This Is How It's Supposed to Be.

If anything in this word was certain, it was that I was most certainly not a people person. I’d had enough human contact in my short, five-hour shift, to last a lifetime, and enough obnoxious, stupid questions to last at least two. To say that I was frustrated and bitchy and about to get fired was huge understatement. I’d had enough of the screaming babies and toddlers and little kids, enough of their mothers yelling at them or just not doing anything at all, and of the bratty, glaring, giggling preteens, and if I got one more, “my-coupon-is-expired-but-can-you-still-give-me-a-discount?” I was going to scream and quit on the spot.

My back was turned to the finally-empty checkout line and I was counting the expired coupons people had tried to use regardless of the fact I’d told them we couldn’t accept anything even one day past the expiration date. I could sense that someone was standing at the counter, mostly because they were radiating that “I’m waiting for you to do your job” air and most definitely glaring daggers into the back of my head. I ignored them. If I couldn’t see them, maybe they couldn’t see me, either.

“Excuse me, miss,” A very high and girly voice said, “This coupon-”

That was it. I was going to scream, high-pitched and whiny, so loud that the lights overhead would shatter, and then I was going to turn around and yell at this lady, and then I was going to tear off my apron and stomp on it and storm out and never come back to this horrid place for the rest of my life.

But I knew that wasn’t an option, because not only did I desperately need the minimum-wage paycheck I got every Friday, but my grandfather would kill me, too. So instead I clenched my teeth and put on a very forced smile.

“I’m sorry, ma’am,” I said, perfectly aware of the fact that I sounded just as pissed off as I felt. I turned around to look and instead of a little old lady or a middle-aged mother, I saw Garrett, standing with a bag of chips and a bottle of soda on the conveyor belt, doubled over laughing at me. John, Pat, Jared and Halvo were behind him, laughing equally as hard.

“Garrett, you are the biggest asshole I’ve ever known in my entire life.”

“Are you allowed to say that?”

“Considering I’ve been off the clock for somewhere around thirty seconds, yes I am.”

“Are you going to ring this stuff up?”

“Employee discount,” I answered, “Everything is free after five hours of being pissed off to no end. Take it.”

I punched a few keys on the computer to at least make it look like Garrett paid, and then stuffed my apron under the counter and followed Garrett and the boys to the car, where I shared the backseat with John and Pat, and Halvo who chose to sit across the three of us.

We went straight to the backyard when we pulled up to Garrett’s house, throwing ourselves down onto lounge chairs and the half-dead grass. I leaned back on the ground, basking in the afternoon sun, enjoying the familiar sounds of boy-talk around me. This was my element, completely and one hundred percent. It was just me and the guys, in our own little world filled with laughing and sex jokes, and gossiping about various people we did and didn’t like. Garrett had brought out an acoustic guitar at some point and was playing a made-up song that I knew I’d heard before. The guys were all singing along to it, and I was humming, and every one of us, including John, was so off key, but we were all having so much fun that it really didn’t matter at all. I knew right then and there that this was exactly how I wanted to spend my summer, and there was nothing that was going to ruin this moment in time. I’d lock it away in my memory to tell my grandchildren one day. They wouldn’t understand it, or maybe they would, but I’d just laugh and tell them how different things were I when I was their age.

But of course, the one and only thing that could ruin this moment appeared out of nowhere and walked through the gate, instantly silencing our song and Garrett’s playing.

“Garrett!” She squealed.

“Hey, babe.”

She pranced over to him and sat on his lap, completely disregarding the guitar and in doing so, forced him to push it aside.

“So…what’s up?” He asked, kissing her cheek.

She bit her lip, “Oh, not much. Just wondering if you wanted to go to Jessa’s party with me tonight?”

Every single person in the back yard, including Trey and Tim, who’d come in only minutes before Lauren’s arrival, turned to look at Garrett. Each of us was sending a very clear message that he, under no circumstances, was to accept the invitation. We held our breath waiting for his response, because even though he’d never ditched us for this girl yet, we all knew how bitchy she’d get if she didn’t get her way –and Garrett.

“Sorry, Laur, I can’t.”

“Why not?!”

Garrett rubbed the back of his neck, a nervous habit all of us had. “I’ve got the bonfire tonight. Boys only. It’s tradition.”

“Well…” She drew out the word, almost like she was unsure of what she was going to say next. “…Um, is Caleb going?”

That one, simple question called back all of the anger from an hour or so ago that I thought I’d gotten rid of, and it hit me full force. She had done something that the other guys never really acknowledged, because it didn’t matter to them. She had pointed out that I was a female, and this was an “all-male” campfire, and so I technically had no place at our party. And not only had she called me and everyone else, and especially Garrett, out on it, but now she was going to use it to her advantage.

