Losing Touch

I walked cautiously out to the warm Sacramento air as I went down the driveway and down the street to go get the mail. I stopped for a moment while I was standing at the end of the driveway and looked up into the sky. It contained very little clouds and it was sunny and bright like usual in the mid-afternoon. I smiled as I thought of my big brother who was out living his dream with his best friends, who also happened to be my good friends.

I smiled and kept going on down the street to go grab the daily mail. I waved to a few kids who were walking home from school. Once I got to the mailbox and opened it to find a letter from Kenny. I smiled widely and strode back home. I eagerly reopened my door and ripped open the letter and read the words of my brother. I sighed once I read about John.

He should be smiling, even if I did leave him. He’s better off without me dragging him down. I mean, we had been together for years and years. I set the letter down on my counter and walked back to my room. I closed the door and immediately turned my iPod on shuffle. Instantly, “We Are Birds” by Brighten came on and made me smile. I thought of how much I missed Justin and the rest of Rocket.

I closed my eyes and thought of how much I actually left behind in Arizona. I left Garrett, Pat, Jared, and Kenny, Halvo, my parents, and anyone else that meant something to me, including John. He meant the world to me, but I had to leave him. For reasons he doesn’t know, and I intend to leave it that way. And that’s why I couldn’t leave Olivia. I needed someone, so we made the plan together and came out here to Northern California together. I laid there for a few more minutes until I heard “Annabelle” ring throughout my room signaling a call from Eric Halvorsen.

“Hey Zoe!” he said cheerfully.

“Hi Eric.” I said as happy as I could.

“What’s wrong baby Brock?” he asked with the concern seeping through.

“Nothing, just finally realizing how much I left behind. You, Kennedy, Pat, Garrett, Jared…,” I said holding back tears, “and John…” I added in a whisper.

“Zoe, don’t be sad. I’ll come and visit if you want. We all can.”

“Not John!” I said quickly, too quickly. Dammit.

“Why not John? Not just because of everything that’s going on between your guys’ relationship, huh?” he questioned. I remained silent. “Zoe, what are you hiding? I’ve known you forever, I can tell when you’re hiding something.” He said sternly, which was quite odd.

“HALVOOOO!” I heard Garrett shout in excitement in the background.

“Well, you sound busy. Bye!” I said and quickly hung up avoiding telling my secret. I sighed and lay back down on my pillow. I let the tears flow, and I didn’t even try to stop them.

“Zoe.” I heard Olivia at my bedroom door. I looked over and she was holding Kennedy’s letter that I had left on the kitchen counter. She sighed and sat next to me on my bed. “I know it’s really rough right now.” She said and lay down next to me and hugged me tightly. I sniffed a bit and she pulled away.

“Halvo called me.” I said shakily.

“What happened?”

“He wanted to know what I was keeping from him. But I hung up on him after I heard Garrett in the background.” I said disappointed with myself.

“Zoe, you’re gonna have to tell them eventually you know…” she said. I knew it was the truth. I sat up, and looked around my room that was covered in pictures and posters of all sorts. I saw one from two years ago when me and John went out for our two and a half year anniversary. That night was just about the best of my life.

”Come on Zoe! We got to get to the restaurant!” John said impatiently. I smiled and turned around. I grabbed my purse and we walked out to his car. I smiled as we got into the car and once it was started, Ivory started playing.

I laughed and John just smiled at me. We talked the whole three minutes there and as soon as we got out of the car John hugged me.

“What was that for?”

“I missed having you in my arms.”

“Oh John… you are so full of cheesy ass shit.” I said and we walked into the fancy restaurant hand in hand. We got to our table and we just talked. About the band, about us, even about what was going to be on TV that night. As cliché as it is, not one of our conversations were dull.

“So, now that we’re done, time for your surprise.” John said happily.

“What?” I said.

“Your surprise.” He said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. I sighed and got in the car where he had me put on a stupid blindfold.

“Don’t peak!” he kept saying.

“Like I can?” I would reply like the smart-ass I am.

“Haha, Zoe. But we’re here!” he said and helped me out of the car. I held his hand tightly, making sure I wouldn’t fall. “Okay, stop.” He said and pulled off my blindfold.

I took in what was in front of me. A picnic table that was right by a sandbox.

“The park.” I whispered and turned around to look at John.

“You got it babe. The park we first met at when you were just five.” He smiled proudly.

“Dork.” I said and sat down at the table. I looked around as John stood next to me. “Aren’t you gonna sit?” I asked while laughing.

“Not yet.” He said sneakily. “I’ll be right back!” he said and ran to a tree that was a yard away and he hid behind it. I started laughing at his nonsense. I put my arms down on the table and laid my head down on them. I sighed with happiness as I waited for John to come back.

“Zoe?” I heard John to my right.

“Hmm?” I asked and looked over. He was there, on one knee. Holy shit.

“Will you marry me?”

“Yes!” I yelled and hugged him tightly. I kissed him and then we went back to just relaxing and looking at the stars as I laid back down in his arms, just like any other night.

I sighed as more tears fell down my face thinking about how perfect my life used to be. Back when I was Zoe Brock and not Zoe O’Callaghan.