H.B. and Gypsy

“E-e, I never-“ He gasps and covers his mouth disbelievingly, but I cut him off.

“Just forget I said anything, love.” I cry softly and shut his door. As I was making my way down his stairs, I hear his yells of protest and how he wanted me to come back and talk with him. I just kept my head down and made my way to my house. The second I returned to my home, I let out everything I have been feeling. I run up to my room and cry. Like any lovesick teenager would. I put all my poems about him in the closet, take down his drawing from above my head on the wall and slip it into my drawer, and turn down a frame with a picture of us in his backyard one day that his mom took when we were laying on his trampoline.

Theres no way I could face him now. He knows. And now, I just feel…I feel disgusting. I made him cry, yet again, and made him feel like it was his fault. Im a horrible fucking friend and I don’t deserve him.

I never did.

Way to go, Ever. You ran off on him again. Good luck getting your best friend back after that number.

I wipe the tears from my cheeks and under my eyes. “I cant believe you told him…”I cry to myself. “You’ve fucked everything up.” I add and pull my pillow up to my face. I let out a scream into it’s once comforting softness. When I lift up my head, I lift up the frame that I just faced down and look at the picture of us. I let out a whimper and ran my finger down his photo-copied face.

“I so sorry, love.” I set the picture down. “I’m so, so sorry.”

__________________________________________________________________

1 day.

2 days.

3 days.

4 days.

5 days.

6 days.

A Week.

____________________________________________________________________

“Ever, sweetie, Mrs.Lee called and asked if you were ok. She said that you and Landon hadn’t talked in days?” My mom comments one day, making dinner. I look away apathetically and pick at my piece of bread.

“I just haven’t been feeling up to it.” I mumble and turn away from her. I really didn’t feel like talking about this with her. I didn’t feel like talking, period. All I wanted to do this past week, is forget about what happened.

Forget how I feel.

Forget Landon.
____________________________________________________________________

1 day.

2 days.

3 days.

____________________________________________________________________
I checked my phone.

11 Missed calls- Landon…5 New voicemails-Landon

I throw my phone and fall on my bed. Just ignore it. It’ll go away.

I miss him so much.
____________________________________________________________________

4 days.

5 days.

6 days.

2 Weeks.

I was currently organizing my book collection alphabetically.

I had resorted to do doing even the most boring activities the past 2 weeks without my best friend. This definitely being one of them.

I got up to get some books from the top shelf, when I hear my phone go off. I turned my head to my nightstand where my phone was sitting and watch it shake with its vibrations. Who the hell could that be?

Besides Landon, I don’t get phone calls. Only if its my mom telling me to come downstairs for dinner or something like that.

I made my way over to my phone and looked at the Caller i.d. and narrowed my eyes. I don’t recognize this number at all. “Why not…”I sigh to myself and pick it up.

“Hello?” I sound so bored. The first thing I hear is a woman sigh with relief.

What?

“Thank god you picked up. Ever, its me, Mrs.Lee.” She says in a panicked voice.

I feel my heart drop.

My mouth goes dry.

“You have to come over here now, Landon has lost it!” Her voice gets higher and higher as she sounds more afraid. I feel my breathing start to accelerate and I hold the phone closer to my ear. “Please, you are the only one he’ll listen to…” She adds and waits for me to respond.

“What happened?” I manage to whisper. My heart was beginning to crack under the pressure. I cant stand it when Landons in pain. I felt tears beginning to well up in my eyes.

“I don’t know! He wont tell me, he locked himself in the attic…” She says in a hurried voice. “Please get here quick, I can hear him throwing things!”

I could barely stop shaking. This was it. I had to go help.

“I’m coming right now.” I say, feeling slightly stronger than I was a second ago.

“Thank you.” She says and hangs up. I put my phone in my pocket and lace up my converse as fast as I possibly could. I sped out the door, yelling to my mom that I would be home later and ran to Landon’s door. I took a second to catch my breath and slowly push the door open.

I see Mrs.Lee sitting at the bottom of the stairs, and she had her head resting in her hands. The second I walk in the door, her head snaps up and she make her way over to me. Upon getting closer, I noticed tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know who else to call…” She cokes out.

