Not an Angel Yet

When I woke up, I was lying in the bed that was at the Cullen’s. I sat up slowly and looked around, but didn’t see anyone. I looked at the nightstand to see what time it was and saw an envelope with my name on it in Jasper’s handwriting. I picked it up and opened it.
Haydee,
Good morning my angel.
If you wake before we return,
Do not panic.
We just went for a quick hunt.
Last night’s events have made us all pretty hungry,
So we didn’t want to have anymore attacks.

I hope you know that we are all very proud of you,
Especially me.
I know you were in a lot of pain,
But you went through it.
I’d like to think that part of the reason you did so was because of me,
But I’m not sure.

Go downstairs,
And there is some food that Esme and Bella cooked for you.
Get your strength back, dearest.
See you soon.
Jasper xox

I smiled and set the letter down on the bed next to me. I’d have to talk to Edward more about Jasper later. I got up slowly and headed downstairs to the kitchen where there was a plate of eggs and pancakes, which by some miracle were still hot. There was also a cold cup of milk. I ate quickly, realizing how hungry I actually was. Then I put my dishes in the sink, ran upstairs into my room to grab some clothes, and ran back downstairs into the bathroom to take a quick shower before they got back. While I was in the shower, I could see red in the water that streamed off of me. It must be from my back… I thought to myself. I began to wonder how bad the blood was last night, and how Jasper had managed to stay with me the whole time if I was bleeding.

After my shower, I went out into the living room and lounged on the couch, watching the movie Dracula 3000. I was about to fall asleep again when I heard the front door open. My eyes flew open and I saw that it was only Jasper and his family coming in. I sat up and smiled. “Hey.” I said to them. Bella ran over to me and hugged me tightly. “How are you feeling?” She asked, smiling at me. “Well, a little confused, really. I think I’ll be okay though.” I told her and smiled at her in return. She smiled, and I saw the rest of her family, including Jasper, walk into another room. “What’s wrong? Why did they all leave?” I asked, feeling like a leper. “They have a lot to talk about. Jasper was thinking something this morning during our hunt and Edward called him out on it.” Bella told me. I looked at her with anxiety on my face, “Is it bad? Is it about me?” I asked her, frightened. “Its not bad, really, but it is about you.” She said with a smile. I felt butterflies in my stomach. “Can you tell me what it is?” I asked her. She smiled more, “Jasper is finally beginning to think that he may want to be more than friends with you, but he’s afraid of getting too close to you.” She told me and then added, “But don’t tell him I said anything. He’s not ready to tell you yet.” I laughed a bit, and felt like I was on cloud nine. “So what are they doing in there?” I wondered. “They’re going over his options and the outcomes of them.” She said with a small smile. I nodded. “Here he comes. Stand up!” She said and basically threw me off the couch. As soon as I was standing upright and didn’t look bewildered, Jasper walked into the living room with a smile on his face. “Hello.” He said to me as he walked over to me and hugged me gently. “How are you feeling?” He asked me, I though for a second, Take chances, is what ran through my head. “Better now.” I whispered as I wrapped my arms around him as well. I felt him smile into my hair. “Let’s go upstairs, I need to talk to you.” He said as he ended the embrace. I nodded and felt my stomach do back flips. He smiled at that response.

