I Can Hear Your Voice of Treason From a Mile Away.

Leaving Brian was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, not because I loved him as I’m sure that part of me died away long ago, but because I felt the need to stay due to Dryden’s welfare. I didn’t want him growing up without a father figure; I knew what that felt like. My father was never around, always traveling, and I hated it. I hated seeing all the kids whose fathers loved them and took care of them because I didn’t know what that felt like. I think somewhere deep inside my father loved me, but on the exterior, my father loved playing music more. So why did I fall for a guy just like my father? Well, that’s easy. A girl will always fall for a guy just like her dad. And vice versa.

I didn’t want Dryden to feel unloved, but when I thought about it, it all came down to the same thing; even if we did stay, Brian wouldn’t make our son feel loved. It wasn’t in his dictionary to love another, only to love thyself. It’s really sad that it took so long to realize that. I should’ve seen it sooner, avoided the pain and torment, but I didn’t. And for that, I am foolish.
The first person I told about the divorce was Valary DiBenedetto. She was sad to see me go, but she was proud of me for finally doing something for me and my son. She hated the way Brian mistreated me; the way he could easily forget his “family” and not feel bad one bit. She also hated the fact that her own sister, her twin Michelle, kept talking to Brian as if he were single, still.

Valary even went with me to give the divorce papers to Brian while the guys were in the studio working on some tracks.


“You can do this, Starr.” Val assured me as we pulled into the parking lot of the studio. “I’ve got your back, girl.”

“Yeah, like I’ll have any problems, Val.” I commented. “I’m pretty sure everyone in the building will be jumping for joy as soon as they hear about the divorce.”

“That’s not true, Starr.” She argued. “I think some of the guys like you. Matt just doesn’t like how one day it was Michelle and the next, it was you.”

“He never gave me a chance! None of them did. They all just automatically assumed that I was some home-wrecking slut spoiled by daddy’s money.” I growled. “I’m not, though. I never have been. I never asked for my dad’s money. If I had a choice, Val, I’d choose my dad over money any day. But because I got with Brian and chose to stay even though none of his friends liked me, my parents have cut all ties with me. I haven’t seen them in four years, Val. Four years.”

“I know, babe. I’m so sorry. Brian deserves to be shot for the shit you’ve been through because of him. That’s why you need to march in that studio and tell him to sign those fucking papers so you and Dryden can be free of him.”

And that’s what I did. I marched through that metal door with my shades on and my head held high. My heels echoed against the marble floors, expertly. I was an actress in her leading role; a model on the runway. I had no emotion, no regrets. I was ready for the intimidation, but none of it would work. I had this in the bag.

‘I am Starr Perez, no longer Haner, and I am confident, smart, and capable. I can definitely do this,’ I told myself.

I could hear Val’s heels just minutes behind mine, reassuring my confidence as we got closer to the main room they were in. Once in front of the door, I took a deep breath as Val took my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

“Slam the door open,” Val whispered to me. “It’ll get their attention. Let them know you aren’t playing games.”

Slamming the door open I noticed 8 bodies in the room jump. Closest to me on the right was Val’s lovely fiancé of forever; enemy numero dos. Matthew Sanders was not a member of my fan club, but neither was I a member of his. I watched as his jaw locked tight and his eyes thinned into slits to form a glare directed straight for me. He hated me, and at the moment, I loved it.

I smirked at him, my sunglasses still shading my eyes from view. Next to him, Zacky was looking at me with wide, curious eyes. I couldn’t tell if he liked me or not; the guy never said much around me.

Johnny was next to Zack, not even looking at me. Instead, he was texting on his phone.

To my left were Jason and Matt Berry, the twins I didn’t ever see much of. They were watching me with identical dark orbs and thin lips, wondering what my next move would be. Both of them were always nice when we got the chance to talk, so I knew they wouldn’t cause any trouble.

To their left, Jimmy was smirking at me with all-knowing crystal orbs. It was like he knew what I was about to do. Whether his smirk was because he knew Brian would be rid of me or because I was about to cause a scene, I didn’t know. He was a little on the weird side, so you never know with him.

Then, there they were, sitting next to each other. My soon-to-be ex-husband was looking at me with those fierce brown eyes that used to drive me crazy. Now, they just pissed me off. His jaw, much like Matt’s, was locked tight as he stared at me.

Michelle’s shocked expression was as fake as her personality, as I could easily see the emotion she was trying hard to keep at bay. She wanted to smirk, wanted to laugh, but I would be the last one laughing, not her!

“What’s the meaning of this?” Matt roared, jumping from his seat.

I turned to face him, calmly, and for the first time, stood up to him. “Sit your ass down, Sanders. Nobody pushed your buttons.”

That seemed to break everyone from their shocked states, including my dear brain-dead husband. “Then, what are you here for, Starr?” Brian asked, softly. “Where’s the baby?”

“Dryden is with your parents for the moment. As for what I’m doing here, well, you have two options as to how I tell you, sweetie. Option A is that I tell you here in front of your friends. Option B is that I tell you in private, so that it’s less painful.”

“What? Did you cheat on him or something?” Michelle asked, smirking.

“Oh, yes, didn’t you know? My name suddenly became Michelle.” I hissed. That wiped the smirk right off her face.

“What is it, Starr? Just tell me.”

