After Snow

“Lia!” I shouted. She turned around looking lost for a second, before realizing it was me. She walked towards me half smiling.

“Hey,” She greeted.

“Yo,” I smiled back.

“Look, I just wanted to know if you were okay..” I sheepishly said.

“Oh, I’m doing well, thank you for asking. How about you?” She asked politely.

“I.. I’m good,” I lied. Truth be told, I’ve been worrying over something I had yet to figure out.

“Oh, that’s good,” She smiled. “Um, I have to go.. I.. My mom needs- I just gotta go...” She whispered and looked away. She lied.

That happened a couple of hours ago. Lia had lied to me, and it was eating me inside out. I was angry at her. Why would she lie to me? These past weeks, Lia managed to change my mind completely. She isn’t the nosy and annoying girl I thought she was back then, she has her reasons, which are really hard to figure out. Considering she’s always implying something more to what she actually means. She is really kind and warmhearted. She gives herself less credit, than what she actually deserves. If I were to look at myself right now, back when I hated Lia, I would be so ashamed of myself.

She was a hard girl to figure out. You could never think of her as Mommy’s Little Girl, because at times she talked like a mom. She could look clueless, but she was always in track. It was like she was water, but somehow she was also the oil.

“Damn it!” I groaned frustrated. I walked outside to be welcomed by the snow-covered yard I hadn’t walked in for the past six years or so that held so many of my childhood memories, dressed properly for the cold weather and just thought deeply about why I was feeling so worried, and even though the feeling was slowly disappearing, I still wanted to know why. I heard a faint sound of a door opening. I turned to the side, and Lia was standing there with a smile from where I could see. Her smile was big and she was waving.

“Love you both! Bye mama, bye papa! See you tomorrow!” She shouted. I heard the sound of the car’s engine roar and a few minutes later, it disappear. Lia closed the french door slowly, then turned around and hung her head down, her chin resting on the large black scarf surrounding her neck. I couldn’t really make out much of her expression, only her big white jacket, making her look three times as bigger than she was, her head covered by a big red beanie, causing her deep brown locks to frame her heart-shaped face. Around her tights a simple red skirt, her legs covered in black tights, with a pair white boots.

She slowly reached lifted her hand, and placed it in her mouth. A couple of seconds later, her shoulders were slightly shaking, and before I realized what was happening, she fell on her knees, landing on the, slightly wet from the snow, deck. I inwardly gasped at such sight, and ran towards the fence dividing our yards and yanked open the door our parents had build when we were children. I ran towards her, but she didn’t seem to notice. When I got closer, I saw what I had been fearing. Her cheeks stained with tears and a pained expression was plastered to her ivory complex. The scene in front of me, slowly broke my heart. With each quiet sob, it broke a little bit more. I slowly reached down and wrapped my arms around her petite frame, even with such winter attire. Her weak muscles stiffened quickly.

“It’s okay, Lia. I’m here,” I whispered in her ear. Slowly her body became relaxed, and unexpectedly, she wrapped her arms around me. Before I realized it, her muffled and inaudible sobs turned to louder ones, and I could feel her holding me closer as if I was her air source and I for a response held her tighter. She cried and cried. But having her in my arms, I felt safe. I felt calm. I’m not sure how many minutes or perhaps hours we spent in that position, but at some point, she stopped crying and pulled away, with a faint smile on her lips, and what she said completely devastated me.

“I’m sorry, William,” She whispered. I felt the worry I’ve been feeling this past weeks rise again.

“Why?”

“Because it’s you who I love. And I’m the stupid girl that has no chance against all of the other girls that like you. But not anymore, from this day forward.. I’ll walk by the hallways and not even glance at you,” She looked at my chest. She placed her hand on the moist spot she had formed with her pained tears.

“What..?” I breathed out.

