I Can Hear Your Voice of Treason From a Mile Away.

Knock, Knock

I slowly pulled myself up from the couch, trying not to strain myself too much. I pretty much waddled towards the door, adjusting my appearance as I did so. I hadn’t planned on going anywhere today, so I was just wearing a big t-shirt and some stretch pants. My hair was up in a messy bun with pieces sticking out every which way. I had no makeup on, but my eyes were still slightly red and puffy from crying. I wiped underneath my eyes to get the puffiness to go down and tried to fix my hair, so I looked a little more presentable.

I hated looking bad when people came over, especially when Brian’s friends were the ones coming over. His band mates and most of their girlfriends already hated me; I didn’t need to give them anymore reasons as to why they hated me. Me being with Brian and pregnant with his kid was enough.

Knock, Knock

Not wanting to keep whoever was knocking on my door waiting, I hurried to unlock the deadbolt. Once it was unlocked, I pressed on the latch above the handle and pulled the door open. At first, all I saw was a head full of thick, black hair. Then, the person turned and I found myself looking at the one and only Gerard Arthur Way. He smiled his infamous crooked smile and I couldn’t help but smile back.

“Hey Gerard,” I greeted, opening the door some more. “Come on in.”

“Thanks, Starr,” He stated as he stepped inside the house. “Where’s Brian?”

“Oh, he’s not home. He left about an hour ago to meet up with the guys at Johnny’s Bar.” I said. “Can I get you something to drink?”

“No thanks.” He replied. “So, he left you here alone, even though you’re 7 months pregnant and should have someone with you at all times?”

It was weird to hear the concern in his voice and to see it there in his eyes, written across his face. I wasn’t used to people, especially friend’s of Brian’s, being concerned about me. Not one of Brian’s friends ever worried about me or the baby—I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t care if I fell off the face of the earth and took the baby with me; that’s how bad they hated me. Valary, Matt’s girlfriend, was the only one who actually cared enough to see how I was doing every once in a while. So, needless to say, Gerard being concerned was just a bit surprising and really unexpected.

“It’s not a big deal, Gerard. I’m home by myself pretty much 24-7. I’m used to it.”

“Are you kidding me, Starr?! You’re 7 months pregnant with a baby that shares his DNA, and not to mention, will most likely be like him. He shouldn’t leave you alone. What if you happen to go into premature labor? Who is going to help you get to the hospital?” He exclaimed shocked at the way Brian treated me. “Starr, you have to do something about all this. You can’t stay in this abusive relationship any longer.”

“I never said he abused me, Gerard. He has never hit me, I swear to you. He’d just rather spend his time with his friends, that’s all. He loves me, Gerard, I know he does.”

“Starr, honey, do you honestly believe that?” He asked. “Baby or not, Sugar, you can’t remain in a relationship with someone who doesn’t care about you.”

“I know, Gerard. I know…”

“Alright, well, get ready then. I’m taking you out to eat with Frankie and me.”

That was the day that I realized just how bad my relationship with Brian truly was. Gerard was right, about everything. Brian didn’t care about me; he was stuck with me. He was with me because he had to be; because I was pregnant with his kid. Where our relationship went wrong, I had no idea. Maybe it was wrong from the beginning; who knows.

Despite knowing what Gerard said was right, I stayed with Brian. He was my baby’s daddy; I couldn’t just up and leave him. I wanted my baby to grow up with both of his parents. So, I just put up with Brian and all that he put me through, for the sake of our unborn child. Mainly because I was hoping he would change when the baby was born. It was a lost cause from the beginning, though, because Brian wasn’t even around when my water broke.


I was home by myself, waiting for Brian to come home so we could spend some time together. I was dressed and ready to go . . . and so was the baby! I tried calling Brian, but he wouldn’t answer. I even tried leaving him a voicemail.

“Hey, you’ve reached Brian. I’m busy right now, so just leave me a message and I’ll try to get back to you.”

Once the beep sounded, I started talking. “Brian, please answer your phone. My water just broke. I’m going into labor.”

Getting a hold of Brian failed miserably and I knew I had to get to the hospital as soon as possible. I was in pain and pissed beyond belief that I couldn’t get a hold of Brian. I was also freaking out at the same time. So, I did the only thing I could think of; I called Gerard to see if he and the guys were still in town.

“Hello?”

“Gerard? Are you still in town?”

“Yeah, Starr, what’s wrong?”

“My water just broke.”

“Shit, Starr, I’m on my way!”

“Thanks, Gee.”

“No problem, babe.” And then he hung up.

I stood in the same spot, not moving at all as I waited. I do remember calling Brian’s parents while I waited on Gerard to show up.

“Hey, Starr, honey.”

“Suzy, my water just broke! I have no idea where Brian is, but Gerard and Frankie are on their way.”

“Oh goodness, Starr, we’re leaving right now! We’ll meet you at the hospital.”

As I was getting off the phone, I heard a small screeching noise from outside that kept getting louder, until finally it stopped in my driveway with an even louder shriek. Seconds later, Gerard and Frank ran into the room with worry written on their faces. “Where’s the bag for the hospital?” Frank asked as Gerard rushed over to me.

