Please Don't Forgive Me

“Nooo,” I moaned. It was the night before they were leaving for back-to-back tours and Garrett and I were lying tangled up in bed. “Can you tell me that this is all just a dream; that you don’t have to leave in the morning?” He kissed the top of my head and I started to cry.

“I have to. Trust me, right now I don’t want to go. I’d love to stay right here forever.” I buried my head in his chest and Machiavelli jumped on the bed meowing.

“We don’t even have one more day?” I asked my voice about to crack. I already knew the answer and I didn’t want to hear it again. “I don’t want to miss you again,” I sobbed.

“I don’t want to miss you either,” he kissed my forehead, “but you have Machiavelli to cuddle with. I have Pat.” I let out a small chuckle and reached out to pet the meowing animal.

“Garrett.” I had nothing to say, but I didn’t want to miss him. I wanted him to stay here forever.

“Anika, I love you. More than anything, I love you.” I kissed him softly and I wrapped my arms around his neck. He rolled slowly on top of me. His hands set my skin on fire as they moved along my body. He slowly pulled off my shirt and I slowly pulled off his blue boxer briefs.

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We were in the middle of doing it when I started crying again. I tried not to cry, I held my tears back for as long as I could. Eventually, though, they escaped. Garrett pulled out and pulled me close to him. It was then that I started sobbing so hard that I was shaking. He held me as tight as he could and I crawled as close to him as was physically possible. “Don’t go,” I sobbed. I was holding onto him as best I could as if that would keep him from leaving.

“I have to go,” he said sadly. “You can still come with us. Even if only for a few weeks.” I seriously considered his suggestion this time. “We have a Phoenix show in two and a half weeks. Make your decision by then. You can come with us from that point on if you want to.” I nodded with tears in my eyes. “I don’t want to leave either, Anika.”

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The next morning he crawled out of bed to shower and I stayed curled between the sheets of his bed, inhaling his scent. He was leaving in two hours. In two hours he would be gone for five months.

“Ani,” he crawled back into bed to spoon with me. “Anika, I’m going to miss you so much,” he said softly. “I don’t want to go without you.”

“Phoenix in two weeks, right?” I forced a smile. He grinned and buried his head in the crook of my neck leaving a trail of kisses.

“Two and a half.” I sighed and rolled out of bed. He was going to have to leave and I was going to have to get out of bed at some point.

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The rest of the guys had already climbed onto the bus and Garrett was still standing outside with me. His arms were around my waist and mine were wrapped around his neck; holding on for dear life. “We’ll see each other soon,” he reassured. “I’ll be in Phoenix soon enough.” I nodded and kissed him softly.

“I know. Go, you should go now.” I could feel the tears forming. I could feel them about to spill over. “I love you. Good luck.”

“I love you too. I’m gonna miss you so much,” he sighed pecking me on the lips and turning toward the bus. I knew he could see out the windows even if I couldn’t see in that well so I blew a kiss to him and formed a heart with my hands and I could see him do the same. And then they left and he was gone. He was gone for fall. They would have two days home around Christmas and that was about it. He was gone.