I Swear I Love You

Neither Jess nor Coral turned up for the New York show, despite both Jess’ and Zacky’s protests to try and make the flaming pink female to go. It couldn’t be denied that the rhythm guitarist was a bit disappointed, considering the whole ego support that Coral would have been ‘watching her man play’, but he didn’t allow it to affect his playing. He performed as good as the rest of them. Unfortunately as everyone made their way back to the hotel for the last night before setting off for Ohio the next day his façade began to crack.

“Are you alright Zacky honey?” Val asked as she stepped out of the cab they had shared with Matt and Larry. The others had bundled in the one just pulling up to the sidewalk behind them. “You seem a bit down.”

“I’m fine,” he replied dismissively.

“Really?” She peered up at him, trying to gain some emotional insight through his eyes- but they were shielded by two circles of dark glass. “You’re usually never this quiet.”

He shrugged. “I’ve just got nothing to say.” And true to his word, he disappeared into the hotel without saying anything else.

Val watched him walk off, a thoughtful look spreading across her features. “I wonder what’s bugging him…?”

“It’s probably Coral.”

“Coral?” She turned to Brian as the other part of the group joined theirs and they all began to walk up the stairs to their respective rooms. “Who’s that?”

“That Australian chick Zacky’s been talking to for like the past three weeks. She’s staying here.”

“She’s…” Val stopped to process the information. “Wait, what?! She’s here?!”

Brian halted a few steps ahead of where she had stopped and turned back. “Yeah.” He looked at the others who had equally shocked expressions. “Didn’t Zack say?” He paused. “Didn’t I say anything?”

“No you didn’t!” Val cried. “Where is she?! Why didn’t she come to the show? I want to meet her!”

Brian’s gaze dropped. “She’s… she’s been looking after Jess.”

“Oh.” She faltered. “Jess isn’t feeling any better? I thought she saw someone today.”

“Jessica has come down with the flu.” All heads turned to Larry. “She’s probably been in bed all this time.”

Jimmy called out from the back of the group. “How did you know?”

“Because the person who saw her was my brother,” he replied, smiling. “You also met him tonight.”

“Daniel’s working in a clinic now?” Val asked. “What happened to his internship in the hospital?”

“He completed it, but decided to specialise within family medicine,” he explained.

“How come?”

“He never really explained why. Just said that hospital life wasn’t for him.”

“Oh. Well, at least he’s doing something he wants to do,” Val said warmly, before suddenly cracking out in a large yawn. “Man I’m tired.” She settled happily into Matt’s awaiting embrace. “What’s the time?”

Larry glanced down at his watch. “Just past midnight.”

“Is that all?” She chuckled lightly. “I must be getting old. It’s just gone past twelve and I already want to go to bed.”

“That doesn’t sound like a bad idea actually,” Johnny agreed, yawning himself. “I’m spent.” He looked up at Jimmy who stood next to him. “You coming?”

“In a minute.” He began to climb the steps again. “I’m just going to see how Jess is doing.”

“Do you even know where she is?”

“Well… I guess she’ll be in her room, right?”

“She’s staying with Coral right now.”

He turned to Brian. “In her room?”

Brian shook his head. “No.”

“Then where?”

“Coral’s room.”

He was beginning to sound impatient. “Which is?”

“The Honeymoon room. It’s on the top floor. Penthouse suite. It’s pretty nice in there actually.”

“Honeymoon?!” Jimmy’s mouth almost dropped open. “She’s married?! Does Vengeance know?!”

“No! No!” Brian shook his head furiously, trying to rectify his mistake. “She’s not married. It was just the only room left apparently, so she booked that one.”

“Oh. Well. I guess that makes sense. Kinda.” He took a step up. “So top floor, right?”

“That’s the one.”

“Alright.” He paused to stifle a yawn with the back of his hand, before using that same momentum to wave casually at the rest of them. “I’ll see you lot tomorrow then. Chist, I’ll be at the room in ten. Just going to check in then I’ll be back.”

“That’s fine,” Johnny replied. “Just knock or whatever. If I don’t answer and I’m asleep ring my cell.” He snickered to himself. “It wouldn’t be the first time you’ve had to do that.”

Jimmy scowled- knowing full well he was referring to the Houston incident. Thankfully everyone else just assumed it was for one of the times he had been drunk off his ass and had wandered back to Christ’s house back in Huntington Beach instead of his own, which were probably less harmful to his embarrassment then his drunken sexcapade with Jess.

