Not an Angel Yet

Over the next few weeks, Jasper and I hung out more and more, inside and outside of school. No matter how many rumors we heard and how indecent they were, Jasper just ignored them, which made me sort of sad. Every time Jasper and I were together, the feelings I had for him grew more and more intense. It was beginning to scare me, but I only felt scared when I was away from him. I was beginning to think that Jasper was making me like him by controlling my feelings towards him. Would he do something like that?

One weekend while I was at the Cullen’s house I pulled Edward aside and confronted him about it. “How often do you read Jasper’s mind?” I asked. He looked at me like I was crazy, “Not too often, but I always check in on him when he’s with you, why?” He said. I took a deep breath, preparing myself for my next question. “Is Jasper controlling my feelings when I’m around him to make me fall in love with him? Every time I’m around him I feel more and more intensely about him than I did the last time I was with him. To be quite frank, its beginning to frighten me…” I told him, feeling like I’d cry if I went into greater detail. Edward looked at me with sympathy, obviously understanding how I could see that. “Haydee, Jasper has never done that to you. What you are feeling for him is real, and it is all your emotions.” He told me. I gasped. “Do you really think you’re falling in love with him?” He asked me, seriously, I looked up at him and into his eyes. “I think I’ve already fallen.” I whispered, surprised by my own words. He came closer to me and took my hands, “Haydee, you have to tell him this. Don’t hide it anymore, he needs to know. This is very important.” He said with urgency. I nodded, “I’ll tell him by the end of this week.” I promised.

That Monday in physics, I decided it was time Bella knew about how I felt for Jasper. “Bella, if I tell you something do you promise not to tell anyone, even Jasper?” I asked her in a hushed voice. “Of course! I’d never tell anyone anything you didn’t want them to know.” She told me softly. I nodded and breathed in deeply, “I’m falling in love with Jasper.” I whispered to her. Her eyes went wide and she smiled, “Oh my gosh! Really?” She almost screamed. I nodded quickly, “But don’t say anything to anyone.” I reminded her. She nodded and smiled widely.

When the bell rang for lunch that day, I headed towards my locker to put my physics and other books in it. I had just shut my locker door and was about to start walking towards the lunchroom when I felt a cold hand grab mine. I looked up and saw Jasper. “Hello.” He said with a smile. MY heart fluttered. “Hey.” I replied softly as he led me to the cafeteria.

During lunch that day Jasper kept asking me the most random things. “What’s your favorite color?” Was one of his questions. “Yellow. Bright, bright yellow.” I replied simply. He smiled at that. “How about your favorite song?” He asked. I looked at Edward for a moment, Will he listen to it? Should I say my favorite love song? I asked him. He smiled which I took as a yes. I looked back at Jasper, “Probably My Heart by Paramore.” I told him. I heard Edward chuckle. Jasper smiled a bit and then looked like he was thinking hard about something. Is he thinking about the song? I asked Edward, who nodded. I smiled more, satisfied.

In study hall that day, I decided that I was going to write Jasper a letter explaining my feelings for him, considering I’d never be able to form enough words to say it to his face.

Jasper,
Hey. There’s something I have to tell you, but I don’t want you to get mad at me, or think of me any differently after I tell you.
Think you can handle that? I hope so…

Ever since I first met you, I have always been intrigued by you, I’ve always wanted to get to know you more, and I always wanted to be around you.

Up until recently, I didn’t realize it was because I think I may be falling in love with you.

You make me feel so special. So safe and wanted. Whenever I’m with you, I always get butterflies, but I think you already know that…

When people started those rumors about you and I being together, I wished so much that they were true. I’ve finally come to realize that I want to be with you.

I don’t know how you’ll take this news, but I’d really like to know how you feel too.
Please write me back and tell me how you honestly feel, even if it is rude.

Haydee.

After I re read the letter several times, I folded it up carefully and slowly. Bella was watching me, and I’m pretty sure she knew what it was. I sat there staring at the letter that lie in my hands until the bell rang. I stood up and walked up to Jasper, holding the letter out to him. “See you Monday.” I whispered and then I ran off, leaving a very confused vampire behind me.

That entire weekend, I sat on my bed imagining all of the outcomes that could happen on Monday. Only one of them was a good one. That was probably just because I was expecting the worst. I didn’t allow myself to believe that he felt the same just because I didn’t want to be disappointed by him not feeling that way at all.

Monday during last period, Jasper slid a very thick envelope across the table in my direction. I grabbed it and looked up at him slowly. He smiled at me and nodded towards the envelope.

