Does Your Lack of Conscience Tell You Everything's Alright?

I tell myself stories at night to make myself feel better. Stories of how my life would have been had the monster not taken me from my home.

But they never get finished. I have no idea what would have happened if I had been left at home. There are so many ways my life could have turned out.

And this is how it decided to unfold.

I can barely even remember what my parents look like. My memory of them is so fuzzy it's unreliable. I don't think I would recognize them in a crowd.

Jeffery would tell me I'm crazy if he found out about my stories. He would probably hurt me for trying to live in a world away from this one.

He can be very violent when things don't go his way.

Jeffery's snores are loud, berating my ear. His chest is pushed against my back. I am curled in the fetal position. The princess night-light dimly lights the section of the room I stare at.

I am pretending that I am not curled into Jeffery's chest. In my mind, he is Alex and he is not snoring obnoxiously. Instead of smelling like beer and frozen dinners, he smells of axe.

That's what Alex smelt like at practice.

I'm surprised he left such an impression in my mind. I never thought I could be attracted to someone, not after everything that's happened so far.

Nothing will happen with Alex though. Nothing can happen.

There's no way I could hold a relationship under Jeffery's control.

I wish I could. I wish I wasn't here. I wish I could just leave.

But I can't.

Or maybe I could. Maybe I can leave one day when Jeffery is at work. Just leave and never come back.

Then again, Jeffery would kill everyone I care about.

What if I told someone? Would they care enough to help me? What if I told the police? They might do something, right? But Jeffery has a way with manipulating people. He'd be able to tie them around his finger in an instant.

My parents adored him. They thought he was a great guy. I thought he was amazing. He knows how to play at individual interests. He can fake a smile better than anyone I know.

Though, I don't know many people.

Everyone loves him. He's an outstanding member in society. He has women fawning over him.

No one would believe me if I did tell them. They wouldn't believe such an amazing man is capable of things told in horror stories.

I wouldn't have fucking believed it if I hadn't lived it.

If I told someone, and Jeffery was to find out, I'd be in trouble. I may get killed; I may be forced to stay in worse conditions. I know things can get worse. Even here, I'm slightly pampered.

I can guarantee he would kill my family and friends. He'd probably keep a body part or two as a memento and display them in the living room. He is that sadistic at times.

Or maybe he would make me watch as he tortures my family, slowly killing them, making their pain last.

It hurts me to think about it.

All my plans for escape would never work. In nine years, they've never worked.

I guess there is no hope for me.