Take a Breath and Hold On Tight

By the time John and I had reached the house, I was out of breath and came to a stop as soon as we stepped foot on the lawn. I slouched over, putting my hands on my knees and gasped for air. I looked to my left and saw John doing the same; only he looked a little worse off. I glanced down at Brutus, who had his tongue dangling sideways out of his mouth and his eyes were constantly blinking, as he looked at John.

“Damn. And to think I thought I was in good shape. I mean, look at my figure,” John stated as he turned his body sideways, placing his hands on his hips. “Do I look fat?”

I couldn’t hold back my laughter. “John, you’re something else.”

He let out a laugh and shrugged. “I’ll take that as a compliment.” He licked his lips and looked at the house. “Do you feel like going home?”

I looked at him, unsure of how to answer his question. “What do you mean?”

He smiled. “I mean, do you want to go home, or come somewhere with me?”

“Where is somewhere?”

“It’s a surprise.”

I bit down on my bottom lip. “Do we have to run there?”

He chuckled. “No, we can walk.”

I nodded my head. “Fine, as long as we’re not going to get in trouble or anything.”

“I wouldn’t get you in trouble, Harp. Trust me, remember?” he asked as he swung his arm around my shoulders.

“Yeah, I remember.”

_______________________________________________________

“Where are we?” I asked John, as he led us through the front yard of someone’s house.

“This is where I live,” he told me.

He opened the white door, and signaled for me to step inside. I felt my nerves getting the best of me, as soon as I stepped through the threshold. John let the door shut, before bending down and relieving Brutus of his leash; he immediately took off running like a bat out of hell.

“Would you like something to drink?” John asked.

“Sure.”

He began walking down the hallway, and I simply watched him. He hadn’t said anything about me following him, so I stayed right where I was. However, he must’ve noticed my absence, because he turned around and arched his brows.

“Is something wrong?”

I shook my head. “No, I – I just didn’t know if you wanted me to follow you or not.”

He laughed. “Of course I want you to follow me. Come on,” he said and waved his hand towards the hallway.

I followed behind him as he led the way to the kitchen. He motioned for me to sit down at the table, which I did. I watched as he walked to the fridge and bent over, looking at the contents inside. I glanced around the walls, and noticed various pictures of John and his family. There was one of him, and two other boys who I assumed were his brothers, because of the similarities in their physical features, standing around a birthday cake with the name ‘Ross’ written in red icing, smiling into the camera.

“Harper?”

I turned around, startled, and noticed that John was staring at me. “Yeah?”

He laughed. “I was asking you, would you like iced tea, water, juice, or soda?”

“Water’s fine,” I said.

He nodded his head and retreated back to the fridge. I felt my cheeks heating up, and I cradled my face in between my hands, resting my elbows on the glass table. A moment later, John’s hand was in front of my face, holding a water bottle. I hurriedly took the bottle and thanked him.

“No problem,” he said as he sat down in the chair across from me.

I unscrewed the cap and took a few sips, hoping the cold water would cool down the warmth of my face.

“Those are my brothers,” he stated.

I looked at him, brows arched. “What do you mean?”

He smiled. “That picture you were staring at, it’s of me and my brothers.” He pointed to a shorter boy on the right. “That’s Shane.” He then pointed to a boy who was nearly the same height as him, on the left. “That’s Ross. It was his seventeenth birthday.”

“Oh, wow. How old are they now?”

“Shane’s fourteen, and Ross is nineteen.”

I nodded my head. “Are they your only siblings?”

He nodded his head. “Yep, and I’m glad. They’re enough to handle. I can’t imagine having another brother or sister.” He laughed.

I gave a small smile, and looked down at the water bottle’s cap in my hand. It’s funny how a person can be so quick to say something negative about their siblings, when in reality, they should be thankful; because when all else is gone, you at least have them to turn to.

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

He smiled. “Do you have any brothers or sisters?”

I took another sip of my bottle, letting the water swoosh around my mouth. I wasn’t sure how to answer that question. No one here, save for Libby and my aunt and uncle, knew anything about Levy or his death. Not that they should, either, because up until a week or so ago, they had no clue that I existed. And in a way, I didn’t know if I wanted them to know about Levy. The situation was very personal to me, and I didn’t really trust telling it to anyone else. But then again, hadn’t I promised John that I would trust him?

