Thicker Than Blood

"We have gathered here to honor The Reverend Tholomew Plague, otherwise known as James Sullivan. James was a husband and a good friend. He was one of the greatest drummers of his generation. He will be very missed, his unique attitude towards life…”

Maybe in another life, I could find you there

Valary Sanders stood beside her husband, her arm linked with his, watching the burial of James Owen Sullivan. The priest stood above Jimmy’s casket, bible in hand, talking about his achievements in life.

Her husband, Matthew Sanders, stood watching the priest in disgust, the look contrasting with the tears streaming down his face. What did the priest know about Jimmy? Hell, he didn’t even know Jimmy.

Pulled away before your time

The priest continued talking; he went through Jimmy’s entire career, and then some. Eventually the time came to finally lay James down in his final resting place.

“..that he may rest in peace and know that his memory will never die. “The priest finished and closed his bible. He motioned to a few men to come and bring the casket down.

I can't deal it's so unfair

In the time Valary took to blink, her husband’s arm had separated from hers and the next thing she knew he was latched onto James’ casket.

“No Jimmy! You can’t leave me!” he cried “You promised! You promised!”

Valary looked around, unsure of what to do. She ran up to the casket and tried to pull her husband off the casket.

“Matt! Get off the casket!” she yelled as she tugged on his waist. He wouldn’t move. She saw another pair of hands grab her husband’s shoulder and looked up to the one and only Brian Haner.

“I got em’ Val.”

And it feels, and it feels like

She nodded and let go, allowing her friend to calm her husband down and get him off of it. She stood beside them, imputing whenever she could; trying to make the situation better.

“Matt, get down from there.”

“No! He can’t fuckin’ leave! He promised!”

“I know, I know, but still, he’s gone now. There’s nothing you can do.”

“He can’t leave!”

Heaven's so far away

“Matt, calm down. He’s gone…”

Brian’s grip on Matthew’s shoulder loosened and he slid down from the casket. As soon as his feet touched the ground he took off running.

“Matt!” his wife yelled as she removed her heels to go after him.

“Let him go, he’ll be back.” a voice from behind her said.

“Are you sure, Johnny? He might go off and do something stupid.”

“I guess you’re right. But give him time, he’ll be back.”

“But-“

“Does he love you?”

“Um, yeah…”

“Do you trust him?”

“Of course, but-“

“Then trust him enough not to do anything stupid. He loves you, he’d never leave you.”

She nodded and turned to face him “You’re right.”

“Now come here. I need some consolation too.”

She smiled and embraced her friend with a hug, he was right, Matthew wouldn’t do anything stupid. She just had to trust him.

And it feels, yeah it feels like the world has grown cold

Matthew continued running, he ran and he ran; the cold winter air stinging his warm face, out of all the millions and millions of people in the world, why Jimmy? Why?

He felt a wave of pain rush through his right leg, a cramp. He didn’t care, he continued running until the pain was just too much to handle. When that happened, he dropped to his knees. His heavy breathing and gasps for air destroying the silence of the cemetery.

He removed his sweaty suit jacket and unbuttoned his dress shirt. He wasn’t crying anymore. They were merely cries of agonizing pain.

Now that you've gone away

“Jimmy!” he yelled in between his cries.

“What the fuck Jimmy?! You promised! You weren’t gonna leave us!” he cried out to no one in particular. He brought his head down so it touched the ground, the combination of sweat and dirt making his hair muddy.

“What the fuck did I do, huh?! Why’d you leave me?! ”

“Jimmy!” he cried out again. He stood up and reached towards the sky “Why?!”

“Why?! Why?....Why..” he began to feel lightheaded, the world slowly grew colder and darker by the second. Matthew cried out one more time before his head collided with the ground.

“Jimmy…”

Hours passed, and no one had heard anything from Matthew. They were all worried, most importantly, his wife. She tried calling him, and he wouldn’t answer. She had suggested going out to look for him, but everyone had told her to wait, that he would be back.

She paced around the parking lot as the others watched her, worried looks on their faces as well.

“We should go look for him.” She tried for what seemed like the one hundredth time.

“Guys, I think she’s right.” Zackary Baker said “It’s been almost six hours.”

“Fine, but I think only one of us should go with her.” Brian said, standing up.

“Why’s that?” she asked.

“Cause, he’s in pain. Whoever goes with you will just be there in case he tries to do anything stupid.”

“Oh.”

“So Val, who’s it gonna be?”

“What?”

“Who do you want to go with you?”

“Um, I think you should come with me.”

“Okay.” Brian turned to the others “Keep your phones on, god knows what could happen. We all know how Matt can get.”

They both nodded and the two walked off. They walked in the direction that Matthew had run off. Silence between them most of the way.

“Jimmy’s….. departure, really got to him.” She said quietly, trying to break what she felt was awkward silence.

“I know.” He replied, his voice serious.

“Do you think he’s okay?” she asked.

He shrugged “Anything’s possible.”