“Its ok, don’t feel sorry…” I whisper. And give her a hug. “I’m going to go talk to him.” I add with a shaky breath and she nods. I start to make my way up the stairs to the attic. I could literally feel my heartbeat shaking my whole body with its pulse. I don’t know what’s going on, but its scaring me. Landon never does this.

Eventually I reach the top of the stairs and I listen. I could here Landon crying and throwing things across the room. He sounded…out of his mind. I intake a slow deep breath and put my ear up to the door. I have never been this scared in my life. I listen some more.

“All m-my f-fault...” He cried and threw something else. Jesus. I needed to get in there. I removed my ear form the door and looked at it.

Here goes nothing.

I knock three times, and I hear the noise stop. All I hear is his soft crying and him walking towards the door. He doesn’t say anything. He was waiting.

I put my hand on the door and stare at it. He was right there.

Do it, Ever.

“Are you there, love?” I whisper to him. I here him gasp and let out a whimper.

“E-e?”

“Let me see you…” I say softly to him. “Open the door.”

I hear him sniffle and shuffle around. Eventually, the door opens, but I don’t see him there. He had walked to the very corner of the room, away from me. The second I saw him, I new something was wrong.

His hair was all disheveled and messed up like he had been running his hands threw it over and over again. His bright eyes were bloodshot and his clothes were loose and tattered like he had been pulling on them restlessly.

I’ve never seen him like this.

“What happened?” I say quietly, walking over to him. His breathing was still erratic and he was shaking. Something had set him off.

His face crumpled and he cried. “Its m-my f-fault! It’s a-all m-my fault!”

He isn’t making any sense. “What’s your fault, doll?” I say quietly, not wanting to freak him out any further. He just hides his face in his hands and then points to the tv in the corner on the attic without looking at it, then I heard him let out a cry. I hadn’t even noticed that a tv was in here before.

I walked up to it, and playing on it, was a video. It looks like Landon had paused it on one part. It was a man holding a little boy. “What is this, love?” I whisper to him. His breathing gets quicker.

“Its wh-what I r-ruined!” He yells and pulls at his hair. “ I c-could have s-saved him, but I-I was too f-fucking stupid!”

What is he talking about? Saved who?

I walked over to him and looked at him with furrowed eyebrows. “Saved who?”

He looks up at me slowly and stares. “My D-Dad.”

Oh…

I took his face in my hands and rubbed his cheek with my thumb. “Tell me what happened, sugar.” I whisper. He sniffles and takes a deep breath.

“When I-I was 7, m-my dad was…” He looked down and shuddered.

“He was what?” I encouraged him softly.

“K-killed.”

I stare at him. He thinks that this is his fault?

I immediately pull him into a hug and rub his shoulders. “Im so sorry, love…” I felt tears welling up in my eyes for him. How was a little boy suppose to handle that?

“That’s n-not the w-worst part.” He added with sad eyes. I stare. “It happened…right in front of me.”

I gasped out loud.

My poor doll. I finally let out some tears. This is just sick. All I do is hold him closer to me as he cries. I run my hands though his hair, missing this feeling, and try to calm him. Out of nowhere, Landon starts to tell me what happened.

"It w-was only m-me and my d-dad that night. I was c-coloring on the k-kitchen table, and he was watching t-t.v. in the room next to m-me. All the s-sudden, some g-guy breaks in, a-and threatens my d-dad, I d-dont remember w-what the guy wanted, but m-my dad kept f-fighting him, and r-ran into the kitchen t-to get me...he w-was trying t-to protect me..." He begins and sniffles.

"They shot h-him right in f-front of m-me." He whimpers into my shoulder. I had to refrain from seething at whoever did this to him and his dad. "I t-tried calling the p-police, but th-they couldnt understand m-me with my f-fucking stutter, I w-was so scared I c-couldnt talk! S-so they d-didnt get to m-my house quick enough. Eventually, th-they traced the c-call, and showed up to m-my house. I-it was too l-late." His breathing was still shaky as he finished his story.

I shake my head in disbelief. "Sugar, I had no Idea, I'm so sorry..." I whisper to him, and place a kiss on his cheek. The first one in a month.

