Take a Breath and Hold On Tight

I had only taken two sips of the beer in my cup, when a pair of hands grabbed it from me. Shocked, I looked up from my own hand, only to see John swishing the cup around, inspecting it. I arched my brows, confused by his actions.

“Just checking to make sure it’s safe to drink,” he told me, handing the cup back to me.

I let out a small laugh. “Kelsi gave it to me.”

“Oh,” he said, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “Well then it’s probably safe.”

I nodded my head and smiled. Garrett and Libby soon joined our circle, and a conversation began taking place. I was more concerned with Libby, however, as a distressed look was on her face. I walked over to her, placing my hand on her arm. “Libby, are you okay?”

She looked at me, biting down on her bottom lip. “Let’s go to the bathroom, okay?” I nodded my head, and she grabbed my hand, leading us towards a nearby bathroom. There was a long line outside of the door, and just as a girl went to step foot inside, Libby pushed her aside, muttering something about an ‘emergency’, before slamming the door shut. I stared at her, worried, as she paced the small bathroom.

“Libby, what is it? Did something happen at home?” I asked.

She shook her head and stopped pacing. “No, no, everything’s fine at home.”

“Then what is it? You’re scaring me.”

She sighed and sat down on the lid of the toilet. “You know this is Rory’s house, right?” she asked me, and I nodded my head. “Well, I overheard her talking to a group of friends … she kept saying your name, but I couldn’t make out exactly what she was saying.” She brought her elbow to her knee, setting her chin in her palm. “But I just can’t get over how she knows about you. I mean, I don’t talk to her, and neither do the guys, so that only leaves John … which would explain why she seemed so bothered.”

I arched my brows. “Bothered? What do you mean?” I could already feel myself becoming nervous; sweat breaking out all over my body.

Libby looked at me. “She’s not happy with you, that’s for sure. I think she feels threatened by you, actually.”

“Why would she feel threatened?”

“Because, Harper, her and John have been dating for nearly four years, and all of a sudden she starts hearing about John spending time with you … a girl he barely knows, and it’s getting to her.”

I felt like Libby was angry with me, which caused an agitating feeling to bloom in my stomach. The last thing I wanted was for her to be unhappy with me. “Libby, I – I’m sorry … I didn’t know she would assume that.”

Libby stood up and gave me a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry, Harper, I didn’t mean for it come out that way. Believe me, I would prefer John to date you anyway, but I’m just worried that if she sees you here and figures out who you are, she’s going to start something.”

“Would she really do that?” I asked.

She nodded her head. “Rory is one of the biggest drama queens you’ll ever meet, which is why I’ve never understood her and John’s relationship.” She sighed. “Look, you’ll have me and Garrett and the rest of the group by your side all night … there’s no way she’ll start anything with you if she sees us, okay? And even if she does decide to start shit, Kelsi, Acey and I will have your back.” I only nodded my head, unsure of what I should say at that point. “Now, did I just see you drinking your first beer?” she asked, a grin now taking place on her face.

I nodded my head. “Yeah, I was just seeing what it tasted it like.”

She laughed and wrapped an arm around my shoulder. “Nobody drinks alcohol for the taste, Harp.” She opened the door and we came face to face with the same blonde who had been entering before Libby and I. “Oh, I’m sorry about … that. My friend here was having a problem. The bathroom’s all yours now,” she told her.

We made our way back into the living room, and saw that each couple had taken to dancing. John and Garrett were standing near a black leather couch, a beer bottle clutched in each of their hands. When Garrett spotted us, a smile spread across his face.

“There you are! I thought you left me for some other guy for a minute,” he joked, wrapping his arm around Libby’s waist.

She rolled her eyes and laughed. “You don’t ever have to worry about that, babe.” She placed a kiss on his cheek, and I looked down at the amber liquid in my cup.

I took a small sip, noticing it had grown rather warm quickly, and set it down on a wooden stand near the couch.