She felt tears forming in her eyes. What if something did happen to him? What if they found him…

She shook her head, Matt loved her; she had no reason to think he’d leave her or this world for that matter.

“Oh shit.” She looked up at Brian who was looking straight ahead. She then looked straight ahead as well.

“Matt!”

She ran towards his body, which lay on the pasture of the cemetery. She brought his head onto her lap “Matt!” she cried, tears flowing down her cheeks as her deepest fear congregated before her eyes “No! Not you too!”

Brian knelt beside her and lay his own head against Matthew’s chest “He’s not dead. His heart’s still beating.”

She took a deep breath, slowly calming down “Matt! Matt! Wake up!” she said as she shook his cold body, trying to get a response from him.

After many attempts to get him to react, she looked up at Brian; tears slowly forming in her eyes again “What do we do?!”

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed a number “Yeah, we need an ambulance, now.”

She wasn’t sure whether he had called 911 or one of the guys. All she knew was that in a matter of minutes an ambulance had shown up, and the crew was now loading her husband into it.

“I’m going with him.” She told one of the men who was already inside the ambulance.

“And who are you to him?” the man asked.

“His wife.” She replied, getting in.

The man nodded and helped her inside.

The ride to the hospital felt eternal. The hospital was ten minutes away; it felt like ten years to her.

When the ambulance came to a stop and her husband was loaded out of it, she was told to go towards the front desk of the building. The woman at the front desk registered him into the system and Valary was told to wait in the waiting area.

She sat down and waited for what felt like another five years. She jumped as she felt a hand on her shoulder.

“Oh, Johnny you scared me.”

“Sorry, how’s Matt?”

“I don’t know. They haven’t let me go in and see him.”

The three others sat down beside her and waited with her as well. The time soon came when they were allowed to go in and see him one at a time.

“You go, Val.” Johnny told her as the nurse looked at the four of them, waiting for them to decide who went first.

Val nodded and followed the nurse into the emergency ward of the hospital, there she was lead into another room, 201.

The nurse shut the door and left the room.

“Matt?” Valary asked as she approached the bed her husband lay on.

He smiled, his eyes were barely open, and his smile was barely noticeable on his face, but it was there nonetheless.

She smiled back, and took his hand in hers “I thought you had left me.”

He shook his head “I love you” his voice was raspy and hoarse.

“I love you too.” She said quietly.

The nurse walked back inside the room “Mr. Sanders, you are aware that it is not a good idea to not be wearing anything warm when it’s cold, especially if you’re going to be doing some sort of exercise.”

He nodded.

“You were very close to hypothermia; you should consider yourself lucky, if your friends hadn’t found you, then you wouldn’t be here with us.”

He nodded once more “I know.”

“I’ve just spoken with the doctors and they say you can leave today; just as soon as your body returns to normal temperature.”

Valary turned to the nurse “And what was his temperature when he got here?”

“I don’t know, someone else took it, but all I know is that it was very low.” The nurse said before she walked out the door again.

Valary turned back to her husband “I have to go see Jimmy.” He said.

“Wha- but, Matt, you- and Jimmy- and- you could have died.” She pleaded “please Matt, we will go see him, just not now.”

He shook his head “No, I need to see him now.”

She sighed, he was so stubborn. “Okay.”

A few hours passed and Matthew got to see everyone else. Soon the time came when he was released.

“Stay warm now.” The nurse said as she let Matthew out of his room.

He smiled and headed out into the waiting area where his wife greeted him with a hug and kiss.

“Jeez, what took so long?” she asked as they walked out of the building.

He smiled “I gotta look pretty for you no matter what.” She laughed.

“I’ll drive.” Valary said as she unlocked their car, they both got in and she proceeded to drive to their home. It was then when Matthew told her to turn left.

“What?” she asked, as she pressed down on the brake pedal.

“Turn left, I gotta do something first.”

Her lips formed into a straight line; she knew what he was going to do. She didn’t want him to do it, yet. She figured it’d be best to wait. But he was a stubborn one, he wouldn’t wait, he had to do it now.

She drove straight to the cemetery and told him she’d wait for him in the car. Even though she didn’t like it, she had to trust him and let him go.

Just like he had to let Jimmy go.

Matthew walked out of their car and looked up at the sky, it seemed all pretty redundant to him; his friend’s burial was hosted on a cloudy January day. It appeared as if it were going to rain.

He went across the street into the liquor store and bought a pair of beers; then he walked into the flower shop that was next door and bought a dozen roses.

He removed two roses from the dozen; walked back to his car and stuck his head through the open window “Here” he said giving his wife the rest of the bouquet “I love you.”

He pulled his head out of the window and took a deep breath. It was now or never.

Matthew walked into the cemetery, his head held up high, with the roses and beer bottles in hand. He continued going in and stopped as soon as he reached his destination.

James Owen Sullivan
February 9th 1981- December 28th 2009
Much too young to fall…

“Hey Jimmy.” He said as he took a seat beside the tombstone “Look, I gotcha something.”

