Cross My Heart

Dinner was actually going great, until Olivia called. When I answered my phone, and she yelled at me, I knew I had to go outside. I walked out of the restaurant into the chill February air. I pressed my phone back up to my ear. “Well, are you going to tell me where the fuck you have been?” Olivia's drunken slur filled my head.

“I'm just out with friends.” I said.

“What friends? You don't have friends.” Olivia spat. That stung a little bit.

“I'm with Marque, Airin and Josie.”

“Who the fuck is Josie?” Olivia screamed through the phone. I cringed slightly. “Get your ass home right now.” Olivia demanded.

“Olivia, calm down” I said.

“Shut up Keith. Don't tell me what to do. Just get home right fucking now.” Olivia disconnected and I snapped my phone shut. I ran a hand through my hair before going back into the restaurant. I smiled apologetically at my three dinner companions.

“I'm sorry, but I have to leave. It was nice meeting you Josie.” I grabbed my coat off the chair and walked out and got in my car. I drove home silently. I never liked music playing when I was driving. It distracted me slightly. It always drove everyone else in the band crazy when I had to drive. That's why I didn't drive often. When I pulled into the parking lot of the apartment complex, I just sat in my car for a few minutes. I sighed and killed the engine. Locking the doors, I walked up to the apartment. I pushed open the door, a loud creak sounding. I walked into the apartment, and as soon as the door closed behind me, a beer bottle was flung at my head. I ducked out of the way just in time to have it smash up against the wall. I was then face to face with a fuming Olivia.

“You don't even leave me a fucking note telling me you're going to be gone!” Olivia screamed. I cringed at the sound slightly.

“You don't leave notes when you go out.” I said.

“You still should of left one!” Olivia screeched. I just frowned. “What, you're just going to stand there? You're just going to stand there and take it?” Olivia always knew how to get under my skin, and she was doing just that. “You're pathetic Keith. Just like your dad.”

I had only known my dad for about a year if my life. My mom was a prostitute, but that was after she met my dad. My dad was murdered one night. Someone broke into his house and shot him when my dad was trying to call the police. Olivia knew it bothered me, but she always brought it back up.

I had it. I felt this inner rage just explode. “You have the NERVE to call my dad pathetic? Olivia, that's low. Low even for you. Just because my dad let himself get killed gives you NO FUCKING RIGHT," I was yelling. I never yelled, at anyone. I was always calm in situations, “to call my dad pathetic.” I stood my ground, waiting for Olivia's retaliation.

“At least my dad is normal.” Olivia said.

“HA! Your dad is far from normal! His mother thought it was a great idea to kill prostitutes.” I said.

“Then maybe she should of killed your mom! THEN I WOULDN'T HAVE TO FUCKING DEAL WITH YOU!” My mom died of a disease she refused to get treated for when I was 15. Since I didn't have my dad, I had to live with Brandon, my brother. Who was passed out on the couch from all the alcohol he had. Olivia's words shook me. I just stood there. I was taking this shit and abuse. “Oh, what? Are you going to cry now?” My head snapped up at the sound of Olivia's laughing. I had to get out of there. I just had to leave. I pushed my way past Olivia and went straight into the bedroom. I started to throw all of my clothes into my duffel bag, the same one I brought on tour. I just had to get out of the house. I finished throwing all of my clothes into my bag. I walked right past Olivia, ignoring her yells. I got back into my car, but I didn't start it. I had rested my head on the steering wheel, my eyes squeezed shut, trying to not let any tears escape.

I was done. I couldn't be with Olivia anymore. It hurt too much. I was beaten and bruised. I had to get away from it. I started the car and I just drove. I didn't know where I was going, but sometimes, just driving around soothed me. It was weird, but it worked. I had probably been driving for about an hour. I needed to go somewhere. Anywhere but back home. I pulled up next to the sidewalk and shut off the engine. I grabbed my bag from the back and walked up the walk way. I knocked on the door, not knowing if anyone was up or not. I was relieved when I heard a chair scraping across a floor and light thudding footsteps towards the door. The lock clicked and the door was pulled open. The tiny frame of Josline stood there. At first, she seemed happy to see me. Then she saw my bag. Josline grasped my hand and pulled me inside. She took my bag from me and set it on the ground. She hugged me.

Josline seriously was the one and only person I could confide in. She was like my rock. She hugged me a good minute before letting me go. She looked up at me. “What happened?” She asked. I re-explained the whole story to her, beer bottle included. Josline clasped her hands over her mouth. “Oh, Keith, I'm sorry.” She said, hugging me one last time.

“And you know the saddest part of it? I still love...” Josline cut me off.

“You don't love Olivia.” she said. I opened my mouth to say something. “Let me finish.” She said sternly. She was definitely becoming a mother. “You're infatuated with her. You have abandonment issues Keith. You fear that if you leave her, no one will ever have that intimate relationship with you again.” She said. Now that I thought of it, Josline was right. “Keith, you are an amazing guy. Any person would be lucky to have you.” she smiled at me. I smiled back. I hugged her once again.

“Look at this. You comforting me now.” I said into her shoulder. “Usually it's me who's comforting you.”

“I think it's okay that your baby cousin is the one comforting you.”

And it was true. I appreciated her love and support.