One Heart

Brian’s POV

With Nat gone, everything around me just didn’t seem to have an effect. The guys all made sure I was never alone, with one of them staying in the house at all times. It was as if they had arranged shifts for each other to keep watch, just to make sure I wasn’t going to do something stupid like kill myself. I wasn’t going to lie, there were those times I looked at the either the medication in the cupboard, the alcohol piled up on the shelves or even my car keys- our car keys- and just considered ending it all, but I couldn’t do that. Nathalie only came back to make sure her children wouldn’t be orphaned at a young age like she was, so I couldn’t do that to them. It would just be an insult to her.

For the most part the gap Nathalie had left behind was filled with caring for Sammy and Rae, learning how to change and feed my son while ensuring that Rae got to school on time each day and picked her up when it finished. I had never realised how much work it was being a parent- I often wondered how she managed to do it all those years in Phoenix.

It was strange, but even though she was physically gone, Nat had managed to make sure it felt like she was still around. After her death when I began to make arrangements for her funeral I found that she had already organised it a long time ago; she had left a list of what she wanted with the directors, already fully paid for, and guests she wanted to invite. She also left a box with them that got returned to me a day or so after I had first rang them up, filled with letters and a few bits she wanted to give to us. One of the items in the box was a DVD labelled for Jimmy;

Flashback

“Are you sure this is for me?” Jimmy asked, frowning as he took it from me. Sure enough, there was his name on the disk itself, so I doubt it was wrong. “Do you know what’s on it?”

I shrugged. “Your guess is as good as mine. Why don’t you play it and find out?” I sorted out the letters from the box and handed one to him. “This is for you as well.”

“I wonder what’s on it…” Jimmy mused, having placed the letter aside and placed the disk into the DVD player. “I don’t remember lending her anything…”

About five seconds into the film Jimmy’s eyes were bursting out of his head as he rushed over to the player and fumbled to get the disk out, cursing as he kept pressing the wrong buttons. The rest of us were in fits of laughter; on the disk was a video of Jimmy in basically drag, wearing a dress that clearly did not fit him, a fake blonde wig and full make-up. Add this to the fact he was drunk and singing ‘Simply The Best’ and you have the comedy film of the year. After he finished his song he collapsed backwards, smiling and waving up at the camera.

“Hey Nat,” the video-Jimmy said, the camera shaking as bodiless laughter replied him.

The camera turned then, revealing Nat’s face. It must have been back when we were first together; at Matt’s house on the night she left early. Her hair was black then, streaked with electric blue and straightened, a lot different to the natural auburn curls she had now. Or did have, at least.

“Jimmy, if you are watching this now, this is what I did to you that night. I’m not sorry for making you do this since you seemed quite happy too, but if you are watching this with the others… well, that’s your own stupidity.” The picture cut off for a few moments then, only to be replaced by the Nathalie of six years later, looking fresh-faced and with no hint of pregnancy at all. In fact, I didn’t recognise where she was- it certainly wasn’t here. “Hey Jimmy. I do really hope you read my letter before watching this, since I did say to watch it on your own so you don’t get embarrassed. If you have, well, I guess it is a bit too late now isn’t it?” She chuckled lightly. “Jimmy, you’ve been a great friend to me, and I love you with all my heart. I know one day this video will be one of the only things that will represent me because I am dying of leukaemia-well, you know because I’ve already told you- and I know I should tell Val but I don’t want to worry her. She already worries about me enough as it is. You two have been invaluable to me, and I hope that you have the best lives you can. Without you I don’t know how I could have carried on after I left Huntington- I don’t know if I would have had the strength to raise my daughter alone.” By now, tears were beginning to form and she sniffed, smiling as she dabbed at her eyes. “Wherever I end up when my time finally comes, I don’t want you to feel sad for me. Go out, have a drink and party in my name. I love you.”

The video ended, leaving us watching just a blank screen for a few moments before Jimmy finally found the eject button and took out the disk. He looked down at it in his hand, smiling.

“Nat, wherever you are-” He shifted his gaze upwards. “-I just want you to know, that as soon as I get to you, I’m fucking getting your ass back.”

