P.S I Love You

18: Anniversary

Holly’s and Gerry’s wedding anniversary came unexpected. She has been so busy with the baby that she hasn’t really thought about today. The past three months Holly has felt Gerry around like she used too when he first died.

Janessa was only three months old, but she was a big baby. She has everything of Gerry, his smile, his eyes, even his nose. But she had Holly’s face and hair color.

Sharon had her baby girl two months ago, her name is Lisa Elizabeth. Such a beautiful baby too, she looks so much like Sharon. John couldn’t be anymore happier to have a baby girl, but he said he was going to keep trying until he got a boy.

Denise was married for two months also, her New Years Eve wedding was the most beautiful wedding Holly has ever been too. Holly still served as her maid of honor, since the baby was due on December 10th, Holly had plenty of time to lose the baby weight so she could fit into her bride maid’s dress. Denise and Tom are already talking about having kids….since neither of them aren’t getting any younger.

Holly’s shoe store was very successful. But since the baby has been born, she hasn’t been there all that much; Kara –once again- has been doing all the paperwork again. Although Kara has assured her many times that she didn’t mind as long as Holly took care of her niece.

Rose and Martin knew about the baby, and planned on coming for Gerry’s first anniversary to meet her. Rose was anxious to meet her first grandchild, she couldn’t wait to hold her son’s first and only child.

Patricia spent almost everyday at Holly’s, she even saw a lot more life in her daughter’s eyes since Janessa was born. Kara was always at the apartment alone, sometimes she felt bad but when she held the baby, she completely forgot about it.

Daniel and Christine broke up soon after Denise’s wedding, he couldn’t stand her anymore. She was selfish and she couldn’t stand his rudeness. Holly found it funny when Daniel saw Christine with another women in a bar, making out. Daniel has become a huge part of Janessa’s life. Holly is even thinking about making him the godfather and Sharon the godmother. But she wasn’t so definite on that one.

Holly couldn’t describe her feelings. She was so blessed to have a baby in her arms; it was the last gift Gerry gave her. Holly still wore the “Mrs. Kennedy” necklace he got her, but for some reason, she felt like she needed to stop wearing it. Holly sometimes cried herself to sleep thinking about Gerry. She wanted her daughter to know her father, how great he was, the sound of his laugh, or the way his eyes shined whenever he saw Holly. She wanted to tell Janessa one day, how much her father would have loved her if he had been alive.

Patricia could sometimes see how much it hurt Holly to be doing this alone, but Patricia stayed out of it. If Holly wanted to talk, she would. Kara even told her one time, how she heard Holly crying in the bathroom for Gerry. Holly’s heart ache for Gerry was never going away, now that she had Janessa.

Holly left Janessa on the floor while she ran to open her door. It was her mother; she had her hands in her coat pocket. Holly could see the strain in her eyes, she didn’t know what the deal was, but something it was something her mother had to do, that she wish she didn’t.

“Mom? What is it?” Holly closed the door behind her with a confused expression. Something was wrong.

“A lot.”

Janessa let out a yell which spread a smile on Patricia as she bent down to kiss her grandbaby’s head.

“Hi cutie pie.” She crooned.

Holly smiled and sat on the floor next to Janessa’s feet. Holly tickled the smallest feet she has ever seen in her life.

Patricia sighed as she looked at Holly’s smile. She didn’t want to ruin her day if she was having a good one.

“Holly.” Patricia sighed.
Holly starred at her mother’s sad expression. “Mom you’re seriously freaking me out. Just tell me.”

Patricia sat up to sit on the sofa, Holly followed her as she continued to stare at her mother.

“Holly. What I’m about to do, it’s not easy.” Patricia shrugged out of her jacket before she began.

Holly ran her hands threw her hair as she crossed her legs. “Ok.”

“A year ago today, Gerry came to the bar to hand me something. I know what today is, and he made sure I gave this to you today.”

Patricia reached in her pocket as she pulled out Gerry’s last letter to Holly.

Holly gasped when she saw Gerry’s handwriting on the white envelope. She hasn’t gotten a letter since last month. Holly took the letter with shaky hands and watery eyes.

“You.” She whispered.

Patricia sighed, “Me. I have to say I was impressed how he worked everything out. The entire deliver schedule….getting the leather jacket was not easy, but I managed on your birthday. He made me promise and I couldn’t say no. I told him it wasn’t good for you, but something held me back. In the end I never said no. It’s the last one, Holly.”

Holly ran her hand along the envelope, scared to open this last letter. A tear drop stained the paper, and the all too familiar pain hit Holly’s heart.

“I’m truly alone now.” Holly whispered.

Patricia took Holly’s hands into hers as she starred into her daughters eyes. “No Holly. You have Janessa, you have me, Kara, and you’re friends. You’re not alone sweetie.”

Holly nodded, “I am. I don’t have Gerry anymore. I need him to help take care of our daughter. I miss him so much.”

“It’s not all about Gerry anymore Holly. I know you need his help, but you need to stop and take care of this baby. Janessa needs you to be strong, so she can live her life to the fullest.”

Holly let out a sob, “Oh mom. I want him back so much. Do you know what today is? It’s our anniversary. Officially a month before he died.”
Patricia took Holly into her arms and rubbed her back until she finished crying. Patricia glanced at Janessa who was starring at Holly crying on her shoulder. She knew she could sense the emotion in the room, and she was confused. Patricia pulled Holly away as she wiped away her tears.

“Listen honey. Look at your daughter, see her face? She’s confused about why her mother so upset. Please Holly, you need to stop this. I’m sorry, but you need to move on sweetie. It’s what Gerry would want.”

Holly nodded as she picked up the letter that slipped from her fingers. Holly had the letter clutched tightly in her hands as Patricia patted her arm.

“All alone or not. You got to walk ahead. The thing to remember is, if we’re all alone, we’re all in that together too. It helps me sometimes.” Patricia whispered as she kissed her daughters cheek and played with Janessa on the floor. Holly walked to her bedroom where Gerry sat on her bed stand.

“I swear Gerry.” She whispered. Holly closed her eyes before she slipped her finger under the small opening and tore open the letter. She unfolded the letter and felt tears fall down her face as she read his last letter.

“Holly,

I don’t have a lot of time, I don’t mean literally. I mean that you’re out getting ice cream and would be back any minute. So I want to take this time to tell you something very important, it may be something that you don’t want to hear, but you need too.
Holly, you made me a man by loving me. And for that I’m grateful. If you can promise me whenever your sad or unsure or lose your faith. That you see yourself in my eyes. Thank you for the honor of being my wife. I’m a man with no regrets. You made my life baby. And for that I’m eternally grateful, literally.
So here it comes, the big one. Don’t be afraid to fall in love again. Watch out for that signal. I know it will be hard, but don’t let me hold you back. I’m just a chapter in your life, and you have others waiting to be written. This is the last letter; it’s time to move on. Take care love.
P.S I will always love you.”

Holly clutched the letter to her heart, as she bent over to cry harder than she has ever before.