Haydee,
First of all, no matter what you tell me, I'd never think of you differently, and I’d never be mad over something like this even if I didn't return your feelings.
Edward told me that you had asked about me making you like me by controlling your feelings, and I understand how you could have thought that but I’d never toy with your emotions like that. You mean too much to me and I don’t want to ever make you feel something that isn’t real for you as well as it is for me.
I also need to admit that I wish the rumors were true as well, I just said that we should deny them because I thought you wouldn’t get hurt that way.
You are the most special thing to me, and I never want to hurt you again.
I don’t really have much time to write this because Bella is bothering me about hurrying, but I would like to invite you out to dinner this evening. That way we can discuss this face to face and in a somewhat private place.
Please say yes.
Love,
Your Jasper. Xox
I looked up at Jasper after I had finished reading the letter. He was smiling back at me. He reached across the table and took one of my hands in his, “What do you say?” He asked. I nodded, which made him smile more. “Pick you up at seven.” He said just as the bell rang.

It was around six thirty and I was up in my room when I heard voices downstairs. I opened my door and stood at the top of the stairs to see who it was. “Where is she Helen? I want to see my daughter.” I heard a male voice say. “I’ll go see if she’s left yet.” I heard my mom tell them. I walked quietly back to my room and waited for my mom to come in. She locked the door after she came in my room. “Pack everything you can’t live without, Haydee, and hurry.” She said and picked up the laptop Emmett had given me for my birthday, putting it in my messenger bag. “Take your car and drive to the Cullen’s house. Stay there until you hear otherwise.” She continued picking up my things and now she was crying. I helped her grab a bunch of my stuff and some clothes. She opened my window so I could escape, I’m guessing. She gave me a quick hug and then helped me maneuver myself out the window, throwing my bags down after me. I went over to my car and unlocked it, throwing the bags in the backseat. I could hear yelling inside the house and I took off, heading to the Cullen’s.

By the time I got there, my face was covered in tears and I could hardly see where I was. I sat in the Cullen’s driveway for about five minutes trying to calm myself down when I felt my door being opened. “Haydee?” It was Bella. I didn’t say anything. “Haydee, what’s wrong?” She asked, sounding concerned. I shook my head at her, I didn’t want to say anything. “C’mon, let’s get you inside, Jasper was just getting ready to come get you.” She said and picked me up, carrying me inside.

As we walked through the door, I was handed to somebody else. “Edward, can you go get her bags out of the car?” Bella asked, her voice was further away now. I was being carried upstairs. I didn’t want to look up and see who was carrying me, too afraid of who it might be. They brought me into the room I usually stayed in and put me on the bed, and they crawled in next to me and pulled me close to them so that my head rested on their chest. Nothing was said between us for about an hour, until someone came in the room. “Jasper, Carlisle needs you.” It was Esme. Jasper gently lifted me and moved, placing me on the bed again, but this time I was alone, then he left.

I stayed where I was, waiting for him to come back patiently. I wonder what Carlisle needed him for.. I sighed heavily. I thought about my mom and wondered if she was okay. Did Carlisle know that I was to stay here until my mom said it was okay? Would I be able to stay here until my mother said otherwise? I was already so worried about her. I got up and exited my room, heading for Carlisle’s office. Once I got to the door, I knocked on it quietly. “Come in.” A musical voice called. I opened the door and walked in, Jasper and Edward were in there too. Carlisle smiled at me as I walked slowly to his desk. “How can I help you, Haydee?” He asked kindly. I looked at the floor. “Um.. Something is going on at my house, and I was wondering if maybe it would be okay if I stayed here for a while? It’ll only be until my mom says its safe for me to come back.. But I totally understand if you don’t want me staying here, I mean I would be an inconvenience and you’d have to buy me food and-” I was cut off by Carlisle, “Of course you can stay here. We would be delighted to have you stay with us.” He told me with a smile. I nodded and thanked him, and then I walked back to what I guess I could now call my room. Once I was in there, I laid back down and hugged a pillow, falling asleep.

I was woken up my someone lightly shaking me and whispering my name. “Haydee?” I opened my eyes slowly and saw Jasper smiling lightly back at me. “Did you still want to go to dinner? There’s a really special place I’d like to take you..” He whispered. I smiled and nodded, “Sure.” I agreed. He smiled and got up off of the bed, “I’ll meet you downstairs.” He told me and left.

When I got downstairs and went towards the door, Jasper was standing there with a picnic basket in one hand and two blankets in the other. “We’re not going to a restaurant are we?” I asked, embarrassed that I had dressed up now. He smiled, “No, but you look really nice.” He complimented me and put the blankets over his shoulder and opened the door for me. I smiled and walked outside onto the little sidewalk they had in front of their house. I was surprised at how dark it was. He came up behind me and wrapped one of the blankets around my shoulders, “Can you wait here for about five minutes? I’m gonna run and go set this up really quick.” He asked softly. I nodded, “Yeah, that’s fine. I’ll just miss you is all.” I told him. He smiled and kissed my cheek lightly, “I’ll be right back.” He whispered and then he was gone.

I was sitting on the grass for about three minutes when Jasper came back, smiling brightly. “I hope you didn’t miss me too much.” He said softly. I smiled back at him, “Only a little.” I whispered. I stood up and he held out his arms. I looked at him, confused. He laughed, “I’m going to have to carry you, Haydee. Its too far for you to walk.” He told me with a smile. I blushed and nodded, “Sorry.” I whispered. He smiled at me and then came over to me and picked me up, running through the forest.