Leaving flowers on your grave; how that I still care

He dumped the contents of the first beer bottle into the dirt pile beside him and placed the two roses in it. He leaned over and buried the beer bottle into the dirt in front of the tombstone so only the roses remained showing.

But black roses and Hail Mary’s can't bring back what's taken from me

He looked up at the sky, “I’m sorry about earlier, I just- I don’t know man, I can’t imagine life without you. You’ve only been gone a few days, and I miss you so fucking much man.” He wiped the tears now forming in his eyes.

He opened up the second beer bottle and took a swig of it “I miss you Jimmy.”

I reach to the sky and call out your name

“Y’know, I wish it could have been me, you were too fuckin’ young to go man, why couldn’t it have been me?” He downed the beer in another gulp “I miss you! Come back Jimmy!”

He stood up and stared at the sky “This is god’s work. Why can’t you bring Jimmy back?! Take me instead!” drops of water fell onto his face.

“Jimmy!” he cried the tears now flowing freely flowing from his eyes “Come back!”

And if I could trade, I would

He sat back down, only this time his back was against the tombstone. He buried his head in his knees and continued to cry.

“Take me! Take me. Take me…”

“Bring him back, bring him back. Bring him back..”

And it feels and it feels like; heaven's so far away

He felt a pain; a hole had been drilled into his heart, and it hurt. It hurt more that any kind of wound would ever hurt.

“J-Jimmy….J-James…I love you man, I miss you.”

“Come- Come back to this world…p-please…”

And it stings; yeah it stings now

It began to rain harder, the drops were heavy; thunder could be heard from afar. The loud noises reminded Matthew of all the good times, when they were back in the studio. The booming reminded him of Jimmy’s drumming.

Lightning struck as well. His wife would probably be worried, he didn’t really care though; he knew he was going to be okay.

The world is so cold now that you've gone away

The rain and the cold winter weather got to him, he began shaking, he wanted to get up, but he couldn’t. He felt weak, the lightheadedness came back.

He could swear he saw a figure into the distance, it was tall.

It seemed to be coming toward him, though it was slowly fading away.

Gone away, gone away…

His vision blurred, and everything slowly became black once again.

I'll Save Your Soul

He opened his eyes; he felt…light, like nothing mattered anymore “Hello?” he called out, sitting up.

I reach to the sky and call out your name

“Anyone out there? Hello?”

A thought came to his mind, maybe his wish was granted. Maybe Jimmy had gone back; maybe he was….dead…

His wish was granted.

Oh please let me trade; I would

He looked to his left, and then to his right. Nothing, he appeared to be in a white room, an endless white room.

“Behind you, dumbass.”

He turned around and his eyes widened. It was Jimmy.

“J-Jimmy?” he asked, taking a few steps backwards.

“No, it’s the fuckin’ Easter bunny.”

And it feels, and it feels like

“Where are we?” Matthew asked, taking steps forward.

“You’re dead Matt.”

His jaw dropped “Wha- But- Val-and-my…my kid-“

“It’s what you wanted, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah, but…no, I-“

Jimmy’s serious face slowly turned into a happy one. His smile grew bigger by the second.

Heaven's so far away

Matthew looked at his friend, various emotions running through his body.

“What’s so funny?”

Jimmy started laughing, the amusement clear on his own face.

“You’re not dead Mattie.”

“What?”

“You are not dead. You passed out. You’ll get out of it.”

Matthew’s eyes widened “I’m- I’m what?”

“You’ll live. This is just my way of saying goodbye.”

“So- this, this is, really you?”

He smiled and nodded “I couldn’t just go and not say goodbye to my best friend.”

And it feels, yeah it feels like the world has grown cold

“I’ll miss you Jimmy, hell, we’ll all miss you.”

“And I’ll miss you guys too. More than you’ll ever know.” Jimmy took a step closer to Matt “And tell Johnny that he still owes me twenty bucks.”

Matthew laughed “Alright.”

“And now you’ve gotta go.”

“What?”

“You’ll wake up soon. And so, I’ve got to go as well.”

Matthew nodded “Bye Jimmy.”

Jimmy smiled and opened his arms “That doesn’t count as goodbye.”

Matt smiled as well and embraced his friend “I love you, Matt. Tell everyone else that I love them too.” Jimmy whispered as he hugged Matthew tighter.

“I love you too, Jimmy. And I will.”

They pulled apart and they smiled at each other.

“Now get the hell out of here.” Jimmy said as pulled his arms back.

Matthew felt his body jolt as he felt a pain in his back. Had Jimmy pushed him out of the state of mind he was in?

Now that you've gone away

“Matt!” his wife shrieked. She ran up to the hospital bed he lay in and looked down on him, a mixture of anger and sadness in her expression.

He smiled and brought his head up a little bit “Jimmy says goodbye.” His voice was raspy again.

She looked at him curiously “What?”

His smile grew and he laid his head back down.

“Jimmy says goodbye.”

Gone away, gone away