Even if I didn’t hang around with them ever, I knew how girls worked. I was one, after all, even though the guys didn’t treat me like it. And I knew that she was going to use me to get Garrett to let her come to the bonfire, or she was going to try and get him to say that I couldn’t come. I hoped it wasn’t the latter, because the look on Garrett’s face didn’t really confirm that he was going to stand up for me. The look on his face said that, at that moment, he was going to say whatever Lauren wanted to hear, even if it meant pissing the rest of us off, and I wasn’t exactly sure how I felt about that.

“…Yeah, she is. She always goes. She’s one of the guys, too. Right, Cay?”

I put on my fake-nice voice that I usually reserved for customers, “Yup.”

“So…Can I come too, then?” She asked, only confirming my suspicions. “I mean, I we can keep each other company so neither of us has to deal with all of you alone.” She laughed, and as much as I hated to admit it, the sound was perfect and hypnotizing.

What she said, however, all of us knew it was a lie. Because I didn’t even try to hide my dislike for her. I had a feeling she liked me just as little, and both of us knew that her “keeping me company” was not actually going to happen, and if it did it was not going to end with us being new best friends.

But even though all of us knew this, I could see it in Garrett’s eyes that he was going to say yes. Despite the tension filling the air, and despite the glares coming from everyone in the yard, he was going to say yes and let her come to exclusively male-and-Caleb bonfire, effectively breaking what would be the sixth year of this tradition. He was crossing an imaginary line that we’d all made an unspoken agreement to not cross.

“You know,” I said, standing up and brushing bits of dried grass off my pants, “I think my grandpa had mentioned something about taking my mom and sister and me to dinner tonight. I really don’t think it’s something I can miss.”

Everyone knew it was a lie, because I put no effort into making it believable and there was no emotion in my voice at all. I started walking, half expecting someone to stop me, and walked through Garrett’s house so I didn’t have to look at anyone’s face while I left. I knew everyone was staring after me because I could feel their stares burning a hole in my back, and I knew exactly why and that I deserved it.

This was so unlike me. It was well-known that I didn’t like Lauren. None of us did. But while it was normal for me to shoot off a few sarcastic and generally mean things to her, I had never been dramatic enough to tell everyone a deliberately obvious lie and then walk out. I didn’t like girl drama. I didn’t like making a scene. I usually semi-tolerated Lauren because Garrett was dating her, and I was his best friend. But walking out because of her was something that no one –myself included– saw coming.

I didn’t want to know Garrett’s reaction. I knew that he knew my dislike for Lauren, but usually he’d side with me and the guys over stupid things like this. He’d take her side for some things, like other parties or shows, and we all tolerated that because as much as we disliked her coming with us, we hated her attitude and whining when she couldn’t come even more. But the bonfire was something not negotiable, because it was tradition, and we all had the same mindset about not screwing around with traditions. But I knew he was going to disregard that and agree to let her come, even if it meant having all of us pissed with him, because after six years of being the kid’s best friend, I could read him like a book. If you looked close enough, every single emotion he was feeling would flicker across his face for a split second before he tried to cover it up. His eyes, though, were something he’d never learned to hide emotions with. Because even if his facial expression and body language screamed no, you could look at his eyes and know that he was thinking the exact opposite. And even though before I’d walked out, he’d gotten tense and stopped hugging Lauren as tightly, which everyone else probably didn’t notice or interpreted as no, his eyes were saying that he was going to let her come because he didn’t want to deal with the consequences of telling her no, she couldn’t.

I knew that me walking out and causing a miniature scene was a slap in the face to everyone, but especially Garrett. He knew me just as well as I knew him, if not better, so for me to give what was no reason for my actions, would leave everyone confused. He didn’t know that I could read him like a book. He wouldn’t understand why I was upset, and I’d most likely be too mad to explain it to him for a few days. In my mind, the second she’d asked, a buzzer should have gone off in his head that screamed “NO!”, because there was the guy code to remember, right? Bros before hoes? Which biologically speaking I was the latter, but I knew as well as he did that I was counted as one of the bros, and Lauren, in everyone's eyes but Garrett's, was the ho. But I couldn’t be sure he’d understand, so I braced for the worst and tried to calm myself down. Garrett had never really been mad at me, but I’d seen him get mad at plenty of other people before, and knew I was in for a couple days of the silent treatment.

My grandfather was home when I got back to my house, but was sleeping in front of the television and didn’t even hear me come in, and my sister was upstairs blasting music, so I was able to sneak down the stairs to my bedroom and pull off Garrett’s sneakers and my jeans and tee shirt and replace them with clean running shorts and a tank top in seconds flat. Grandpa was awake and saw me leave through the front door when I came back up the stairs, but I told him I was going for a run, and he knew better than to interfere and hold me there to talk. I took off the second I got down the porch stairs, and it was a welcome feeling to have the slight, warm wind against my face and my bare feet against the ground. I took my usual route, but I passed the Nickelsen house a few more times than necessary, almost hoping Garrett would come try to talk to me just so I could blow him off and deny he was even there. But he didn’t, and I was alone, left to wonder about what kind of mess I'd just made.