The Frisson
Lyla
"What the matter with you?" I looked away from Merideth and backed away. It didn't seem like such a bad idea in my head. She just stared at me in shock, unmoving.
"I'm sorry. I just..." I didn't know what I was doing. It just seemed like the right thing to do. I pulled my knees closer to my chest at the foot of her bed.
"Youkissed me. You kissed me, Lyla!" She swung her feet off the side and stood up, starting to pace in front of me.
"I can't believe it either."
"Then why'd you do it?" She put her pale hand on her curvy hip and looked at me. She wasn't angry, just confused. I lay down on her bed and stared at the ceiling. "Why'd you do it?" She asked again.
Moments passed by. I tried to think.I'm drunk. I'm high. I was dared. There's a secret television show offering one thousand dollars if I kiss my best friend and roommate. Nothing was even near the truth.
"I love you."
The scene kept playing through my mind as I drove to Java Jamba. The Temptations blared on my stereo and my thumb kept the beat on the steering wheel. I can't remember the last time I was so nervous. It wasn't a date, it was just what two old friends do when they haven't seen each other in a long time. And I wasn't gay. College is supposed to be a time for experimenting. Right?
"You don't have to go, you know. It was just an act of loneliness and you happened to be the closest person to me."
She continued to stuff clothes in her bag and boxes that lay open on her empty bed. Merideth hadn't made eye contact with me since she stormed out of the dorm that night I kissed her. My heart sunk in my chest. I wanted to tell her not to go, that I needed her. That even if she didn't share these same feelings with me, I still wanted to keep her as my best friend.
"I've got a lot to think about, Lyla. This came from out of the blue."
Silence. There wasnever this much silence between us. What was I supposed to say? The truth? That wouldn't help.
"Well, uh. What do you have to think about?"
She slowed her speed, still keeping her head down. "Lyla..." she clutched her red sweater to her chin and stroked it with her thumb. Her curls were even more beautiful than before. We were only sophomores in high school, and already she had blossomed from a high school student into a gorgeous woman that just happened to be my roommate.
"Yes?"
"You're my best friend. You've always been my best friend."
"Yeah." She picked fluff off her sweater.
"Now you're something more to me. And I can't deal with that." She zipped her suitcase up and walked out without a second glance.
That was the last I had heard from Merideth until today. She had felt something for me, and she left me to deal with the incident myself. I can't help but wonder now if this meeting is something more than just a friendly get-together.
And I don't know if I want it to be.
"I'm sorry. I just..." I didn't know what I was doing. It just seemed like the right thing to do. I pulled my knees closer to my chest at the foot of her bed.
"Youkissed me. You kissed me, Lyla!" She swung her feet off the side and stood up, starting to pace in front of me.
"I can't believe it either."
"Then why'd you do it?" She put her pale hand on her curvy hip and looked at me. She wasn't angry, just confused. I lay down on her bed and stared at the ceiling. "Why'd you do it?" She asked again.
Moments passed by. I tried to think.I'm drunk. I'm high. I was dared. There's a secret television show offering one thousand dollars if I kiss my best friend and roommate. Nothing was even near the truth.
"I love you."
The scene kept playing through my mind as I drove to Java Jamba. The Temptations blared on my stereo and my thumb kept the beat on the steering wheel. I can't remember the last time I was so nervous. It wasn't a date, it was just what two old friends do when they haven't seen each other in a long time. And I wasn't gay. College is supposed to be a time for experimenting. Right?
"You don't have to go, you know. It was just an act of loneliness and you happened to be the closest person to me."
She continued to stuff clothes in her bag and boxes that lay open on her empty bed. Merideth hadn't made eye contact with me since she stormed out of the dorm that night I kissed her. My heart sunk in my chest. I wanted to tell her not to go, that I needed her. That even if she didn't share these same feelings with me, I still wanted to keep her as my best friend.
"I've got a lot to think about, Lyla. This came from out of the blue."
Silence. There wasnever this much silence between us. What was I supposed to say? The truth? That wouldn't help.
"Well, uh. What do you have to think about?"
She slowed her speed, still keeping her head down. "Lyla..." she clutched her red sweater to her chin and stroked it with her thumb. Her curls were even more beautiful than before. We were only sophomores in high school, and already she had blossomed from a high school student into a gorgeous woman that just happened to be my roommate.
"Yes?"
"You're my best friend. You've always been my best friend."
"Yeah." She picked fluff off her sweater.
"Now you're something more to me. And I can't deal with that." She zipped her suitcase up and walked out without a second glance.
That was the last I had heard from Merideth until today. She had felt something for me, and she left me to deal with the incident myself. I can't help but wonder now if this meeting is something more than just a friendly get-together.
And I don't know if I want it to be.
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