"I c-could have s-saved him, but I d-didnt..." He thought out loud.

"You tried..." I attempted to convince him, but he wasnt having it.

"No, I c-couldnt even s-speak correctly!" He yells and tugs at his hair. "What th-the fuck is w-wrong with m-me...." He cries to himself.

"Nothing, Landon! Absolutely nothing..." I take his hand in mine. He just shakes his head, not believing me.

I looked at his perfect face. Crying.

I didn’t know what to do.

So I did what my heart told me to do.

I slid my hand under his jaw, pulled his face closer to mine…

And I kissed him.

I feel him gasp against my lips, but I dare not remove mine. I just kept my lips against his. My eyes closed. After two seconds, I feel him kiss me back, his arms suddenly hugging me tighter then ever before. I let my eyes peek open and look at his face. His eyes were closed,letting his tears runs down his cheeks and onto mine, never removing the contact he had with my lips. With a final sigh, I pulled away and I stared straight at him.

All he did was look at me with the most tragic, sad eyes, and let out a sob. He buried his face in my neck and cried. “I-I love you, E-ever.” He breaths against me. Trying to calm his tears.

I wrap my arms around his small waist and pull him closer, kissing his hair.

“I love you too, sugar.” I whisper, my eyes pooling with disbelieving tears. With that, he let out a sob and hugged me tighter.

“Wh-why?” He whimpers against me. “I-Im Nothing. N-nothing Special.”

He has no fucking Idea how wrong he is.

I grabbed his face from my neck and looked straight in his confused eyes. He was still holding onto my torso tightly. “Why, you ask? Havent you realized?” I ask in amazement, “You have showed me something that I never knew existed.” I say holding his face with both hands, wiping his tears away with my thumbs.

“W-what have I-I showed y-you?” He asks me with a small voice.

I slowly shake my head back and forth. He was something else.

“You showed me that I have the ability to love. I thought my dad took that away from me, but you showed me otherwise.” I took his hand.

His eyes widened and he responds in a shaking whisper “I-I sh-showed you that?”

“Yes. You did." I say with confidence that I didn’t even know I had. He looks at me sadly and backs away slowly, but keeps ahold of my hand.

“I- I don’t deserve y-you.” He whispers, “You’re p-perfect…and I-Im l-ike a broken r-record. I c-cant even talk t-to you without s-stumbling over m-my words l-like…l-like…f-fuck!” He broke down slid down the wall crying. “Im a-a f-freak.” He whispered to himself, hiding his face, crying.

I kneeled down to him. “Landon Autemn Lee, look at me.” I said with my hands on his knees. I almost sounded mad. He shakes his head with his face still hidden in his palms. “Why?” I continue quietly.

“I-im already a-a monster as it i-is…I d-don’t want you t-to see my f-face like th-this.” He quietly hiccups his sobs.

“Monster? Landon, you don’t know how beautiful you are…” I say, running my fingers down his shoulder all the way to his wrist. “and most importantly, monsters don’t cry. You have a beating heart inside of you,” I held my hand on his chest feeling it pulse underneath my palm. “and it feels. It feels love, yes?” I ask.

He nods his head. “A-A lot” he answers.

“See? Monsters don’t feel,and they especially don’t feel love, sugar.” I continue quietly, giving his cheek a kiss. He sniffles and rubs his eyes, then finally gives me a slow nod.

“I L-love y-you.” He whispers shyly.

“And I love you.” I say with a tired smile. I slid my arms under his, picked him up, he curled his legs around my waist and I carried him down the stiars, into his room, and to his bed. He buried his face in my shirt and sighed.

As soon as I got to his bed, I gently layed him down. He was already sleepy. “Lift up your arms, doll.” I say. With closed eyes he does what he’s told and I slip my hands under the hem of his shirt, slid it up his waist and then his chest and pull it off, throwing it in this laundry basket. “Lift up your hips a little, now” I continue. Again, he complies, lifting his hips up slightly while I undo his belt and slip it out from its loops, then sliding his jeans off. “Where are you Pajamas, love?” I ask.