Flashback Ended

Along with this were photos of albums filled with pictures from when we were first together to the present, including all the years I missed when we had split. She seemed to be happy during those years, a constant smile and look of adoration filling her features whenever there was a picture of her and Rae together. One particular photo fell out when I was flicking through them, revealing the two of us a couple of months after we first met, smiling as we looked at each other. I couldn’t even remember when this was taken, flipping it over to see ‘He opened the Synyster Gates to my heart’ scribbled on the back in Nat’s writing. I put aside the photos and picked out a few cases that held disks similar to Jimmy’s in them, however they were labelled by number and other than that had nothing on them. I popped the first one in my DVD player, and watched again as Nat’s face filled the screen.

“It’s a bit different to where I lived before, isn’t it?” Nat’s disembodied voice said as the camera swept over a small house and the surrounding neighbourhood. “I’ve never really had neighbours before. Let’s hope they are nice, eh?”

The scene soon changed to a few months later showing Nat sitting upright in a hospital bed, a newborn baby in her arms. The camera zoomed in on the beaming mother and her new child, revealing the tiny body of our daughter.

“So what have you decided to call her?” Val’s voice asked just off-shot, presumably the one holding the camera. “She needs a name.”

“You already know her name.”

“Mr. Camera doesn’t.”

Nat raised an eyebrow at ‘Mr. Camera’, but answered anyway, shifting her gaze to the baby and looking adoringly down at her. “Rachel McKenna Haner-Taylor; my perfect little angel. Say hello to daddy Rae.”

When I first saw this I was surprised to hear her say this, but after watching all the other videos of Rae growing up, I realised that Nathalie seemed to want to keep a video diary of our daughter so I could catch up on what I’ve missed. It looked like that even though she didn’t want our daughter to grow up in the lifestyle I lived; she still wanted me in her life.

“Dad?” I looked away from the screen to see Rae hovering at the door. She was 26 now; no longer the little girl I used to bounce on my knee. “Michelle just wanted me to see if you were ready.”

Michelle was Val’s twin sister, and after Nat’s death she was always the one there to help me out whenever I was just having a bad day. You could call us a couple since we did live together but other than that we went no further. I had pointed out many times that our relationship, or whatever you called it, was unfair to her since I knew I would never be able to marry again, but she said she didn’t mind, just being around was enough. Because of this Sammy grew up initially believing her to be his mother, and even now, despite telling him otherwise he still chose to call her it. It did hurt me to think that he called a stranger his mother, but she was as close to one he was ever going to get. Nathalie never even got to see him.

“I’ll be down in a minute Rae, don’t worry,” I replied with a smile.

She took one look at the frozen image of her mother on the screen and frowned, crouching in front of where I was sitting on the couch and tutted. “If you wanted some help, you should have asked,” she said, helping to straighten out the shirt I was wearing and fixing the butterfly cuffs properly into place. “I wish mom could still be here. Not that Michelle is bad or anything…”

“No… I miss your mother too.” I turned to her, tucking her hair behind her ear. “You look just like her; except-”

“Except that I have your eyes.” She smiled. “Just like Sam looks like you, but has mom’s eyes.”

“You better not be telling on me Rae.” We both turned to see Samuel leaning against the door frame, his arms crossed.

“I wouldn’t dream of it little Sammy.”

He scowled. “Hey, I’m not little anymore! I’m 21 now.” He grinned with pride. “Public drinking age baby.”

“Nice to know you are finally joining us at the drinking table.” She laughed, straightening up from the couch to draw her brother into a hug and pecking him on the cheek. “Happy birthday Sammy.”

“Gross sis!” He rubbed at the spot where she had kissed him, glaring at her. “Leave that for Mickey!”

“I guess the only kisses you want are from Hannah eh?” Rae responded slyly, taking pleasure in the rosy blush that dusted his cheeks from the comment. “Have you asked her out yet?”

“It’s none of your business!” Samuel replied haughtily. “Who gave you the title of matchmaker?”

She answered this with a simple raise of her left hand, showing off the engagement ring on her finger. “Engaged.”

“Yeah, to Mickey. He doesn’t count.”

“And why not?”

