There's A Possibility

I don’t think I’ve ever felt nervous for a gig since the band first started, but right now my heart was racing a mile per minute, adrenaline pumping through my veins faster than my own blood.

I stood backstage knowing full well that Lindsey was somewhere in that crowd, looking at the blank stage; probably subconsciously quick to judge and already forming assumptions about my potential suckishness.

“You okay, Garrett?” Pat asked from beside me, his drumsticks clutched loosely in the palms of his hands. “You look like you might be sick.”

I could feel John’s cold glare on my face without even having to look at him. “I’m fine.” I said simply, trying to make my voice sound even. “Just a little tired.”

“Well perk up, man.” Jared said with a huge smile, not looking at me and instead watching the guitar techs tune the instruments. “We’ve got a full house out there.”

I grinned and nodded lightly, trying to look as enthused as possible.

When the time finally came for our set to begin, John led the way onto the stage and I followed dead last. We were met by thousands of screams – mostly from teenage girls; flattering nonetheless.

Taking my spot on stage right, I looked out, the lights blinding.

But one face stood out.

Her spot on the floor was admittedly conveniently placed. Lindsey was almost directly in front of me. I couldn’t help but grin when I saw the smile on her face; how could I have worried about her having pre-judgmental notions? My eyes were locked with hers as we started ‘Girls Do What They Want’ and I began the bass line beneath Jared and Kennedy.

I smiled when I saw Lindsey laugh at the chorus, glad that she seemed to be enjoying it. She lifted up a camera that she had had around her neck and focused it on me, snapping a picture a few seconds later.

When the camera was brought down from her face, her smile had faded and every calm feeling that had soothed me briefly vanished.

I looked down to my bass and managed a small smirk, trying to keep calm.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

The set had been over for a few minutes and I had quickly left the other guys in the back before John or anyone else could ask where I was headed.

Something has changed within me.

Why have I been allowing this girl to alter my life? I’ve only ever said a handful of sentences to her, none of which were very heartfelt or meaningful.

There was just something about Lindsey Clark.

Tonight was going to be one of the hardest of my life.

I walked around the club, being careful to avoid anyone who may recognize me, and being stopped multiple times for fans who wanted pictures and autographs.

Eventually, however, I found her sitting alone at a table with her camera and a glass of coke sitting before her.

She looked truly lovely, sitting with a thoughtful look on her face. When she stood up from her seat, I couldn’t help the arm that snaked around her waist from behind. “I saw you watching me…” I whispered in her ear. I couldn’t contain the desire that I felt whenever I saw her; the pure lust, the need to feel somehow more attractive. I felt the need to build up my mystique and intrigue to become appealing.

To my disappointment, she untangled herself from my embrace. “Wipe that smirk off your face, Garrett.” She said with a roll of her eyes as she put her coat on. I loved the effect it brought onto her child-like face.

I covered my disappointment with a deep laugh, “I can’t believe I scared you! You really need to loosen up, my little librarian.”

“I am not your librarian!” she snapped. She appeared adorably flustered and I had to bite my lip to hold back anything I may regret. “…what do you want?”

Taken aback by her question, I straightened my posture – becoming quickly serious. “We have a date, remember?”

“I believe there was a condition required for the aforementioned date.” Another thing I loved about Lindsey. Unlike other girls, she actually knew how to work a sentence, turn a phrase. She spoke using her brain as her intrigue rather than her chest.

I smirked, reaching into my jacket. “And I have fulfilled said condition.” I said as I pulled out Paper Towns. Her eyes bulged, clearly she hadn’t expected me to have read the book, let alone read it.

I laughed. “I had it tucked under my arm.” I explained before sitting down across from her.

She took the book from me and held it protectively in her hands as if she were holding a child. “So, what’d you think?” I almost didn’t hear her question, I was too drawn in by her hands. They were tiny things with short, chubby, child-like fingers. The pale skin stretched tightly over her hands, leaving most of her veins visible, her knuckles highly visible through her skin.

“What did you think?” she asked again, snapping me back into reality.

“It wasn’t as horrible as I thought it was going to be.”

She looked dejected for a moment, but wiped the look off of her face almost as soon as it showed. “So, you didn’t like it…?”

“I didn’t say that…”

She instantly perked up. “So, you liked it?”

I smirked. “I also didn’t say that.”

“Well, then, what did you think?”

“Well, if you’d shut your trap for five seconds, I’d tell you.” I said and laughed when she was instantly silent.

“I really liked the idea of loving someone, but not holding them in a higher regard then you do yourself.”

The excited look on her face was adorable. She looked relieved, almost as if she had been expecting me to not understand the concept of the book. I smiled and couldn’t hold back the impulse; my hand reached over to embrace hers, but halted when I heard the cold voice from just beyond my line of vision.

“Hey, Garrett,” John came into view, standing hulkingly behind Lindsey. “Who’s your friend?”

He moved from behind her to standing between the two of us. His scrutinizing gaze was focused on Lindsey, no doubt pointing out every one of her flaws in his mind. Her feelings of awkwardness and self-consciousness were palpable even from across the table. And John was feeding off of it like a parasite.