“My D-dresser, th-third drawer.” He whispers, quickly being pulled into sleep. I walked over to his dresser and found his sweat pants and went back over to him on his bed. I slid his pants up his legs and around his waist. I didn’t bother grabbing him a t-shirt. His room was warm already. I took my shoes off and removed my shirt, then slid into his bed next to him, under the covers. He immediately curls up against me, and I run my fingers down his side. He sighed and snuggled closer. We lie there about ten minutes in silent comfort when I feel him shift a little and place his hand on my chest.

“E-ever?” I hear his sleepy voice ask all the sudden.

“Hm?” I reply, my mind drifting into dreams.

“I never m-meant to compare y-you to Noah…” He Whispers to me.

My sweet little thing. I slip my arms around his waist and pull him closer to me.

“I know.” I smile softly at him. “Gnight, Doll.”

“G-Gnight E-Ever.”

The last thing I hear is Landon humming to himself while running his fingers through my hair.

My Heart was Glowing.

___________________________________________________________

My Landon.

I had woken up about an hour ago, only to find that landons head was resting on my stomach, and his arms hugging my torso in his sleep. I felt his breaths right near my belly button.

I hadn’t the heart to wake him, so I’ve been laying here the past hour, watching his back rise and fall with each slow breath he took. Just running my fingers up and down his spine.

His breath all the sudden hitched as he readjusted himself on my body and for a second I thought I had waken him up, but he just sighed, kissed my stomach, and fell right back asleep. I breathed a sigh of relief.

I pushed his bangs out of his face as I thought back on what happened last night.

I kissed him.

I told him I loved him.

He said he loves me. My heartbeat sped up just thinking about it.

I turned slightly and looked at Landons clock on his nightstand.

11:05 a.m.

I should probably wake him up, or else we will miss the whole day. That’s one thing about landon; he could sleep till no end.

And I could watch him sleep till no end. It was perfection.

I turned back to him and waited a second before I run a finger down his blushing cheek and whispered in his ear, “Wake up, Love.” I see his eyes start to flicker open. “Come on, show me your beautiful face.” I continue softly.

Without opening his eyes he smiles to himself and buries himself closer to my side. I giggle and continue quietly, “Please show me your eyes, sugar. I miss them.” He slowly turned his head up to me and opened his eyes, showing me a soft gold glow peering through them. “There they are.” I whisper to him.

He sighs and scoots up so our faces are level and lays his head down on the same pillow as me. While resting his hand on my chest. Then he does something I really didn’t expect.

He leaned a little closer and gave me a soft little innocent kiss on my lips, lingering for about 3 seconds, then he pulled away and hid his face in my chest. I giggled and ran my fingers through his hair.

“You’re cute.” I say to him as he blushes into my skin. “One more.” I add, while pulling his face to mine. He gave me another one, this one lasting longer than the last one. He pulled away and stared straight at me. He had a happy warmth running through him this morning, I could see it through his smiling eyes.

He began to draw circles on my skin with his finger. It tickled but it felt good.

“E-ever?” He whispers his first word of the day, looking into my eyes.

“Mhm?” I answer, trying to savor this almost euphoric feeling of happiness currently running though my veins.

“D-did you m-mean it?” He whispered shyly.

“Mean what?” I answer quietly.

“W-when, um, y-you said you l-loved m-me?” He says while hopeful eyes.

I didn’t even need to think about it.

“Of course I did.”, I smile softly at him., “I still do. Did you mean it?” I ask him while I ran my thumb over his bottom lip.

“Y-yes.” He answers while he closes his eyes and sighs at my hands tracing his sides.

“I want t-to s-stay here all d-day…” He quietly adds with closed eyes as he snuggles closer to me.

“In bed?” I laugh quietly.

“Mhm.” He sighs and gets settled into my side again, holding my torso tightly.

“You could if you wanted to.” I said and he giggled. We lay in comfortable silence for about five minutes, the only sound you could hear was us breathing. Then comes Landons sweet voice, asking me a question.

“W-what are w-we, e-ever?”

We were soul mates, I wanted to tell him.

“What would you like us to be?” I question him softly with a kiss on his cheek.

“W-well, I m-mean, how d-do you s-see us?” He asks again with apprehensive eyes.

“Landon, Im in love with you,” I begin, looking right into his eyes, “Would you say the same about me?” I finish quietly. I begin to feel slightly nervous at what he would say.

