Shining Through the Shadow of a Star

"I really don't know how to thank you, babe." he kissed my bare shoulder. I shivered; his action brought back memories to earlier this evening.

"You don't have to thank me, Zacky." my breath was still raging from our little 'fun time' earlier.

"But, seriously, I mean I don't want you to ever feel pressured about anything, especially this. I feel as if you're hiding something and also that was your first time; I should've been slower."

"It's okay. Really." I placed my hand on the side of his face to stroke it; he removed it. "God. You always have your way of ruining the moment. I told you it was okay so what else do you want!?" I snapped, even though he was right; it wasn't okay.

"For it to be really okay." he said looking kind of sorry. "it's just-"

I cut him off "Don't you dare bringing your ex girlfriends into this, Vengeance!" I knew what he was about to say; I was used to it by now. My previous girlfriends this, my previous girlfriends that. "Now I'd recommend you to get some sleep. We have a long day ahead of us."

He started lowering himself on the bed and I was doing that too when I heard him mutter something.
"What was that?" I asked.

"Nothing, I just said that they would've moaned harder and showed me that it was pleasing them." he said bitterly.

"Well my ex boyfriend was bigger." I said with a proud smirk on my face. It was a lie though seeing as he was huge!

He looked taken back. "You, you said that you don't care about that." He frowned. It was a genuine one too.

"Zacky," I sighed and opened my arms. "Come're" He scooted closer and I wrapped my arms back around him. "I don't want us to fight over these stupid things, I love you remember? And never ever think that you're not big enough because, trust me on this one, you are and I know plenty who would die to be in my place right now."

I felt him nod against my chest, which was still bare if you forgot and I lowered us on the bed still holding him in my arms. That was the first night that I fell asleep with him in my arms and not the opposite way.

The next morning, I woke up with an uneasy feeling in my stomach, but it was something that happened quite often through these past few years; i was used to it by now. You might be having weird thoughts right now but I can assure you that I'm on birth control pills. I wasn't feeling in the mood for breakfast, as usual, so instead I decided I'd clean a bit around the room and maybe the house that we shared with the rest of Zacky's band; I had nothing better to do.

Going down the stairs, I heard Johnny say my name in a question. I don't know what it was about but from what I heard Matt answer I knew it wasn't something bad. "She's still asleep. I was just up there." He had said. Matt and the guys really treated me like one of them. They also had the habit of checking on me every five seconds.

When I arrived to where they were, the kitchen actually, I saw that they weren't all in there. And I don't mean Jimmy by that. "Where's Zacky?" I asked.

Johnny jumped in front of me. "Good morning to you too, coffee?"

I chuckled. He could really lighten up the mood and wake the dead. If only he could bring back Jimmy. "No, but thanks." I smiled. "So, where is he?"

I felt Matt avoid looking my way; he can never lie to me. Johnny was obviously out of ideas, too. Brian excused himself to call this girl he's been seeing recently. I went and stood in front of Johnny. "I helped you with your bass part and gave up sex with my boyfriend. Oh you owe me big time."

"And that's why I can't really tell you." he sighed. I was still looking him in the eyes. I looked away for a second and Matt was still avoiding me, except he had lowered his gaze to his shoes. "Look he's just talking to someone." Johnny finally admitted.

"And.." I said, ushering with my hands for him to go ahead.

"Look, I don't know." He went past me and towards the stairs.

I contemplated the idea of yelling his name so he'd show up. Either this or looking for him in every room, but discreetly. I settled with the second option. My trip around the house was cut short when I heard his voice followed by a very obnoxious giggle that I have learned to abhor; Gena.

Gena was my best friend for eight years. We had met in a bar. It was the first time that I had been in a bar let alone the fact that it was the first time I had tasted anything alcoholic. You might think that I forgot about the wine and the bread they give you at church but I hadn't had that either. See I'm not exactly Christian; my father is, whilst my mother's Muslim. I chose to follow neither. So, no alcohol for me. That time at the bar was my first and last time I had drank any. And there are many reasons to why, Gena being one of them. Only one good thing came out of this mess and it being me meeting the band. She and Zack were dating back in the day and it devastated her when he chose to be with me, the straight edged virgin that's almost five years younger.

Zacky's groans pulled me out of my daze. Only Gena's voice was heard now. "I know how to please you, Zay." she used the nickname she had given him. "She can't. You haven't really changed." another soft groan. "Still the wild animal, I see. Stop hiding behind the useless virgin."

"She's not." he said, his voice coming out higher than usual. I don't know whether he was defending me or just stating what we did last night.

"Oh my poor baby! What has she done to you? Tell me Zacky, what makes her different than your other times? I don't see you laying next to her.."

"She's not." he kept repeating. What was going on with him?

"I can't hear you Zay. Grow some balls and admit it. Oops, you already have a gorgeous pair."

"We did it last night. It wasn't all that great. We fought right away. I guess," he gulped. I was just one step away from the doorway. "I guess you're right."

I stepped into the doorway. Without saying a word, I turned on my heels and stormed out of the room. I didn't need to say anything; it was good enough that he saw me and knew I heard everything. I grabbed my keys off the counter, my phone already in my sweater's pocket. I left the house, hearing my name being called one last time.

It was pretty dark and cloudy outside even if it was only around one in the afternoon. I jumped in my right after it started raining a bit. I didn't know where I was headed to; the closest place to where I was now was Jordan's home with her parents.

Jordan was a friend of mine that I haven't known for a long time. She's the best friend of a close friend of mine; Claire. These two, without forgetting about Lauren, have been inseparable since they met nine years ago. You can say that after what Gena did to me they became three of the rare people that I actually trusted. Because as you can see, even the closest person to you might shock you one day.

Not that I was shocked of what Zacky really thought of me, it's just how much I was hesitant about last night and how I gave in this easily.

The sky lit up from all around as a roaring thunder was heard. I couldn't see much in front of me anymore. I looked down to see my phone flashing through my tummy. I took it out and saw it was Zacky. I wasn't one to ignore a call even if we had fought. "what!?" I snapped.

"As stupid and overused this might sound, you have to hear me out." I could hear him breathe out.

"Speak," I said, a bit calmer now.

"Like this? Where are you? Please tell me you're not driving."

"I am. I don't know where I am though. I can't see anymore."

"What? Mar, baby please stop the car, at least until the rain lessens."

I opened my mouth to reply but couldn't. My throat was getting blocked and heavy. "Mary? Marz did you hear me?" I wanted to reply but I couldn't. He kept saying my name over and over again. There was no use of trying to answer. Soon enough I was engulfed with darkness and Zacky's voice was cut...