Status: Discontinued
You Only Get One Shot Do Not Miss Your Chance to Blow
Thirteen
“I just don’t get it, Emily.” Hayley started out the conversation again once I sat on the couch beside her. We were both facing forward looking forward. I cleared my throat to break the silence.
“What don’t you get, Hayls?” Hayley turned her body so she was looking at me straight and tucked her foot under her leg. I turned my head to look at her.
“I don’t get you. All your life you, you were so brave. You never let anything bring you down. You’re strong, courageous, smart, beautiful, and you never give up and you never let anything beat you!” Now all I could do was stare at her with my eyes wide open. I was in utter shock. I never knew Hayley thought that of me. She took a deep breath like she was about to make a confession and continued, “Emily, I-I guess I, I look up to you.” And then Hayley turned away from me, letting her eyes fall on the carpet, not lifting her head to look at me.
“W-what?” I was definitely not expecting this, I was expecting Hayley to yell at me, or get mad at me for some stupid little thing I did. So we would get into a stupid fight and make up for it later, but this was different.
Hayley muttered under her breath and I could barley hear her, “I said, I look up to you, as a role model I guess,” she shrugged and returned her eyes back up to my face with pleading eyes. I looked at her with sympathy in my eyes. I didn’t really get what she was saying.
“Hayley, I’m kind of confused. I mean thank you? But I don’t get why you think of me like that?” I asked more than said. I didn’t get why she thought so highly of me.
Hayley returned her body forward again and shrugged her shoulders again, “Are you kidding? You really don’t see? Emily. Your whole life you have been unstoppable. You always beat everything that gets in your way and you don’t let anything beat you out. You’re always number one and you don’t settle until you win,” her voice grew in volume as she talked, giving more passion into her speech, “I envy that of you, Em. I wish I could be like you, not scared of anything.”
I raised my eyebrows at her, “You think I’m not scared of anything?” I asked in complete disbelief. How could she think that? I thought of myself as a weak, helpless girl in a giant world where everyone only wants one thing. Fake love. Fake love only gets them so far and once they get it, they dump you. Just like my dad, just like my mom, just like my aunt and uncle, just like Kevin, and just like Jon.
“Yeah, you aren’t.”
“How do you know that?” I was getting a little annoyed now. How could she just assume that nothing bothers me? I knew a lot of things scared me. She has been my friend since I was one. We grew up together, how could she not know my insecurities?!
“Because, Emily, you never cry. You don’t even flinch when something is scary or troubling.”
“What about my dad,” I whispered. “I scared of him,” I said weakly and now it was my turn to look down at my feet.
“What?”
“My dad,” I said a little more confidently this time. “I’m scared of him.”
“No you’re not.”
“How would you know?!”
“Because Emily, I have seen you around him, you think you’re scared but really you are just contemplating if you can beat him in this battle you two had going.”
“You think that was just a ‘battle’?!” I said using air quotes. “It was more that just a ‘battle’, Hayley! I cried myself to sleep every night because of it! I have scars over my body because of the ‘battle’. So don’t you dare call it a battle! If anything was to describe it, I would call it a combat war! A father, beating up on his only daughter, while here mother sat in the corner watching the beating go down and seeing her little girl getting beaten!!
“So in reply to your statement earlier, I have been beaten! I lost everyday by my son of a bitch father!”
Hayley was staring at me in entire shock. I sat still and shrank back into the couch. Immediately Hayley wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tight. Squeezing my body so firm I thought my shoulders might break. As she comforted me I let lose my tears. This would be the second time Hayley will have seen my cry.
-------------------------------------------
After we sat and talked for a little while we sat back in the couch and dumped our feet on the coffee table and sat in silence, thinking.
Hayley broke the long peaceful silence. “Then why?”
I exhaled silently, “Why what?”
“Why, why did you push Brendon away?” I looked at her in astonishment. I didn’t think Hayley noticed my and Brendon’s little ‘altercation’ back at my house.
“Hayley, I--”
“Emily. Don’t be stupid, I saw what happened. And I don’t get that either.” She turned to face me once again on the couch. “So let me get this straight. We arrive in Vegas, we get drunk, we meet four majorly gorgeous men, you sleep with one of them, you wake up the next morning with your virginity gone and ditch him, then you become best friends and hang out every second of the day, but never ever talk about what happened that ‘one night’, then you make marriage jokes, he kisses you and never mentions the kiss ever again, then you go to dinner with him and meet his parents, and then you hang out even more! You two are completely cute and perfect together. And then the one place where you two can grow closer, you reject his offer to comfort and help you and the whole 18 hour car ride back to Vegas you two don’t talk and create an awkward silence for everyone.” Hayley inhaled deeply after her huge speech because she was too determined to take a breath.