I faced Brian with a smirk, and lifted my shirt so that my right hipbone was exposed. He just stared at my exposed skin with an unreadable expression.

“Ugh, put your shirt down! No one wants to see that,” Michelle whined.

Brian put his hand up to silence her. “Michelle, shut up.” The command was firm and demanding, letting her know he meant business. That’s when I felt his calloused hands touch my hip where ‘it’ once was. “What happened, Starr? I thought we made a promise to keep them forever.”

“We also made a promise to be together for forever, too, Brian.” I pointed out. “That’s not gonna happen, though, now is it?”

He stood up, his eyes blazing with anger. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“We’re over, Brian. There is no ‘us’ anymore.”

“What are you talking about, Starr? You can’t do this. You’re just being childish. Maybe you need some sleep.”

“No, Brian, I need freedom, and you’re going to give it to me or we’ll take this to court.” I stated, fiercely. “It’s your choice, Brian.”

“Starr, what is going on with you, baby? Why are you doing this? First, you remove the tattoo of my name we got 4 years ago, and now, you want freedom.”

“I’m not your baby, Haner. I haven’t been for 3 years. We haven’t been a couple in 3 years because you and your so-called best friends have been sure to exclude me from everything, even your concerts. And about the tattoos, Brian; why should I even keep it? You obviously have never cared about me. I’ve been a fool to love you, Brian Haner Jr. I won’t ever make that mistake again.”

“Starr! That’s ridiculous! We always invite you.”

“No, what’s ridiculous is that, that just came from your mouth.” I growled. “Not once did I ever hear you say, ‘Oh, honey, you should visit us on tour’ or ‘come see us play’. Matt asked Valary to come. Leana was invited. Zack’s girlfriend was invited, too. Even Johnny’s joined at one point. The funny thing is Michelle went to.” I stated. “I didn’t think much of it, at first. Then, she started going more often, and then your calls and texts became almost nonexistent. And when you started treating me like I wasn’t there, it all clicked together. My dear husband of the year was fucking that stupid slut behind my back. And I was pissed. Oh, was I pissed! But now I find it funny, and now I understand your behavior. I wouldn’t want to tell people I got crabs from her, either.”

“What the fuck? I do not have crabs!”

I didn’t even think as my fist came in contact with her face. “Shut the hell up! I’m tired of your shit!” I spat.

“Starr, honey, you need to calm down before…” Val trailed off not wanting to say anything.

“Before what? Why does she need to calm down?”

I nodded my head, ignoring Brian. “Just sign the divorce papers, Brian, and you won’t ever have to see or hear from Dryden or me ever again.”

“No, I wanna know why Val told you to calm down?”

“She’s pregnant, that’s why.” My head jolted to look at Matt. I glared at him.

“Is that true?” Brian asked.

Yes. “No.”


I was pregnant. I found out earlier that day, but I wasn’t going to tell Brian that. He would have never let me go if he found out I was pregnant. With most couples, the girl gets pregnant to trap the guy into staying with her, but that isn’t me. However, Brian would trap me in with my “delicacy” as an excuse. I lost the baby not long after that day, anyway. It took me leaving to Canada for Brian to realize I wasn’t playing games. Then, it took a whole year for him to actually sign the papers. He just wanted to be an ass, so he took his sweet time.

My cousin Kelly and her fiancé offered for me to stay with them in Canada while the divorce was finalized, so I went and moved in with them. There, I met a guy I would never forget. A guy that proved he could drive me wild with only a slight touch. A guy named David Desrosiers. He was immature, wild, dorky, crazy, and extremely sexy in the weirdest way possible. He was everything I wasn’t used to, and my ex-husband’s complete opposite.

David was all about making me feel good. He took care of Dryden, even though I protested, because he wanted to. He made me laugh. He included me in everything he did, invited me to go with him, and even took me out to eat to nice restaurants every chance he got.

When he took me shopping, he opened doors for me, held my bags, and most of the time bought whatever I was going to get. He took care of me; maybe even spoiled me. He was the exact definition of a gentleman, and I couldn’t have been happier with him.

I thought it was the end for us when we were reaching our 14 months mark, and I found myself praying to the porcelain god once again. Fortunately, the news that was killing me to say was the news that made him ecstatic. He was running around, jumping for joy, and at one point, he dropped to his knees to kiss my belly.

He told everyone he knew, even people back in the U.S., that he was gonna be a daddy. And, I even called a few people, like Val, my friends Leila and Amir, and I even called Suzy Haner to tell her. I wanted to call my parents, but they still wouldn’t talk to me.

If it was a girl, David and I wanted to name her Amery Faith Desrosiers. If it was a boy, we wanted either Orion Syrus Desrosiers or Colton Syrus Desrosiers. Even though we weren’t married, I wanted the kid to have David’s last name.

A few months later, we had our little green-eyed, blonde Colton Syrus Desrosiers. He looked like me, but as he got older he had his dad’s personality. Despite having his own kid now, David still treated Dryden like a son.

David and I didn’t stay together, though, as he got busy with music, and I got a job offer in Los Angeles, California. We still remained super close, though. He always called to check on me and the boys, see how we were doing, and see if we need anything. David was a keeper, and keep him I shall, but only by our son. David can and will do much better than me. I have faith in him and faith in myself as I encounter people I thought I’d never see again.