When we got into the bedroom, I laid down on the bed and Jasper sat down next to me, probably not wanting to get too close. “Jasper, what exactly happened last night?” I asked, only remembering bits and pieces. “What’s the last thing you remember clearly?” he asked me, looking sort of pained as he spoke. “Uh, I remember Edward telling you to leave, and then pain. That’s it.” I told him, looking at my hands. He sighed, “After you fell over in pain, Edward wanted me to leave, he didn’t think I’d be able to handle the blood. We began to fight about it, and I tried explaining to him how I knew I could handle it, but he wouldn’t listen… Carlisle had Bella carry you up to his office and they put you on his medical table. I followed them up, as did Edward. You were screaming so loud, if anyone was around they probably thought you were dying… I thought you were too. You began to bleed more and Bella tried to convince me to leave as well, but I refused and I stayed with you, fighting my urges the entire time you were going through that. Carlisle had us turn you over so he could see if he could stop the bleeding, and he tore the back of your shirt… I could see your ribs, Haydee…” He looked even more pained, “Your wings, they were trying to come out, but they were caught on your ribs and your skin… Carlisle reached inside of you… He pulled them out of you.. There was so much blood, Haydee…” He sighed. “Carlisle cleaned you up and put your wings back inside of you. He didn’t stitch it up because after they were out and it wasn’t your birthday anymore, there was no more blood. He said you’d be fine now.” He finished and forced a smile. I nodded, “I do remember some conversations I heard… and I have a question.” I told him. “Okay. Ask away.” He said. “When Bella was trying to convince you to leave, I heard you tell her that you had been ‘practicing’… what did you mean by that?” I asked. He sighed, “This is kind of embarrassing to admit.. And you might feel a bit weird once you hear it… Are you sure you want to know?” He asked, looking away from me. “Yes.” I answered simply, it couldn’t be that bad, right? He sighed once again, “Ever since the day I bit you, I have been sneaking into your room while you sleep.. Even when you locked the window, I still came in… While you were sleeping, I would put my face very close to the veins in your wrists and your neck. I made myself resist the urges I had to bite you, in order to prepare myself if I ever smelt your blood again.” He explained. I just nodded. “Do you think I’m a stalker?” He asked, turning to face me. I didn’t say anything for a minute, trying to figure out how I would reply. “No, I don’t think you’re a stalker… I probably would have done the same thing if I had wanted to be able to be around you a lot.” I explained to him. He smiled a bit, “That’s good.” He replied, beginning to sound like his normal self. “So why exactly did you want to stay with me so badly?” I asked before I could stop myself. “I know this may sound a bit odd, but I sort of felt like you needed me to stay with you… like maybe it would help you feel better… It also made me feel better by being with you as you went through everything, instead of being away from you and not knowing what was going on.” He told me, sounding a bit embarrassed. That made me smile, “I see.” I replied. He looked at me and frowned a bit, “Edward told me some things you were thinking when you were in pain.. He told me that you were wishing you could die..” He said. I blushed a bit. “I’m glad you didn’t die.” He said suddenly. I looked right into his eyes, “Why?” I asked, intrigued. “Because I don’t think my life would be quite worth living if you weren’t here.” He told me honestly. I smiled, “Well, you’re welcome then.” I told him and laughed a bit, causing him to smile.
I went back to school on Monday and Bella handed me another letter as I walked into physics. I think she was getting used to being my messenger.
Haydee,
Wait at your locker before you go to lunch today,
I’ll walk with you.
And I’ll also walk you to your English class & last period.

I want to spend as much time with you as I can,
I want to know you more.

Jasper xox

I smiled. Bella asked me if she could see the letter and I let her read it. “I think he likes you.” She told me, smiling. “I don’t know, Bella… He’s always so…” “Cryptic?” She finished for me. I nodded. “I thought the same thing about Edward when someone mentioned him liking me too, but then I just started analyzing the little things he did around me and came around to realizing he did.” She told me. I smiled, “I’ll try doing that, Thanks.” I told her.

When lunch time came around, I stood by my locker, waiting for Jasper. Several people walked past me, and then fewer and fewer. Had he forgotten? I was just about to walk towards the lunchroom when someone put their arm lightly around my waist. “Haydee.” Jasper said, greeting me. I looked up at him and smiled, “Hello.” He smiled in return, “Shall we?” He asked and we began walking towards the lunchroom.

Jasper walked me through the lunch line, holding my tray in one hand and holding my waist with the other. Then he walked me to our table, people were watching us the entire time. Once we got to the table, I sat beside Bella, and Jasper sat beside me. “People are talking about you two.” Edward whispered to us. I looked up at Jasper, “What are they saying now?” Jasper asked. Edward was quiet for a moment before he answered, “They think that you two are together… and they’re wondering what happened between you and Alice.” Edward replied. I looked away from Jasper’s face and down at my hands, suddenly feeling embarrassed and nervous. Embarrassed because I doubt Jasper was thinking the same thing I was right now, and nervous because I didn’t know what he was thinking. “Oh.” Was his reply, then he started a conversation with Emmett. I looked over in Edwards direction and called his name in my head. He turned to face me, Is he upset about the rumors? I asked him. He shook his head slowly, making it look as if he had an itch. Does he wish they were true? I asked the question that was screaming in my head. He looked at me sadly and then looked away. Guess not.. At this moment I felt crushed, and I know Jasper could feel it. He said nothing to me though.

During study hall that day, I decided I’d ask Jasper about the whole rumor thing. “Jasper?” I asked softly and moved my chair closer to his. He looked up at me and smiled, “Yes?” He replied. “What do you think we should do about the rumors? Should we deny them, or what?” I asked, seeming like I didn’t care either way. I could see Bella raise her head in interest but then look back down quickly out of the corner of my eye. He sighed, “Personally, I don’t even know why they’re saying that. I barely even talk to you in school.. I think we should deny them.” He said as if it was nothing to worry about. I felt my heart break a bit, but I quickly pretended to feel understanding. “What do you think?” He asked me with a smile. “Oh, uh, yeah. Sounds good.” I said and scooted my chair back to where it was. “Okay.” He said and went back to what he was doing.