Alone With the Sunrise

Three Weeks Later...

I’m starting to give up hope on this whole thing. I think I forgot how to talk, it’s been so long. I should just not even try anymore. Every time I open my mouth and try to say something, there’s no sound, just air. Maybe I just lost my voice all together.

But if I give up, I’d be disappointing Ella and Joel. They’re both supporting me so much, and to let them down would make me feel horrible.

Not to mention the huge fan base that’s been forming around the music that I’ve recorded and put on myspace. They’d be really disappointed if I just disappeared.

I sighed, deciding against giving up, thinking about all the people that I’d let down and disappoint. I decided to tune Joel back in.

“So, you and Ella, eh? What’s so different about her that you decide that she’s worth a chance? Is she different than everyone else?”

I smiled, sighed, and nodded, showing him my notebook.

He gasped a little, patting me on my back. “That’s so awesome, dude! I really hope this all goes through. I hate your muteness because one, you don’t write music anymore, and two, I always feel like I’m talking to a wall whenever I talk to you because you don’t respond. Haven’t you been working on this for a while, though? Shouldn’t you be at least speaking?”

I elbowed him a little and walked into our second hour, and Ella waving. I waved back, smiling. Over these past weeks with her helping me, I’ve become really attached to Ella. She’s so perfect and outgoing. I want her to be mine, but I want to be able to ask her with my voice, not through paper and pen. I went through the whole day, hoping that everything would work out like I was hoping, so I could ask Ella to be my girlfriend, my first girlfriend in a year.

“Alright, ready to get your talk on?” Ella said, smiling, walking with me out to the parking lot.
I smiled and shrugged.

“Did you drive here?” She asked.
I nodded.

“Alright, then I’ll follow you to your house in my car.”

I nodded and went to my car, backing out of my spot while Ella followed me out of the parking lot to my house.

I was starting to feel a little nervous about this whole situation. I don’t know if I want to start talking, but I know that it’d make Ella, Joel and my parents happy. And I’d probably be a lot happier, and I’d be able to actually sing the songs I’ve written over the past year. I have one ready that would be perfect for Ella.

We pulled into the driveway and went into my house and up to my room. She sat on my bed while I cleaned up my room a little and pulled out my guitar for the first time in a year and pulled the notebook I threw away out of my garbage. I sat on my bed, got the guitar out of it’s case and tuned it, then turned to the page with lyrics for the song Cute. I turned to the blank page opposite the lyrics and wrote to Ella:

I’m hoping today’s the day. I wanna get my voice back today through singing.

She smiled and nodded. “We can do that.” She gestured to the guitar and my lyrics. “Go ahead. Try it.”

I took in a deep breath and cleared my throat, playing the guitar part for Cute, originally meant for the ukelele. As I was playing, I kept thinking of Ella and how well the song fit her. I opened my mouth to sing, and nothing came out. I couldn’t do it. I threw my guitar aside and hid my face in my arms.

“It’s okay, Stephen. It’s not like I was expecting you to get it on the first try, and you shouldn’t have been expecting it either.”

I grabbed my notebook.

It’s not that I couldn’t do it, it’s that...I didn’t want to. It’s still so hard.

She gave me a compassionate look. “Maybe we should just start with talking again, and then work up to singing...”

I shook my head, then grabbed my guitar again, strumming it, turning to another song that wouldn’t remind me so much of anyone, Small Town Celebrity. I started the fast pace guitar, and felt like I could actually do it this time. I had confidence in myself. I took in a deep breath before singing.

I saw you in your car
You’re on your way to Hollywood so you can go look beautiful somewhere else
And I never thought a small town girl like you
Would get past Wisconsin views...

I stopped, overjoyed, and slightly surprised at my own voice. I haven’t heard it in a year. I was also slightly out of breath, since I haven’t sang in so long.

Ella clapped and hugged me. “Oh my god, Stephen! You did it!”

I squeezed her tightly and pulled her away from me, staring into her eyes. I was hoping that this worked. I cleared my throat, still staring into her amazing eyes.

“Ella.” I said, my voice even weirder when I talked.

She gasped and smiled. I swear I saw tears in her eyes. “Stephen?”

