Impulse

It was the next day, Emma lay in her childhood bedroom. Her body was sore in areas, making walking harder on the woman. She had her back turned, staring at the wall as she traced patters into the lavender barrier. Her father had spoken to her the night before, telling her that she was safe, and that he was going to help keep Brian away. He wasn’t going to put the man in jail, nor was he going to get the police involved unless needed to, due to his daughter’s pleads.

He wasn’t aware that nothing was going to keep Brian away from Emma. To him, Emma wasn’t his wife, nor was she his lover. She was his property. Emma figured that he wasn’t going to therapy, for the simple fact that he never brought his prescribed medication home anymore. She wanted Brian to get better, she wanted things to go back to the way they were, she wanted to be happy.

She wanted to help Brian. She wanted to help him get better, to become the person who had been buried so deep inside for the last two years. She wanted her husband back, she wanted to start all over again, possibly have another child. She longed to be close with Jane and Charlotte again, the three girls had grown far apart after the abuse had started.

Moving on was an option, she comprehended. She didn’t know if she could move on. The fact of being with somebody else was confusing. She found relief in being with somebody who never hurt her, or treated her like the dirt at the bottom of his shoe, lower than a dog. Although she felt this way, she knew that she would miss Brian, and wonder how he was doing, how he was holding up.

They had been friends for a long time, before their relationship had begun. She couldn’t help but have love for the man, fear was there, along with the occasional hatred. Yet, love and compassion, maybe even sympathy, flooded those emotions. He was sick. She would blame it on the condition, he couldn’t control himself, she would tell herself, yet they both knew he was capable.

Emma raised up from her laying position on the bed. Sighing, she ran her hands over her face, tenderly touching her bruised nose. With a sigh, she got up from the bed, looking out the window to see Brian’s Escalade sitting behind the house, in the alleyway. She stared down at the car, her body calm, her mind at ease.

At moments, she wondered how she was so calm about her situation. In this moment, she was at peace with the fact that she may never get away from him, that she was going to be his forever. She was prepared for it, for what was to come when she finally went back to her home. He was watching her, the car had been parked in the alleyway since yesterday, she understood that he was waiting.

Emma sighed in defeat, she knew she had to face him, but not now. She decided she was going to wait, she was going to test him, find out how much he could take before he came after her. She was aware that it wasn't going to be long. Brian wasn't a patient man. She bit the inside of her cheek and turned away from the window.

Emma walked out of her bedroom, looking down the hallway. Seeing nobody, she figured they were either outside or downstairs. Hearing the noise of a door opening, Emma turned her head towards the sound, seeing her nephew, Jacob coming out of his bedroom. Jacob was 17 years old, and the son of her deceased brother, Peter.

"Hey, Jacob" Emma waved at the teen.

"Oh, hey. What are you doing here?" He asked.

"I could ask the same. Shouldn't you be in school?" She asked with a small chuckle.

"I live here, Em and its 5 in the afternoon. What are you doing here? I thought you lived on the other side of town, with that Brian guy" He mumbled, approaching her.

"Yeah, I do. And he's not "that Brian guy" he's my husband" She said.

"Mhm, whatever you say" He mumbled, walking past her.

Ivan and Kathryn had taken full custody of Jacob when he was only 5 years old, his father, Peter had been killed in a car accident. He and Emma grew up, they were close, all aside from the 8 year gap between the two. He had come to call Ivan and Kathryn Mom and Dad, and was now more of a brother to Emma than a nephew.

Growing up, Jacob had never liked Brian. The reason was unknown. Emma had decided to keep Ryan in the dark about the abuse. Yet, she had a feeling he had figured out what was going on in their home a long time ago. She wondered why he hadn't said anything to her, Jacob had always been such a blunt child.

Brushing her thoughts away, Emma walked down the stairs, the sun filling the downstairs with light. She walked into the living room, running her hands through her straightened hair. Her Mom, and Jacob sat around the television, a large silver bowl sat in front of them. Getting closer, Emma saw that the bowl was filled with various foods.

"Morning, honey" Her mother spoke.

"Morning Mom, where's Daddy?" She asked.

"In the kitchen. He's been talking to that Matthew boy since this morning. Come on, sit down, eat" Kathryn ordered, pulling at her daughter's wrist.

Sitting down, Emma reached into the bowl, picking out a slice of mango. Placing the fruit in her mouth, she began to chew, listening for her father's voice. She knew they were talking about her, and how they were going to keep her safe. Little did they know, Emma wasn't safe, she wasn't anywhere close.

