I'm Gonna Break Down These Walls

Fuck, stop looking at me. Stop looking at me! I was in my class with Alex and I could feel his stare burning into my skin. I shut my eyes tightly to try and make the feeling go away. I finally turned to look at him and he looked away, making it seem as if he was paying attention to the teacher. This is the beginning all over again. Only this time it's completely opposite.

The bell rang and I ran out of there to go to my last period with Jack. I sighed as I sat down next to him in my seat.

"How did it go?" he asked me.

"I ran away," I said. "He kept staring at me the whole time. I could feel it. I had to leave Kara and Vanessa behind. I didn't want him to come up to me or something."

"Sorry. But I really think you should talk to him. I mean you two were friends before. You should be friends now or try to be."

I sighed. "I don't know, Jack. I'm pretty sure he hates me now."

"Yeah, I don't think so. That boy loves you."

"No, shut up."

The bell rang and the teacher started on the lecture. I spent my time taking notes for once. I didn't want to think about anything anymore so I just focused on what the teacher was saying. Thankfully I did because we're having a test next class.

The bell rang to release us and we bumped into Zack along the way. He smiled at me and I smiled back. "How are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm okay. Do you have a girlfriend yet?" I smirked.

He chuckled. "Shut it."

I watched as Jack ran up to Vanessa and she was with Alex. I frowned and looked at Zack. He raised an eyebrow. "You'll find someone," I said. "And she'll be one lucky girl."

He smiled. "Thanks, El. Love you." He gave me a side hug.

"Love you too." I smiled.

"Well, aren't you a fucking hypocrite," said Alex.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I asked.

"So you can fucking tell Zack you love him but you can't tell me you do?"

"Ugh, fuck off, Gaskarth! I don't love you!"

"You're a bitch!"

"And you're a fucking slut so why don't you go be one? Douche bag!" I know for a fact that everyone was watching as the fight went on. I seem to bring attention to myself a lot which really annoys me. I hate attention like this. "So why don't you just back the fuck off?!" I walked away and I could feel someone following me. At this point, I just didn't even care.

I unlocked my door to get in the house and I slammed the door behind me. I threw my bag on the floor and I was going to go upstairs when my door bell rang.

"What the fuck do you want?" I asked as I opened the door. I saw a scared look on Zack's face. "Oh, sorry, Zack."

"It's okay. I just thought you would like some comforting." He half smiled.

I open the door far enough to let him in and I closed it behind him. "Thanks."

We went up to my room and we sat down on my bed. I closed the blinds, not wanting to see Jack. Actually I just always have my blinds closed now.

We sat in silence until I broke it. "So how's it going with the girl you like?" I asked.

"Not well," he said. "She told me she liked someone else."

"Yikes. Sorry."

"It's okay. It's whatever now. Oh, my friend Ben is having a party in a few weeks. Wanna go?"

"Uh, Zack, you know how I feel about parties."

"Aw, come on. Be spontaneous for once and do something you don't like to do."

I rolled my eyes. "Only for you, Zachary."

"Yes!" He attacked me in a hug but we accidentally fell to the floor. As if it was perfect timing, Jack walked in with Vanessa.

"What the fuck is going on here?" Jack asked, raising an eyebrow.

Zack got off of me and helped me up. "Gee, nothing, father. Zack pretty much attacked me into a hug and we fell on the floor. That's it," I said. "If you don't believe me, you can go fucking die."

"Jeez, you're violent."

"Well, do you believe me or not?"

"I believe you. I knew you wouldn't lie to me," Vanessa said.

"Thank you, Nessa."

"Uh, I'm not sure what to believe," Jack said, looking at Zack.

"Fuck off, Jack. Get the fuck out of my room."

"Eli-"

"Fuck off. You're a shitty best friend to say that you don't believe me."

"I'm sorry, El! It's just that Zack has a crush on you."

"What?!" Zack shouted. I looked at him and he rubbed the back of his neck. "I used to. Jesus, Jack just fucking shout out secrets."

"Ugh, whatever." I walked into my bathroom and locked the door behind me. I slid down the door and sat there, holding my knees against me. I felt like crying like I have been doing. It's times like these that I wish I could pull out that razor and just cut myself. I made a promise though and I can't do that to the people I love. I could feel the tears running down my face and I covered my face, trying my best not to make any noises.

"Eliana, I'm sorry," Jack said, knocking softly at the door. "You're right I am a bad best friend. I'm sorry. I believe you, okay?" I opened the door and immediately hugged him. He hugged me with force. "I'm sorry, El." I noticed it was just us two.

"It's okay." I finally managed to say.

Jack pulled me away and wiped the tears from my face. "I don't like seeing you cry. Be happy." He smiled.

I half smiled. "I'm going to take a nap." He nodded and kissed my forehead and closed the door behind him. I lied down on my bed and tried not to think about anything. I just wanted to relax. I fell asleep with no horrible thoughts in my head.