“I..I think it’s safe to say...that I’ve fallen head over heels in love with you.” I said, surprised that my words didn’t come out all conjumbled and messed up, even though the beginning was a bit off.

She giggled and hugged me again.

“Will you go out with me?” I asked.

“Are you sure?” She asked into my shoulder.

I leaned her away from me, staring into her eyes again. “You brought my voice back, you put up with me, and I can’t help but say that I love you. You’re my first love since Elizabeth, and I really want you to say yes.”

She smiled and blushed. “Yes, Stephen Jerzak, I will be your girlfriend.”

I smiled uncontrollably, leaning in closer to her lips, hoping that it wasn’t too early to kiss her. Obviously it wasn’t because she met me the rest of the way.

“Can you play me the song you first tried singing?” She asked.

I smiled. “Absolutely. I...kinda wrote it for you.”

She situated herself on my bed, beaming while I played the opening guitar part again. This time the words actually came out, and it felt so amazing to be able to do this again.

Your eyes are blue like the ocean
Baby I’m lost out at sea
Did the sun just come out
Or did you smile at me?
I’ve been trying to ask you
But I can’t seem to speak
Was it love at first sight
‘Cause I walked by last week
I’m singing fa la la la la
Your lips look so lonely
Would they like to meet mine?
You’re the one that I’ve been hoping to find
You’re so sweet that you put Hershey’s out of business
Can I have a photograph to show my friends that angels truly exist
I’m singing fa la la la la

And you’re as cute as a button
The things you do sure are somethin’
Are you running out of breath
From running through my head all night?

“And that’s all I’ve got right now. It’s not much, but it’s the best I can do.”

“I think it’s amazing in every way.” Ella said, kissing me again. “I’m so glad you’re talking again. We should call Joel, he’d be really excited to hear this.”

I smiled. “Okay.” I took my phone out of my pocket and opened it, the numbers so worn away from only texting. I scrolled to Joel’s number and hit the rarely used send button.

Joel answered after the third ring. “Stephen? Why are you calling?” He asked, extremely confused.

“Well what do most people do on the phone?” I asked, smiling uncontrollably.

He gasped, saying nothing.

“Now who’s speechless?” I said.

“Dude, just...oh my...I don’t even know what to say...” I swear I heard him sniffle a little bit. “This could very well be the happiest day of my life. It’s so awesome to hear your voice.”

“It’s so weird, like, moving my mouth and actually hearing myself.”

“Good weird or bad weird?” He asked.

“Good. Very good.” I said, looking at Ella, smiling.

“I’m coming over.” Joel said.

“Okay.”

He hung up and I shut my phone. I laughed a little. “It’s funny. Earlier today I was thinking about just giving up on this whole thing. I thought I’d never have a voice again.”

“I’m glad you didn’t.” Ella said softly, playing with my hair.

I looked at her and smiled. “I’m glad, too.” I gasped a little. “I need to put new music on my myspace. I know everyone’s been waiting so long to hear new stuff. Joel needs to hurry up so we can get recording.”

“Well I’m here, so lets get going!” He said, standing in the doorway.

I got up and he practically bombarded me with a hug. “No more wall. More music.” He said.

“Lets do it.” I said, grabbing my guitar while Joel set up all the electronics.

“What song are you gonna do?” Joel asked.

“Small Town Celebrity. That’s the only one I have finished.” I said, practicing the guitar part and humming the lyrics, since I haven’t played through the whole thing, but Joel helped put the music together for it.

“You wanna practice before we do this?” He asked.

“No, lets just get it over with.” I said.

“1, 2, 3.” He counted off, then it started recording, which is when I started playing. I gave this everything I had as the first song I’ve released to my fans in a year.

Once it was over, I thought I was gonna pass out. I felt really light headed.

“Whoa, whoa, Stephen. You alright?” Joel asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just haven’t done that in a while. I’m gonna have to get used to this.”

“Hell yeah you are, because I’m gonna start calling places and booking you for shows. I am not gonna let this talent go to waste.”