“Thanks Christ.”

“Any time.”

Turning away from the Cheshire Christ he walked up the stairs once again, the others following, until he departed from the group as they got off on the second floor. He took the elevator all the way to the top on his own, left to wander into the empty corridor alone. Considering it was well past midnight now there wasn’t anyone around, which helped in the fact to not seem like a stalker as he was walking around peering at each door. It didn’t take him long to find the door he was looking for, and after a few cautious, light knocks an irritated reply was whispered before the distantly familiar pink pixie crop emerged.

“Have you not seen the time?! My friend is ill and needs her sleep-”

“Are you Coral?”

“Yes, that’s-” Her eyes flicked upwards, already narrowed as if she had already decided upon a less-than-friendly response. “…me.” Her eyes spiralled from anger to surprise. “Are you Jimmy Sullivan?” Her tone suddenly turned eager for his conversation. “The Rev?”

He was taken aback by her sudden questions. “Yeah that’s me-”

“Oh my God!” She screeched. All of a sudden Jimmy was being crushed by her arms. “I can’t believe I’m meeting you!” He sighed in relief when she finally let go. She then stuck out a hand in offering. “I’m Coral Shaw.”

He shook it awkwardly. “Erm… Nice to meet you.” He tried to look around her into the room. “Is Jess here? If she’s here I just want to see if she’s alright…”

“Hm? Jessie? Yeah, she’s here.” Her eagerness disappeared as she frowned. “She’s sleeping though so I hope you understand it’s probably best if you don’t-”

“Oh shut up Coral!” A stressed, but clearly tired Jess appeared at her side, her hair stuck up in random places from where she had been sleeping. “I’m not decrepit.” She turned from her scowling friend to Jimmy, where she exchanged her scowl for a smile. “Come in Jimmy.”

With Coral muttering darkly under his breath as she closed the door behind him he walked inside, seating himself upon a chair as Jess clambered onto the couch. She sat upright, her legs crossed under the cover she draped across her lap as she addressed Jimmy. “How did the show go? Sorry I couldn’t be there to watch it myself.” Her head seemed to bow apologetically in line with that last statement.

“Oh don’t worry yourself about it!” Jimmy said quickly. “It’s alright. I’d rather you not be there if it meant you would just get even worse.” He looked over her. “How are you feeling anyway? Any better?”

“A bit, but not out of the woods yet,” Jess admitted. “Coral has probably been a huge help in that. Plus whatever was in that medicine Brian got me helped too.” The aforementioned female had been skulking in the background during their conversation. “Part of the reason I was feeling so crappy was because my blood sugar was going all over the place, and because I was feeling ill I didn’t feel up to checking it as closely as I should, which then made me feel worse, which made it go worse…” She chuckled. “It was what you would call a vicious cycle.”

“So… you’re all better then?”

She laughed again. “If only it were that simple. No, I’ve still got the flu. I’ve actually been resisting the urge to sneeze all this time. I didn’t think you would want my germs- god knows I don’t want them.”

He just looked at her oddly. “Don’t stop sneezing just because I’m here.”

“I’m fine, don’t worry about m-” She was cut off rather ironically as she then sneezed, only just managing to wrench a tissue from the box beside her to her nose to catch it. This was then followed by a succession of sneezes, which with each one seemed to just amuse Jimmy further, especially when she tried to talk in between them. “It’s not funny okay!” Jess cried, throwing aside the tissues in the bin beside the couch, which had clearly been moved just for ease. It was already half full. “It’s so annoying!”

He simply grinned. “You might want to turn that off or you’ll keep everyone awake.”

She countered with a glare. “It’s not like I can help it.”

“I know you can’t.”

Jess smiled, remaining quiet until her attention was caught by Coral. “Coral?”

The female Australian had been attempting to move around stealthily in the background; that is until she almost tripped over the stool by the beauty table in the room, uttering a tiny squeak in terror as she thought she might overbalance and fall. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologise,” Jess said, opening her arms up to her. “Come over here.” She patted the couch. “Come sit with us.”

She shook her head.

Jess frowned, cocking her head slightly to one side. “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing.”

