Not an Angel Yet

I went into physics on Monday, and Bella smiled at me, “I have something for you.” She said and handed me an envelope. It was from Jasper more than likely. I opened it and read it:
Haydee,
I’m sorry Saturday was ruined by that bad news.
At least it wasn’t ruined by me attacking you again.
Anyways, I was wondering if maybe this weekend you would like to come over for dinner?
I know I don’t eat, but you do, and I thought it would be fun.
Bella and Rose would be making it,
So it should be amazing.
Let me know, okay?
Oh,
You never answered my questions from my last letter.
Don’t forget.
Write back soon.
Jasper xox

I felt so bad when I read it, because I had promised myself that Jasper would not be a part of my life anymore. Bella smiled at me, “So what do you think about this weekend?” She asked. I looked at her for a moment before replying. This girl was my best friend, and in order to stay away from Jasper, I would have to hurt her. But she is the one who told me that sometimes you have to do what is for the best, even if it hurts people. “Um, I’ll have to talk to my mom about it.” I said to her. She nodded, “Okay. Let me know soon though that way I can go to the store.” She said. I nodded back at her. I wonder if she knew that I had no intention of going. For the rest of that class I ignored my best friend, pretending as if I had something important to read, luckily she didn’t notice that I was re reading a book she had lent me.

When lunchtime came around that day, I really did not want to go. I knew Edward could read my thoughts, and he would be able to tell what I was doing. And I would have to see Jasper. I turned around to go sit in the library and saw Jasper. He smiled at me and waved, walking towards me. I’m sure my expression looked horrified. I looked for the nearest exit and ran through the exit door, and outside into the courtyard. Is this how it’s going to be forever? I asked myself and hoped that I was wrong. I sat down at one of the picnic tables and got out my I-pod, listening to Pressure by Paramore. It made me feel a little better. I didn’t know how long I would be able to do this though. Soon, Edward would ask me what was wrong, read my mind, and then my plan would crash and burn. I sighed. I really wanted to go home.

In English, Bella asked me what happened to me at lunch today. “Oh, uh, I just needed some air.” I made up an excuse. She nodded, “Okay, Jasper thought you were upset with him, He said you ran away from him.” She told me. I shook my head. “Just needed air.” I repeated. “Kay.” She said and went back to her work, as did I.

When last period study hall came around, Bella and I were sitting at the table when I saw Jasper heading towards us. My stomach turned into knots. He sat down next to me and looked at me with concern. “Why are you so nervous?” He asked me, moving to place his hand on mine. I moved my hand quickly under the table. “I just don’t feel well.” I said, hoping he didn’t catch me lying. “Okay.” He said and smiled. He believed me so easily… How tragic. I thought to myself. “Did you write me back yet?” He asked, sounding hopeful. “No, I’ve been busy.” I said, looking down. “It okay.” He said. “I can wait till tomorrow.” He told me with another smile. I forced a smile and nodded, and then went back to reading my book.

The next day, when I didn’t have a letter for Jasper first period, I received another one third period; it was taped to my locker.

Haydee,
Since you’re really busy and all I just decided to write you again,
That way we can keep this up.
I like writing to you
And I really like it when you write back.

Have you talked to your mom about this weekend?
It would be great if you could come over.
Well,
Try to write me back.
I’ll see you in lunch.
Jasper xox

My heart dropped and I realized what was happening, I had turned into a liar. This was getting hard and it had only been two days. I began to doubt how long I could keep this up, considering I was never good at lying in the first place, let alone lying to a vampire who had a brother that could read minds. I decided to go to the nurse, and I went home sick that day. Would this be an everyday thing?

When I got home, my mom was really worried. “It’s almost time for the scar, of course you’d be feeling like this. Is should have known.” She said to me as she made me soup. “Here, eat this and then go lay down, I’ll see you after work. I love you.” She said and left. I drank my soup and went upstairs, falling asleep.

