I'm Not Okay (I Promise)
.o5.
I feel like I've just been shot.
I can only imagine how Gerard and Mikey are doing. Well, however it is, I'm sure they both hate me by now.
Gerard's mother was the one who opened the door, see.
But really, what kind of mother is she?
A mother who walked in on Gerard and me just as we were about to kiss, which I had only subconsciously fantasized about since I met him.
A mother who immidiately started screaming obscenities at her own son. I believe "fucking faggot" was the most frequent insult.
But the worst part was what she did to Mikey. He came running upstairs with Ray and Bob, asking what all the noise was about. I remembered how sad he'd looked when he found out his mom wasn't home, and my heart sank.
And when she saw Ray and Bob, she started in on him.
"I won't have this in my house! What are you thinking, Michael? Are you a faggot? Are you a fucking faggot like your brother?"
And just like that, tears welled up in his eyes. He turned and ran, Bob and Ray quickly following. Gerard looked unable to move, pale and shocked. His mother turned to me, fire in her eyes, and I ran too.
Leaving Gerard completely alone to deal with her.
I supposedly love him, and I'm too much of a coward to fight for him.
Right now, I'm close to my house, still running. But all of a sudden, I stop.
I'm staying with him, no matter what. I turn around and run all the way back to his house, fling open the door, take the stairs three at a time until I'm at his room, where she's still yelling at him. I hurry to his side, feeling a bit ridiculous. I'm here but what can I do? She turns to me again, and my face flushes, but I grab Gerard's hand and realize that being here, coming back, is enough.
She screams at him, and me, and both of us. She even tries hitting him. But I shield him, block her, whatever it takes. After all this, she's not hurting him physically as well. After a while she slumps against the doorframe, rubbing her temples.
"Just..get the fuck out of my house."
I don't need to be told twice. I grab Gerard's arm and haul him out. Once we're outside, he takes one look at me and bursts into tears.
--
0___o
I can't even bear to read this over.
I can only imagine how Gerard and Mikey are doing. Well, however it is, I'm sure they both hate me by now.
Gerard's mother was the one who opened the door, see.
But really, what kind of mother is she?
A mother who walked in on Gerard and me just as we were about to kiss, which I had only subconsciously fantasized about since I met him.
A mother who immidiately started screaming obscenities at her own son. I believe "fucking faggot" was the most frequent insult.
But the worst part was what she did to Mikey. He came running upstairs with Ray and Bob, asking what all the noise was about. I remembered how sad he'd looked when he found out his mom wasn't home, and my heart sank.
And when she saw Ray and Bob, she started in on him.
"I won't have this in my house! What are you thinking, Michael? Are you a faggot? Are you a fucking faggot like your brother?"
And just like that, tears welled up in his eyes. He turned and ran, Bob and Ray quickly following. Gerard looked unable to move, pale and shocked. His mother turned to me, fire in her eyes, and I ran too.
Leaving Gerard completely alone to deal with her.
I supposedly love him, and I'm too much of a coward to fight for him.
Right now, I'm close to my house, still running. But all of a sudden, I stop.
I'm staying with him, no matter what. I turn around and run all the way back to his house, fling open the door, take the stairs three at a time until I'm at his room, where she's still yelling at him. I hurry to his side, feeling a bit ridiculous. I'm here but what can I do? She turns to me again, and my face flushes, but I grab Gerard's hand and realize that being here, coming back, is enough.
She screams at him, and me, and both of us. She even tries hitting him. But I shield him, block her, whatever it takes. After all this, she's not hurting him physically as well. After a while she slumps against the doorframe, rubbing her temples.
"Just..get the fuck out of my house."
I don't need to be told twice. I grab Gerard's arm and haul him out. Once we're outside, he takes one look at me and bursts into tears.
--
0___o
I can't even bear to read this over.