“What’s wrong?” John asked.

“Um, it’s warm,” I told him, pointing to the cup.

“Oh, well let’s you get a cold one then,” he said, grabbing my hand and leading me towards what I assumed was the kitchen.

I looked back at Libby and she gave me a smile, waving her hands at me to go along. I sighed as my feet stepped onto the tiled floor of Rory’s kitchen. John opened the ice chest and looked at me. “Any preference as to what brand?”

I shrugged. “Not really.”

He grabbed a green bottle, popped the cap off and handed it to me. “Dos Equis – it’s good shit.”

I nodded my head. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.” He took a sip of his own beer, before giving me a smile. “By the way, you look really pretty tonight.” He reached a hand up to his neck, scratching the back of it. I had to admit, he looked completely adorable doing it.

My cheeks heated up instantly, even though I had prayed that they wouldn’t. “Thanks, John,” I said softly.

“You’re welcome. I’m assuming Libby and the girls dragged you here?”

I smiled. “Yeah, they literally dragged me out of my bed.”

“You were sleeping?” he asked, surprised.

I nodded my head. “After what … happened at your house, I sort of just felt worn out.”

He nodded his head, as if he understood. “That’s reasonable. By the way, I’m really sorry for even asking.”

I shook my head. “It’s not your fault, John. You didn’t know.”

A silence swept over the two of us, and I took a few sips of the beer John had given me; it definitely tasted a lot better than the first beer I had drank. After a minute or two, a boy with shaggy, dark brown hair approached John and I.

“JohnO! What’s up, dude?” he greeted John loudly.

John laughed. “Just enjoying my beer. What about you, Halvo?”

‘Halvo’ smiled and held up his red cup. “Same here, bro. You’re lucky your girlfriend’s parents are rich and can buy the best fucking alcohol available on earth!”

John chuckled and rolled his eyes. “Oh,” he said, suddenly noticing me, “this is Harper, Libby’s cousin. Harper, this is Eric, one of my best friends.”

Eric reached his hand out. “Nice to meet you, Harper. You can call me Halvo, if you want.”

“It’s nice to meet you, too, Halvo,” I said, the nickname awkwardly leaving my lips.

He laughed and continued talking to John. I could tell by his flushed cheeks and glazed eyes that he was teetering on the border of being drunk; not to mention the way he kept moving his hands animatedly when he talked. I stood back and tried not to eavesdrop on their conversation, though Halvo was making it rather difficult with his loud talking. I scanned the kitchen, noticing the red painted walls, and stainless steel appliances. Even though I didn’t know Rory, by the looks of her house, and with what Eric had said, I could tell she was rich. Everything was neatly in its place, almost as if the appliances were never used.

I had been sipping on my beer all the while, surprised when I noticed I had come to the bottom of the bottle. I didn’t see a trash can anywhere, so I held the bottle to my chest. However, a minute later, John reached his hand out, still talking to Halvo, and I gave him the bottle. He set it on the island counter and grabbed another bottle out of the ice chest, handing it to me.

“Thanks,” I mumbled.

He nodded his head and continued on with his conversation. The condensation from the bottle was nearly numbing my hand, but I ignored the feeling, taking a sip of the liquid. I had to admit, I was surprising myself by drinking. Even though I didn’t care much for the taste, it gave me something to do while standing in the kitchen.

“Anyways, I’ll catch you later, JohnO!” Halvo finally said, giving John a, what I can only describe as a “man-hug”, before walking out of the kitchen.

John turned to me, and gave me a shy smile. “Sorry about him.”

“It’s okay.”

He grabbed himself a red cup and poured a bit of coke into it, before grabbing a bottle of liquor and pouring that into the cup as well. He took a long sip before looking at me. “I’d offer you some, but I don’t know if you’re ready to level up to Crown Royal just yet.”

I laughed. “Is it terribly strong?”

He shrugged. “I’m probably the wrong person to ask, being that I’m a regular drinker.”