“Y-yes. V-very much s-so.” He says in a soft voice.

“Then I think its safe to say we are with each other, hm?” I give him a warm smile and hold his hand.

“I th-think we h-have always b-been together, E-ever.” He admits shyly.

“I think so too. It just took us a while to figure out.” We laugh softly together.

“So, w-what would I c-call you?” He asks me.

I thought about it. The term “Boyfriend” seemed too mediocre. It came off as more of a title. I felt like we were more than that. It was more special.

Even though, technically, we were…boyfriends, I guess? I smile at the thought.

“You can call me whatever you want.” I smile warmly at him.

“So…a-are you my B-boyfriend?” He asks with a shy smile. I cant help but laugh at him and his innocence. “W-what?” He asks.

“Nothing, love. You’re just sweet.” I run my finger down his cheek and he blushes. “And yes, If you would like me to be, I am your boyfriend.” I add. He giggles.

“Whats so funny?” I smile at him.

“N-nothing. Im just h-happy.”

“Me too.” I hug him and we lay there, enjoying each others company. I break the silence with, “Love?” He looks up at me.

“H-Hm?”

“How early on did you start to have feelings, you know, for me?” I finish.

“The f-first time I s-saw you…I th-thought you were s-so handsome,b-but I thought you were j-just going to t-turn out to b-be a b-bully.” He admits “,but that f-first night w-we talked I knew y-you were d-different, and the f-fact th-that you were s-so nice, m-made me…s-start to have f-feelings very early o-on.” He answers me and hides his face in my shoulder once again.

“Oh, I see.” I smile. “I was in such bad denial. You would never believe it. I knew I liked you but I kept trying to convince myself that it was something different. Like a ‘just friends’ thing. I was so wrong. I started having dreams with you in them…and we would kiss…and stuff. Thats when I knew for sure.” I run my hand down his back.

“Wh-when are we g-going to tell our p-parents?” He whispers.

Oh…fuck.

My dad. He was going to…I didn’t even want to think about it. I held landon tighter and shuddered.

“A-are you ok?” His small voice asks and he looks at me with worried painted across his perfect face.

“I’m just…afraid of what my dad will do. He…well, he hates gay people. He is going to kill me…” I almost start to panic. I start to breath heavily and I close my eyes. I feel Landon let go of me and switch his position so his legs are on either side of my thighs, while he was sitting on my lap. He takes my face in his hands and wipes my tears away. “H-hey, E-e, Listen…” His soft whisper begins.

He gave me that nickname a couple weeks ago. His sweet little half-whispered “E.”

I look up at him with scared eyes and he continues, “First of a-all, your d-dad doesn’t h-have to know. S-second…I w-wont let a-anything happen t-to you. Do y-you hear m-me?” He finishes with a soft kiss on my lips.

God, I am so in love with this boy.

I nod slowly and hold him tight.

“You can tell your mom, because I know she wouldn’t care, but we cant tell my parents. Not yet, at least.” I softly say to him. He nods into my shoulder. He pulls away and looks at me with a smile.

“On a happier note, what would you like to do today?” I ask him. He leans back on my thighs and thinks.

“I k-kind of w-wanted to go d-downtown.” He thinks out loud. “Th-there is this c-cool old b-book shop m-my mom told m-me about.”

“Oh really?” I smile. “Lets go check it out.” I decide.

“C-cool.” He says. “Wh-when?”

“Well, lets see, its…” I look back at his clock, “…just past 11:30. So, lets leave here at 12:30, sound good?” I say and tuck some hair behind his ear. He nods at me.

“W-we should probably g-get up, huh?” He asks me with a yawn.

“Probably.” I laugh. He groans, gets off me, and snuggles into his covers again.

“I d-don’t want t-to yet.” He whispers.

“Well, no one’s forcing you, sugar.” I laugh and get out of bed, but he grabs my hand before I could make it anywhere. “S-stay with m-me.” He pleads. I sigh and give in, getting back in bed next to him.

“We’ll never leave at this rate…”I complain and pull him closer to me.

He just laughs at me and plays with my fingers.

I shake my head at him slowly.

This boy owns me.