Its In The Past, Now Lets Try And Focus On The Future - Alex Gaskarth

Once in Alex’s arms I began to cry harder. I was so ashamed of myself. I hadn’t had a slip up like that ever! And on top of all that Alex witnessed it. I was worried he was going to hate me all over again.

“Shhh,” He whispered into my hair. I wrapped my arms tighter around my neck. “You need to breathe Willow, or you’re going to have a panic attack.”

I think it was a little late for that. I was shaking uncontrollably and I could feel the heat radiating of my body.

Alex lifted me up and carried me bridal style to the bathroom. He set me on the counter and held my face in between his hands. His sad brown eyes looked into mine. His image was blurry due to the tears that hadn’t stopped falling yet.

“You’re burning up,” He said quietly. He walked over to the bath tub and turned the water on. I tried to breathe through my nose, but I was still crying to hard. Alex walked back over to me and began to pull his old t-shirt over my head. I gave him a worried look.

“It’s okay, you’re okay,” He said softly, with a soft smile on his face. He stood me up and pulled down my shorts. I watched him as he pulled off his own shirt and jeans. We stared at each other for a second. He then reached around me and unclasped my bra.

Soon we were both naked and he pulled me back into his arms and carried me into the bath tub. He sat down in the semi-warm water with his back against the tub. He sat me down in between his legs with my back against his chest. He wrapped his arms tightly around my waist. I leaned back into his chest and sighed. I laced my fingers with his.

“Try to relax Willow,” Alex whispered softly in my ear. He gently ran one of his hands up and down my stomach.

My breathing had slowed and tears were slowly running down my cheeks now. We stayed silent as he comforted me and I held onto him tightly. About half an hour later Alex gently sat up and I instinctively wrapped my arms around his neck as he lifted me out of the now cool water. I was now breathing normal and my body temperature was back to normal. He set me down on my feet and pulled one of my purple towels of the towel rack and wrapped it around my body. He wrapped one around his waist.

“I’ll be right back,” I took a step towards him, scared he was going to leave, “I promise Willow.” He said quietly. I nodded slightly and sat on my toilet seat. He came back a couple of minutes later with a pile of clothes in his arms. He pulled on his boxers and a pair of black sweatpants that he must have found in my room that were way too big for me so they fit him fine. He then pulled me up and took the towel off of me.

I kind of hit me then, I was actually naked, in front of Alex. This was probably the only time we had seen each other naked with us both being sober. He helped me pull on purple boy short underwear with black lace trim.

A small smile spread on my face. He remembered I absolutely hated sleeping in thongs. He then pulled a purple and white Nike sports bra over my head. My smile grew; he also remembered that I hated sleeping in bras. He looked back into my eyes and saw my smile.

“What?” he asked, while cocking his to the side. I just shook my head slightly. He smiled back at me and picked up his shirt he had came here in and slipped it over my head. When my head popped through my smile was now fully on my face. The shirt came to rest about my mid thigh; I had forgotten how much taller Alex was then me.

I grabbed his hand gently and led him out of the bathroom and into my bed room. I grabbed my purple down comforter off my bed and pulled him through my balcony door. I stopped in front of my huge comfy balcony chair and gently pushed him into it. I climbed into his lap and covered us with my comforter.

It wasn’t too chilly since we were in Florida, but I wasn’t wearing pants and Alex wasn’t wearing a shirt. I again wrapped my arms around his neck and snuggled into his bare chest. He gently ran him fingers through my slightly damp hair and held me closely. We sat in silence for a really long time. I was nervous to break it, but I had a feeling that maybe, just maybe, everything would be okay for a change.

“I didn’t drink it,” I finally said. I pulled away from Alex slightly so we were now looking at each other.

“I know,” he said, “I didn’t think you were going to, I could see the dust on that thing from a mile away.”

I gave him a small smile, “What caused this Willow?” Alex finally asked the question. I sighed, it was literally now or never.

“Well,” I started as I tried to compose myself, “I went to your bus looking for you but Zach said you were out. So I went and woke Jack up and we started having a pillow fight, I used your pillow.” Realization shone through his eyes, “Jack left and then I went to put your pillow back and the picture fell out. I picked it up and then I said…” I froze up; I was really scared to say this next part.

“It’s okay Willow,” Alex said, “Please tell me.”

“I said ‘I love you’” I looked away from his eyes, “Zach heard me, he was standing there in the door way. He said something’s and gave me a CD. It had every song you guys have ever recorded. When I listened to it, I just broke down.” I was trying not to cry again. “It hit me full force then just how much I hurt you. All those songs that you wrote about me whether they were good or bad; you never forgot about me.” I sighed and looked into his eyes. They were watering slightly. “You loved me back then and to make you go through all that shit with me was so fucked up. I didn’t even take to seconds to look in front of me and realize what was right there; you.” He gently cupped my face in his warms hands.

“There is one correction to what you just said,” He said quietly, “I loved you back then, but I have never stopped.” With that he closed the distance between us and gently pressed his lips to mine. I couldn’t recall a time kissing Alex sober, but it was the best feeling in the world. He pulled away from me gently.

“I love you Willow, I always have.” Alex whispered to me.

“I love you too,” I said back. Alex’s face broke out into a big smile. He pulled me back into a kiss. This felt so right, and I hadn’t been happier.