“Because.. Because I’m a bad person, and this is a punishment. Bad things happen to bad people. I wish I could turn back time and try to be good, to change this path. I’m likely being punished perhaps because I refused to study for a test, or maybe because I helped others because I like feeling good about myself. Possibly because of me thinking I was actually better than someone, and definitely because of my selfishness..” Lia’s voice broke and a tear escaped her beautiful blue-green orbs.

“What are you talking about? What punishment?” I enquired anxiously.

“So, please...” She continued on, ignoring my questions. “Ignore me, don’t acknowledge me presence at all, and continue with your life pretending I never said a single word to you, ok?” She pulled farther away, and smiled at me. It was so believable it made my chest tighten. It hurt.

“Why?” I desperately asked, I was so confused.

“Because it’s a punishment I deserve. And I won’t let others get burdened by my problems.. So, please, W-William.. Leave my property,” Her eyes quickly hardened and her soul slipped out of her eyes before my own. Her last sentence had double meaning. She wanted me to leave her property, but I knew it also meant I couldn’t never go in it again. And surprisingly, it pained me in a way I never thought could happen. That pain slowly turned into anger and I lost it.

“No,”

“Excuse me?” She replied confused, not sure if she heard me right.

“No,” I said louder this time.

“William-” But before she could say more, I cut her off.

“Give me a reasonable explanation to why I should do what you told me to do,”

“Because I deserve it,”

“Oh, cut the bullshit! What are you, a masochist?” I growled.

“No, you said so yourself. Bad things happen to bad people,” Her voice slightly raised.

“But you aren’t bad!” I shouted.

“Then why-why am I being punished?!” She hissed, her voice full of resentment. My eyes widen. Lia in the time I had met her, had never ever made such horrid sound coming from her.

“Who are you?” I blurted out without being able to stop myself.

“William, please leave,” She monotonously ordered. I blinked a couple of times and stumbled back to my house. Who was this girl that from being the reincarnation of Mother Teresa turned into such person? I never thought I’d want this, but I needed the old Lia back. Every bit of her, her perkiness, her kindness, her innocense, and her emotions. I wanted her to love me again. And no matter how long it took me, I would do everything in my power to bring that back to me.

The next day Lia didn’t show up for school, or the next day after that, or the next. Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, and months turned into eternities of emptiness. The first weeks, it was like I wasn’t even alive. I didn’t want to eat, or go to the gym, or play video games with the guys. I turned into a pained zombie waiting for his damsel to save him. I went to her house everyday, and knocked for hours but no one opened the door. I could her the quiet mumbling behind the doors. The doors that kept so many secrets and tragedies from the rest of the world. But as the days passed, I realized she wasn’t coming back. I forced myself to leave my room, and I forced myself to socialize. With time, it was getting easier. Living without her wasn’t so hard. I laughed and joked around, sometimes it was a facade, sometimes it was real.

Life at school without Lia just wasn’t school. The clubs and teams were falling apart without her help. Clubs were getting in arguments with other clubs about who would use the gymnasium that week. Teams were getting lazier and they lost many tournaments. People’s grades were dropping, but not low enough to pass the course. Who would have thought that a single student could change the whole school in a matter of months? Students started getting curious about where Lia was but the school never released any information about the whereabouts of her. Some parents started getting angry, and some unsettled, thinking Lia had dropped out of the school, but it was quickly quieted down. The parents were called in for an ‘quick-chat’ and before we knew it, they were perfectly fine with the fact that Lia hadn’t been at school for months. We were all very confused at first at the change of heart our parents had, but we just ignored it and decided it was better not to know. I tried getting some information out of Mom, but all she said was, ‘It’s not my secret to tell,’.

Slowly, my memories of her slowly started drifting away. It was hard for me to remember every detail about her. When I thought about her, her face was blurry and the pain wasn’t so dreadful. When I wanted to remember how it felt to have her in my arms, all I felt was a unnoticeable pressure in my chest. Her delicate skin was getting harder to imagine, and her velvety voice was slowly disappearing into the darkness. Remembering her face, her body, her voice and her words was getting harder and harder. And soon enough, all my memories from her slipped away.