"I think I'm going to go on a walk, I need to get some stuff off my mind" She said, standing.

"No. Stay here, its not safe for you to go out, Emmy" Her mother said, grabbing a hold of her daughter's wrist.

"Momma. I'm fine, if anything happens, I'll call you, my phone is in my pocket. Okay? I'll be home before dark" She said, feeling like a teen again.

"Fine. But make sure to call if you see him" Kathryn ordered.

"Of course I will. Bye Ma, bye Jacob" She said, leaving the house.

Walking outside, Emma breathed in the California air. She smiled, watching as small children ran past her on the sidewalk, their mothers following behind them in a hurry. Walking up to her gate, she placed her hands on the metal, chewing at her bottom lip as she studied her surroundings. It was a beautiful day.

She opened the gate, shutting it behind her as she began to walk down the way, out of the culdesac her parents lived in. Families sat outside, children playing in pools, mothers and fathers watching them. The smell of barbecue filled her nose, bringing back memories of her teen aged years. She figured she would go to the beach.

Arriving, she slipped off her heels. The wind blew past her as she stretched, heels in one hand. She walked on the hot sand. Walking up to the shore, she watched as surfers rode waves, wiping out occasionally. She stared down at her bruised, burned feet and wiggled her toes in bliss. She took a seat on the sand, water washing over her feet.

"Having a nice time?" Asked a voice from behind her.

Turning around, she saw Julian standing over her, looking down at her. Droplets of water fell from his body, a surfboard was tucked underneath his arm. He wore a pair of plain black board shorts, they were low on his hips, exposing veins just below his belly button. She bit her bottom lip, looking up at him and smiling.

"I am. Would you like to join me?" She asked, he smiled.

"Now how could I pass that up?" He asked, making her chuckle.

He took a seat beside Emma, looking at her. She looked over at him and smiled, looking down as a blush covered her face. He chuckled, looking back out to the waters. He chewed on the inside of his cheek, a very uncomfortable silence falling over the two.

"So. Do you live around here?" Julian asked.

"Oh, no. I live on the other side of town, my parents and nephew live here" She explained.

"Oh. Ivan and Kathryn right?" He asked, looking over at her.

"Yeah? You know them?" She asked.

"Yeah. I did some yard work for them a few months ago when Ivan hurt his back" He answered, referring to the back injury Ivan had suffered through after an accident at work.

"Oh, yeah. I remember that" She said, nodding.

A few hours had passed, and the sun was now gone. She knew her parents were going to be angry with her after she promised to be home before the sun had gone down. They were worried, she could imagine her mother's nervous face, and her father's pacing. The two had talked, and Julian had told her more facts about himself.

She found out that he was allergic to shell fish and lavender, and that he had been surfing since he was 18 years old. She also learned that he was fluent in Spanish, English, and Hangul. Emma had told him basic information, where she had been born, that she had a deceased brother and two older siblings. She didn't mention Brian, nor did she mention the fact that she was married.

"I should get going" She said, standing up.

"Yeah, its getting pretty dark. Since we're pretty much going to the same place, can I walk you there? I don't want you getting hurt, or anything. I wouldn't forgive myself" He chuckled.

"Of course you can. Thanks, Julian" She said, looking around to see a car with its lights on.

"Great. Let's get going" He said.

Arriving at Emma's house, Julian smiled at her, just as a car parked across the street, the lights going off seconds later. Emma looked up at Julian and smiled nervously, glancing behind him for a moment.

"Look. Emma. I know, I just met you and whatever. But, do you want to go out with me on Friday? Maybe go catch a movie?" He asked.

Looking up at Julian in shock, Emma furrowed her eyebrows, looking around before sucking in a breath. She looked down at her feet and chewed on the inside of her cheek. She wanted to say no, and run inside of the house. She shook her head.

"I'm sorry, Julian. I-I can't. Don't think I don't like you, because I do but I ca--" She started.

"Then say yes, whats holding you back?" He asked.

"...You wouldn't understand" She spoke softly.

"I can try" He said, staring down at her. She closed her eyes and sighed.

"Come by tomorrow night. I'll explain to you then" She said.

"Great. See you then" He grinned, walking away from her.

Emma stood, resting her hip against the cold metal of the gate. She sighed, opening the metal barrier and walking up to her front door. She grabbed the knob and turned around, seeing Brian standing against his car, his face cold as stone, a cigarette in between his fingers, he blew smoke from his nose and pointed to her. Feeling panic set in, Emma quickly opened the front door, walking in, slamming the door behind her as she rested against it, placing her hands over her face.

"What did I just get myself into?"