few of the guys he played basketball with. As Kew had said, the time I spent watching him play was going up, but I didn’t mind. My girls didn’t seem too bothered by it. A little miffed, perhaps, but not bothered.

“Kissed him yet?”

I spluttered. ‘Why the hell would you ask that, Alex?’ I asked.

“I’m just curious!” Alex said defensively. “I need to know how serious you guys are!”

‘How the hell would that affect you?’ I demanded.

“I, I...” Alex faltered, but looked thoughtful, as though he was planning what to say. “I guess I’m just a little protective of you, Tahara. If you’re getting serious then I need to be on my guard. Remember, if he hurts you, I have to hurt him. It’s man law.”

I rolled my eyes at him. ‘Sure, whatever,’ I signed. ‘You have fun with that.’

Alex shifted. “How would he react if he knew that we were together right now, lying down on your bed together watching a movie?” he asked quietly.

I blushed at what Alex was implying Kyle would think. ‘I’m honestly not sure,’ I admitted. ‘He would be a little jealous, I guess? Maybe?’

“Jealousy is an evil thing,” Alex replied, shaking his head in mock disdain and tutting. “Be careful.”

I backhanded him on the arm. ‘I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself,’ I signed.
Alex shrugged and went back to watching the movie. Why did he shrug? Did he think I was incapable of taking care of myself? What was it with people thinking that lately? Was I walking around unknowingly with a giant sign on my back that said ‘Treat me like a lost little girl’?

We finished watching the movie and Alex went to sleep on the futon. We walked to school together the next morning, laughing as we walked onto school grounds together. We went to our lockers together, where Kyle joined us.

“Good morning, Tahara,” he said, standing next to me.

I gave a small wave. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Alex rummaging through his locker and deliberately ignoring Kyle.

“So, am I going to see you at the basketball courts at recess?” Kyle asked hopefully.

I nodded and smiled.

“See you then,” Kyle said happily as he walked away.

“Whip-crack,” Alex said, chortling.

I raised an eyebrow. ‘Excuse me?’

“You know how horrible my attempt at making real whipping noises sounds is.”

I nodded. It was horrible. Thank God he hadn’t attempted it for quite some time now.

“Anyway, he obviously has you twisted around his finger. Normally the girls whip the guys, but he has you whipped. And you say you haven’t even kissed yet? Wow. You’re screwed, Tarie.”

I threw a pen at him. ‘I’ve had enough of your snide remarks and your intrusion on my relationship, Alex! Keep your nose out of it!’

I slammed my locker shut and walked to my class. Behind me, I heard Alex let out a loud sigh. Well, it served him right. He was getting way too personal. I had never gotten this involved in any of his relationships, even though I had loved him and wished the relationships would fall apart; why should he get involved in mine?

I greeted Melissa with a nod at Science. She didn’t notice that I was upset; she was too busy telling me about how some guy in the grade above us named James was taking her to the Valentines Dance. I was excited for her, I was, but the thing with Alex was just really getting to me. The gossiping about James continued in Social Studies, where Kate and Janice joined in as the four of us tried to figure out exactly who he was from the limited information we had on him. I was involved, but I didn’t put my heart and soul into it. When the bell rang to signal that recess was upon us, the four of us stood to leave.

“You coming with us today, Tahara?” Kate asked.

I shook my head sadly.

Melissa let out an annoyed sigh. “Seriously, Tahara? This is the third day in a row you’ve ditched us for recess. Surely you of all people can achieve a better balance for this?”

I shrugged.

Kate gave me a pointed look. “We’ll see you for lunch, right?”

“I will make sure of it,” Melissa promised.

The three of them walked away and I was left alone and sad as I made my way to my locker.

***

I spent lunch that day, and both recess and lunch the following day, with the girls. Alex and I still spent Thursday afternoon together, pretending that nothing had happened between us that morning. Alex did seem to have gotten the hint though. Friday afternoon, the girls and I went to my house to get ready for the Valentines Dance together. It was quarter to seven before all four of us girls were completely ready. My silk dress was sun yellow and strapless, with a fitted bodice. The bottom half had a glittery mesh overlay, poofing out a little bit, and stopped at the knees. Yes, I know I just said poofing, which I’m not sure is a word. It can be for now, at any rate. My hair was down, with around six tonne of hair spray in it so that not a single hair should move during the night. Kate wore a fitted, full-length, plain silver spaghetti-strap dress. Janice a similar dress, the only differences being that hers was red, with a more plunging neckline. Melissa, never one to be conservative, was wearing a crimson pink mini dress. The four of us and my parents sat in the lounge room waiting for Kyle to pick me up, Melissa’s date James to pick her up, and Kate’s mum to pick up her and Janice.

“When’s this boy getting here?” Dad asked gruffly.

‘Any minute now,’ I answered. As if on cue, the doorbell rang. Janice, nearest to the door, peeked through the eye hole to see who it was.

“It’s Kyle!” she whispered excitedly, then ran to join the other girls. “Good luck Tahara!” they chorused in a whisper, clapping their hands excitedly and quietly at the same time. I beamed at them, standing up.

“Tahara, we want to meet him!” Mum hissed as I slung my jacket over my shoulder.

“Amanda,” Dad said softly.

‘You might meet him some other time. I’ll see you later tonight,’ I signed once I was organised.

Before she could get another word in, I practically ran to the front door. I opened the door and stepped outside, swiftly shutting it behind me.

“In a hurry?” Kyle asked.

My jaw dropped as I looked at him. Sure, he always looked gorgeous with that face of his, but tonight he looked unbelievable. He wore a turquoise button up shirt that made his eyes turn bluer than what I had ever seen them. His smile was bigger than any I had ever seen on him before, causing his entire face to light up. He also looked more relaxed than what he did at school, yet apprehensive at the same time. Was I intimidating him?

I blushed slightly when I realised I was staring, but felt better when I saw that his jaw had literally dropped at the sight of me. I felt rather smug.

“You look fabulous,” he said, meeting my eyes.

‘Thanks,’ I signed.

“Shall we?”

He extended his arm, and I linked mine through it and allowed him to lead me to the front of the unit complex. He directed me towards the back seat of an old sedan, opening the door for me. I slid in, trying to be graceful and failing miserably. I couldn’t pull off graceful normally; how was I expected to do it in a dress and heels?

“Dad, this is Tahara,” Kyle said as I slid in. “Tahara, this is my dad, Stan.”

Stan turned and looked at me, and I struggled to reign in my gasp. I was expecting someone less...ratty, for lack of a better word. He looked to be in his mid-forties facially, but the tufts of mousy brown curls left on his balding head, the yellow stains I could see on what teeth he had left when he smiled, and the beer gut I could see under his stained white singlet all made him look significantly older.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Tahara,” he said gruffly, extending his blister-covered hand. I smiled pleasantly and shook his hand gently.