I shrugged innocently and shyly smirked up at her. She playfully rolled her eyes and turned forward again and sat in a comfortable silence once again.
I finally broke the lengthy silence. “I’m scared,” I simply stated.
“What?” Hayley was officially surprised and confused.
I sighed and said, “I’m scared of making a new relationship, I’m afraid of falling on love, and I’m afraid that it wont last.” Hayley look at me quietly and I could tell she was thinking.
After a couple of moments it dawned on her, “Oh.” She finally understood. She understood that I didn’t want to repeat my mom and dad fates.
“I don’t want to end up hurt and alone with out anyone, Hayls, I’m worried that I can’t trust not only Brendon, but Ryan Spencer and even Jon.” Hayley nodded showing she understood.
All of a sudden I whipped my head around towards the entry way of our apartment. The carpet faintly groaned and the sound of movement barley reached my ears. I peered my head towards the door but nothing was there. Hayley was looking at me like I was crazy, “I thought I heard something,” I stated and shrugged.
“Oh really? Hmm, I didn’t,” she questioned and repeated the same action I had done just moments before. She turned her head and looked at the door. It was then that I noticed that the two stacked boxes over by the door had silently tipped over.
“Oh, it was just the boxes that fell. We should really finish unpacking…” I trailed off and snapped back, “Anyways, you were saying?”
So she continued talking, “Emily, this is where the skill I envy in you comes into play,” said Hayley, going back to the tone she was using earlier on me. I knew what she was getting at though, she wanted me to take the risk. She wanted me to beat myself out. And I think deep down inside me I knew I could beat myself too.
I nodded reluctantly at her and gave in, “Soo… I tell Brendon what?” I smiled when Hayley squealed and hugged me.
“Don’t worry Ems, you don’t have to give him your everything. Brendon is a nice guy and you have to remember, not every man you meet will be like your father. Brendon cares about you and I’m sure when you tell him that you’re scared of relationships he will understand completely! He is an understanding person and he won’t push you. He hasn’t pushed you with Jon and he wouldn’t push you in your guys’ relationship.” I smiled and nodded. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I stood up and we made our way to the kitchen again so I could make some popcorn and then we could finish organizing our new apartment. “So! Tell me about the kiss!” Hayley started, back to her usual giddiness.
I chuckled at her, “It was amazing! He was such a good kisser, his lips were so sof--” I stopped abruptly as I flicked on the light switch in the kitchen, “How the hell did you get here?” I gulped.
Did Brendon hear everything we had said from the comfort of my own kitchen?
“What don’t you get, Hayls?” Hayley turned her body so she was looking at me straight and tucked her foot under her leg. I turned my head to look at her.
“I don’t get you. All your life you, you were so brave. You never let anything bring you down. You’re strong, courageous, smart, beautiful, and you never give up and you never let anything beat you!” Now all I could do was stare at her with my eyes wide open. I was in utter shock. I never knew Hayley thought that of me. She took a deep breath like she was about to make a confession and continued, “Emily, I-I guess I, I look up to you.” And then Hayley turned away from me, letting her eyes fall on the carpet, not lifting her head to look at me.
“W-what?” I was definitely not expecting this, I was expecting Hayley to yell at me, or get mad at me for some stupid little thing I did. So we would get into a stupid fight and make up for it later, but this was different.
Hayley muttered under her breath and I could barley hear her, “I said, I look up to you, as a role model I guess,” she shrugged and returned her eyes back up to my face with pleading eyes. I looked at her with sympathy in my eyes. I didn’t really get what she was saying.
“Hayley, I’m kind of confused. I mean thank you? But I don’t get why you think of me like that?” I asked more than said. I didn’t get why she thought so highly of me.
Hayley returned her body forward again and shrugged her shoulders again, “Are you kidding? You really don’t see? Emily. Your whole life you have been unstoppable. You always beat everything that gets in your way and you don’t let anything beat you out. You’re always number one and you don’t settle until you win,” her voice grew in volume as she talked, giving more passion into her speech, “I envy that of you, Em. I wish I could be like you, not scared of anything.”
I raised my eyebrows at her, “You think I’m not scared of anything?” I asked in complete disbelief. How could she think that? I thought of myself as a weak, helpless girl in a giant world where everyone only wants one thing. Fake love. Fake love only gets them so far and once they get it, they dump you. Just like my dad, just like my mom, just like my aunt and uncle, just like Kevin, and just like Jon.
“Yeah, you aren’t.”
“How do you know that?” I was getting a little annoyed now. How could she just assume that nothing bothers me? I knew a lot of things scared me. She has been my friend since I was one. We grew up together, how could she not know my insecurities?!
“Because, Emily, you never cry. You don’t even flinch when something is scary or troubling.”