I waved him away and got up. “Yeah, yeah.” I went over to my computer and minimized the recording program Joel had going and went onto my myspace, which I hadn’t done in months. I had so many comments and friend requests that it was slightly overwhelming. All the comments were telling me how amazing my music was and why I haven’t put any up in a while and how they “miss me”. I started getting teary-eyed, smiling. After I approved and read everything, I posted a blog about my whereabouts.

Hey guys. Sorry I’ve been gone so long. I know it’s been a year, but I have good reasons. My girlfriend of 4 years died in a car accident about a year ago, and after that happened, I lost my voice. Literally. I didn’t speak. I became a turtle and didn’t come out of my shell, until recently. I have my friends to thank for helping me through all of this, and after reading all of your comments and seeing all the nice things you had to say about me and my music, you’ve inspired me to keep going and bring my voice back. Now I’m back and ready to go. Expect a bunch of new tunes and possibly some tour dates coming very soon.

I love you all <3

–stephenjerzak

I hit post and felt accomplished.

“Your parents are gonna be so shocked.” Ella said.

I gasped. “I totally forgot about them! They should be home soon.”

“That sounded great, Stephen. Forgetting about your parents. Awesome.” Joel said.

“Shut up, I don’t see them much ‘cause I’m usually up here...”

“Moping, doing whatever you do...” Ella said, a joking smirk on her face.

“I didn’t mope around all the time...I wrote a lot of music too.” I pointed out my notebooks on the side of my bed, most of them filled with songs and parts of songs and flops and random doodles and anything else you could think of.

“Alright, I gotta edit a little on this recording, but nothing too major. Just some static issues from when you got really loud.” Joel said, listening to the recording on the computer through headphones.

“Alright, let me listen when it’s all done.” Ella said. “In the meantime...are you suuuure that’s all you have for Cute? I saw a lot more written in your notebook than what you sang..” She asked, tracing patterns on my knee.

I blushed a little. “I don’t think that it’s that good. I think the song is gonna be another one of my flops.” I said.

“It can’t be, it’s so good so far. Just play me the rest of it, please? I’ll tell you if it’s good or not.” She pleaded.

I sighed, picking up my guitar again. “Fine. I’ll play the rest of it.” I started at the chorus and when the second verse came along, I started getting embarrassed.

Is there something in your eye?
Oh wait, it’s just a sparkle
Can you get a little closer and help me out a little bit
Because I scrapped my knee a-falling for you
Oh baby a kiss will do
And I’m singing fa la la la la

And you’re as cute as a button
The things you do sure are somethin’
Are you running out of breath
From running through my head all night?

I’m falling in love, and wouldn’t I like to think so
And every night I look at the stars out my window
And hope I can see the one that we saw together
It was just you and me, and honestly
I’ll look for that star forever

And you’re as cute as a button
The things you do sure are somethin’
Are you running out of breath
From running through my head all night?

I ended it and shrugged. “I don’t think it’s that good.”

Both Ella and Joel were staring at me with their mouths hanging open, like they just saw some huge celebrity or something.

“What?” I asked.

“Dude, get that shit recorded. That’s going up with Small Town Celebrity.” Joel got the recording stuff set up again.

“Hold on, I need my uke for this. It’s supposed to be on uke.” I said, grabbing it out of the corner of my room, tuning it quickly, then giving Joel a thumbs up.

He smiled. “3,2,1.” He started, and I started. It definitely sounded better with the uke.

On the last chorus, I saw the door open and mom and dad poked their heads in, absolutely astonished. I didn’t know if they were more surprised at my singing or just the fact that I was talking again. They stayed quiet until we were done recording, then my mom came into the room, ecstatic.

“Oh my god, Stephen!” She said, practically breaking down into my shoulder.

“Mom, no need to get the water works going.” I said, laughing a little, rubbing her back.

“I’m just so happy.” She said, leaning away from my shoulder. “It’s good to hear you talking again. Maybe next you’ll get a girl.” She said, smiling, wiping her tears away.

I looked at Ella and she came up beside me, lacing her fingers with mine. My mom gasped, but calmed down almost instantly, putting on a warm smile. “I’m so proud of you, Stephen.”

I blushed and looked at the ground. “Thanks, mom.”