I bit down on my bottom lip. “Can I have a sip?”

He laughed. “Of course.” He held the cup out to me, and I gladly took it.

I took a small sip, the strong liquor sliding down my throat must have caused me to make a face, because John laughed, before taking the cup back. “It’s … definitely not beer.”

He smiled. “So, is that a ‘no’?”

I stared at the nearly empty beer bottle in my hands, before looking at John. “Could you pour me just a little bit?”

His eyes widened, before he nodded his head. “Libby would die to see this.”

I laughed nervously, as John quickly mixed the drink together. He handed the cup to me within a matter of seconds, and I took a few sips of it, trying to get used to the taste.

____________________________________________________________

I don’t know how long John and I had stayed in the kitchen talking, but it must have been awhile, because soon enough, Libby came looking for me, dragging Garrett behind her.

“There you are! Goodness, have you been in here the whole time?” she asked.

I nodded my head, laughing at the expression on her face. “John and I were just talking.”

She gave me a look, before turning her stare to John. “What have you been doing to my cousin?”

He held his hands up, palms facing her. “Nothing, I swear!”

Being that this was my first time drinking, I was feeling the effects of the alcohol pretty heavily. I could feel my thoughts becoming disoriented and my body felt warmer than was normal. Libby sighed and grabbed the cup out of my hand. “No more drinking for you, Harper! I can’t bring you home drunk!” she said, wriggling her index finger at me. I pouted, causing her to laugh. “I can’t believe I just had to tell you that.”

Garrett smiled. “We’re ruining our perfect little Harper!”

I rolled my eyes as Libby, Garrett, and John laughed, but I soon joined in with them. After calming down, I felt as if my head were spinning, and I fanned myself with my hands. “Can we go outside for a minute?”

Libby nodded her head. “Yeah, of course.” She led us outside, onto the patio of Rory’s backyard.

The air, though warm, was refreshing and I felt as if I could actually breathe. However, my vision was still hazy and I leaned against the wall of the house.

“Hey, Harp, you okay?” John asked, reaching his hand out to me.

I shook my head. “I don’t think so.”

He exchanged a look with Libby, before turning back to me. “I’ll go get you some water, okay?”

“Thank you,” I mumbled, feeling my insides turning.

Libby walked over and wrapped her arm around me. “Do you need to throw up, Harper?” I shrugged, not entirely feeling good enough to talk. She let out a small sigh. “Garrett, will you tell the others we’re ready to leave and that Harper’s not feeling too good?”

He nodded his head. “Yeah, I’ll be right back, babe.” He walked inside of the house, just as John was coming out.

“Here’s some water,” he said, handing the bottle to me. I took it and quickly unscrewed the cap, chugging as much of it as I could. “Do you think she needs to throw up?” he asked Libby.

“I asked her if she needed to, but she said no.”

John sighed and walked over to me, placing his hand on my back. “Harp, if you need to throw up, throw up; no one’s going to care, okay?”

I felt the bile rising in my throat and before I could even think to hold it in, the contents of my stomach were being poured out onto the grass.

“Shit! John, stay here with her, okay? I’m gunna go get something to clean this up!” Libby said frantically, before running inside the house.

I began to cry as I continued to vomit in Rory’s backyard. I could feel the stares of the other party-goers on me, and it only made me feel that much more embarrassed. I should have never taken that beer from Kelsi, I knew that, but I still did it anyway, and I was paying for it now.

“That’s good, Harp, just get it all out, okay?” John cooed.

After a few minutes, my stomach was completely empty and I stood up as straight as I could, feeling weak and revolted. Libby returned with a few napkins in her hands, wiping the sides of my mouth for me.

“Libby, Libby, I can do it myself!” I told her.

She gave me a hard look. “You can barely hold yourself up, Harper.”