“Coral…” Jess rose from the couch, the blanket falling to form a soft circle which she stepped over to approach her friend. “What’s the matter Coral?” Her friend’s eyes didn’t seek her own, instead finding comfort in either the floor, or off to the door on the side. Jess soon followed the trail to the door and then smiled knowingly. “Okay.” She returned back and picked the blanket off the floor and folded it into a neat pile to put on the couch, before reaching behind the bin for her bag and slinging it across her shoulder. “Come on Jimmy.” She held her hand aloft in gesture. “Let’s go. We’ve intruded long enough.”

“Jess… You don’t have to go…”

“Yes I do.” She turned her head to the side to cough before continuing. “I’m not going to ruin your night.” She smiled and looked over at the closed bedroom door. “I’m sure Zacky’s waiting for you.”

“Wait- Zack’s here?”

Jimmy was ignored as Coral shook her head again, her eyes glistening with a thin watery veil. “I can’t make you go Jess…” She reached out to touch her cheek but ultimately faltered and her hand dropped to her side. “You’re ill…”

“Hey…” Jess said softly, reaching over and squeezing her friend’s hand, making the contact she couldn’t. “You don’t have to worry about me, okay?”

“But what if it happens again?”

“Nothing will happen.”

“How can you be sure?” She whispered. “You said that last time-”

“That was last time, this is now.” Jess stepped back and gestured to Jimmy who stood behind her. “It won’t happen again. This time is different.”

Her eyes flickered briefly to Jimmy before returning to Jess. “You promise?”

She smiled softly. “I promise.”

“Okay.” Coral reached over and embraced her friend. “I’ll see you tomorrow honey.” She squeezed her once before releasing her with a smile of her own. “Feel better.”

“I will. Come on Jimmy.”

“Oh, alright.” He followed her meekly, pausing only just to murmur a goodbye to Coral as he left. Jimmy couldn’t help but feel past the smile there was nothing but worry and anxiety within the native Australian, something he contemplated over and over in the elevator ride down to the second floor.

Luckily for him their rooms were opposite on the floor, so when they took to part from each other he decided to speak. “Hey Jess?”

She turned. “Yes?”

“What was…?”

“What was?”

He shook his head. “Don’t worry about it.” He turned to knock on the door when Jess spoke just before his knuckles struck.

“Is it about Coral and me?” Her gaze was downcast when he looked back, a sad smile hugging the frosted pink of her lips. “She’s just worried about me. Something… something happened before and she hasn’t ever forgiven herself for it.”

“Why?” When she gravitated towards her door with her key ready he took that as she didn’t want to answer. “Never mind. I’ll see you tomorrow Jess-”

“No… It’s fine.” The door clicked open. “Come in. I’ll tell you in here. I don’t want to wake anyone up.”

“Oh.” He followed her inside in silence, simply hovering by the closed door behind him as she placed her bag on the side alongside her coat and scarf. Her actions were slightly unstable as she performed them, pausing at times to either cough into her sleeve or her hand before she crawled into bed, sitting much the same as she did upstairs. “Sit down.” He sat down beside her, his back leaning against the wall behind him as he watched her clearly ill self ready itself for a story.

“It was about… probably about… well.” She laughed softly. “About five months ago now actually. It was the beginning of the flu season in Australia, but it had started early this year. No one really knew why, and because of that I hadn’t yet had my shot for it. As it happens, I managed to catch it in the first week. At first it wasn’t too bad- I didn’t actually realise until it really hit, and when it hit, it hit bad.”

“Why? What happened?”

She sighed. “I was at work. I had a bit of a cough but I didn’t think much of it, since I hadn’t heard that the flu season had started yet. I just thought it was one of those days.

“Anyway I was watching Coral by the side of the pool as she was training one of the aged dolphin pups, and all of a sudden I just seemed to black out. All I really remember is hitting the water, but nothing after that.”

Jimmy almost gasped. “You fainted in the water?”

“No… I didn’t faint.” Her eyes dropped to her fumbling hands. “I actually had a seizure. Coral said she could only just about manage to pull me out since I was moving around so much. By the time I came out of it there was a whole group of people around me, all looking down, all worried. I didn’t know what had happened.” She tucked her legs into her chest and held them there. “I didn’t understand what had happened. I’d never had it happen to me before. Coral she-” Her voice got caught in her throat. “She-”

“I don’t need to hear anymore Jess,” Jimmy murmured, pulling her to his chest and hugging her close. “You don’t need to say anything.”