I was woken up by tapping on my window. I sat up slowly and got out of bed, walking over to the window. I peeked through the curtains and saw Jaspers face. My heart raced. What do I do? I asked myself. I started to go back towards my bed when he said my name, “Haydee? Is that you?” He asked. I had been seen. I walked back over to the window and pulled back the curtains. He smiled at me. “Can I come in?” He asked. I nodded and unlocked the window, and then went back over to my bed. He opened the window and hopped through it. “Hey.” He said and walked over to my bed, sitting on the edge of it. “Hi.” I said and faked a yawn. “Did I wake you up?” He asked with anxiety on his face. “Yeah.” I said, I really didn’t care if I made him feel bad. Scratch that. Yes I did, but I didn’t want to. “Oh, sorry. I was just worried. You weren’t in lunch.” He said, looking worried. “Yeah. I came home sick.” I said carelessly. He nodded. “Well, did you talk to your mom about this weekend yet?” He wondered excitedly. I shook my head, “Not yet.” I told him and faked another yawn. “Okay. Well, I guess I’ll go. Hope you feel better. See you tomorrow.” He said and went towards the window, taking one last look at me before he left. As soon as I was sure he was gone, I got up and locked the window. This was getting difficult.

The next day at school, whenever Jasper would try to talk to me, I would blow him off. I was trying my best to be as mean as possible. I knew that he thought I hated him now.

During lunch, I didn’t go in the cafeteria, I went to the bathroom and I cried. I’ll admit it, I was miserable. Pretending to hate Jasper was harder than I had imagined, because I really did not hate him. I had come out of one of the stalls to splash my face with water and saw Bella standing there. “What are you doing to Jasper?” She asked, not even fazed by my tears. I sniffed, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I said and walked towards the sink, turning on the water. “I’m pretty sure you do. You’ve been avoiding him like the plague and you will not respond to his letters, and then today you started being a jerk to him. Why?” She demanded. So she had caught on… Damn… “I won’t tell you until I’ve talked to Edward.” I told her. She nodded, “Fine, he’ll come to your house after school. Unlock the window.” She said and left. This was going to get messy.

When I got home that day, I went straight up to my room, only to find Edward already there waiting for me. He looked up as I entered the room. “Bella said you wished to talk to me.” He told me. I nodded. “You’re wrong you know. Alice did not leave because she thought Jasper was cheating on her.” He told me. “But I cannot tell you why she left.” He finished. I nodded. “But what if Jasper does like me, Edward? If Alice came back, wouldn’t that cause problems?” I asked, beginning to feel terrible. “I can tell you one thing about Alice, Haydee. All she wants is Jasper happy. And If you are what makes him happy, then so be it. She won’t hate you for making him happy.” He told me. “But I don’t even know if I like him Edward… I don’t know if he likes me either… He probably hates me now…” I said. “Do you want him to like you, Haydee?” He asked, standing up and coming towards me. I looked up at him as I searched through all of the thoughts I ever had about Jasper. “Yes…” I whispered. “Then do what you have to do to make things right. Otherwise, you will lose him forever. I went through the same thing with Bella.” He told me with a smile. “Thank you Edward.” I said and smiled. He nodded and then vanished.

In physics the next day, Bella seemed happier than she was yesterday. “Hey, Bella. Remember that birthday party you wanted to throw for me?” I asked her. “Yeah.” She replied. “My birthday is this Saturday. Did you want to plan the party? I would prefer if it was at your house.” I said to her. She smiled widely, “Yes!” She exclaimed happily. “Oh, and can I just stay at your house this Friday too?” I wondered. She nodded vigorously. “Okay, great.” I said with a smile.

I had already planned what I was going to do at the Cullen’s house this weekend. On Friday, I was going to apologize to Jasper, and explain everything, and hopefully he would understand. Then I would fall asleep somewhere in the house, not sure where though. Then on Saturday, I was going to have a great party with the Cullen’s. and hopefully everything would go according to plan.