I didn’t have the strength to argue with her. Instead, I leaned on John, who wrapped his arms around me, holding me up. Normally this gesture would have been enough to make my face burn and my stomach fill with butterflies, but I was far too ill to even be bothered with any of that now.

“John!” a girl’s voice called out.

“Shit,” John mumbled. “I’m over here, Rory!”

I looked towards the door and saw a tall, thin girl with long, wavy dirty blonde hair. She was wearing a short navy blue dress, showing off her long legs. The amount of beauty this girl possessed was enough to make me want to hurl again.

“Where the fuck have you been all night!? I promised my cousins I’d introduce you to them!” she growled.

John sighed. “I’m kind of busy here, Rory.”

Her brown eyes fell onto me and she scoffed. “Who the fuck are you?”

Libby jumped in front of me. “First off, calm the fuck down, Rory. And secondly, don’t talk to my cousin like that.” I had never heard Libby use such a serious tone.

Rory’s eyes widened. “Your – your cousin?” Suddenly, I could feel her glare burning a hole into my forehead. “You’re Harper? The Harper that John has been spending all of his time with!?”

John’s grip on me tightened. “Rory, please don’t start this – not right now. You can obviously see she’s not feeling too good.”

“Like I fucking care!” she yelled and walked over until she was standing right in front of me. “Look, I don’t know who the fuck you think you are, and I really don’t care, but stay the hell away from John! He’s my boyfriend, in case you haven’t heard, and I refuse to let some pathetic, twelve-year-old looking girl come between us!”

That was all it took for the tears to begin falling down my cheeks again. I felt disgusted; I felt pathetic; I felt inferior. I could see Libby’s fists clenching at her sides and she began yelling a string of profanities to Rory, but I didn't stay around to watch – I took off running. I had no clue where I was going, as I couldn’t even see in front of me clearly, due to my tears, but I just knew I had to run. So I did.

I had only gotten half-way down the street, when I collapsed onto the tar, falling to my knees. I clutched my hands to my stomach, allowing myself to cry freely and openly; I didn’t care who was watching. I was beyond hurt at Rory’s words … I felt completely destroyed. I heard a pair of footsteps running towards me, and I had a feeling of who it was. “Just leave me alone … please, John.”

I saw a pair of white TOMS stop beside me, before being replaced with a set of knees. A hand appeared before my eyes, laying itself under my chin and turning my head. I avoided his green irises. “Harper, look at me.” I shook my head, my body still racking with sobs. “Harper, please,” he begged. I slowly lifted my gaze to meet his. When our eyes locked, John visibly winced. “I’m so, so sorry,” he whispered.

I nodded my head, bringing my hands to my face, trying to wipe away the tears. “It’s okay,” I mumbled.

He grabbed my hands gently. “No, it’s not okay, Harper. What Rory said,” he shook his head, “don’t believe one word of it, you hear me? Not one fucking word.”

The tone of his voice, so stern and powerful, only made more tears accumulate in my eyes. He reached his hands out, wiping them away for me. I nuzzled my face into the palm of his hand, squeezing my eyes shut. “It hurts, John,” I whispered.

“What hurts, Harper?” he asked, his voice low.

“Everything … everything hurts so much.” I placed my hands around his. “He killed himself, John – my brother killed himself.” I licked my lips, tasting my salty tears. “ If – if he would have just told me, things would have been okay. But he didn’t – he never let me in … I couldn’t help him, John, I couldn't!” I cried. He pulled me into his chest, kissing the top of my forehead, running his fingers through my hair. “It’s not fair, John … he was my brother, and he didn’t let me help him!”

“It’s not your fault, Harper, it’s not your fault,” he whispered into my ear.

I shook my head and buried my face into his chest. “He was my brother and I loved him - regardless of what anyone else thought about him … didn’t he know that?" I looked up at John. "He had to know that, John. He had to.”

Without saying anything, John clutched me tighter to his chest and allowed me to continue to soak his shirt with my tears. It was the best cry I had ever experienced in my life.