“What about my dad,” I whispered. “I scared of him,” I said weakly and now it was my turn to look down at my feet.
“What?”
“My dad,” I said a little more confidently this time. “I’m scared of him.”
“No you’re not.”
“How would you know?!”
“Because Emily, I have seen you around him, you think you’re scared but really you are just contemplating if you can beat him in this battle you two had going.”
“You think that was just a ‘battle’?!” I said using air quotes. “It was more that just a ‘battle’, Hayley! I cried myself to sleep every night because of it! I have scars over my body because of the ‘battle’. So don’t you dare call it a battle! If anything was to describe it, I would call it a combat war! A father, beating up on his only daughter, while here mother sat in the corner watching the beating go down and seeing her little girl getting beaten!!
“So in reply to your statement earlier, I have been beaten! I lost everyday by my son of a bitch father!”
Hayley was staring at me in entire shock. I sat still and shrank back into the couch. Immediately Hayley wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tight. Squeezing my body so firm I thought my shoulders might break. As she comforted me I let lose my tears. This would be the second time Hayley will have seen my cry.
-------------------------------------------
After we sat and talked for a little while we sat back in the couch and dumped our feet on the coffee table and sat in silence, thinking.
Hayley broke the long peaceful silence. “Then why?”
I exhaled silently, “Why what?”
“Why, why did you push Brendon away?” I looked at her in astonishment. I didn’t think Hayley noticed my and Brendon’s little ‘altercation’ back at my house.
“Hayley, I--”
“Emily. Don’t be stupid, I saw what happened. And I don’t get that either.” She turned to face me once again on the couch. “So let me get this straight. We arrive in Vegas, we get drunk, we meet four majorly gorgeous men, you sleep with one of them, you wake up the next morning with your virginity gone and ditch him, then you become best friends and hang out every second of the day, but never ever talk about what happened that ‘one night’, then you make marriage jokes, he kisses you and never mentions the kiss ever again, then you go to dinner with him and meet his parents, and then you hang out even more! You two are completely cute and perfect together. And then the one place where you two can grow closer, you reject his offer to comfort and help you and the whole 18 hour car ride back to Vegas you two don’t talk and create an awkward silence for everyone.” Hayley inhaled deeply after her huge speech because she was too determined to take a breath.
I shrugged innocently and shyly smirked up at her. She playfully rolled her eyes and turned forward again and sat in a comfortable silence once again.
I finally broke the lengthy silence. “I’m scared,” I simply stated.
“What?” Hayley was officially surprised and confused.
I sighed and said, “I’m scared of making a new relationship, I’m afraid of falling on love, and I’m afraid that it wont last.” Hayley look at me quietly and I could tell she was thinking.
After a couple of moments it dawned on her, “Oh.” She finally understood. She understood that I didn’t want to repeat my mom and dad fates.
“I don’t want to end up hurt and alone with out anyone, Hayls, I’m worried that I can’t trust not only Brendon, but Ryan Spencer and even Jon.” Hayley nodded showing she understood.
All of a sudden I whipped my head around towards the entry way of our apartment. The carpet faintly groaned and the sound of movement barley reached my ears. I peered my head towards the door but nothing was there. Hayley was looking at me like I was crazy, “I thought I heard something,” I stated and shrugged.
“Oh really? Hmm, I didn’t,” she questioned and repeated the same action I had done just moments before. She turned her head and looked at the door. It was then that I noticed that the two stacked boxes over by the door had silently tipped over.
“Oh, it was just the boxes that fell. We should really finish unpacking…” I trailed off and snapped back, “Anyways, you were saying?”
So she continued talking, “Emily, this is where the skill I envy in you comes into play,” said Hayley, going back to the tone she was using earlier on me. I knew what she was getting at though, she wanted me to take the risk. She wanted me to beat myself out. And I think deep down inside me I knew I could beat myself too.
I nodded reluctantly at her and gave in, “Soo… I tell Brendon what?” I smiled when Hayley squealed and hugged me.
“Don’t worry Ems, you don’t have to give him your everything. Brendon is a nice guy and you have to remember, not every man you meet will be like your father. Brendon cares about you and I’m sure when you tell him that you’re scared of relationships he will understand completely! He is an understanding person and he won’t push you. He hasn’t pushed you with Jon and he wouldn’t push you in your guys’ relationship.” I smiled and nodded. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I stood up and we made our way to the kitchen again so I could make some popcorn and then we could finish organizing our new apartment. “So! Tell me about the kiss!” Hayley started, back to her usual giddiness.
I chuckled at her, “It was amazing! He was such a good kisser, his lips were so sof--” I stopped abruptly as I flicked on the light switch in the kitchen, “How the hell did you get here?” I gulped.
Did Brendon hear everything we had said from the comfort of my own kitchen?