I'm Gonna Break Down These Walls

(Alex's POV)
Shit. I can't tell her. I took a deep breath and she was staring at me intently. My hands were shaky. "Uh, why don't we go for a walk first?" I asked. My voice was a bit shaky, too. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and she wrapped her arm around my waist. We didn't talk and we stopped in front a tree that was near the pond. "I'm kinda scared to say what I have to say," I said.

She stood in front of me and I stared into her eyes. She brought her hand up to my cheek, caressing it. "Alex, you can tell me anything, remember that," she said.

I sighed. Here goes nothing. "Um, El, I-I'm in love with you," I mumbled. I looked down not wanting to really look at her. It seemed like minutes passed by and my heart was racing each moment. She hasn't even answered yet. I looked back up at her and her face showed pure terror. Her eyes were wide. "El, I love you..."

(Eliana's POV)
Oh, my god, he did not just say he loves me. This must be a joke. I don't even know what to say but my mind seemed to control that. "N-no, you don't," I stuttered.

His expressions changed in a split second. It changed from love to pure shock and then anger. "Are you really telling me how I'm supposed to feel about you, Eliana?!" He was shouting now. "What the fuck is wrong with you?! I planned all of this by myself!"

"You don't know what love is!" I shouted back. "You just go off and fuck any girl that comes near you! How the fuck am I supposed to believe that you love me?!"

"You're so fucking stupid! I can't believe you can't see it! Of course I love you! Everyone can see it even your parents! But now you're being such a fucking bitch! I stopped doing all of that because I love you! I stopped doing it even before I ever noticed I did love you!"

I could feel tears starting to fill up my eyes. "And how the hell am I supposed to believe that?! Alex, you don't love me. If anything, it's lust. I'm sure the only reason you're dating me is to get in my pants." The tears started to stream down my face. I know it would've hurt worse if he said it. I don't want to go through this again.

His face fell. "El, I am not dating you to get in your pants." His voice lowered now. We weren't yelling at each other anymore. "If I did, I would've tried long before. I love you. More than anything. I know we haven't dated that long but I feel like I can't see myself without you. It's impossible."

"Alex, you don't love me." I started walking away and he followed behind me. "Leave me alone." Tears just kept falling down my face.

"Eliana!" He grabbed my arm, turning me around to face him. He kissed me hard but I pushed him away.

"Fuck you, Alex. You don't love me," I said, ripping from his grip. "We're done."

"With the conversation?" he asked, hoping that I didn't mean we're literally done.

"No, Alex, we're done. I'm breaking up with you. I don't want this. Neither do you. I know you don't love me. You're just saying that because you probably believe no one could ever love me again or that no one will ever love you." I started to run to my house with the tears streaming down my face. You couldn't tell I was crying anymore since it started pouring down rain. I felt bad for what I had just said. But way deep down inside I knew it was true.

I got to my house and I slammed the door behind me. Everyone came into view and they all stared at me. I was soaking wet with my makeup all over the place I'm sure. I was still crying and I just couldn't stop.

"Oh, my gosh, Eliana, what happened?" asked my mom.

"Alex and I broke up," I stated and went up to my room. Everyone was shocked as I passed by them. They knew he was going to tell me that he loves me. I guess they just expected me to tell him I love him. If I did, it would be a lie. I can't just tell him I love him. I don't.

I changed into my pajamas and I put my wet hair up in a ponytail. I wiped off all the makeup and Vanessa came in my room.

"What the hell happened?" she asked.

I wiped off what was left and I sat down next to her. "Okay, he told me he loved me. We got in a huge argument and broke up. The end," I said.

Her eyebrows furrowed together. "You didn't tell him you love him?"

"I don't love him. I would be lying to him if I did. Plus, he doesn't love me. He's probably just trying to sleep with me. Do you know how many times he's said he would like to get in my pants but can't?"

"Uh, keyword there can't. He won't because you don't want to. God, you are so freaking blind! And you can't tell me you don't love him. That's bullshit. You do love him."

"I don't."

She stared at me. "Ugh, you're so fucking stupid!" She got up. "I will be there to say I told you so when you finally come to your senses and you figured out that you do love him." She slammed my door behind her.

I huffed. Why are people so hung up over this? I don't want this. Why? I don't want to go through that heartbreak again. I know that Alex doesn't love me. It can't be true. He doesn't know what love is. I hate myself for being mean to him but I had to say it. I know I'm not going to be the same. Tears started to build up in my eyes again. Why am I crying over him? He's not worth it. I wiped the tears away but more and more came out. I cried myself to sleep that night.

I woke up to my alarm going off. I'm dreading going to school today. I sighed and got up, grabbing clothes, and went to shower. I put my clothes on and I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were all puffy and red. I sighed again and I went downstairs to go eat breakfast with Vanessa and Jack.

"Whoa, you look like shit," said Jack and I glared at him. "Sorry."

I didn't even touch my breakfast and we grabbed our stuff and headed out the door. We met up with everyone else. I made no eye contact with Alex whatsoever. I walked next to Zack and he would just smile warmly at me. He put a comforting arm around me but he quickly took it off of me when he saw Alex glaring at him.

Jack and I went off to class and he sighed when we sat down. "Why?" he said, turning to me.

I shrugged. "I don't love him and he doesn't love me."

"You're stupid."

"Yeah, everyone keeps tell me that even my own parents."

I know I'll be dreading the classes I have with Alex. This day is going to suck.