Just When We Learned How To Live

Matt

Watching Adam leave has had to be the hardest thing I've ever done. I felt like I was letting someone chop off my arm. But he's happy, and this is his dream. He confided in me last night..

"Matt," Adam says, softly caressing my hair.

"Yes?" I ask.

"I know that this is hard, to think about me being gone. But I was just thinking..wouldn't it be amazing for me to go into business and open one of those pet stores? With the doggies and kitties and hamsters? Not snakes, though. Or parrots. they scare me."

I giggle and pull him closer. "Is that what you want?" He nods into my chest. Sighing, I tell him, "Babe, I just want you to be happy."

And now he's gone, on his way to California. Jake offers to pay for lunch for all of us. Everyone but Hannah and Gus accept. They have to be somewhere, so the rest of us get into the cars and drive to Cyndi's Diner, where Hannah used to work. She got fired for drawing on her apron.

My nephew wants to eat ice cream for lunch and since it's already a somber day, Lisbeth decides that we don't need a crying 5 year old on our hands, too, so she says yes and orders him a strawberry sundae.

It's silent mostly, until Rayy speaks up. "I'm leaving. Sorry, Mattie, but Jonas..I just can't stand to look at you a moment longer." And with that being said, he walks out of the diner, being all dramatic.

We look at Jonas, who shrugs. "Drama queen. All I did was nudge him and ask what time it is."

We all laugh and I look out the window to see Rayy sitting by the car. "I'll be right back, guys." They nod and continue eating.

I sit down next to Rayy. "What's up?"

He looks up and I'm shocked to see him crying. "I'm sorry. It's just that..Adam is gone and Jonas doesn't even seem to care."

I nod, understanding. "Well, you know..he barely knew Adam..and you and I..well, we'll probably take it harder than anyone."

He leans against my shoulder, and I pat him on the head. "And he ate my fries."

I chuckle and we get up. "Do you want to go back inside, or do you want me to take you home?"

He considers this for a moment. "Well..I don't want to go home..that's probably where Jonas is gonna be..and I can't take the car, obviously. Do you think..that we could hang out?" I nod and he looks relieved. I go back inside.

"Hey, Jake, thanks for the lunch, but I'm gonna take Rayy back to my place. He seems a bit upset, but at least he thought before he just took your car, right?"

Jonas looks embarrassed. "Yeah..tell him I'll see him when he decides to get off his thrown, ok?" I don't say anything and kiss Lisbeth on the cheek and pat Archie on the head.

At home, there are too many reminders of Adam here. I remember how hard it was after Logan tried to kill him..The police offered to shovel our snow with blood on it, and we readily agreed. That was something I never want to repeat again.

"Matt! Come here!" Rayy is in living room, standing on the sofa. "What now?" I ask.

He gets a hurt look on his face and pouts. "There's a spider on the ground. Kill it!" I laugh and use a magazine to pick it up.

"W-What are you doing, Matt?!" I smirk and open the door, letting the spider crawl away happily.

"He didn't want to scare you, he was terrified himself, Rayy." He still looks mad and huffs.

"Want to play GTA?" I ask. He smiles a tiny bit and before long, we're switching turns, seeing who can do the craziest shit with only three lives.

After awhile this gets boring and he's looking through my photo's. "Wow..Matt, these are amazing. I can see why you don't want to give it up. But why couldn't you go? I mean..not that I want you to, but can't you photograph just about..anything?"

I nod. "Yes, but my teacher is really helping me with this. See..don't tell Adam, but I made it sound like I couldn't leave at all. And I can't, for the moment. But in about a month, I'm going to move there. So, I guess, you're the first person to know."

Rayy looks at me and busts out in tears. Shocked, I ask, "What's wrong? Aren't you happy?"

He nods. "B-But Adam's left, now you're leaving, and Jonas isn't much help...A-and it's all just so different!"

I feel bad, like, really bad. Pulling him into a hug, I pat his back. "It's okay, Jonas loves you, and we'll all visit, right? Don't worry, it's gonna be alright.."

After awhile of this, he calms down and we decide to go to the mall. "You need some new clothes, if you're moving to California, baby!"

We laugh and he's dragging me through the stores. Really, I didn't need anything, I thought. But then he's buying me swimming trunks [with LACE?] and flip flops , and shorts and short sleeved shirts and a whole bunch of products for my hair that is supposed to keep it from frizzing in the heat.

"This is insane, Rayy. I don't need all this." I say under a pile of new cheetah and other assorted printed boxers.

He giggles. "Of course you do! Besides, it's fun seeing you squirm."

"Ha ha, Rayy." Just as I'm going to where I can hear Rayy looking through clothes, I bump into someone and drop everything, falling on top of them. I start to curse, "Rayy, goddammit. Look wh-" And I'm stopped by a pair of greenish brown eyes staring up at me.

Not Rayy's eyes, I realize. "Oops," I say, getting off of the guy. I stand and pull his hand up. He helps me pick up my stuff and stops for a second, staring at the thong that Rayy picked out. It has purple lightning on it.

"U-Uhm, sorry. I'll just..take that." He hands it back to me and Rayy materializes by his side.

"And who's this, may I ask?"

I stare. "Uhm..I don't know?"

Rayy fake punches my arm. "So rude. This is Matthew, here, and I, my friend, am Rayy. With two 'y's' may I add." He giggles and the guy smiles.

"Hi..I'm Liam. Look, I'm really sorry for bumping into you. I-I didn't mean.." Rayy waves his hand. "Well..if you really want to apologize you'll come have a smoothie with us at the cafeteria."

He shrugs. "Sure.." So the next thing I know, we're sitting at a small table sipping orange Julius's. Liam opens up a bit, and I'm surprised to hear that he's going to be in my photography class. Yeah, even though I don't think that I'm really all that amazing, my teacher wants me to teach a class. And Liam happens to be one of my students.

Rayy looks impatient because we're just talking about work and 'taking pictures'. I laugh at Rayy's face when I say, "So, I was thinking about having Rayy come in for nude photo's." Liam giggles and snorts, which sends us all laughing till our sides hurt. When we all walk out to the parking lot about an hour later, I ask, "So, you wanna hang out with us, then?" He shakes his head.

"I've gotta get home. Uhm.." He looks around for a sec. "You guys are real cool. Let's hang out sometime, eh?" Rayy smiles wide at this and whips out his cell phone. They exchange numbers and Liam looks at me. "Oh, and er..see you in class. It'll be hard not to picture you in that..uh, thong, though." My cheeks flame up and Rayy laughs. We get into my car and drive away.

Rayy starts to giggle in the car. Do you ever notice gay guys giggle a lot? Hmm..must look into this! "What?" I say, warily.

"I got his number, Matty!"

I sigh. "What about Jonas?"

He shrugs. "Well..I mean, can't I even flirt? As long as I don't do it to his face, I mean, can't I even flirt with other people?"

I face him. "But wouldn't it bother you if Jonas was flirting with someone else?" He stops smiling.

"Yeah, see? That's what I mean." It's silent the rest of the way.