Let's Follow Through With This Reckless Dream

I sighed to myself as I walked around the house. I didn’t have much to do. It was all clean, Ellarie was watching a movie in the living room, and it wasn’t close to dinner. I was rather upset about Alex. We still haven’t talked to each other, same with Andy, Max, and Jared. Alone. Yep, that’s me.

“Mommy, where’s the guitar man?” Ellarie asked with her innocent voice.

“Ellarie, you know how you don’t have a dad?” I said as I sat down next to her.

She nodded.

“And you know how Uncle Jack said that only ugly kids have dads and all babies come from Lebanon?”

She nodded again.

“Uncle Jack was lying. Every kid has a mommy and a daddy. And Alex is your daddy,” I closed my eyes.

“Really?!” She exclaimed.

I nodded.

“That’s so cool, Mommy!” She exclaimed, jumping up and down.

I chuckled. I expected her to be mad.

“If he’s my daddy then aren’t you and him suppose to be married?” Crap.

“Um, not all mommies and daddies are married, Ellie,” I said. She attracted herself back to the TV. I kissed the top of her head and walked back into my room. I really had nothing to do.

*****

“Well, well, well. Look who it is,” Andy smirked as I walked behind the desk.

I rolled my eyes and went onto the computer.

“One month and you still haven’t forgiven me? What do I have to do?” Andy asked.

“Take things seriously. I’m sick of immature douche bags,” I muttered.

“Can I take you out? We can go get a few drinks tonight. Like friends,” He smirked. “You can invite Max,”

“Max and I aren’t talking right now,” I sighed.

“Why not?”

“We fought,”

“No shit,” He rolled his eyes. “What’d you fight about?”

“Like, a month ago I told her to back off my relationship and fix her own and we fought a few days ago at Mo Mo’s,”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked.

“We weren’t exactly talking,” I scoffed.

“Whatever. So you forgive me?”

“I guess,” I smiled.

“Great. I’m coming home with you then. Jasey won’t you take me home?” He sang.

“What’s that?” I laughed.

“An All Time Low song,” He smiled.

I rolled my eyes, yet I wondered what Alex wrote that about…

*****

“Andy!” Ellarie exclaimed when she saw him.

“Thanks mom,” I smiled to my mom as she nodded and started getting her things together.

Andy picked up Ellarie and ran around the room with her, making rocket ship noises. I
laughed to myself, walking over to my mom.

“How’d it go?” I asked.

“Fine,” She smiled. “But these came for you in the mail,” She said, handing me a box and
purple flowers.

“Oh my god, these are so pretty!” I exclaimed, holding them. “Who are they from?”

She shrugged. “I’m not sure. But I have to head home, Kallie’s getting home in a bit,” She
said.

“Okay, bye mom,” I smiled, kissing her cheek before she left. While Andy was playing with Ellarie, I decided to look at the flowers. They were long and purple, and inside was a small note.

I’m sorry

Max

I smiled and smelled the flowers. I set them back down and opened up the cardboard box, revealing a velvet black box with a silky red ribbon over it. I untied the ribbon as Ellarie bounced over to me.

“These are pretty,” She said, smelling the flowers.

“Aren’t they?” I smiled, opening up the box. Inside was a silver locket that read my name on it.

Jasey Rae Rutherford
Best Friends Forever

I almost felt like crying. I can’t believe Max did this. It’s so sweet.

“Andy!” I called out.

“What’s up?” He said, walking in.

“Can you put this on me?” I asked, holding up the locket. He nodded and hooked the locket around my neck as I held my hair up. I brought the lock and heart over to the front of my collarbone.

“Who gave you that?” He asked.

“Max,” I smiled.

“I thought you two were fighting,”

“Yea, but she got me these flowers and this locket as an apology,”

“Wanna call her and tell her you forgive her?” He said.

“Yea,” I nodded, looking at myself in the mirror. My hair was touseled around my shoulders looking kind of messy but my eyeliner around my blue eyes and my clear skin made it look cute. It wasn’t teased or ruffled around, just touseled at the bottom.

“Well, I’ve got a date with that sexy girl who checked in with her friends the other day, so I’ll see you tomorrow,” He said, kissing my cheek.

“Wait, then why’d you ask to go to a bar with me tonight?”

“I didn’t think you’d say yes,” He laughed. I hit his arm and laughed. “Bye,” He waved to Ellarie as she waved back and then he left.

“Mommy you look pretty with the necklace,” Ellarie said.

“Thank you, baby,” I smiled, kissing her head. As Ellarie bounced off to her room, someone knocked on the door. I sighed and went over to it. Opening the door I felt something hit my leg. I looked down and saw the familiar Nothing Personal CD and it was pushed in through the mail slot.

“Andy! Seriously?” I exclaimed, picking up the CD and putting it on the table. I went to open the door and I saw no one there. I rolled my eyes and opened up the CD as the sticky note outside told me to.

Inside was a little folded up paper. I opened it up ad recognized Alex’s messy handwriting.

Jasey Rae,
You told me we couldn’t be together because we gave in to each other Too Much. I admit, too much of anything is too much. And I think we had too much love three years ago. I wrote this song about us. Track 9.

P.S. listen to Track 8 after that. I wrote it half about us senior year, half about right now.