“Harp, you okay?” he asked, leaning forward on the table.

I nodded my head. “Yeah, I’m fine.” I glanced down at my hands, once more. “I had a brother,” I mumbled.

“What?” he asked, leaning forward some more.

“I said,” I paused to clear my throat, “I had a brother.”

He looked at me and cocked his head to the right. “Had?”

“Yes, had. As in the past tense of the word have. As in I once had a brother, but he is now deceased,” I snarled, taking both John and myself by surprise. And I immediately regretted it, as my hand flew to my mouth, and tears collected in my eyes. “I – I – I’m so sorry, J – John.”

He stood up and walked around the table, kneeling beside me and taking my hands from my mouth. “You don’t have to be sorry, Harper.”

I sniffled and closed my eyes, taking in a big breath of air, in an attempt to hold the tears in. However, my attempts were in vain, because the tears tumbled down my cheeks anyway. I hated myself so much for this – crying in front of John. It was all I could think of, as John continuously whispered ‘shh’ and wrapped his long arms around me.

“Harp, take a few breaths, okay?” he whispered as my body began to shake from sobbing.

“I – I’m trying.”

He continued to rub circles with his hands on my back and I continued to try and give my lungs the oxygen it needed.

“Do you want a tissue?” John asked me, after I began to calm down.

I nodded my head. “Please,” I whispered.

He stood up and disappeared down the hallway. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hands, and a moment later, John returned with a few Kleenexes in his hand. He held them out to me.

“Thank you,” I told him as I took them from him.

“You’re welcome.”

I wiped my eyes with the tissue, feelings John’s eyes on me the whole time. “I’m sorry . . . again. I shouldn’t have lashed out on you.”

He chuckled and shook his head. “That was hardly what most people would consider yelling, Harp.” His laughter stopped and his face took on a more serious look. “Are you okay?”

I nodded my head and sniffled. “I think so.”

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I’d understand.”

I looked up at him, my eyes connecting with his green orbs. “Really?”

He nodded his head. “Really.”

I gave him a small smile. “Thank you, John.”

“You’re welcome,” he told me, just as his phone began going off. He pulled the device out of his pocket and sighed. “It’s Garrett.”

I took a sip of my water as I listened to his side of the conversation.

“. . . Libby, shut up. No, Garrett, we didn’t.” He rolled his eyes. “God, you two are meant for each other,” he said as he dragged his hand over his face. “She’s-“ he looked at me, before continuing, “in the bathroom. No, I’m not making up excuses! Yes, Garrett, she has her clothes on! No, Libby, they never came off!” He gave me a sympathetic look and I felt my cheeks heating up once again. “You know what? I’m just going to hang up now. Yeah, I think that’s exactly what I’m going to do. Bye, guys!” He tapped the screen of his phone and shook his head. “Your cousin and Garrett are really something else.”

I laughed softly. “Yeah, they are.”

“Well, um,” he paused to scratch the back of his neck, “I have to go pick up Shane from his baseball practice.” He looked at me as I nodded my head. “You can come with me if you want, or I can drop you off at home. It’s up to you.”

“Can you take me home, please?”

“Yeah, of course. Just let me grab my keys, okay?”

I nodded my head and he disappeared from the kitchen; I could hear his footsteps as he traveled up the stairs. I stood up and screwed the cap onto my water bottle, as I walked out into the living room. I sighed and closed my eyes, wishing that I could take back what had just taken place.

“Alright, let’s go,” John said as his feet touched the last step.

We both got into his car silently. After he started the ignition, a band that I didn’t know the name of began playing, and the AC kicked on. John reversed out of his driveway, and began the journey to my house.

The car ride had been quiet, and I was thankful for the short distance between John and Libby’s house. After pulling to a stop in front of the house, John turned down the volume of the radio and looked at me.

“Well . . . I had an interesting time,” he said and chuckled.

I smiled. “Me too.” I reached for the handle on the door, and pushed it open, before turning back to John. “Thank you . . . for everything.”

He smiled. “You’re welcome, Harp.”

I got out of the car, shut the door, and walked up the pathway to the door of Libby’s house. As I stuck the key in the doorknob, I turned around and saw John give me a wave. I returned a small wave back before entering the house.

Interesting was one word to describe our time together.