Until The End

I texted Brian to ask him if I could talk to him, and he replied with a simple "yes". I waited until Johnny was drifting off to sleep before I kissed him and told him I was going to walk Naomi back to the house. He nodded, but I don't think he was listening because Naomi had gone home an hour ago.

I smiled as Cale lifted his head from Johnny's lap and tilted his head at me. I blew him a kiss, and he lay back down.

The night was pretty clear, I noticed as I walked the short distance to the others' house. I went in without knocking (hadn't it been my home for awhile too?), but no one seemed to care. Zacky and Brian sat on the couch laughing and talking as usual, and I smiled. Zacky looked up at me and nodded.

"Hey, Zack, could you give us a second?" I asked.

"Sure, yeah," Zacky said. He stood up. "I'm heading to bed anyway. See ya, Bri."

"G'night, Zack-o," Brian said. He looked up at me. "What's up, Lissa?"

"I just needed someone to talk to," I said, sitting down across from him in the chair.

"You couldn't talk to anyone else?" Brian said. "Hey, congrats on your little baby girl! Naomi told me."

"Thanks," I said. "I- um- wanted to talk to you about something else though. Since you knew me the best when I first met you guys."

Brian nodded and said, "True, true."

There was a long pause while I looked at my hands and collected my thoughts. I looked back at him. "I'm scared," I said.

"Don't be scared, Liss," Brian said. "You'll be a great mom. Everything's gonna be fine-"

"That's not what I mean," I said, cutting him off. "I mean...I'm scared I'll go back to the way I was. I don't want to, but...I don't know. I keep having these second thoughts running through my mind that I'll just forget all of this once the baby comes."

Brian was silent. He sat back in his chair, running a hand through his hair and then crossing his arms. He sighed and smiled at me.

"You know, I'd never lie to you," he said. "And I think you and Johnny are perfect for each other. You're both head-over-heels, and it's so blatantly obvious you were meant to be together. You're having a baby. You're gonna be married. You have it all. I know you won't throw that all away to sleep around here again."

I felt the tears begin to work their way through, and I took a shaky breath.

"I suppose you're right," I said. "I just don't know what to do." I felt a tear roll down my cheek. "I keep wondering what I'm even doing here in the first place, but I know it's because you're the only one who kept me coming back for more."

Brian stood and sat next to me. He put his arms around my shoulders and hugged me. "If you need me," he said, "I'm here. But you have Johnny, and I have Sam. We weren't in love like you and Johnny are. I think Sam and I could have that too. We can be friends, but that's it."

I nodded. "Okay," I said. "Yeah, I guess you're right. I'm just worried, you know?" I wiped my tears and smiled.

Brian squeezed my shoulders and kissed the top of my head. "Glad I could help," he said.

"Brian?"

We turned and and saw Sam standing on the steps in shorts and one of Brian's shirts. I smiled, thinking a bit of my old self, and I waved to her.

"I see you got in okay, Sam," I said. "I just came to ask Brian something."

"I don't mind," Sam replied. "I just was wondering when you were coming up, Bri."

"I'll be up in a minute," Brian said with a smile.

Sam smiled back, and she turned to go back to her room. I squeezed Brian's arm and stood up. He stood too and put a hand on my belly.

"I'm happy for you," Brian said. "Now get outta here before Shorty wonders where you've gone off to."

I smiled. "Thanks," I said again.

I left the house a bit more satisfied than before. There was always that part of me that wanted a more than what I'd left. It's why I'd been with Brian in the first place. There was nothing stopping from leaving; I'd stayed on my own accord.

When I got home, Cale greeted me at the door. Johnny was still asleep on the couch, and I sat down next to him. Cale curled up at our feet, and I heard Johnny chuckle. I leaned against him and put my head on his chest, and he shifted. He draped an arm across my back and sniffed.

"I love you, Lissa," he mumbled.

I smiled, letting the silence grow between us. Finally I said, "I love you too, Johnny."