“You’ve basically known him since you were five!”

“Well you and Hannah have grown up together since she was born a few months after you!” She retorted. “How is that any different?”

Hannah Nathalie Baker was Zack and Chloe’s daughter, born only a couple of months after Nat died. They honoured her by giving her name as their child’s second, just like Samuel’s middle name was Zachary.

“Now, now, what’s all this fighting about?” Michelle appeared in the doorway followed shortly after by Hannah and Mickey. Rae instantly skipped to her fiancé’s side and kissed him, leaving Hannah to shyly sidle up to Samuel as Michelle made her way over to me. “Just because your children are both all grown up doesn’t mean you can’t tell them off every once in a while.” She put her hand on her hip as Sammy remained behind after the others had taken the hint and obliged to leave. “That includes you Sammy!”

“But mom!”

“No buts!” She said firmly, squashing any protest he might have had. “Your age is just a number; you still have to live up to it.” She pressed her hand upon his back and pushed him out, letting out a soft sigh as she closed the door behind her. “They grow up so fast, don’t they?”

Her cheery demeanour dropped as she walked back over and crouched down to my level, looking up at me from the floor. “Cheer up Bri; we’re celebrating your son’s 21st birthday today. Let’s see a smile on that face eh?” She stuck her tongue out at me and waggled it until I couldn’t resist offering her what she wanted; even if it was only a small offering. “That’s better! Now come on, everyone is waiting.”

Michelle got up, but I lingered behind. She didn’t need to say anything as her gaze slid to the screen and she understood, smiling softly before turning around and leaving the room to join the others downstairs.

I got up and walked over to the DVD player and took out the disk, slipping it carefully back into its sleeve and setting it on the side. As I straightened I noticed a picture of Nat and me on our wedding day, neither of us looking at the camera as we just concentrated on each other, smiling. I brushed my fingers down the glass covering her face before looking away, only to step back from shock as I witnessed the same individual standing before me.

“Nathalie?!” There was no way in hell she was real- ghosts and spirits and all that crap did not exist. “Is that you?”

In a blink of an eye she had vanished, causing me to laugh and shake my head. Man I am seeing some crazy shit now; maybe I do need to go out and have a drink. I dismissed the sight as I picked my jacket off the side and left the room, switching off the light as I made my way downstairs where everyone was waiting for me.

Zack of course, was the first to comment on my lateness. “Geez Syn, getting too old for the stairs now?”

“Fuck you Vengeance, I’m not an old man yet,” I said with a scowl.

“Hey!” Chloe punched me in the arm. “No cursing in front of the kids.”

“Mom!” Hannah cried, glancing up at Samuel who was grinning. “Stop it! You’re embarrassing me!”

“Mind your mother Hannah,” Zack said.

“Dad!”

“Stop whining or I’ll have you barred from the Club tonight,” Chloe warned. “Hell, I shouldn’t even let you in anyway considering you are underage.”

“I’m 20!”

“Legal age is 21.”

“Mom!”

She chuckled. “Don’t wear it out love.” Even though she was technically Hannah’s mother, her relationship with her was pretty much the same with anyone else. “Come on, let’s get Sammy’s party going!”

All of the Sevenfold gang, including wives and kids (Samuel, Hannah and Rae) along with Alex, Sophie and Mickey headed out the door first, leaving me to lock up after them. I stopped on the porch ready to close the door when I could have sworn I saw Nathalie again; standing at the bottom of the stairs in a stunning white dress. She just looked at me, mouthing the words ‘Happy birthday Sammy’ with a smile.

“Brian?” Momentarily I turned to Michelle who was looking curiously up at me. “Are you coming?”

“Just locking up.” When I looked back to the stairs I found them to be empty once again; no sign that my sight of Nathalie had ever been true.

After locking the door I couldn’t help but smile from the memories that flooded back to me from twenty years ago; including the vivid dream of Nat’s survival in the hospital, something that Rae instinctively picked up on. “I’m glad to see you have finally got into the party mood Dad.”

I smiled. “Just needed to remember something; that’s all.” I wrapped an arm around Michelle. “Come on; let’s go get Sammy his first legal drink!”