I kept my eyes closed until I felt Jasper set me down on something rather soft. When I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was a giant waterfall lit up by the moonlight. Then I noticed the blanket that I was sitting on was surrounded by candles, giving us just enough light to see. I looked over at Jasper who was sitting next to me and smiled, which made him smile in return.

After I ate Jasper‘s cooking, which was the best thing I’d ever eaten, we started talking about our feelings, well Jasper did, really. “Haydee..” He said, looking over at me. I looked back at him, “Yeah?” I asked softly. He took my hand in his, “Would it frighten you if I told you that I’m falling in love with you?” He whispered. I gasped and my heartbeat accelerated, which caused me to blush. I was surprised at the amount of butterflies and warmth I felt inside of me now. He smiled, “I guess not. That’s what I was hoping for.” He told me and kissed my hand softly, but hard enough to where I felt his teeth on my hand. “Haydee, I’ve waited for you for so long.” He told me and squeezed my hand a bit. “You make me… Not want to kill humans anymore. You make me able to stand being around blood. You make me feel human even after so many years of my heart being cold as ice. You give me a reason to live, if that’s what I’m doing.” He told me, looking into my eyes. I know I blushed brighter than I had before, and he smiled wider. “You’re like the cure that made me alive again. You’re making me feel so many emotions that I didn’t even realize I had anymore… I never want to be away from you, Haydee, never. I want to stay by your side forever, I want to be Haydee and Jasper, together forever. When people look at us, I want them to be jealous, I want them to see what I’m able to have that they can never have. I want to be with you, Haydee.” He told me, whispering the last line. I felt tears spring from my eyes, and I basically jumped into his arms. He held me close to him and buried his face in my hair while I buried mine in his chest, still crying. “I love you, Haydee.” He whispered in my ear, which made the butterflies that were in my stomach disappear and a new feeling emerge. It felt like warmth and happiness and longing all in one. Love. My conscious told me, You’re in love. I smiled and hugged Jasper as tight as I could, which didn’t seem to bother him at all. “Jasper..” I whispered. “Yes?” He replied, twisting a lock of my hair around his finger. I breathed in deeply, “Would it frighten you if I told you I’m already in love with you?” I asked with a shaky voice. He gently pried me away from his chest so that he could see my face better, but I was looking down. He put his finger under my chin and tenderly lifted my face so that I was looking at him. “Frighten me? No. Make me the happiest man on Earth? Yes.” He told me with a smile. I blushed and noticed how he was inching his face closer to mine. He was so close to me that I could smell his breath, which smelled just like his house. “I want to try something.” He breathed. I nodded softly. He got closer and closer until his lips gently brushed mine, which made my heartbeat accelerate again, causing him to laugh a bit, then press his lips to mine. I felt like a bomb full of emotions just exploded inside of me. I felt longing, happiness, blissful, adoration, tenderness, passion, and love. He smiled against my lips, and I kissed him back softly, which made him smile more, but pull away after about a minute of us kissing. I automatically threw myself back into his arms to hide the massive blush that had now appeared on my face. He held me close to him and gently rubbed his had up and down my back in a soothing way. “I know how you felt during that,” He whispered causing me to blush, “And I thought you should know that I felt the same way.” He finished. I smiled and suddenly felt the longing to kiss him again, but pushed it away quickly, hoping he wouldn’t notice. He smiled, “Another time, love. We don’t want any accidents. I have to be very careful that I don’t lose control with you. Ever.” He whispered. I nodded into his shoulder and he hugged me tightly. “So I guess this is the past where I ask you the big question…” He started to say which cause my heartbeat to go crazy. He pulled me away from him and looked me right in the eyes, “Will you be my girlfriend?” He asked with a smile. My stomach did flips and spins at his words. “Yes.” I replied shakily. My answer made him smile widely, and he kissed my forehead. “Let’s go home, okay?” He said. I nodded and began picking some of the stuff up. He stopped me, “Don’t worry about it, Edward said he’d take care of it.” He said and picked me up once again, running through the trees.

When we got home, I was almost asleep, but I think Jasper thought I was because I could hear him talking to Edward and Emmett. “How’d it go?” Emmett asked. “Well, I told her that I thought I was falling in love with her, and she told me that she was already in love with me.” He said, proudly. “Are you two together now?” Edward asked him. “Yeah.” Jasper said softly but happily. “You kissed her..” Edward whispered, appalled. I felt Jasper nod. “How? I know how hard it is for you..” Edward asked. Jasper shrugged, “I guess I just love her so much that I was able to control myself.” He told his brother. “You should get her upstairs before she wakes up, she might feel weird.” Edward said to Jasper, laughing a bit. He knows I’m awake. I thought to myself. I heard him chuckle again. I felt myself being carried up the stairs and then set softly on the bed. “Jasper?” I asked softly. “Yeah?” He replied. “Stay with me?” I asked, a bit nervous. “Of course.” He whispered and laid down on the bed beside me.