“Closet next to you,” I breathed. He grabbed the closet door and quickly found the green bag.

“Okay, let’s go!” And so we rushed to the hospital. Without Brian.

* * * * *

“Come on, Starr,” Gerard coached. “Push,”

I have no idea how he was able to coach me with the way I was squeezing his hand. I think I was squeezing hard enough to cut off his circulation.

Frank ran back in the room, smiling like a kid in a candy store. “I’m ready for this baby to come out!” He exclaimed.

“So am I, Iero!” I hissed. “Is my freaking husband here yet?!”

“Uh, yeah, about that…” He sighed. “No one knows where he is.”

“Are you kidding me?!” I growled.

Brian’s parents—Suzy Haner and Brian Sr.—were here, waiting in the designated area with their youngest son—Brent—and their daughter, McKenna. My best friend Amir and his girlfriend Leila were here, too. Valary DiBenedetto and her brother Chris were too, despite the absence of her boyfriend and his friends—which included my husband. The icing on the cake was when Frank told me that Nikki Sixx and Tommy Lee of Motley Crüe were here. I had met them a few times before, but I just didn’t expect them to come to the delivery of my baby.

All of them were here; why couldn’t Brian be?

“Starr,” Gerard commanded. “Focus,”

“Don’t tell me to focus, Gerard! My freaking husband is too busy doing God only knows what while I’m here about to give birth to our kid! I swear I’ll kill when I see him next!”

* * *

“Guys, I’d like you to meet Dryden Perez Haner.” I smiled as the nurse rolled my son into the room many hours later.

“Oh, Starr, he’s beautiful!” Suzy exclaimed.

Everyone was now in the room, oohing and awing over baby Dryden. The baby’s father, my soon to be dead husband, was still nowhere to be found as everyone celebrated our baby.

“Are you okay, Starr?” I looked up at Gerard with a small smile.

“Yeah, just a little upset that Brian missed today.”

“Well, call him now.” Gerard suggested.

I grabbed my phone and dialed Brian’s number, putting it on speaker. After a few rings, he picked up.

“Hello?”

“Brian?” I wasn’t sure if it was him or not. He sounded funny.

“Starr? Where the hell are you? I’m hungry.”

“I’m at the hospital. I went into labor earlier.”

“Why didn’t you fucking call me? I’m the father, Starr. I should be there when it’s born!”

“Brian, I did call you! I even left you a voicemail. No one has been able to reach you all day.”

“Whatever, when are you coming home?”

“You know what, Brian. Don’t worry about it. I’ll stay somewhere else tonight.”

“Fine. Be a bitch. See if I care.” Then he hung up.

“You can stay at the hotel with Frankie and me, sugar.” I smiled at Gerard as a kind of thank you gesture.

“Was he drunk?” Suzy questioned.

“Probably,” Val muttered.

“Well, Starr, thanks for letting us see the little guy. We appreciate it.” Tommy stated as him and Nikki both gave me a hug.

“Thank you for coming, guys.” I smiled.

“You’re very welcome, Starr.” Nikki said. “But we expect to be named his godfathers or at least uncles.”

“Of course you’ll be uncles to him. Gerard and Frankie beat you to being his Godfathers.”

Part of me told me that Brian’s friends should be considered Dryden’s Godfathers, but the other part told me that if anyone deserved to be his Godfathers it was Gerard and Frankie. They were there for me through the whole nine months and even after Dryden was born. They talked me through my hormonal times; times that Brian were never there for; times I needed someone with me. They treated me with respect; something Brian’s friends never did.

I did make Val his Godmother, though. She was the only friend of Brian’s that deserved it. She was the only one who was ever nice to me. She treated me like a human being. She treated me like family; something I really wasn’t used to, but appreciated her for.

Later that day, when I was able to leave the hospital, I left with Gerard and Frankie, who took me out to eat, then brought me back to their hotel. Their hotel wasn’t far from the hospital, so I stayed with them until baby Dryden was released from the hospital. Then, I went home.

Of course, I went home to an empty house like I always did. Brian was gone and didn’t come home until after midnight. I didn’t discover he was home until I heard Dryden start crying through the baby monitor. Brian started complaining almost immediately about Dryden crying so loud. I could do nothing but get up and attend to the baby as Brian tried to go back to sleep.

It took Brian a whole week to actually spend time with his son. The expression of adoration on his face gave me hope that he would be a good dad. He always looked at Dryden with profound happiness. I just thought he would straighten up for Dryden’s sake. But he didn’t. If anything, he got worse. He would be gone for days at a time and come home for maybe a day or two before he was gone again. I understood him being gone most of the time because the guys were in the studio most of the week, but I couldn’t understand him being gone everyday of the week. It just wasn’t right.

I stayed with Brian until Dryden was two. After that, I just couldn’t take anymore. Brian was gone even more with A7X going on tour and Dryden and I hardly ever heard from him anymore. I didn’t want Dryden to grow up that way for the rest of his childhood. He barely saw his father anyways; it’s not like it’d be much different if we left.