Dying to be Thin

I knew the peace wouldn’t last.

At least I should have known.

The only one who ever cares is Ana.

I need to remember that,

Before I let myself begin to hope,

That people really want me to be okay.

After all,

Ana,

Is the one that makes me better.

Ana,

Is the one that makes me perfect.

Ana,

Is the one that loves me.

It has been three days,

Since I made the biggest mistake of my life,

Since I told Belle.

And all she’s doing,

Is forcing me to eat.

And then,

I’m on my knees,

Throwing it back up.

It truly makes me sick to my stomach.

My body doesn’t understand,

Doesn't know,

How to handle real food.

Neither does Ana.

Stop this nonsense, Adison.

We've worked so hard,

And you’re throwing it all away,

Over some chubby wanna-be actress?

You’re pathetic.

I told Belle I can’t do it.

She knows it’s hard,

For me to eat more than 300 calories,

With Ana screeching in my ear,

About exactly how much weight I’ll gain,

With each bite of food.

But she makes me eat more,

And then Ana roars inside of my head,

And makes me throw it all up.

I was stupid,

To think that Belle would still be the same,

To think that she would still be on my side.

To think that she could wave some magic wand,

And fix all of my problems.

We use to be so close,

So identical,

That I thought that she would know,

Exactly what to do.

I thought that she would know,

Exactly how I felt.

But we’re not five anymore.

And I should have known,

That Ana is the only one,

Who knows what to do.

I should have known,

That Belle’s days,

Of protecting and hiding me,

Were over.

Ana knows best now.

Ana is perfect,

And Belle is weak,

And I will never let her take Ana away from me.