“I didn’t know what had happened!” She talked miserably to his chest. A sodden patch was beginning to stick to his skin. “Coral sounded so scared… she wouldn’t stop crying…”

“Come on Jess,” he said, giving her a light shake. “It’s alright-”

“No it’s not.” Jess looked up at him. “That’s why Coral didn’t want me to leave. She feels so guilty about what happened. She blames herself.”

“How? It’s just how your diabetes is, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, but she doesn’t seem to believe me when I say it. It’s like she thinks she could have stopped it from happening.” She sighed. “It didn’t help that I left not long after that to come here. And then when she comes over and sees that I’ve got the flu again… She thinks it will happen again if she doesn’t watch over me. She won’t believe me otherwise.”

“She’ll come around Jess, everyone always does,” he said soothingly, rubbing at her back. The last part of his sentence was slightly muffled as he yawned loudly, the clear need for sleep evident in his drooping eyes. “She’s just worried. Anyone would be after seeing that.”

“Maybe,” Jess agreed. She stole a few more comforting moments in his embrace before she reluctantly leant back from him. “I think you better go Jimmy.”

“Go?” He looked down at her in surprise. “Why?”

“Because you’re nearly falling asleep, that’s why,” Jess remarked, giving him a light nudge for good measure. “Go on! Get to bed!”

He grinned sheepishly. “You know, you sound like my mom when you talk like that.”

“Well if that’s what I have to sound like to get you to get some sleep then so be it.” She forced him upright- not without him clearly not wanting to help if his upper body suddenly going limp had anything to do with it. “Come on!”

He laughed. “Alright! Alright! You win. I’ll go to bed.”

“Good- Jimmy!” He had ducked around her and crawled into her double bed, his hands gripping at the sides of the mattress as she tried to tug him off. “Jimmy! That is not what I meant! Jimmy! Oh for the love of-”

“You told me to go to bed!” He called out from underneath the cover. “So I have!”

“But not my bed!” Jess cried out in despair. “What will Larry say?”

His head popped out from underneath the cover. “Larry? What does he matter?”

“Why do you think he gave me this room?”

He shrugged. “Because it’s cramped with the three of us?”

“No, that’s not it.” She looked away. “It’s because he didn’t want you to get sick because of me.” She turned back. “I don’t want you to get sick.”

“You won’t get me sick Jess,” Jimmy replied simply. She shrieked as he suddenly whipped a hand out and dragged her to the bed, holding open the cover with his arm as she fell onto the mattress and swallowed her in it. “I think after what I went through I should be allowed to sleep beside you.”

“What you went through?” She tried to struggle and break free of the cover but Jimmy was having none of it. “How can you be so sure you won’t get sick?”

“I’ve had a needle in my ass Jess, so I think as a nice little gift from karma I won’t get sick from you,” he said matter-of-factly, shifting slightly to get comfortable, his eyes slowly sliding shut with another yawn. “Just stop your worrying.” He yawned again. “I’m too tired to fight with you. Just give up.”

“Give up?” Her tone was laced with surprise. “Why should I give up just because you don’t want to fight with me?”

“Because I’ll just win anyway.”

“And how do you know that?”

“Because I deserve it.”

“And why is that?”

Pulling her closer, he pressed her back to his chest, securing her there with a loose embrace across her waist. “Because I’m meant to stay with you in sickness and in health.”

She went rigid in his arms as he recited a portion of the traditional wedding vows. “Jimmy…”

“I won’t leave you Jess, not for anything.” He sighed contentedly. “I know I’m meant to be with you. It just feels right.”

Jess said nothing to that- simply remaining silent for the next half an hour until his breathing evened out in the wake of sleep. She was glad that she wasn’t facing him before otherwise he would have seen the quiet tears creeping down her cheeks, staining the white pillow behind her with faint puddles of black from her smudged mascara.

After what had happened between her and Brian she had been trying to distance from both of them, but it seemed like a next to impossible task for her. Every time she tried she just seemed to be pulled back to them, like a rubber band that had been stretched to its limit. If someone asked her right now if she loved Jimmy, and she had to answer truthfully, she would probably have to admit to the accusation. However the very same thing could be said about Brian. She loved him too.

How can she choose between two people she loves?

At least if she had a broken heart she could give a split piece to both of them… but even she knew that isn’t right. After all, if you can’t love someone with all your heart, then you shouldn’t give it to them anyway.

If you truly loved someone… you wouldn’t need to split your heart.

Perhaps really… Jess just doesn’t love anyone at all.