“This is Lindsey,” I said, gesturing to her, trying to remain as calm as possible, as if my faux calm feelings would reverberate to her. “Lindsey, this is John O’Callaghan.”

John’s smile was frightening. On his mouth it was warm, but his scrutinizing gaze remained. “It’s nice to meet you.” He said, his voice sounding falsely genuine. He sat down beside me. “So, I saw you taking pictures, I wish photographers were always as pretty as you.” Lindsey instantly looked even more uncomfortable. What was John playing at with this fake charm? Was this his way of trying to intimidate me?

Well, it isn’t going to work.

“John… do you mind…?” I asked quietly, staring down at my tightly clenched fists upon the table. True, my confidence was greatly diminished given John’s presence, but I was driven.

“Oh, was I interrupting something? Excuse me.” John stood up, making a big show about towering above me. “I’ll leave you two alone then.” He reached over and roughly grabbed Lindsey by the scruff of her shoulder. I had to bite my tongue and grip onto the edge of my seat to stop myself from shouting and throwing him off of her. “Take care of my friend, Lindsey.” He shot an icy glare in my direction before turning on his heel and walking away.

With John gone, I sat quietly in my seat trying to find the right words to say but the right ones seemingly unobtainable.

“Are you okay?” she asked, reaching her hand over and running her fingers across the knuckles of my fist. The soothing effect was instantaneous.

“Fine.” I grumbled. As my eyes locked with hers, most of the angered feelings I had been harboring vanished. I grabbed her hand and molded it with my own. “Sorry.” I said. “I’m fine, John’s just… weird.”

She nodded. “Yeah, I’ll say.” She said with a small, broken laugh.

Looking around, I saw that the rest of my friends were scattered around the bar, their eyes occasionally glancing in our direction and quickly looking away when they saw my looking. “Do you want to go somewhere else?” I asked, wanting to rid myself of this place was quickly as possible.

“With you?”

The question was so obvious, and yet so out there, I couldn’t help be laugh.

“Yeah. With scary ol’ me.”

“You’re definitely not scary.” She said as she stood up. “But, yes, let’s get out of here.” I smiled, happy to see that she was finally opening up to me. Finally being real rather than the stiff… librarian.

I led her toward the door, never letting go of her hand.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

I had dragged Lindsey all along the subway routes into the East Village, a place that admittedly wasn’t the safest at this time of night, but I wanted to take her to my favourite place in the whole of the city.

“I don’t know Garrett,” she said, staring up at the café. “I’m not really much into theatre.”

The Life Café was undeniably my favourite. The café was the very same that much of the musical RENT was set in and was always full of theatre people who, being theatre people, had no volume control.

“Well, you don’t have to like theatre. But this is one of the best cafes in the area, not to mention they make a mean mac-and-cheese.” I said reassuringly, looking approvingly at the large brick building. “And besides, the place looks fairly empty. We can have a quiet conversation. Alone.”

I gave a light squeeze to her hand as we stepped toward the café. I hadn’t loosened my grip one bit since we left the bar. Holding on tightly; holding on to what I’m inevitably bound to lose.

Once we were in the café, I led her over to a small table set in the center of the room. I sat down on the far side of the booth leaving room for her to sit beside me, which she did. She was so close that I could smell her, the scent of luscious strawberries radiating from her.

A waitress came over with pen and pad of paper in her hand. “What can I get you two tonight?”

I smiled. Tonight was finally starting to seem like a date. “Uh, two cokes, please.” I requested. The girl nodded, writing down the order before walking away.

“I’m perfectly capable of ordering for myself.” She said, pulling her hand out of mine. The cold stung my hand.

“Yeah, but why waste your breath when I knew what you would like?”

“And how do you know I even like coke? For all you know, I don’t drink dark sodas.”

“Well, that wouldn’t make any sense since that’s what you were drinking at the club.” I said smugly.

She sighed. She knew I was right. I smiled.

She crossed her arms over her chest. “So… did you like the main point of Paper Towns?”

“That being not loving someone more than you love herself?” I asked as she gingerly set the book before us on the table.

“Well, that’s one of the points, but did you catch the big one?” she avoided looking directly at me. “What John Green’s main focus is?”

I stared down at the book. “Was it not thinking about someone as more than a person.” Lindsey smiled and nodded for me to continue. I did, “Like how Quinton basically thought of Margo as a manic-pixie-dream girl, when in actuality, she was just a girl.” She laughed lightly and nodded happily. “I suppose that a manic-pixie-dream-girl would be annoying to have, though.” I looked down at her, and she looked up at me. Her eyes were beautiful. “I’d much rather just have a regular girl.”

Despite the fact that she is beyond regular, and she is all I want.

Like a magnet, my lips were drawn to hers. And when they finally connected, I could have cried of happiness. When she moved her lips against mine, I smiled against the kiss and deepened it.

All thoughts of the altercation with John vanished, worries of John’s stipulation gone without a trace.

All that mattered now was Lindsey. And that I was kissing her, and she was kissing me back.

And I loved it.