We Gamble With Desire

Two years have gone past since Alex and I first got together. I’m not going to lie, stretch the truth or pretend that we didn’t have our fair share of problems, because we did. We’ve even broken up a few times; although they never lasted much longer than a day or two.

I had moved out to Maryland to be with him a year into the relationship.

“Spencer, I just landed I should be to our normal spot in about ten minutes. Are you there?” He had asked in the phone.

“I’m here.” I said excitedly, waiting in a small corner at the airport.

“Kay, I can’t wait to see you baby.”

“Me neither.” I said nervously fidgeting with my shirt; smoothing it down, picking off a stray piece of hair.

Not even ten minutes later I found myself with a pair of strong arms wrapped around me picking me up. “God I missed you.” Alex said kissing me intensely

“Alex, public.” I reminded him.

“You mean I’m not aloud to just fuck you right here?” He joked.

“That is exactly what I mean Mr. Gaskarth.

“Well too bad.” He pulled on the hem of my shirt. I shreiked and started laughing as he bent down to kiss me lightly. The people around us looked irritated with us, but I couldn’t find myself to care.

We walked out to find my car hand in hand. “Spencer, I was wondering since Adam and you don’t live together anymore maybe you could think about moving back with me to Maryland…” He suggested nervously as we sat in my car, waiting at a red light. Too stunned to respond, I starred into his pleading brown eyes. The light changed to green and I remained where I was, never even noticing the change.”Spencer, green means go.” Alex said snapping me out of my thoughts. “You don’t have to come if you don’t want to, I’ll understand…it’s just getting kind of expensive for us to fly to see each other, and I can’t stand to be without you so much…”

Finally finding the words I wanted I spoke, “You want me to move in with you?”

“Of course!” He said happily.

“But want about Adam…”

“Well he’s with what’s his face—“

“Nick.” I filled in for him.

“—now, he’ll be fine.”

“But I’ve never been so far a way from him.” I protested. “What about school Alex?” My voice sounded hollow, detached as we continued driving to my house.

“Well, you know there’s that art school out by the house that you always look at.” He suggested, glancing at me nervously. “Plus, you really don’t have to come, it was just a suggestion.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to…there’s just a lot to think about.” I said turning into the parking lot.

“I know you don’t h have to decide now Spence, when you’re ready.” Alex squeezed my hand as we parked near the door closest to my apartment.

And that’s how I got suckered into moving across the country for the boy in the band. I transferred to the really nice art college and we moved all of my stuff into the large house he shared with Rian and Kara.

Then what does he do, not even a month after I move in? He leaves to record a new CD.

Although I shouldn’t complain, it could be worse; he calls every night and we see each other every once in a while and I have Kara and Sebastian for company.

“Spencer!” Alex yelled in the phone before I had a chance to say hello.

“Alex, my ears can only take so much of your intensity in a day.” I said referring to the outburst he’d have earlier that day when he called to say good morning. “What’s going on butthead?”

“We finished recording!” He said, sounding extremely hyper.

“Oh yay!’ I replied happily as I sat on the couch in the living room, holding Sebastian, and watching the muted Grey’s Anatomy. “What’d you have to do next?”

“Well they have to edit the last few tracks a bit, but we don’t have to be here for that so I figured we could all go to my super secret relaxation place.”

“…Alex I don’t know.”

“Come on Spencer, pleasse?” He begged.

I giggled at him. “I”ll think about it; for all I know you could be taking me up to a cabin in the woods to rape and axe murder me!”

“Now would I do that to you?” He asked offeneded, I could picture him holding his hand to his chest, right above his heart, pretending to look hurt.

“Hmm, quite possibly.”

“Well, as long as you know the agenda.”

“You’re such a butt, when are you coming home?”

“We’re boarding in twenty and we’ll be there in…umm however long it takes to get from here to there.” He said with a smile on his face.

“Alex hand the phone to Rian.” I said, pretend ing I was fed up with his antics.

“Why?!”

“Because, I need a reliable source to inform me on when I’ll need to pick you up.“

“Fine.” He said, I pictured him with a pout on his face.

“Hello?” Rian asked.

“Ri!” I squealed happy to hear his voice for the first time in what felt like years.

“Spencer! How art thou?”

“Thou is swell; wait no, I’m not, I’m irritaed.”

“What’d Alex do now?” He asked, in the background I could hear Alex protest that he never did anything wrong.

I laughed with him. “Alex does not know when you’ll be arriving home and with Kara gone at her madre’s I kind of need to know when to pick you up…

“Alex you’re a fail.” Rian said slightly pulling the phone away to make his voice muffled. “Well the flight’ll take at least an hourish.”

“Kay I’ll be here around then.” I said writing it down other wise I’d forget.

“Spencer, I love you.”

“Love you to Lex.”

“I gotta go though, see you soon?”

“Course.” I said excitedly.

“Good, I miss you.”

“Go before you miss your plane!” I ordered, not wanting to give way to how much I’d missed him as well.