Skylines and Turnstiles

What the hell happened yesterday? I lie in bed alone. Where’s Tessa? Or Tracey, something beginning with ‘T’. When I woke up this morning she was gone. I turned to my bedside table where my clock was. 2pm. Well there goes the day. I can’t believe I did that yesterday. I’ve never been that much of a pig towards a lady. But I’ll admit for a split second the ecstasy took over, and I was happy.

I was so consumed in my thoughts I didn’t notice Mikey standing at the end of my bed.

“Gerard? Earth to Gerard. You with me?”

“Oh, h-hey Mikey, what’s up?” I said sleepily rubbing my eyes.

“Oh nothing, have fun last night?”

“What do you mean?” I asked confused. I wasn’t that loud was I?

“Well this morning when I was eating breakfast I had a lovely conversation with Tara.” Tara! That’s it! I knew it started with T. I was a little embarrassed that my brother had caught my one night stand.

“Oh yeah? She’s an old friend from art school.” I lied badly, panicking.

“Really? Well you must have fucked her stupid because she thinks she’s a bartender who you seduced last night and she has to leave before you wake up,” Mikey told me giving me a cheeky smile.

“Uh—W-what can I say I’m skilled?” I replied with a chuckle.

“Sure, sure Gerard.”

“I’m sorry did you want something?” I said jokingly annoyed.

“Yeah actually, it’s about something Kenzi told me.” Oh no!

“Uh, o-oh yeah?” I stuttered nervously.

“Yeah, I didn’t know you could be that cruel Gerard, but I thought I’d give you the benefit of the doubt here.” I sigh. That’s that then, time to come clean.

“Listen Mikey, I just want you to know, this isn’t his fault—“Mikey interrupts me.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, this isn’t whose fault? Did you cheat on her with a guy?” Okay now I’m stumped.

“What? Uh, what?”

“Gerard, Kenzi told me you cheated on her.” Mikey said sternly. Seeming a little annoyed.

“Oh, right, I-I meant her, it was just some g-girl.”

“So it’s true?” I know he’s going to hate me for this but he’ll hate me a lot less than if he knew the truth.

“Yeah, I’m sorry Mikey.”

“That’s fucking perfect Gerard! I just got into a MASSIVE fight with Kenzi, defending you, I kept saying, no Gerard wouldn’t do that, he wouldn’t be that heartless!” Mikey screamed.

“I-I’m sorry Mikes.”

“No, fuck off Gerard! I’m going to go apologize to my girlfriend; I can’t believe I defended you.”

“Oh your telling me to fuck off! Who’s the asshole who forgot ALL about their boyfriend for some stupid girl, in love with Frankie eh, yeah right.” The second I said that I regret it. I instantly saw Mikey getting more and madder. Next thing I knew, Mikey’s fist went right into my face. It hurt, but not as much as the fact that my brother had just hit me, he’s never touched me before. He’s more like dad then he thinks.

“YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT FRANKIE! HE’S GONE OKAY? YOU THINK THAT DOESN’T BREAK MY FUCKING HEART? IT DOES, BUT YOU KNOW WHATS GOT ME THROUGH IT? KENZI, NOT MY BROTHER, KENZI! NO WONDER DAD LEFT!” At that point I saw Mikey’s expression change. I could tell he regret that last comment. Tears well up in my eyes.

“Get out.” I said quietly yet angrily.

“G-Gerard I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said that.”

“GET THE FUCK OUT MY ROOM!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. Mikey didn’t say another word; he just quietly left my room. How could be say that? I’m suddenly reminded of my hospitalization two years ago, I tried killing myself. Mikey thought it was because I blamed myself for dad leaving. If only he knew. Knew the real reason I wanted to leave everything I have in this world behind. I only stayed for Mikey. He’s saved me more times than he realizes.

I wish I could tell Mikey, Tell him everything. About Frankie…Dad. I couldn’t even say that without a shiver going down my back. But no, Mikey can’t save me this time, I need my Frankie, I can’t take this much longer. I have to find him. I will find him.