P.P.S. Sorry about Jack’s horrible guitar playing.

I love you, Jasey Rae.

- Alex

I picked up the CD and went to my room, putting it into the CD player. I skipped to track 9 and some slight techno stuff came on.

I admit, I miss seeing your face, babe
(Seeing your face, babe)
Being alone is starting to take its toll
I'm cold and it's getting old
(Getting old)

I admit
(I admit)
I should've made some changes
(Changes)
We were so smothered in love
We didn't have a chance to come up for air
(For air)

What a waste
Where did the time go?
Where did our minds go?
I don't know.
What's this place?
Where did our home go?
We won't know.
I don't know.

Too much of anything.
Is too much.
Too much of love.
Can be too much.
We had too much time,
Too much us.
So we fought like tomorrow was promised
Too much, too much, too much, too much.
Too much, too much, too much, much,
much, too much.

I admit, I'm still watching the days go by
(Watching the days go by)
Sleeping alone is starting to break me down
It's cold, but I should've known
(Should have known)

I admit
(I admit)
I made a few mistakes, babe
(Mistakes, babe)
We were so caught up in love
We didn't have a chance to come up for air

What a waste.
Where does the time go?
Where did our minds go?
I don't know.
What's this place?
Where did my heart go?
We'll never know.
I'll never know.

Too much of anything,
Is too much
Too much of love,
can be too much.
We had too much time.
Too much us.
So we fought like tomorrow was promised...
Too much, too much, too much, too much.
Too much, too much, too much, too much.
Too much, too much, too much, too much.
Too much, too much, too much, too much,
much, too much.

I need to find a reason to feel.
Like everything was meant to be let go.
Take it slow.
'Cause I can't be on my own...

Too much of anything,
is too much.
(It's just too much)
Too much of love,
can be too much.
(It's just too)
We had too much time,
too much us.
So we fought like tomorrow was promised
Too much, too much, too much, too much.
Too much, too much, too much, too much
Too much, too much, too much, too much.
Too much, too much, too much, much, much
Too much...

Tears slowly filled my eyes. Aside from how I felt from Alex writing a song about us, they
were such a good band. They had come so far from playing covers in Alex’s basement to now.

I moved back to track 8 and a techno tune came on. Then, Alex’s deep voice…

Hey there, it's good to see you again.
It never felt right calling this just friends.
I'm happy, if your happy with yourself.
Take off your shirt, your shoes.
Those skinny jeans I bought for you.
We're diving in there's nothing left to lose...

I'm gonna break down these walls (down these walls)
I built around myself.
I wanna fall so in love (so in love)
With you and no one else.
Could ever mean half as much
to me as you do now.
Together we'll move on
just don't turn around...
Let the walls break down.

I used to wear you like a ball and chain
I'd run and hide at the call of my name
It was obvious, you were too much for me
Oblivious.
I was young and horney.
In retrospect I would do it again.
Stop talking shit to every one of your friends.
I'm not the same boy you knew back then.

Cause I could break down these walls
(down these walls)
I built around myself
I wanna fall so in love
(so in love)
With you and no one else
Could ever mean half as much to me as you do now
Together we'll move on
just don't turn around
Let the walls break

I can't breathe
My body's shaking
You've got a way with the way you take me
Cause you break me down
You know you break me down

I'm gonna break down these walls
(down these walls)
I built around myself
I wanna fall so in love
(so in love)
With you and no one else
Could ever mean half as much to me as you do now
Together we'll move on
just don't turn around
Let the walls break down

Let the walls break down
Cause you break me down
Let the walls break down

Now I was sobbing from how amazing I felt having Alex write these songs about me. I loved him. I really did. He loved me. I had to be with him. Like his song, I needed to break down these walls and be with him.

“Mommy, why are you crying?” Ellarie asked as she climbed onto the bed with me and Too Much started playing.

I wiped my tears and sniffed. “No reason,” I said.

“What’s that?” She asked.

“Your dad,”

“My daddy’s in a band?!”

I laughed and nodded. “He sings,” I said as she became fascinated with the song Too Much.

“Wanna go see daddy?” I sniffed, tears still coming.

She nodded. “But only if you stop crying,”

“Okay, I will,” I smiled. She hopped off of my bed to go get dressed as I looked for something different to wear. I pulled on an Elmo shirt Andy got me a while ago and a pair of dark skinny jeans. I put on my Converse and combed my hair. I fixed my smudged eyeliner from crying and then left with Ellarie.

For some fucking stupid ass reason I couldn’t stop crying. I guess love does that. It makes you do random shit for no reason. Although I was crying from how much I loved Alex.

“Mommy, you said you’d stop crying,” Ellarie whined from the backseat.

“I’m sorry,” I smiled. I had put on this different type of eyeliner that never smudged. I jumped into a lake with it on one time and it didn’t even smudge at all.

We pulled up in front of Alex and Rian’s house. I held onto Ellarie’s hand as I walked up to the front door. I knocked on the door and then Rian answered.

“Oh my god, Jasey Rae?” He said. I saw Alex a few feet behind him. I ran straight to him, still crying, and I jumped into his arms wrapping my legs around his waist.

“I love you,” I sobbed before kissing him over and over again. “I love you so so much,”

“I love you too, Jasey Rae,”